How do you possibly study with YOUNG kids???

Iridescent Orchid, CNA, LPN · Jan 26, 2012

[color=#2f4f4f]take a deep breath, i know where you're at, even at 21 and with no kids of my own!

i have a 2 year old sister and a 4 year old brother. my mom sits on the computer majority of the time and just threatens them, you know "be quiet, or i'll get the belt" but they're still loud....and you know, she never gets the belt? lol, yeah...that's my life.

they come to me for everything. there are times i just want to scream, because with going to school 4 days a week from 8-3 and then coming home without any peace to study...it gets nerve-racking...and especially when someone is in the home that could very well help you out! i have a mother and a step-father that could make it a lot easier....but they've yet to do so! i will go to my room and lock it and they're both at my door majority of the time saying "come out and play with me...." or "i need something to drink, or i want chocolate milk" and i even get guilt tripped by my brother saying "you're my best friend" through my door while i am trying to study. any other time when i am at the kitchen table studying, it's just the kids screaming and yelling, and then my mom throwing threats in every once in a while, and it goes on all night while she is on the computer playing farmville or watching one of her television shows.

i know it has to be so much harder when they kids are yours, and especially when you know they aren't getting taken care of the way they should be while you're trying to get your studying in. i couldn't imagine it being at that level. i mean, i guess i can say at least they aren't really mine, and i can up and leave and stay gone after class, but there's only so much time one wants to spend at the college library!

i know you're torn between what to do at this time and what not to do, but i feel your husband is adding so much more stress to the situation of you trying to pursue your career as a nurse and your struggles and needs as a nursing student. is there any way you could hire a baby sitter or is there anyone in the family you could trust to take them some afternoons so you can study efficiently?

if every time you bring this problem up to your husband and he says that every time, i couldn't imagine the rage that may be building up inside of you. one should not have to have that much stress on them at once. you need someone in your life who understands and who can put some of their wants and enjoyments on hold, for you to get finished with nursing school. i really hope it all works out for you and i'd pray that in light of the situation, that you're husband will soon listen to you! if he cannot listen and understand, i feel it will be in your best interest to slowly pull him away from your life, for he may be tearing you away from being all you can be in the program, rather it's noticeable or not.

i wish the best of luck to you and your children. if you ever need to talk about anything, i'm just a message away! :)

take care,

mindy

TryingNot2BeScared · Jan 26, 2012

Thank you Mindy for all your words, I really needed to hear that. I went in the bathroom, balled my eyes out, made some tea and have been studying again :) Its going to be SOO hard but I have to for my children...have to. I hope your able to get some peace and quiet yourself :)

carmela mae · Jan 26, 2012

i understand just how you feel. my husband does the minimum that i ask of him, if that. my kids are 10 and 8 and do what they do best, bug mom. i could go on and on about my household but its pretty similar to yours so im sure you get it. the only way i've been able to get thru this is with some compromise, routines, and sacrifice. i myself am a neat freak so to see my home trashed and not up to par, gets under my skin. but, i've learned to do a bit here and there and finish up on a saturday morning. it takes about 4 hours sometimes. i've also put my kids on a schedule. in bed on school nights no later than 9pm. no negotiating. i've also had to sacrifce my precious sleep. i've said good bye to the nights where i could sleep more than 5 hours. the only way i've been able to study is to do it after the kids are in bed. then its study time till about 12 or 1am. then up again at 5am to get the day going again. its only for the time im in nursing school, ive reminded myself. as for my husband, we exchange words every now and then but i also remind him he needs to be my partner now. if he cant be my partner now during my transition into my career, then he cant be my partner when im successful. simple as that. you have to pick your battles and as much as i want to scream and pull my hair out, i remind myself: its only for a little while. that, and also, there's no way i could focus on school and relationship problems. good luck!

mochamonster · Jan 26, 2012

I stayed at school after class and studied there. I also started studying after they went to bed or got up early to study.

TryingNot2BeScared · Jan 26, 2012

Carmela I am also a neat freak, lol....That has been sooo hard for me! How far are you into your program?

tnosler · Jan 26, 2012

First of all: DONT GIVE UP!! I know what you are going through... Im kind of in the same boat! I am a single mother of 2 kids (18months and 4 years). I work full time and go to school full time (to are online and only meet for 4 hour labs once a month).

All I can say, is it is HARD! Here's what Ive had to do... I let things go, I compartmentalize my time and I ask for help when I need it (hard for me to do). And remember, You can NOT do 5 things at once and expect to do them well or even remotely well. And, you're going to lose LOTS of sleep, but it wont kill you. And, Your family will be better because of the sacrifices that you are making now. So this may be way too much info but maybe you can take some little nuggets here and there and maybe it will help, lol :bugeyes:

A typical evening for me: I get the kids at 5. We eat by 5:45 (microwaved frozen chicken nuggets and steamed broccoli again?! Oh well, get over it... Im going to be a nurse :nurse: someday!) We play for half an hour or so and start baths by 6:30. My 18th month old is in bed by 7, period. I spend time with my 4 year old until 8 uninterrupted doing homework watch a video or whatever he wants to do. It's OUR time! Then he's in bed, lights off, door shut, mommy out by 8:15. Period.

