How do I handle this? Really long post...

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Mar 7, 2013

Let it go. Seriously. You don't say how old you are but if this is the first time you've run into someone who didn't meet your standards I can promise you it won't be the last. It won't be forever, you have bigger fish to fry, you have the rest of your life to live, all those cliches. It is so not worth you losing sleep over. Move on.

morte, LPN, LVN · Mar 7, 2013

But the problem Green, is that the student may not be able to "move on" with this instructor. Should she ask for a change in group, is that possible?

Let it go. Seriously. You don't say how old you are but if this is the first time you've run into someone who didn't meet your standards I can promise you it won't be the last. It won't be forever, you have bigger fish to fry, you have the rest of your life to live, all those cliches. It is so not worth you losing sleep over. Move on.

bopeep82 · Mar 7, 2013

I have noticed that there are certain breeds of people who are so full of themselves that they can't handle honest, yet humble opinions. Your inductor sends to be one. "An empty can rattles the most". Anytime a person throws around credentials it automatically makes me lose respect for them. Think of people who name drop. I dint care who you know. I certainly don't care how many years of experience you have, because the moment you think you know it all is the moment I know you know very little. Pride is a dangerous disease, especially when team cohesion and unity is essential. Stay true to who you are and to heel with her. Play the game until you are away from her. Gl

bluedove1 · Mar 7, 2013

Some instructors/ people you have to feed with a long handled spoon....you have to bite your tongue sometimes because not every thing you say will be received in the manner you serve it and that is just life and people....take it as a teachable moment....next time just say professor so and so I am having trouble grasping this concept, is there any tips that you can share that might make this process a little easier.....stroke his/her ego....you haven't place blame on anyone's door step....you haven't made her feel like she needs to be placed out to pasture cause her methods/info are not up to snuff....you are saying I value your experience....there are many ways to skin a cat and the direct method isn't always the right method....use those therapeutic communication skills you have to use with your patients on your professors and just people in general they work wonders.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Mar 7, 2013

Hmm - I have been on the receiving end of the type of situation described by the OP.

IMHO, I don't react well to any student who is claiming to be a representative or spokesperson for the class. I am absolutely OK as long as s/he 'owns' the complaints and is authentic. But when the student attempts to 'counsel' me on behalf of everyone, I absolutely lose patience.

Suggestion - when speaking to an instructor (or any other authority figure) stay with the "I" messages and own your S***. Comments about the instructor's facial expressions/comments and how bad they are is never going to be received well. Instead, try this, "When I asked you about ______, I noticed your facial expression change, and it made me think I had made you mad. If so, I want to clarify my intentions" . . . ? Complete and honest ownership of your reaction.

Honestly, what would you have done if the instructor (as I have done in the past) went back to the class and said "Rhabdo nurse said that you are all dissatisfied with the way I _____. Is this true?" I can pretty much guarantee you that they would have thrown you under the bus so fast you wouldn't know what had hit you. Afterward, they would pretty much shun you in order to avoid being perceived as one of your allies.

llg, PhD, RN · Mar 7, 2013

I totally agree with HouTx. As a student, it is not your place to speak on behalf of the entire class if they have not formally delegated you with that task. To take that role upon yourself was VERY unwise. You say you were not attacking the instructor, but in fact, you were. You were basically bullying the instructor by telling her that the entire class thought she was a horrible teacher. How would you feel if a coworker came to you and said, "The rest of us have been talking behind your back and everybody hates you"? Is that the way you want the staff to treat you when you finally graduate and get a job? That's essentially what you did to your teacher. Making it worse, you were trying to tell her how to teach when you are not qualified to do so. (And I am not saying your instructor is a good instructor. She might be terrible ... but that doesn't make bullying the right way to handle it.)

As you have now seen, when you try to bully one of your teachers, they sometimes fight back.

HouTx gave you some great advice/examples of how to handle those difficult conversations. Own your feelings. Use the "I" word a lot. Get clarifications as needed -- and try not to make enemies for yourself. Let the other students handle their own issues.

Now that you have gotten yourself into this mess, it will be difficult to extricate yourself from it. If you can fade into the woodwork and stick it out -- that's probably the best move. If your grade is in jeopardy because she is not grading your performance fairly, you can talk to your academic advisor and get some advice on how to handle that. But be aware, if you pursue this up the ladder, you might find yourself having to defend yourself against accusations of bullying. You may have to apologize for your inappropriate behavior as part of the resolution process. It seems to me that both parties (instructor and student) have made a few mistakes in this situation -- and pushing it further may be painful (and expensive) for both of you. If you can "let it be" and "move on," that would be best.

RhabdoNurse2b · Mar 10, 2013

I have the same reaction and maybe it's not the best reaction to lose respect because someone throws out their credentials, but it just happens. I feel that if I have to earn your respect, perhaps you should reciprocate, you know? Since making this post, I decided to just go with the flow, as you suggested. I love my clinical group too much to ditch them because of one, admittedly abrasive person. Thanks for your input!

RhabdoNurse2b · Mar 10, 2013

I'm having a hard time seeing where age comes into play. I'm in my 30's and yes, I've been around similar people, but in the learning environment, serious students don't have the simple options of sharing their feelings (in the context provided above) or simply walking away. However, I have decided that since I only have 9 more weeks to deal with it, I'm just going to go with the flow (unless the problems increase, in which case a trip to the dean might be warranted). I'm not a quitter and generally not a whiner, especially for something as important to me as nursing and providing for my family, just looking for some advice. Thank you for your input. It is much appreciated.

