How Often Have You Changed Your Mind!!!!

apriljan · Mar 19, 2007

Hi everyone,

Haven't been on the forum for a while! Never actually changed my mind in the UK but had feelings of doubt sometimes. Especially the week leading up to coming over here. I remember the removal guys packing our things and then it really hit me. The house looked bare after, and it was only personal items, ornaments, photos etc but I thought OMG what are we doing. I cried for a few days leading up to coming, it was hard saying goodbye to work mates, family and friends. It was then that it really hit me. Leaving our 20yr old daughter behind at uni, 17yr old son constantly telling us he didn't know whether he really wanted to come! It was very stressful and very emotional.

Here I am now almost 6 months down the line, still on my own here, as my husband went back after a month until the house is sold, our son went back with him as couldn't settle! But ask me if I would go back, the answer is no, even though I miss my family so much, Some days are very hard emotionally, and I've had a few of those this week, and yes when I'm feeling a bit low I do question why I'm here, what's it all about, and I do feel like I want to go home, but that feeling doesn't last long. I'm now just feeling a bit more settled in my job, even though I'm working harder here than I did back home, I like the area I'm living in, I'm right near the beach, just over an hour from NYC. Even so I miss my family and just hope that we will all be together soon.

My husband has been back twice and coming again in april, we have a buyer for the house but it's going through very slowly. Our daughter came at christmas with her boyfriend, she celebrated her 21st a couple of weeks ago, and all the family got together. That was very hard for me emotionally, not being there, I miss her so much. Our son is coming back when my husband sells the house, he's just usung this time now to spend with his friends etc. But I wish he had made more of a try when he first came over. So it's difficult for my husband back home holding everything together. We've sacrificed a lot to do this, but at the moment feel it's ultimately what we want, and have no regrets. It's been the toughest thing we've ever had to do, and I think about the times when we were waiting on immigration, interviews, medicals, Nclex etc etc and how much we wanted this to happen.

So no, if you offered me a one way ticket home now, I wouldn't go. It's a tough ride, and not easy on your own especially, but hopefully this time next year we can look back on all this.

Good luck to all of you out there.

curlysin · Mar 22, 2007

hi guys,

just wanted to say thanks for all your reply's, funny how everyone has kinda wondered at some stage are they doing the right thing?? guess as someone else said thats why they call us human!!! the thing thats keeping me going is that there is a world of opportunities out there waiting to be explored and tested, and if it all goes belly up u just come home. it wont be the end of the world and youll not look back with regret that you didnt try. i dont have family or any friends out in the US just me and my significant other going. i hope that wont make it harder!!!

i just want to say go apriljan!!!!!!!! keep the head up girl you're doing great. i hope you get your house sold asap so your hubby and son can be back with you!!!!!!!:)

english_nurse · Mar 22, 2007

Hi everyone,
Haven't been on the forum for a while! Never actually changed my mind in the UK but had feelings of doubt sometimes. Especially the week leading up to coming over here. I remember the removal guys packing our things and then it really hit me. The house looked bare after, and it was only personal items, ornaments, photos etc but I thought OMG what are we doing. I cried for a few days leading up to coming, it was hard saying goodbye to work mates, family and friends. It was then that it really hit me. Leaving our 20yr old daughter behind at uni, 17yr old son constantly telling us he didn't know whether he really wanted to come! It was very stressful and very emotional.
Here I am now almost 6 months down the line, still on my own here, as my husband went back after a month until the house is sold, our son went back with him as couldn't settle! But ask me if I would go back, the answer is no, even though I miss my family so much, Some days are very hard emotionally, and I've had a few of those this week, and yes when I'm feeling a bit low I do question why I'm here, what's it all about, and I do feel like I want to go home, but that feeling doesn't last long. I'm now just feeling a bit more settled in my job, even though I'm working harder here than I did back home, I like the area I'm living in, I'm right near the beach, just over an hour from NYC. Even so I miss my family and just hope that we will all be together soon.
My husband has been back twice and coming again in april, we have a buyer for the house but it's going through very slowly. Our daughter came at christmas with her boyfriend, she celebrated her 21st a couple of weeks ago, and all the family got together. That was very hard for me emotionally, not being there, I miss her so much. Our son is coming back when my husband sells the house, he's just usung this time now to spend with his friends etc. But I wish he had made more of a try when he first came over. So it's difficult for my husband back home holding everything together. We've sacrificed a lot to do this, but at the moment feel it's ultimately what we want, and have no regrets. It's been the toughest thing we've ever had to do, and I think about the times when we were waiting on immigration, interviews, medicals, Nclex etc etc and how much we wanted this to happen.
So no, if you offered me a one way ticket home now, I wouldn't go. It's a tough ride, and not easy on your own especially, but hopefully this time next year we can look back on all this.
Good luck to all of you out there.

you are very brave :kiss i hope things work out for you

english_nurse · Mar 22, 2007

Now i feel i need to elaborate a little on my situation after posting something on another thread and being asked about my visa. I thought i should do it on the right thread though.