THEN I know that by 9pm I will be sitting at my desk studying. So, I use the next 45 minutes doing WHAT I CAN around the house. I only do what I can do in 45 minutes... I start with the dinner mess and make sure kitchen is in order first. (But I dont touch it until kids are in bed so its easier and I can do it faster.) Then I usually do a quick sweep through the house and pick up the kids toys. I have "Your crap" baskets for each kid, so I fill them up each night and put them by their bedroom door to be emptied in the morning. Now keep in mind, I do this like a mad woman some nights...:rotfl: My goal is to do as much by 9pm as possible, because at 9... I stop and study. Period. What's done is done and what isn't done can wait until tomorrow. Trust me, It's not going anywhere, lol! Once 9pm rolls around I sit down with my books. I might stop to change the clothes from the washer to the dryer or hang some up, but other than that all I do is study until 11:30 or midnight. I even canceled my cable...Anytime I wouldve sat my but down and wathched TV, I study.

Everybody says how do you do it by yourself, but let me in on a secret... I was married for 5 years, and I know the things I mentioned above are easier to do when there is not a spouse in the picture. Because, you're right it's like having another child to tend to. You feel like you have to give them time and energy that you dont have... and you do. But just like you have to give, hopefully your husband can step in and take some of these resposablilities off your sholders? IDK. I wish more than anything I was still married, but It was so hard to be responsable for 2 people's decisons and accountable for 2 people's mistakes and to always rely on someone who only let me down time and time again.

My nusing department head put it like this to all of us nursing students in a meeting: I know you all have families, children, spouses, and parents to tend to ... You all have several balls in the air, but we are your most important ball for the next 2 years... If you dont make us number one (nursing department) you will not make it in the program!

I try to remember that, and know it will be over before you know it.. You just cant see it when your in it, ya know??

So, as far as the kid thing, it works better for me to devote the time from when we get home in the evening until they are in bed solely to them. No interuptions. Then an hour or so getting things (semi) back in order. Then it's all me and my books!

It's HARD, but please dont give up. Cry when you need to cry. Go on 5 hours of sleep a night. Make your family eat something you can have on the table in 20 minutes or less. LET IT GO! Please do what it takes. I know that I dont know you but If you need someone to talk to message me, ok?

TryingNot2BeScared · Jan 26, 2012

Thank you!!! Its getting better...I did my crying last night, lol. Today was LONG as my daughter woke up at 430 but I lived through it and thats all that matters :) And if my relationship remains on the rocks than it makes it all worthwhile knowing that I REALLY need to finish this for my kids.

Monae2003 · Jan 26, 2012

Im studying to retake the boards, and I have a seven week old son and it is difficult. But the end result makes it all worth it! Keep pushing towards your goals.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · Jan 26, 2012

I was in nursing school when my little one was aged 2-4 (also spectrum), and for most of that time it was just the two of us since my better half is in the military. I'll admit that it was easier during the times when he wasn't around because after the little one went to sleep, I didn't have to take care of anyone else.

How I survived is that I took advantage of every moment that I could. I jumped on every nap possible to study. Whenever we went to the park to play, I would take my notes to study while he ran around. I recorded class lectures and listened to them in the car while commuting to/from school...I also had flash cards in the car for reviewing when stopped at red lights or when stuck in traffic. At night, I'd read my school notes out loud to the little one--they almost never failed to put him to sleep. And if it was necessary, I'd get up an hour earlier in the morning to study or do homework. It wasn't easy...some days I went to school/clinical on two hours of sleep, and I pretty much never knew what free weekends were anymore.

I've also learned to prioritize what non-nursing stuff was important and which could be put off. The house didn't really get cleaned for those two years, and I ate a lot of frozen and takeout.

I graduated with honors, my little one turned out all right, and the house didn't fall apart. So it all worked out...well, I did have an outbreak of shingles on my back right after graduation--I think it was holding off until school was done and I wasn't constantly stressed. Some reward, eh?

It can be done. It takes a lot of hard work, but it can be done.

rntim49 · Jan 27, 2012

I will tell you what our instructors told us when we started nursing school,. ( those of you with families and children likely wont make it through school due to the hours of study involved.plain and simple) we had a very high percentage to meet in order to pass. I will also say that many of my classmates did make it through even with kids and husbands at home.They were motivated. Out of 110 of us 40 graduated.

GoNavyHopefulRN · Jan 29, 2012

You can do this. I understand your frustrations. I was in nursing school with kids similar to yours in terms of ages and mental health concerns (my son). I used every second of the day to study. I walked to class thinking of IV therapy, meds, interventions. As lecture went, so did my pen on a 3x5. I was hardcore about it only because I learned better and retained more when I wrote stuff down. Ate, slept, and dreamt my BSN program. You have to think to yourself you belong there and that the pain will not last forever and will pay off. Believe in yourself as I did with my own self. I just moved to San Diego, CA., my husband deployed, and there I was...first day of nursing school with two kids...taking one to therapies, appts, cooking, cleaning, teaching, caring, up at 3 am studying or sucking runny nose, tending to a high fever. It was a mess. Take it one day at a time. You got this. Before you know it, you are going to say to yourself, "Damn, I'm going to graduate tomorrow."