Holidays

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Specializes in ER.

So the holidays are near and I am just wondering who is going to be in recovery during the holidays for the first time and those who have already done so, maybe some words of wisdom.

My husband and I have been invited to our good friends house for a party wed night (Thanksgiving eve) and I am debating whether or not to go. Anytime in the past we hang out with this couple and other friends of theirs that they invite over, I drink alot, and it seems like everyone there drinks too. Since being in recovery (almost 6 months) I have not been in a situation like this. I have been to family functions where some drink and others don't but this will be different. I am not worried that I will drink but seeing others drink and have a fun time puts me into a depression. Last year I was in a similar situation (and drinking) and seeing everyone so happy put me into a deep depression because I nolonger have the friendships that I saw around me.

There is a huge gratitude meeting that I thought about going to but hige crowds (like hundreds) make me very anxious. I am also thinking about just sending hubby and staying home but that is my last option. I do want to take the step because at this time in my recovery I can't just miss out on things because of my addiction. I might just tell hubby that if I decide I want to leave, even if we have only been there a short time or are in the middle of a game, then we go, no questions asked.

I am sure many of your have/had these anxious times around the holidays.

Thanks for 'listening'.:redpinkhe

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Please PLEASE do take someone that is in recovery with you if you go!

I know you may think you'll be good and won't dring but our disease of addiction can throw intellect and logic right out the window.

If you have a friend in AA/NA or someone that really knows you and can help you during the party please invite them to go.

If all else fails, just say you aren't feeling good and stay home, or pm me I will gladly talk to you:)

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Personally, I wouldn't go.

If you still look at them and see them as having a really good time r/t the drinking and feel excluded you are simply not ready. You will be ready when they just look sloppy and silly.

Hang in there, honey. You WILL drop friendships in recovery. And friendships with those who drink a lot because that equals a good time to them will be the first to go. As they must.

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Specializes in ICU.

I agree that if you go, and others are drinking, they will look sloppy and silly, among other things. Atleast if you MUST go, take someone else who is in recovery, or will NOT drink and will support you. If you really don't have to go, don't. Find something else to do. This time of the year, aa, na have a lot of activities, parties and meetings. And they are designed for the recovering person.

You WILL eventually have to drop your friends that still drink or do drugs. There's no way that you can have a healthy recovery and still hang out with those people. Your circle of friends will begin to include other people in recovery and that is the BEST FOR YOU! You have to think about number one and that is you.

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Med/Surg.
Personally, I wouldn't go.

If you still look at them and see them as having a really good time r/t the drinking and feel excluded you are simply not ready. You will be ready when they just look sloppy and silly.

Hang in there, honey. You WILL drop friendships in recovery. And friendships with those who drink a lot because that equals a good time to them will be the first to go. As they must.

You said it so well, Suesquatch! :yeah: Six months is a very short time to have been sober and a holiday party just isn't worth the risk, IMO. I wish the best to SassyErRn no matter what she chooses.

Catmom :paw:

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We had this topic in a meeting today. If you go have a plan. You and your husband have a plan to leave. Pressure may or may not be there to drink. My husbands family are big drinkers. I have experienced people do not even pay much attention. We have cut most of the friend parties down to a minimum. My husband quit drinking 9 years ago. The parties tapered off. They still pressure him to drink knowing he has been a recovering alcoholic. He has known his friends all his life. I think they want to see who can get him to drink because they would be the special person. I have not told friends and family about my recovery. It will come in time. When people ask me if I want a beer or why are you not drinking I just say I do not feel like it. They are satisfied with that. Personally I would kindly decline to go to the party. Find something more enjoyable to do.

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Specializes in ER.

Thanks everyone. I am leaning toward no and I told my husband that and he understands. If I don't go I will still tell him to go and that is ok with me. I have no problem saying "no thanks" and the hostess knows about my recovery so she will offer me something else. It's just seeing everyone else drinking, even if they are not falling over drunk, it bothers me. Drinking was a way for me to relax and open up out of my shy s

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Yup. Liquid courage. You'll get more confident in sobriety.

And Happy Thanksgiving, Sassy!

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Specializes in Geriatrics/Med-Surg/ED.

My husband & I have been in recovery for nearly 20 yrs now. It took us several yrs to even attend any function w/drinking. We are very comfortable drinking diet Coke/ginger ale/club soda at any function we go to now- and there are many during the holiday season. At my C'mas party last year, I was very glad that I've chosen sobriety-- to see nurses that I work w/every day slobbering all over people-- hugging the DON & CEO- was downright embarrassing to watch!! At one party a nurse actually got on the dance floor and took her top off!!- I'm not sure what to expect this year!!! I think they should stop the open bar!!

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Specializes in Geriatrics/Med-Surg/ED.
Yup. Liquid courage. You'll get more confident in sobriety.

This is SO true! I am also a somewhat shy person, but I am more confident now than when I needed a drink to "loosen up"

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Short answer: six months of sobriety isn't long enough to establish oneself as a non-drinker, and holiday parties are not a good idea this soon IMO.

Long answer: New Year's Day will mark my 17th sobriety birthday, and I can honestly say it took all of the first 5 years for me to be comfortable at parties and other social gatherings where liquor was served. It wasn't temptation so much as it was the awkwardness of being one of the few non-drinkers (or THE non-drinker), and the presence of so many who were obviously intoxicated or well on their way to becoming so. SassyER, you would be far better off staying home this year; you are just getting your feet wet in sobriety. You have a few 'dry drunks' and other obstacles ahead of you, and when you've been sober for a few years you'll understand why it's best not to put yourself into certain circumstances for a good while.

Yes, you do find out how people really act when they're loaded, and it's not pretty---they aren't themselves, or they ARE themselves, only louder and more obnoxious. You also learn to be grateful that you no longer behave that way, and eventually you'll even be able to watch people enjoying alcoholic drinks without wanting to join them. But that's in the future, and if you're anything like me, occasions where alcohol is being served will be more of a torment than a pleasure for some time to come. Some day you'll feel perfectly comfortable ordering a Diet Coke or sparkling water while others are around you are swilling beers or sipping white wine; at that point you will have truly 'arrived' as a sober person. Just don't try to rush things.......it will happen, I promise!

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