Hi there, I am in a long distance relationship with a nursing student in Canada and I am in the US. I would like to state that I am not a nursing student and that the majority of our relationship is long distance with a few visits every now and then for about a week or so.
I am in the US Military and going to college myself, part of that is having your relationship be long distance at a times and can be stressful and difficult. I understand that, however I am wanting to know how to be a better boyfriend to my girlfriend. We have been dating for just a year and we don't communicate a lot anymore. At most, we have a 20-40 minute conversation once a week.
The lack of communication and distance is kinda difficult to me. I understand the priority of school right now for both of us. However, the lack of communication and seeing each other has caused me to be kind of depressed at times and worry about our relationship.
I am giving her the space she needs to study and really am only talking to her when she is able, which at this time seems to be once a week. I just feel like there is more I could be doing to be a better boyfriend or more helpful in this time of major stress for her. I have not gone through nursing school so I don't completely understand it.
If you have any advice or need me to expand on something please let me know. I will try my best to explain it.
Awww, does anyone else realize how sweet this is? This guy is doing a long-distance relationship and at least he's doing the right thing--trying to go on a nurse forum to ask for advice on how to be a better boyfriend. How many guys do that? You all are so blunt and hard on him. At least give him credit for making that effort!
Now, to be fair, there are other possibilities.
She's could be extremely ambitious and type A and for her, carrying on a long distance relationship with only a 20-40min phone call a week does it for her. I mean if it's like, pretty consistent, always on a Sunday or Saturday night especially on a weekend night I'd say it's maybe more possible she's saving the best of her weekend times to talk to you before burrowing back to work. Is she also working on the side? That might also factor in as that's exhausting, especially if she's doing a night shift it could throw off her schedule. What is the quality of the conversations, is it wooden and boring like she's just doing her duty and checking in, or does it feel like she's been penting up and ready to talk and let loose with you, and interested in your life? You don't have to answer, just think about it.
I only talked 1x a day to someone I really liked, sometimes for hours, sometimes just for a few minutes on a given night. But as long as there was a check-in I was happy and didn't need too much. I didn't like the phone and the thought of getting stuck for more than 10-15 min on a phone didn't appeal to me. Currently, I'm working full-time and taking 2 lab courses, and that's like enough to make me feel pretty overwhelmed. I'm talking with someone I met online but just exchanging an email 1-2x a week does it for me for now. As long as the communication is quality communication and shows the other person is as interested in talking to you, responds promptly, and is engaged, I'm happy for the time being.
But...if the problem is: she could be happy as a clam getting her Waki-fix once a week for 20-40 min, but Waki isn't happy with that. Then that's a legitimate thing to address anyway, since it's a mismatch of needs. One person may be more independent and the other may need more affection. Of course, you should discern the situation first, to see if it's just how she's carrying on happily in the relationship, or if she's (as others are suggesting) dissociating gradually.
Was anyone being hard onhim? I don't think so. We pretty much all said that distance sucks and that he should be getting more communication from her. Nobody thinks he's a bad boyfriend.
EDIT: OP, after reading your post about your GF's schedule...she's probably so tired that she doesn't even realize she's awake lol. She's exhausted. I've changed my official opinion on this to "you need to give her some space!"
Was anyone being hard onhim? I don't think so. We pretty much all said that distance sucks and that he should be getting more communication from her. Nobody thinks he's a bad boyfriend.
EDIT: OP, after reading your post about your GF's schedule...she's probably so tired that she doesn't even realize she's awake lol. She's exhausted. I've changed my official opinion on this to "you need to give her some space!"
How much more space do I need to give? I already only talk to her for 20 minutes a week. Am I supposed to just say 'screw it' and not talk to her at all? Pretty much make it so I'm 'dating' but with no communication at all. That makes it sound like we aren't really dating and it's just in my head. Do explain how I need to give more space, when she already has so much.
From what you described, it sounds normal and at least it seems like you guys are texting outside of the 20 min, and she's interested in what you're doing, etc. Maybe you can initiate planning a getaway over her spring break or summer break where you guys can meet somewhere besides your respective towns, and go do something fun somewhere you've wanted to go visit, or try to break up what you feel is monotony by trying some creative long-distance type things with her. Send her a parcel. Get a surprise delivery from her local bakery.
