Nursing & Depression - page 22

While visiting in the lounge one day, we discovered that every nurse there was on an anti-depressant. I have had 'Treatment Resistant Depression' for about 20 years--as long as I've been a nurse. ... Read More

  1. by   nal
    To sphinx
    I am so sorry to hear about your depression. Thankyou for being so honest, you do not need to feel any shame. Remember this is an illness and just like any other will take time to heal. Youda's advice sounded pretty good but when you are in that deep dark hole you feel so alone, I wish I could show you some footholes to climb out as there is light at the end of the tunnel. Yes do concentrate on those things that matter most to you everything else can be replaced. It sounds like you have a supportive husband and he is probably helping as much as he knows how too. When I had depression I know that I had very high unachievable expectations of myself and I went through a stage where I had to accept myself for who I was. I also learn't to resist meeting everyone elses expectations (I was raised with perfectionists). Sometimes I think that I am actually glad I went through the experience as I feel I gained so much more wisdom than I would have otherwise. Trust your intuition and take the break you feel you need.
  2. by   abrenrn
    Hi guys,

    I've been gone about a week - kind of a vacation, saw Broadway shows and the opera. It was interesting - many highs and lows yet not, I think, bipolar disorder.

    This goes with what Youda was saying - due to several factors, for the time being my depression seems almost gone - first time in years. Now I'm catching up on all the stuff that I've missed. Sometimes the experiences make me very happy, some of the realities I find make me very sad, even angry.

    Having learned to monitor myself over a long time, I'm pretty sure I'm being normal. However, people who think of me as a "depressed" person think it's BPD. Oh well. Haven't reached psychosis.

    For me, meds have been extremely important. Gave me the ability to move. For carpe deum, I think the loss of a med that had helped along with the move has put you at risk. Unfortunately, the local psychiatric community is either incompetent or nonexistant. Courses of action (hard for depressed but must be top priority) - get what you need. Try a primary care doc if there are any decent ones, speak you history, tell him what worked, see if he/she will prescribe. If you have medical insurance call them. Ask to speak to manager or something. Tell them current physician refuses to rx something that worked well, refuses to even consider it or look it up.

    If you must, go back to the town you were in. Or, call old MD and see if he will call in for you while you try to find someone who is current in their practice.

    Personally, I only see psychiatrists until they reach a level of medication that helps then are unable to go further. Then I go to PCP to rx meds. I went back last time cause I read about new treatment options. He finally got to the one I thought would work, really hasn't done anything since, so I no longer need him.

    BTW, Youda, I've become a strong believer in Maslow and hierarchy (hard to self actualize while starving).

    And Mario - you promised not to post anymore then you did! As a real nurse, I've learned that's not a good practice. Don't promise unless you mean it then keep the promise you made. Yes, yes, I know how you suffered living with depressed family members. I bet they were depressed just to make your life difficult. Please keep your promise about not posting here. It would be better if you dealt with the source of the hostility instead of dumping it on people you don't know who happen to have the same problem. I never even knew you, I did not get depressed to make your life difficult.

  3. by   micro
    wow, I am up too late, and need some sleep.....but want to come back here.....and say hey......

    to all health, peace, rest, good sleep.......
    less stress, balance, acceptance and growth.......

    in this world.....we all walk.....
    and we can be there for each other and "talk".......

    to sphinx and carpe ......... xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    you are not alone.........

    to youda, matt's mom....and so many more.....
    right on, right on.........

    to my friends, fellow nurses, students.....and fellow walkers in this life............
    thanks for looking outside of yourself towards another.........
    for the good of all, but I am just one........

    I am is late,
    but today is okay.....if not great.....

    love and peace all,
  4. by   mattsmom81
    Glad to hear you're feeling improvement Anne! It's a great feeling when we start seeing 'life out there' again...LOL!
  5. by   sphinx
    A check in from the pit.....back to work this week, fro whatever reason, I've been blessed with my patients either not being home/needing to reschedule, whatever, so it has not been too busy. But still long hours related to our new charting software, we are talking hours and hours, bugs, problems, questions, phone calls , etc. I cry in frustration, and ironically, I am supposedly one who is doing "well" using the system! In another thread I'd asked what other job options there might be out there for me, and a few mentioned agency.....I've thought about it, but fact is, it scares me. I mean, I have only 6 years expereince, 3 years on a post-op vascular surgery, 1 1/2 postpartum, and 1 1/2 doing homecare, doing mostly OB, a few regular adult pateints when my census is low. I don't know if I have what it takes to just be put any old place. Plus, because I was fired from my first job (related to missing work r/t my depression), they are like 1/2 of the health care industry, and won't hire question is, can an agency place me with with them? I don't want to have to reveal that I was fired to the agency.
    Forget it, I'm not thinking straight. I am very tired. I have been up late doing paperwork the past 2 nights. I feel numba dn depressed, but don't know what else to do. I have been expereincing confusion. I normally have very poor memory (real bad), but the other day I thought-honestly, truly-that it was mid-September. I don't know what to do anymore......I've seen my internest, who has done a full work up, labs, etc. I've seen my psychitrist, who has changed my meds and now it is just wait and see (he also wants me to decrease my stress level-yeah right). My GI doc found gastritis, so I'm on meds, diet, go back in 2 months. What else is there to do? My hours at work are so long, I couldn't get to therapy even if I had a good therapist right now, and I don't. I try and distract myself. Yesterday I bought myself a beanie baby to keep me company in the car. I'm sick of all my CD's. Its cold out and rainy and depressing. I'm too lazy to get out my light box, but we are working on getting full spectrum bulbs.
    I'm rambling again. I'm sorry. You're probably all about sick of me, so maybe I'll be silent for a few days. Hope you are are faring better than I......enjoy your fall!
  6. by   sanakruz
    Spinx- my advice would be stay put for now. Agency work is very stressful.Unless you are in like flint they will do a bait and switch thing- "that shift is taken, how about nights?" Then they call you off and you lose pay you were counting on. This is my experience.The fact that you keep coming back here for support is a positive sign that all hope has not been lost. I would like to ask you something-Are you still taking zyprexa? If so how much? I have been in psych for the last 10 years solid. Good things are happening with meds, but zyprexa is not usually a treatment for depression. Just wondering if this is causing you unneeded sedation
  7. by   Youda