I have a greencard, so do my children, my husband does not, due to a vital information being missing on a document when we went to the embassy which we did not know we needed. This resulted in my husband having his visa denied, which my lawyer said was wrong what they should have done is suspended it pending the further information, the embassy agreed with my lawyer and promised to look the information. in the meantime retrogression kicked in, so there are no visas and they will not consider the new information, according to them the denial still stands, and they will not work on the case until retrogression is lifted, we do not even know if the information they want is correct, as they will not even look, they will not issue my husband a tourist visa for him to travel with me in April as they dont believe my husabnd will return to the UK.

This has put us under huge pressure, especially as my husband cannot go to the USA at all even on holiday, so i am travelling on my own in a couple of weeks, which i cant say im happy about, to activate my passport visa as it runs out at the end of April, i will be bringing my children as they are in the same situation.

With regards to the question 'do you ever change your mind?' I do on a daily basis simply because of the pressure my poor husband is under. He feels guilty as he feels its his fault, he feels resentful about the embassy and my agency. He feels he is holding his family back, we rowed quite badly recently as he wanted me to leave him and go to the USA on my own with the children. I had to explain to him (shout and scream loudly for about 2 hours lol) that to me my family being together and being with him is much more important than living in another country.

Apriljan, it cannot have been easy for your husband to return to the UK, i couldnt have seperated my family like that, maybe i am a wimp:)

All this has left a bad taste in my mouth about it all as i feel my family has really been put through the mill over all this, timescale is now starting to become an issue, my children are getting older and have good friendships which they dont want to break (they were in primary school when we decided to emmigrate, now they are teenagers) and anyone else at work asks me when i am leaving i will scream.........

Ah...... i feel so much better now, now where did i hide those biscuits????

:)

curlysin · Mar 22, 2007

god english nurse that is a total nightmare!!!!!!!! pressure is right! your poor husband im sure he feels terrible. the USA are'nt half making it hard to get into their country.......... i really hope it all resolves itself as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!! retrogression is a nightmare, i havnt even got to that stage yet, my immigration is just being applied for and im worried ill be sooner than i want to be.

hang in there:)

apriljan · Mar 23, 2007

I'm so sorry english nurse, that's an awful situation to be in. And knowing your husband can't even come over to visit you until the situation is sorted out must be awful.I understand about the pressure and the strain it can take on the family. My husband had a potential problem relating to his teenage years and we didn't know what the outcome of that would be until the interview at the embassy. It caused many rows and upset having his past dragged up and of course not knowing whether he would get a visa or not. It turned out ok, but was very stressful. I had my husband here at the beginning for a month to help with getting a car, bank account and all the other things to help me get more settled before he left. But when he and our son went back it was the most difficult thing we had ever had to do. And I know what you mean about the children getting older and leaving friends. Sometimes I think I have been a bad mother leaving them there. They are now 21 and 18 but it still hurts and I feel guilty sometimes as our daughter is in her final year at uni and needing a lot of support.Our son on the other hand is flitting from one job to the other and I blame myself for him not being properly settled in one place. I wish we could have come here when we first started the process, the kids would have been younger, but it doesn't work that way. I pray it will all work out in the end, I have to. Can't give up now.

I hope everything works out for you and your family eventually. At the end of the day if it doesn't we can just go home.

Wishing the best of luck.

cariad · Mar 23, 2007

thers a lot goes on with each of us, we were lucky and had a smooth transition but are going through what i hope is the worst period for us.

[color=#483d8b]i do feel for anyone who is having problems both by all the waiting that you are going through and for anyone else who is over here, and had problems that they have been unable to post on here.

[color=#483d8b]i personally know of at least 2 other nurses who have each had a bad time since coming here.

[color=#483d8b]its hard not to blame yourself for problems that you encounter, its a human trait, and we are living in another country and culture.

letina · Mar 23, 2007

Hi everybody, I've not been contributing much lately, I've had my own demons to deal with, so to speak. One of the things that keeps coming up is people say they can always go home if things don't work out. But I really don't think it's that simple. It's something I always told myself, I could just go back home if things didn't work out, but realistically, you can't always go back. I'm only speaking from personal experience, but there's no way I could return to the UK now, mainly because we would have no home and no jobs. I've come to realise there's no way we could get our old lives back, too much has happened since we left. If I could turn the clock back, I would do so in a heartbeat and this is from someone who never doubted for a moment I was doing the right thing coming here. I miss my family so much, all the sunshine, affordable big houses and cars in the world will never make up for that.

On a brighter note (and before I have you all slitting your wrists, lol) I'm now beginning to accept I'm here for the long haul and I'm doing really well at work. I got a nice pay rise after my skills assessment and I'm now precepting other new nurses. Someone recently commented that they now see me as a "seasoned American nurse" which I thought was a really nice compliment.

I DO like living here, we have a very comfortable lifestyle and would probably have to be millionaires back home to have a similar lifestyle in the UK, but I just wish my family were here to share it.

Hey Claire, where are you staying in Florida? Sorry to hear of your problem, hope all works out for you.

Tina

cariad · Mar 23, 2007

hi tina, good to hear from you, its always useful to have lots of people's perspective. as you say there may be demons for each of us at sometime to overcome.

my son and his family would love to come and visit, but the cost in school holidays is horrendous for them, so that makes it worse when you know that they want to come but cant afford it. he is in the navy as well so has to take holidays as his ship will allow. he sails in april and wont have time off again until xmas and the flights are extortionate at that time of year.

english_nurse · Mar 23, 2007

I'm so sorry english nurse, that's an awful situation to be in. And knowing your husband can't even come over to visit you until the situation is sorted out must be awful.I understand about the pressure and the strain it can take on the family. My husband had a potential problem relating to his teenage years and we didn't know what the outcome of that would be until the interview at the embassy. It caused many rows and upset having his past dragged up and of course not knowing whether he would get a visa or not. It turned out ok, but was very stressful. I had my husband here at the beginning for a month to help with getting a car, bank account and all the other things to help me get more settled before he left. But when he and our son went back it was the most difficult thing we had ever had to do. And I know what you mean about the children getting older and leaving friends. Sometimes I think I have been a bad mother leaving them there. They are now 21 and 18 but it still hurts and I feel guilty sometimes as our daughter is in her final year at uni and needing a lot of support.Our son on the other hand is flitting from one job to the other and I blame myself for him not being properly settled in one place. I wish we could have come here when we first started the process, the kids would have been younger, but it doesn't work that way. I pray it will all work out in the end, I have to. Can't give up now.
I hope everything works out for you and your family eventually. At the end of the day if it doesn't we can just go home.
Wishing the best of luck.

Hi Apriljan

im only coming for a week to activate my visa, then im coming back to the UK thankfully

you are not a bad mother, your children are now adults, im sure you asked them if they wanted to come? at some point in your life as a parent you have to put your own needs first, but it must be very difficult to be apart from them, i cant imagine how that must feel, bless you.

Hi Tina, am staying on International Drive!! in all the times i have been to Florida i have never stayed there and only visited it once briefly!!! i though it would be nice and central and as i probably wont drive easy to go back and to to different places and keep the kids amused.

Glad to hear you are having success at work when are they making you Director of Nursing? i could do with a decent job :lol2: :lol2:

blooming heck!! have just eaten half a pack of fig rolls while writing this!! how the heck did that happen???? :madface:

ah well....

Sabby_NC · Mar 23, 2007

No moving was never a worry or problem for me.

I followed my heart and my dreams.

I was homesick for some time but I joined sites to help ease me through that. I am over those sites because I look at the USA as my home and now am just putting the last lot of paper work together for my citizenship.

My brother is relieved that I am not giving up my Australianisms hahahaha the dingo!!

My move to the USA has assisted me in my nursing growth and knowledge. MOST importantly I found the love of my life.

So my thoughts are go with your gut instinct. If there is any kind of doubts hold off until you are 100% sure what you are about to do is for you at this time in your life.

Best of all good things your way. :)

curlysin · Mar 23, 2007

No moving was never a worry or problem for me.
I followed my heart and my dreams.
I was homesick for some time but I joined sites to help ease me through that. I am over those sites because I look at the USA as my home and now am just putting the last lot of paper work together for my citizenship.
My brother is relieved that I am not giving up my Australianisms hahahaha the dingo!!
My move to the USA has assisted me in my nursing growth and knowledge. MOST importantly I found the love of my life.
So my thoughts are go with your gut instinct. If there is any kind of doubts hold off until you are 100% sure what you are about to do is for you at this time in your life.
Best of all good things your way. :)

now theres a wise women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!