How to be a better BF to my nursing student GF.

Published

Hi there, I am in a long distance relationship with a nursing student in Canada and I am in the US. I would like to state that I am not a nursing student and that the majority of our relationship is long distance with a few visits every now and then for about a week or so.

I am in the US Military and going to college myself, part of that is having your relationship be long distance at a times and can be stressful and difficult. I understand that, however I am wanting to know how to be a better boyfriend to my girlfriend. We have been dating for just a year and we don't communicate a lot anymore. At most, we have a 20-40 minute conversation once a week.

The lack of communication and distance is kinda difficult to me. I understand the priority of school right now for both of us. However, the lack of communication and seeing each other has caused me to be kind of depressed at times and worry about our relationship.

I am giving her the space she needs to study and really am only talking to her when she is able, which at this time seems to be once a week. I just feel like there is more I could be doing to be a better boyfriend or more helpful in this time of major stress for her. I have not gone through nursing school so I don't completely understand it.

If you have any advice or need me to expand on something please let me know. I will try my best to explain it.

Thank you!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I just find it hard to believe that she can only talk to you for 20 minutes a week. Honestly, it seems a little bit suspicious to me. What else is going on in her life right now? People make time for what they want to make time for. It seems off to me.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

When I was going through nursing school the best thing for me was space and support.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Please understand she's in Nursing school. Communication will be limited but show her you actually support the fact that she's in nursing school

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm sorry you're going through this. Long distance relationships suck.

I hate to say this, but as a nursing student, even in my busiest moments, there was never a time I couldn't afford my BF some time to chat. Some days it might be a couple hours, some days it might be just 10 minutes or a few texts, but it never got so busy that I didn't have time to talk to him. Nursing school is hard, but we aren't studying to become surgeons.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Yeah...nursing School can be rigorous, but I find it hard to believe she can only spare 20-40 minutes PER WEEK to talk to you.

My husband was active duty for 10 years during our marriage. This of course included deployments and TDYs. Communication was definitely harder during those points, but not impossible.

We talked/Skyped at least every other day (unless there was a blackout), and emailed on the days we couldn't talk.

My advice? Have a real heart to heart with her because the lack of communication is a big issue, even more so for a long distance relationship.

I would say you can offer to help her study over Skype to get some more time with her, but I think you have a much bigger issue than just her being a nursing student.

I'm sorry. I hope it works out for you. Good luck!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Sorry, but this seems off to me. I have long distance friendships that I maintain through regular snapchatting, fb chat, text, and phone calls every week or every other week. I live with my SO and we still text every day. I can't imagine she doesn't have time to give you a call here or there.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I agree with the previous responses... this seems to be more of a relationship issue than a nursing school issue. Nursing school is tough and demanding, but if she is only able to spare a half hour a week to communicate by phone then I think the problem is more a lack of interest on her part. I was in a long distance relationship for a long time and it is very difficult to keep up the interest and spark over a long time. Seems like it is time for a true heart to heart. It may be best to just be friends for now and see if your paths cross again in the future. Best wishes.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Awww, does anyone else realize how sweet this is? This guy is doing a long-distance relationship and at least he's doing the right thing--trying to go on a nurse forum to ask for advice on how to be a better boyfriend. How many guys do that? You all are so blunt and hard on him. At least give him credit for making that effort!

Now, to be fair, there are other possibilities.

She's could be extremely ambitious and type A and for her, carrying on a long distance relationship with only a 20-40min phone call a week does it for her. I mean if it's like, pretty consistent, always on a Sunday or Saturday night especially on a weekend night I'd say it's maybe more possible she's saving the best of her weekend times to talk to you before burrowing back to work. Is she also working on the side? That might also factor in as that's exhausting, especially if she's doing a night shift it could throw off her schedule. What is the quality of the conversations, is it wooden and boring like she's just doing her duty and checking in, or does it feel like she's been penting up and ready to talk and let loose with you, and interested in your life? You don't have to answer, just think about it.

I only talked 1x a day to someone I really liked, sometimes for hours, sometimes just for a few minutes on a given night. But as long as there was a check-in I was happy and didn't need too much. I didn't like the phone and the thought of getting stuck for more than 10-15 min on a phone didn't appeal to me. Currently, I'm working full-time and taking 2 lab courses, and that's like enough to make me feel pretty overwhelmed. I'm talking with someone I met online but just exchanging an email 1-2x a week does it for me for now. As long as the communication is quality communication and shows the other person is as interested in talking to you, responds promptly, and is engaged, I'm happy for the time being.

But...if the problem is: she could be happy as a clam getting her Waki-fix once a week for 20-40 min, but Waki isn't happy with that. Then that's a legitimate thing to address anyway, since it's a mismatch of needs. One person may be more independent and the other may need more affection. Of course, you should discern the situation first, to see if it's just how she's carrying on happily in the relationship, or if she's (as others are suggesting) dissociating gradually.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

She is doing something like an expedited course where she is getting her final two years done in one. So she has to technically do two semester's worth of work in one. Yeah the communication is pretty consistent with it being on a weekend or a Wednesday. The conversations can be wooden at times and at other times she will rant about her week and all the stress she is having. She does take an interest in my own life though and the stuff I am going through. I'm fine with the fact that she is busy and the talk is different. Her schedule consists of Monday classes and clinical, 10 hour Night shift on Tues-Thurs and 14 hours (7 Morning and 7 Night) on Fridays. I understand being super busy as I am also in college at the moment and there are times where I am doing school word sunrise to sunset as well. I do however get a few texts every day or so. Generally when she wakes up and goes to sleep, sometimes throughout the day we will have a small conversation.

So the lack of communication does bother me but we have talked about it and reached an understanding of what we both want and need and what. I said that I would like at least a goodnight text each night to know that she still thinks about me as kind of an affirmation that she knows I still exist, which she does (granted there are some nights where she doesn't but it's pretty consistent). She has said that she needs the lack of communication during the day to focus on all the homework and such she has to do. So that's basically where we are at right now.

Edit: Also when we chat it's generally really late in the night (like 2300-0100) after she has finished homework for that day.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Ignore this comment

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Wow, it sounds like she is super busy with work, classes, and clinicals. I was doing pre-reqs when my boyfriend (now husband) and I were long distance. Granted, I wasn't nearly as busy as it sounds like your girlfriend was, but what I found really helpful was to recruit my bf to just listen to me talk about school stuff. For example I would talk about what I had learned that day in classes and go over my notes with him. When I studied for tests I would send him a copy of my study guide "test answers" and just talk my way through the test, then have him quiz me. Your gf might have different study needs but you could suggest something like that, maybe? Something also nice are care packages... bubble bath or bath bomb or salts for a little "me" time, chocolates or whatever treats she likes, a card with a sweet note inside, a mixtape cd she can listen to on the way to school or work with some nice recorded messages... anything you think she will enjoy receiving. It doesn't have to be big or often, just something to let her know you're thinking of her. I'm sure it would be difficult to fit into her busy schedule but my bf and I would skype and watch a movie together or have little lunch "dates" on skype if we were free at the same time.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion