Nursing & Depression - page 21

While visiting in the lounge one day, we discovered that every nurse there was on an anti-depressant. I have had 'Treatment Resistant Depression' for about 20 years--as long as I've been a nurse. ... Read More

  1. by   sphinx
    Thanks mambear.....I do have a psychiatirsit I like, I guess I might have seemed unclear, he is actually very good. I used to have one at our local teaching hospital (University of Rochester) for a while, whom while he had the personality of a brillo pad, was a good doc....he retired, and when he did, all his patients were reassigned to another doc who already had a caseload......this guy never had a clue who I was, just barely would glance at my chart, put me on a med, take me off it in a week if it wasn't helping (?!), put me on it again 3 weeks later, etc.....he was very disorganized, overworked, and not a pleasant man either! Frankly, I did not think highly AT ALL of their mental health clinic, and the inpatient unit I was on stunk too. My second hospitalization, the nurse practitioner who was assigned to me, came in my first morning saying I would need to be placed in a group home........this was so out of line for my case it was unbleievable. Esp as I was admitted directly from partial because I admitted I felt suicidal, and they found a paring knife in my lunch bag-which I had brought to cut my apple cuz I had recent dental work done! They said they'd place me in a one week emergency kind of place, but ended up putting me in the unit, on a Friday, without doing anything at all for me over the weekend. I spent the weekend writing out a letter asking for a review, which I got, and I was released to partial.
    Anyway, I am babbling. My stmach is cramping, the hours are ticking away and before I know it I will have to get up and go to work whether I feel better or not. And I want to hurt myself. Imagine, my job stresses me out so much, I want to swallow a bunch of pills and die than go in. How sad is that. I'd quit right now if that wouldn't reflect badly on my future ability to get a job.
  2. by   cargal
    I am glad that you have reached out to us here at allnurses and let us know what happened. I am also glad that you have a supporting husband. Have you thought about talking to your nurse manager about taking a leave of absence for health reasons? You could get an MD to do the paperwork as GI? Then you can look for another job in January, one that has less stress, but you would have your job to fall back on. Or is it just too much and you need to let it go all together? Anyway, keep in touch, PM me if you like, I would love to hear from you, and as Mamabear stated, don't give up, please.
    Also, is it possible that you are suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome? The cramps can be pretty painful. Have you seen a GI doc? It is all alot when it all hits the same time.
    Last edit by cargal on Oct 18, '02
  3. by   carpe_de_em
    SPHINX: you and i are in the same boat. i went to the local hosp ER last night d/t severe depression. they set me up w/ a social worker to see today who would take care of everything (lol) i guess you know how that went. I can go 45 miles to nearest psych unit. but i've been there/done that. multiple hospitalization have taught me they accomplish little. After the intake on tues, I will get to see a Psychiatriast in november. So much for emergent care. No one cares how i feel. i sat in the bathroom floor and cried for a half hour last nite, them fought thoughts of suicide all night. I recently moved here and have no friends. I have no one to talk to. I hate to dump this on my significant other. it's not his responsibility to fix it. plus i'm afraid he will turn out like other boyfriends--dump at the first sign of distress. So I hide it from him as much as possible.
  4. by   cargal
    Et tu Carpe! I wish I could come over and help! Has anyone tried a lightbox?
  5. by   Youda
    carpe_de_em, I'm so glad to see you post. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. Not good, it sounds like. I love your signature line. How true. Wish I had more to say, or something to say to help.
  6. by   markuy06
    This is only an opinion.
    We witness first hand how the meds make a difference in people. We give give give till our own hearts can't give to our selves or our families anymore. Our husbands can't take the change and responsibility of everything, which is why the nursing profession has so many divorces. I also feel that we come from dysfunctional families and feel that if we care more and express our soft caring side all the time that we will get the same in return. When that doesn't happen, our picture perfect family and work fall apart causing what is known as depression.
    Has anyone figured out what this chemical imbalance is? And when does it start to show? How long does this imbalance take to reach the noticeable stage? When is enough enough? How bad is bad?

    As for Tom's opinion he has found ways to hide it but when it hits him it will hit him hard. Or maybe he just hasn't had that one thing that will start him down ward. I see depression in a lot of people but few admit that they need help with counseling or anti-depression med.

    The med. Only hides the symptoms for a while and when on them where were my emotions? I was on paxal and effexor only to increase with intense symptoms counseling is the only thing that really helped me I no-longer take the meds. And have my feelings back, I can cry now and feel love again, and dissatisfaction, and happy for who I am and what I choose to do for a living. I can truthfully say I love my career and myself. My family have their Mom, wife, sister, friend and most of all Me. I have grown a lot with counseling thanks to a brave, sincere, honest, open-minded counselor.

    Thanks for letting me vent.
  7. by   sphinx
    you sound so much how I feel...I wish it weren't so.
    A big part of me still wants to swallow bunch more pills before bed. i find it hard to get the thought out of my head. my husband understands because he hs some depresiion himself, although has had much better luck stabalizing on meds. i need to check my voice mail for my assignment tomorrow. i'd rather put a bullet through my head. no worries there, we have no such thing around here. i need out.
    oh and cargal, i am seeing a gi doc.....had a egd done thi s week. however, this cramping is different than my other gi husband had a bug last week and felt just horrid too, for a good 4 days.
    anyway, i better just go up to bed fast before i do something i regret. thnks for the extra support tonight, i really needed it!!!
  8. by   mattsmom81
    BIG HUGS ((((Sphinx and Carpe))))

    I hope you both have good internal med docs who will look at physical causes for your depression as well as psych causes...i feel many docs want to hand us a 'feel better pill' and don't bother to look at physical causes such as hormonal imbalance, hypothyroidism, viral and postviral syndromes, allergies, sensitivities, and toxicities...among others .

