How do I nicely say "no"?

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Hi everyone,

I am a 1st semester LPN student, and we are about to start clinicals in 2 weeks. Our class is separated into 2 groups of 9 for clinicals only (lecture we are all together), which we remain with for the remainder of our time in the program. The groups were chosen a couple of weeks ago, and since then, I have formed a good bond with my fellow group.

Yesterday, another student in my class that is with the other clinical group begged me to switch with her. She has child care issues that just came up, and said that the site I am going to first is more convenient to her. I was put on the spot, and told her that I would have to both think about it, and discuss it with my day job boss (we came to a work arrangement based on when I have to leave to get to the clinical sites).

I really don't want to make any enemies 2 months into school, but honestly, I really like my group as well as the clinical instructor I am assigned to for the 1st rotation. I have a hard time saying no, especially when put on the spot like that, so I told her I would have to let her know in a day. I have empathy for her situation, but I also have issues with my day job and have worked hard to plan everything out to my convenience.

How can I tactfully tell her no? It was almost like she wasn't going to walk away yesterday until she got a "yes" out of me... I have a feeling that she is going to keep begging until I break down. Thanks in advance!

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"I'm sorry, but it won't work with my job schedule to switch you for clinical."

NO is a fabulous word.

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wow, this is a really difficult situation:eek:

well, im just a pre-nursing student, but here's what I think

from surfing this website, it seems that nursing school is going to be one heck of a doozie. frankly, i dont think you should compromise the fact that you feel so comfortable just because something is more convenient for her. Using her children as an excuse is not fair to you. (no flaming please, just making a point) You like your instructor and you like your group and those are VERY important factors, especially since you're going to be so stressed. As far as im concerned, giving in is not an option. What if you found out that you hated the instructors and/or hated the group that she's from?

I can understand that you dont want to burn anymore bridges that you already have but there will be plenty more people you can be friendly with, and it sound like you can 'build' some bridges in your current group!

1. You can be upfront and tell her no. Calmly explain you like your current group & instructor and ask her to ask some of the other students

2. If she begs and begs and begs, firmly tell her it is not for discussion and you've made your decision. Then walk away. Cold maybe, but if she's going to try and wear you down that's the best option because you might end up doing something you regret.

Honesty, I think she might just surprise you and accept that you dont want to change. She is an adult with children after all!

Sorry this got so long! Good luck!!:hug:

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I would just say, "I'm sorry, I wish I could help you out, but my work schedule has been set and cannot be changed." Leave it at that and don't feel guilty. You're in school for YOU, and you've made appropriate arrangements to accommodate your clinical schedule. Additionally, re-rearranging your work schedule when you already had something worked out may make you appear unreliable with your boss, making him/her less likely to work out such arrangements in the future. There are 8 others from your group she can ask and ultimately it is her responsibility to make it work.

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Just say "I spoke to the director (or something like that) and she said there's no switching of clinical sites." That's how it is in our school. It's your choice to have children, to work the hours you do, etc. so you can't visit those issues on others.

Or, just say "no".

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Don't get bogged down in justifying your answer. Her issues aren't your responsibility; you can be sympathetic for her without feeling guilty or obliged to make this (major) change.

"Unfortunately I can't do that. Good luck arranging this with someone else ."

End of conversation.

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Specializes in student; help!.
"I'm sorry, but it won't work with my job schedule to switch you for clinical."

NO is a fabulous word.

It's also a complete sentence. "No." You don't owe an explanation unless you want to give one. "No."

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Thanks everyone! I'm going to let her know that I cannot change due to my boss' accommodations, end of story.

I agree about the child care issue...I do not have children, and someone else's child care really isn't my problem (really don't mean to cause any offense, but all the other mothers in class have made the appropriate arrangements).

I really have to learn to not feel so bad about saying no lol...

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Specializes in student; help!.

You can feel bad but that doesn't mean you need to change your life to suit hers. I have three kids and I manage to make it work. Some of that is by swapping care with other moms locally, but we all get what we need and we're not dragging other people into it and making them accommodate us.

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The "fine art of saying no". That should be taught somewhere along the way.:idea: I have a problem saying no sometimes as well. It's as though the word NO is a 4-letter word or something. But I guess you better get used to it. From my understanding nursing school requires a huge committment and I bet you will have to say "NO" a lot. Good Luck!!

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

"No."

You do not need to apologize for not switching. You can say you are sorry she is having a problem (true), do not say you are sorry that you can't (because you aren't). You do not have to apologize for looking out for your own self interest.

Do not feel a need to justify anything. That simply gives the asker a position from which to try to guilt you into something that is to their advantage, not necessarily yours.

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Just tell her "I've concidered it, and realized I really can not change my schedual around to be in that group"

Do not try to justify it beyond "i can not" because every justification gives her a foothold to "suggest" changes you should make.

One thing with having kids is it is up to you to make sure your child care is in order for everything. "last minute child care issues" loses people jobs. Yes jobs will usually be accomidating of a single incident, but moms that are always calling off or late because of "child care issues" do eventually lose their jobs. Her child is not the schools resposibility to work around, or yours, or any of your class mates. It is HER responcibilty to make things work. Maybe you can suggest she check with other class mates in case any have scheduals that which group they are in has no impact on them, or maybe would prefer the other group. But you should in no way feel obligated to go out of your way to acomidate her issues.

If she can not make the needed child care arrangements, then maybe she needs to reconsider being in the program, and either hold off until she can make appropriate arrangements, or find a program that fits when is good for her. And even if this ends up being the situation, DO NOT feel guilty about it....it is not your issue to deal with.

And I am not saying this to be cold. I am saying this as a mother, who has to make the arrangements that I need to for my son. I have had to step out of taking classes part time before because the child care arrangements fell through on me. I have to make the arrangements for my son on days when he is off school and I am not. I will have to make some kind of arrangement for all of next summer when he is off school and I will be in school full time during the day. I chose my nursing school primarily because the location and the hours work best for me and my situation with my son.

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