How to deal with mean staff

[emmafrancis]

I work for a large practice with many physicians.  I found out that one is going behind my back to complain. We work for the same practice, but we are never in the same office on the same day, which makes it difficult. 

It seems that no matter what I do, it is never what he wanted me to do.  My boss stands up for me, but it still upsets me.   I don't know what to do about the feeling that he is out to get me fired.  He is not approachable either, which makes it harder. He tends to answer me with one word, but later is ticked off that I didn't do something that he didn't ask me to do.   If this were one of the other doctors, I would just talk it out with them.  I want to keep him happy and my patients safe.  I like my job, and I work for many physicians and he is only one of them. What do you do in a situation like that?  

 

Would you start complaining back?  Because the root cause is him.  If he would answer my questions, I would not be left to guess at what he wants me to do (I stay within our protocols, which is why my boss stands up for me). 

Look for another job because life is too short to cry at work. 

Take a day off work to drive to his office and speak to him about it and try to clear it up. 

Something else? 

 

ps:  I have started typing really good notes as to what I do and why because he will text me to do something and then complain that I did it.  

[Chickenlady]

If you can't talk to him, I'd send him an email (paper trail) about a specific incident.  I'd talk about wanting to improve communication and request a meeting between you two and your manager.  Either you will hash things out or the Doc will realize he is being petty and quit it.  

[JKL33]

On 11/2/2020 at 4:49 PM, emmafrancis said:

He is not approachable either, which makes it harder.

This is difficult but IMO you have to work past the idea that your behavior is going to be dictated by whether someone else is approachable or not. For better or worse, I have a lot of experience in life just hanging in there and forcing people to fail at trying to control others with stupid facades. You have to get up the "gumption"/courage to refuse to be deterred by his weak-sauce persona. If you have a question you'll just have to approach and say, "Quick question about this order..."

You are willingly taking on a helpless role when you say "I couldn't do [xyz] because he is not approachable."

You need to get into the mindset--pleasantly and professionally--that your actions are not going to be dictated by whether or not he is "approachable." I can guarantee you he is approachable and he will be approached when you approach him.

Now, if he doesn't like you approaching him, too bad. He's either going to learn to tolerate it more neutrally or else he's going to go off and make big problems for himself through actions that others will  notice. That's his choice and has absolutely zero nothing to do with you. He controls his own behavior.

 

 

["nursy", RN]

Documentation is key, but also make it a point to repeat everything he says..."Just to be clear,  you wanted me to do abc.    Is that correct?  "  He will find it annoying, but emphasizing things will make it more memorable, and less likely that he can use it against you later.  

[egg122 NP, MSN, APRN]

I second the other posts about documentation, making sure to clarify everything, and think that what you are doing is great. Also, continue to communicate by email (if possible within the EMR) and text only since you have stated that he is asking you to do something then denying it later. Verbal communication leaves too much he said, she said. I imagine you are not the only one having a problem with him so I would not worry about his ability to seriously impact your job. 

[MarkMyWords]

Is he like this with other nurses, or only you? Maybe this is his personal style. Maybe he is really upset or annoyed with someone or something else entirely and not so much you. 

 Is there anything you have said or not done that would get him to react like this? I have found that the most innocent questions or tone of voice can anger some people.

I agree to use email asking him to clarify requests

[Omines]

There are physicians who thrive on intimidating anyone whom they judge to be “beneath” them professionally, especially if the doctor is male and the nurse is female, though not always. In my over fifty years of experience, if I knew I was right and he was wrong, I had no problem confronting the bully. Back then (1960’s) it was so unusual for a ‘mere’ young nurse to confront a doc that it stunned them into confusion. 

[NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN]

I would tread carefully. Many physicians are part owners in the practices, even large practices. You may have a boss that backs you up, but if he doesn’t like you and is willing to pursue it, he probably has more pull in your employment than you realize.