    <<<You're probably all about sick of me, so maybe I'll be silent for a few days>>>

    That couldn't be farther from the truth! Those of us who are or know of depression, have formed instant heart strings and caring for those who also suffer and understand. As long as you are willing to share your struggle with us, we will be here, and honored that you would allow us to share with you.

  8. by   sphinx
    Psychnurse, I have been off zyprexa for quite some time........maybe nearly a year (now don't ask why I still have a bottle, I'm doing better, I used to keep ALL my bottles full of discontinued meds "just in case", till I had a good day and tossed them all....that was a whole year ago). My psychiatrist had put me on it to augment my antidepressant, and it *did* help for a short while. It helped me sleep, but didn't overly sedate me, it did poop out though. At one point they tried Risperidone, and that was horrid, we're talking ZOMBIE. I have been on many meds, and many combos. If you are interested in the boring details, let me know, and I'll give ya the scoop. They either work and stop after time, don't work at all, or have side effects I can't tolerate. I've tried ECT, DBT classes, and many types of therapies (individual, group, with many different therapists, et al). All I can see is a sea of "nothing left to try". I mean seriously, what's left? As for work, staying put or not, I need an alternate option.....I am way too stressed out as it is.......I am working waaaaay too many hours, I feel like it is sucking the life out of me. I don't know what else to do, where else to go! I can't do "nothing", and I hate to leave nursing behind, but truly, what is there honestly?

    *sigh*......youda, keep up being so sweet and I might have to cry and come snivel of your shoulder or something. I just finished my paperwork, my back aches, and i am trying not to cry.
  9. by   Youda
    I just thought of something.
    Is it all possible in their budget for you to hire an LPN assistant? Keep track of the hours you are putting in per day, and make a list of some things that an assistant could do to take some of the workload off. Surely there are some duties that you could "delegate" off! What do you think?
  10. by   cargal
    Originally posted by Youda

    <<<You're probably all about sick of me, so maybe I'll be silent for a few days>>>

    That couldn't be farther from the truth! Those of us who are or know of depression, have formed instant heart strings and caring for those who also suffer and understand. As long as you are willing to share your struggle with us, we will be here, and honored that you would allow us to share with you.

    ditto me too me too! We're not sick of you, we care and want to know and want you to keep in touch with us. We are here, one day at a time.
  11. by   sphinx
    thanks all around.....and youda, we do have "extra help", a couple LPNs, and even a per diem RN, 2 of these do OB, which are available to "help out". But they aren't always available, or they are assigned to other nurses, or if say I have 6 heavy patients, and need to give one off, they can't call in a per diem LPN for only 1 patient, so either someone else needs to require her services too, or someone else on our team may have an open slot, or most likely, I see all 6 heavy patients (ie an opening, a recert, a discharge and 3 revisits). A big part of the problem is paperwork, and our new documantation software is supposed to eventually make theat better, but as it is, the assessments are a lot longer, a LOT, more complicated, and the computers open everything in this program so slow. I spend nearly twice as long at a home than normal, then still have quite a bit to complete at home. This has improved over the past 3 weeks or so, but it still is more labor intensive than our old system. But even then I was stressed out, I don't know if I am too much of a perfectionist, too disorganized, or what......but it never fails, I always end up working way past the 8 hours, and for months now I sit there late into the evening, crying over my paperwork.
    I feel as if I have no life.My husband does all the cooking, clean the kitchen, laundry.......and he has a pretty full schedule too! Some things I don't know how or when they will get done, he doesn't have time to do it all.......clean garage and fix opener so we can park in grage in the cold weather, get chimney cleaned and buy wood for our woodstove, mow lawn, rake (kids can help), we have to buy and carve pumpkins, which is tough cuz of mixed visitation between his son and my youngest son, we won't be able to all do it at once, and my youngest is not here on weekends, so that leaves me having to do it on a weeknight, which is way hard.......plud having to get the kids boots, also tough for my younghest cuz his dad has him weekends, it's hard for me to bring him in the eveings, and god forbid his dad actually buy them for him.......I could just go tomorrow, my youngest has therapy at 4, so I have to be done working around 3-ish, go pick him up, drive to therapy. I am second on call, so I'll be ok unless the first on call calls in sick, which with my luck would happen, in which case I'd be driving around all day AND all night, and NO time to do paperwork, OH JOY!

    OK, vent, vent.......deep bed I go, while the hour is still halfway decent. Night all!
  12. by   sanakruz
    Spinx- I am interested in the meds you have tried,it's not boring to me. I run a group officially titled "Medication Education". I call it "wellness". I truly believe that your Dr. will hit on the right combo for you, honest. Lets us help you with our collective experiences
  13. by   Youda
    A couple weeks of good days
    makes it harder to deal with a bad one.

    I'm so afraid that my meds, already, are starting to fail me. I know the signs, know them so very well. Sleeping to escape, heavy feeling in my heart, holding back tears all day, turning off the phone cuz I don't care to talk to anyone, keeping the shades pulled all day . . .

    Please, dear God, let this just be one bad day instead of a slide back into the black pit . . .