It's clear you care about her, that is sweet. I have to be honest though, I couldn't do this type of arrangement, too stressful on a relationship for both parties. I'd have to say let's part for now & perhaps revisit the relationship down the road. Granted if you had a very serious & invested relationship prior to this, it changes things a bit on what I would be willing to endure.
That is me, much respect to people who are able to make situations like this work.
I was dating my husband while I was in nursing school years ago. He lived 4 hours away. We spoke every day and saw each other every weekend. I know our distance wasn't as great as yours, but we still spoke every day.
In my opinion, you have to make time for the relationships in your life as well as school. There are other issues going on here.
I'm sorry OP, it may be time to have that heart to heart and you may not like what she has to say.
I just find it hard to believe that she can only talk to you for 20 minutes a week. Honestly, it seems a little bit suspicious to me. What else is going on in her life right now? People make time for what they want to make time for. It seems off to me.
I agree. I found this out the hard way. Well....not really the hard way but what wasn't bad could have been worse!!!
The lack of communication and distance is kinda difficult to me. I understand the priority of school right now for both of us. However, the lack of communication and seeing each other has caused me to be kind of depressed at times and worry about our relationship.
I am giving her the space she needs to study and really am only talking to her when she is able...
It's like I wrote this part myself. I just started dating this incredible woman over the summer but as the new semester began, our relationship took a tangent as she went into school mode. Her workload is insane and she apologized for ignoring everyone. I miss her dearly but I know this is absolutely important to her. She wants to be a good provider for her daughter and parents and being in our late 30s, the constant communication is great but isn't entirely necessary.
With her workload of labs, clinicals, papers, classes, group projects, homework and studying for the NCLEX, she doesn't have much room for anything more. My question is to everyone who is or has gone to nursing school with a relationship:
How do I know the line between being a caring boyfriend and a nagging pest?
She knows I'm there whenever she needs to talk, see her, bring her food and massage her aches but there are only so many times I can offer to help before feeling like I'm annoying her or making her feel like I'm checking in on her. She's been so busy the last week, I've been kinda getting disheartened to stop asking as I really do feel like I'm bugging her.
I am going through a similar long distance relationship. I do take the time to send her cards, flowers, fun little nurse-to-be gifts.. I am concerned a little but not sure how to approach her about lack of communication.. I may get a message back if I am the one initiating it. I hate social media because I do see her post a few times and she responds when people comment but I don't hear a peep out of her. When she finally does respond, she has a huge laundry list of studying, tests, notes, and whatever she needs to do and she never mentions anything about our relationship. We have dated for over a year, lived together for a bit until she started nursing school last Fall...now she is in the 2nd semester (Spring).. I don't understand the lack of communication even if it is just a 2 second txt to say hello or goodnight..
Good to hear that I am not the only one. My GF of over 2 years just started her second semester. We hardly ever get a chance to talk, txt, or anything anymore. I have acknowledged that school is very tough for her, she is maintaining good grades but she stresses when she sees her fellow students failing and dropping out. I know this scares her and she tries to put more effort into studying harder. I asked if she would be able to send me a 2-second txt just so that I know she is at least doing ok, she refused. I get pretty confused because when I do get to talk to her she never asks about my day, my week, or anything personal, I see on social media that she gets out often away from her books, I understand she needs a getaway as well, but I feel that maybe it would be nice to get a simple txt,answer a call, or at least acknowledge that she gets the letters, cards and flowers I send her... Long distance relationship is hard, I have totally supported her in many ways and will continue to do so. I just see this as a one way relationship now and I don't know how to approach her about my feelings without her thinking I am being selfish.
Purple_roses
1,763 Posts
Was anyone being hard onhim? I don't think so. We pretty much all said that distance sucks and that he should be getting more communication from her. Nobody thinks he's a bad boyfriend.
EDIT: OP, after reading your post about your GF's schedule...she's probably so tired that she doesn't even realize she's awake lol. She's exhausted. I've changed my official opinion on this to "you need to give her some space!"