How do you "turn it off" after work?

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I've been reading on this site for a while and have never started a topic before. However, I'm curious as to how everyone "turns it off" after work. My husband is always joking with me if we go out to dinner and he notices that the waiter has great veins, Hubby will laugh and say he knows I'm more likely to be assessing guys for IVs than looking at their butts. :specs:

I'm a peds/post partum nurse. I went to a baby shower yesterday and the mom brought her 2 month old (born a month early and didn't make it to the first planned shower). I noticed that the mom fed the baby and then proceeded to pull a pillow off the guest bed and layed the baby on the pillow belly-down to go to sleep, and then walked back into the kitchen to enjoy the rest of the party. She saw me see her and she remarked that the baby will sleep the whole night through on her belly only. It wasn't so much the belly part, but the soft pillow part that I wasn't in agreement with.

Then later, mom couldn't get the baby to stop crying, so mom was laughing it up and decided to toss the baby up in the air a few times - pretty high, very small baby, really made me nervous. All I could think about was all the shaken babies I've taken care off.

There were a half a dozen other little things that really bothered me, like wanting to feed the baby a piece of cheesecake.

I realize that each of us have different parenting skills. While I realize that I come across as the super-crunchy breastfeeding, homeschooling mom. This other family is also in their 30s and very, very well-educated. They asked to borrow a few books on parenting when they found out they were pregnant and I gave them everything from Dr. Sears to Dr. Ferber and everything in between.

All I could do last night was laugh it off, as to not be the "know-it-all" (let me say that I was the only other person at the shower that actually has children). By laughing it off, I mean I just giggled and said, "oh, yeah, when our oldest had colic and screamed for 5 hours a night for his first two months, my wonderful hubby rented us the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD and it worked wonders, hand that little girl over here, let me see if I can remember any of it".

So how can I positively influence her without becoming a pain. I really don't care if she isn't into breastfeeding, or whatever else. But I do think she needs a positive parenting role model, not friends that laugh it off as she puts her daughter on the ground and rolls her around with her feet. All that will come later, this is a 2 month old baby, just a little peanut.

Just want to make it clear that I am not trying to judge this mom, just want to know how do I shut my brain off, or how do I gently try to encourage mom to treat her 2 month old like the fragile baby that she is. Of course, this is coming from a mom that dropped her 5 week old daughter on the floor in our master bathroom a couple of years ago, so I know kids are pretty resilient.

Thanks.

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

You don't have to be a peds/ postpartum nurse to feel judgemental of the parenting styles of others. I've always had to hold my tongue around other parents, even before I was a nurse. Everyone has feelings such as you describe, it has nothing to do with being a nurse.

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Specializes in Psychiatry.
You don't have to be a peds/ postpartum nurse to feel judgemental of the parenting styles of others. I've always had to hold my tongue around other parents, even before I was a nurse. Everyone has feelings such as you describe, it has nothing to do with being a nurse.

of course having research/experience to back up those concerns... makes it harder to ignore that nagging voice in your head, ya know? I know I have tried to hold my tongue but sometimes I have to say something. Usually I would say something like "It's very common for parents to have difficulty getting their children to sleep at night and I see that you have found a solution that works for you and your baby." the tricky part is trying to find a tactful way to say "did you know that new research has indicated that an infant sleeping on their stomach has a greater risk for SIDS?" then suggesting alternatives or at least suggesting no soft surfaces.

It's so hard to talk to some parent's though... I blame it on our society pushing this image that parenting comes naturally (especially to women).

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OMG, it's not just you, I also don't agree with any of the things these parents did with their new baby. I'm not even a nursing student yet, but reading your post made me pretty nervous too! :o In situations like this, I don't think it's easy to just "turn it off", especially after witnessing someone toss their 2-month-old in the air, and tried to feed her cheesecake!

I too have witnessed my hubby's cousin's babies, and how I don't agree with how they were taken care of, but it wasn't as bad as this! I too have bitten my tounge, but I have made little comments like, "Aren't you afraid she's going to choke?" When they gave their 6-month-old a beef rib to chew on! :angryfire

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Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.
of course having research/experience to back up those concerns... makes it harder to ignore that nagging voice in your head, ya know? I know I have tried to hold my tongue but sometimes I have to say something. Usually I would say something like "It's very common for parents to have difficulty getting their children to sleep at night and I see that you have found a solution that works for you and your baby." the tricky part is trying to find a tactful way to say "did you know that new research has indicated that an infant sleeping on their stomach has a greater risk for SIDS?" then suggesting alternatives or at least suggesting no soft surfaces.

It's so hard to talk to some parent's though... I blame it on our society pushing this image that parenting comes naturally (especially to women).

I completely agree. And add to the fact that some people have no common sense.

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Specializes in Jack of all trades, and still learning.

I find it very hard to 'turn it off'. I think that it is because, even though it is a job, we deal with such personal and potentially life affecting issues. Our work is people.

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Specializes in Spinal rehab, Acute Stroke, Surg, renal.

i agree with you Nyapa, turning it off is os hard.......but one thing i have drummed into my family and friends heads( especially when they kep asking for advice) is first i am family, then am a nurse, and they have learnt to give me a break.(i tell them to go the the family doctor) especially when its not in my area of nursing . but its hard in my part to see something and not comment ( happened when my best friend was in hospital). not that any one was doing anything wrong, but it took a long shot not to pick onthings.

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Specializes in Pediatrics Only.
You don't have to be a peds/ postpartum nurse to feel judgemental of the parenting styles of others. I've always had to hold my tongue around other parents, even before I was a nurse. Everyone has feelings such as you describe, it has nothing to do with being a nurse.

110% agreed.

Although I am a pedi nurse, and have always been one to love being around kids, I find myself biting my tongue sometimes.

Lets talk about my sister in law - love her to death, but her parenting skills to my almost 4 year old godson, stink horribly. I give tons of advice, and bite my tongue so that I dont give tons more. (even though she needs it!!)

I do think though, that being a pedi nurse, allows me to see more of what can happen (whether good or bad). Those experiences are harder to share. I can just see myself talking about how the 3 year old is now a vegetable b/c the TV fell on top of her while the parents watched her climb the dresser to get to it. Those types of things, I talk about few and far between.

Its hard to turn it off. Its just something you learn to do....sometimes it takes a little longer, but its just a part of being a nurse/good person.

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

As a cardiovascular nurse, I find I have to turn it off if I want to have any kind of social life at all. When my friends and loved ones smoke, drink, and eat fatty fried foods, I zip it. They all know how I feel. All I can do is lead by example by not smoking, drinking in moderation, and making healthier eating choices. If someone *asks* for my opinion, that's different.

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

In the case of the baby, it is understandable to warn someone of the risks involved, because if this child had come to the hospital with an injury and a person interviewed her was not that understanding, she could be in jail. At least by briefly educating someone, you have done your part.

As far as turning it off, it is hard, I guess that is why I come here so often...LOL. I do find that I don't associate with certain people like I used to because we are supposed to be nurses 24 hours a day, and certain things would make me want to report them. So, rather than take the risk, I would just stay away from them. And, I don't let everyone know I am a nurse. This can lead to neighbors knocking on your door in the middle of the night to ask for assistance, and if you get involved (and something adverse happens), it may be a risk to all that you have accomplished.

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