RhabdoNurse2b · Mar 10, 2013

Thank you for the different viewpoint. I tried to keep the issue and blame aimed off her, doing it as much "by the book" as possible, however, the expression greatly flustered me (my bad). I should have clarified that I wasn't self-appointed to approach her about the class issues. Having been asked by the students to talk with her, I took that responsibility seriously and as part of being a student advocate. It was an issue that every student in the class was dealing with and something we had discussed. We had decided not to approach her as a class, to reduce any potential anxiety or defensiveness on her part. Also, the instructor DID talk to 7 members of the class (total class size was 15) about the issues I shared with her and they supported everything that I said (I was present). Unfortunately, despite this, nothing changed in the class. I'm grateful that my fellow classmates supported what I had said, because it would be very difficult to do this without their support! Thank you again for you view. Obviously, things can always be improved on BOTH sides so I will definitely keep this in mind!!!

loriangel14, RN · Mar 10, 2013

Not everyone will teach the way you want to be taught.You cannot demand that everyone conform to your expectations of behaviour.Approaching your instructor and blaming your trouble with the program on her will backfire.You need to take responsibilty for your own learning.You need to let it go.You will need to learn to deal with other types of people once you get into the work force.trying to confront a manager over every perceived slight will not serve you well.Lay low and be quiet.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 10, 2013

I am a 1st year 2nd semester nursing student in the RN program. I'd just like to see if there are any pieces of advice for me concerning an instructor. There are many inconsistencies with this instructor and a LOT of unprofessionalism.
I approached her last semester in a non-threatening, open way by saying "I feel that I'm not getting what I should out of this class because I'm getting differing information from our resources (book and instructors) and the other students are feeling the same way. We're having a hard time performing skills because of the different information." The instructor appeared surprised and concerned and told me that she would look into the issue.
So, because I felt that she was open, I also let her know that I didn't always feel comfortable with some things said in class. When she asked me for specifics, I told her that it was "disheartening and demoralizing to students when instructors come across in a way that makes students feel less than." I explained that we're fresh, clean slates and we don't know certain things yet and won't until we get into the second year or even until we start working as RNs. Therefore, when we don't know the answer to a question, we shouldn't feel that we're failures. Her expression completely changed. She was angry.
I tried to tell her that I'm just trying to advocate for myself and for my fellow classmates (we're in this together, after all!), but she didn't give me the chance. She lifted her hand, shook her head, and walked away. It was SHOCKING. But, I let it go, until one of the other instructors pulled me aside and told me that I could have gotten a critical for "disruptive behavior." The thing is, no one else was present and I didn't attack. I just shared my feelings.
Again, I just shoved it to the back of my mind, choosing to focus on my classes and passing them rather than this one instructor. So here I am, in the 2nd semester and I have this instructor again for a late-starting clinical. Already, things have happened that have me fuming. I overheated in the conference room to the point of near fainting twice, but this instructor's only advice was for me to go home because she suspected I had a fever. One of the other students checked my temp, and I was fine. So the student cracked the window open for me. Not 30 seconds later, the instructor stood up saying, "I don't care, I'm cold!" and shut the window. It was a slap in my face.
Later, I attempted my first foley. I did not succeed despite two attempts. My instructor became frustrated with me and took over, but she didn't succeed either. Two young nurses who work at the facility came in and attempted the cath. As they were doing this, the instructor was telling them what to do and how to do it, going so far as saying "I've been a nurse for 27 years..." Well, the nurses got it done, without listening to her. During this process, the patient was apologizing for being "the worst person to work on." I felt HORRIBLE for her.
As our clinical group met in the conference room, all the instructor could say was how the nurses broke sterility. Obviously, sterility is vital, but this was a situation in which it just couldn't truly be maintained fully. It was just RUDE. Not that I'm looking for a pat on the back or anything special, but NOTHING was said to make me feel better about the situation (my failure at cathing). Yet, she was quick to do so for other students in other situations.
I really don't know what to do.I'd LIKE to think she doesn't have it in for me, but her actions and behaviors are SO discouraging! I LOVE my clinical group and I'm supposed to talk with the instructor about this before I can talk to the dean, but I seriously can't think of a way to approach her without being given a critical, or worse, kicked out. I'm trying to work past the frustration and anger, but this continued unprofessional behavior is eating at me. Please, someone, help me figure out a way to handle this!

The unprofessional behavior you should be worried about is your own. As someone pointed out upthread, you've essentially bullied your instructor and she's legitimately angry about it. The only way to save the situation for yourself is to approach her with a sincere and heartfelt apology for your behavior, but it doesn't sound to me as if you're actually sorry.

You took it upon yourself to inform your instructor that you and the rest of the class had been discussing her shortcomings as an instructor behind her back, and that you were the ringleader. I can only assume that if you were having problems with your future colleagues (or, more accurately, if they were having problems with YOU), you would want them to discuss the issue with YOU before they discussed it with all of their friends.

As for not knowing the answers in class . . . you're there to learn. Rather than explain to the instructor how you cannot be responsible for knowing the answers until you're actually working as an RN, you should be looking up the information and finding the answers. That's probably why the instructor asked you the questions in the first place.

You may not like your instructor's teaching style. But it's not up to you -- or your classmates to correct it. I'm surprised you're still IN the class. If the instructor "has it in for you," you've certainly given her ample reason. A sincere apology is probably the only way to fix this.