    A clue to folks with GI troubles: When your GI tract is messed up one gets a 'leaky gut' meaning toxins are not eliminated properly and can build up in the body causing symptoms consistent with depression, fatigue, flu like symptoms etc. This was the case for me...and only in treating the underlying PROBLEMS have I been able to feel better. I also tested positive for Epstein Barr (the mono virus that remains dormant within us and can rear its ugly head again when we are compromised) I'm also hypothyroid and perimenopausal...and have had 2 surgeries in the past 6 months where I was given megadoses of abx which killed off my 'helpful' bowel bacteria...compounding the irritable bowel problems. ALL these things in a predisposed person can lead to illness and severe depression. BUT an antidepressant pill alone did not and could not 'fix' me. It requires a multi faceted attack and an internal med doc is a great resource, IMO.. I would also recommend a holistic practitioner such as a NP, DO or an MD who is up on holistic trends. I have found my DO to be very empathetic and caring...and kept at it til we found the source of my problems.

    Please...those who are depressed.... take time for yourselves and get the appropriate rest and help you need so you can begin the journey towards healing. It took me 8 months off work to really focus on a plan to feel better...but I needed that 'sabbatical' away from the demanding, stressful NURSING JOB to even begin the process.

    Those who may feel hopeless and want to check out...I have been there...many here have....try to look to those of us who HAVE found our way out of depression and try to keep pluggin' IS possible to survive this and feel better

    Prayers for all and best wishes always.:kiss
    Last edit by mattsmom81 on Oct 19, '02
  9. by   Youda
    Excellent post, mattsmom81! Us depressives often focus so much on the mood aspects of the disease, that we forget to look at the possible physical causes.

    And you are right, there is hope. I hate to say it when others are still suffering. But, I limped along for a long time without getting help. Meds got me to a place I could start helping myself, and I give them about 50% of the success. The rest has come from me. Full-spectrum lights, a personal goal to find something that gives me a good belly laugh once a day, meditation, stress management, assertiveness training, alternative therapies, and the list gets longer. It's been a hard, long fight. Next week I may tumble back into the pit. But, for now, I've added one more thing to my self-healing, every night I thank God for giving me one good day.
  10. by   mattsmom81
    Good points, Youda, and didn't mean to be knocking meds got my healing kickstarted letting me get some valuable sleep and stop the obsessing long enough to think rationally and reach out for help. Thanks for pointing that out!

    And hope I'm not coming off preachy to those still 'down in the slimy pit'... (that's how I felt.. )... I'm just trying to reflect hope and encouragment... as I remember well feeling the feelings.

    I guess I am so thrilled to be OUT of that dark place I'm a bit giddy...hope I haven't turned anyone here off...sorry.

    I know I may backslide and I'm trying to prepare for this should it happen. I'm taking things day by day.

    :kiss ya'll!
    Last edit by mattsmom81 on Oct 19, '02
  11. by   Youda
    Oh, please don't think I was commenting negatively, mattsmom81!!! I was trying to agree with you, however clumsily it may have come out. Like you, I am so grateful to be getting some relief from the crushing depression. I live in constant terror that the meds will stop helping, like they have for some of the others. So, like you, it's just one day at a time, and thanking God at the end of each day that He gave me one more day without it, one more good day.
  12. by   sphinx
    Thanks for last night.......I didn't get called to work today, tomorrow may be another story, but we'll see when the time comes. I'm not having the abdominal cramping as bad as I have been. One bad bout this am, since then I've been ok. I even ate some oatmeal and a sandwich, even got out of the house.
    Oh yes, and I *do* have a good internest, so is wonderful and helpful and has really listened to be and gone to bat for me. I have my thyroid checked about twice a year, along with other things....hct, iron, recently had folic acid checked, have my B12 checked, she even gave me an injection when I was only borderline low, just to see if it might help. Hormonally, I had a TAH/LSO in may, and that
    *did* mess me up at first, as it took a few weeks for my remaining ovary to "wake up". Everyone now says it should be functioning well now, and frankly, I don't have other symptoms related to hormone deficiency. (having had them post op, and when I was on Lupron, I know what to look out for).
    My mood has been up and down today. One minute I seem ok, can laugh a little with my husband, the next I am crying. Up and down, up and down, like a roller coaster. I'd almost rather be all down, than be teased by the occasional glimpses or "up". Oh I don't know. Also, as today is here, I am having second thoughts about just up and putting in my notice.......I don't want to go without income. Maybe for a couple weeks, I'll have my last check and my paid out vacation, but frankly, I don't want to give up some of what we have now. On the other hand i need a change, before the job kills me. I need to work this out, and soon.......

    ps, I see I made a lot of typos....sorry, I am too tired to change them, please overlook!
  13. by   Youda
    Hey sphinx!!!!
    Don't worry about the mood swings. I know they make you think you're going crazy(ier?). But, it's a good sign. It may be the beginning of an upswing. BTW: do you associate the lessening of stomach cramps and feeling a little better with being away from work ? ? ? ? ? THINK ABOUT IT!