Published
This is not a Nursing issue, but I had a very bad night tonight. First I get to work and get a phone call about 1930 from my husband that my Mare is in foal and something is wrong. I've had her 19years and so I'm upset.I tell him to call a vet, I'm at work, can't leave, I AM the relief help. Second phone call , she's down and it's bad, he needs help. I can't leave, no way. I call my daughter, she goes over to my house and calls me, it's very bad. Fortunately, by this time another unit is now over staffed, thanks to 2 codes that went bad, Would I like to go home? Not really, but I love my horse and she's dying. I go home, I get here and find out my husband has been calling the same vet, over and over. I try a new one I've never used, and will from now on, he comes over. The Mare is in a bad way. I'm a Nurse, I got a strong stomach, Right? Evidentally not. He says he has to cut the foals head off , it's dead and stuck , the mare will die if he doesn't. My husband holds her head, the vet hold the metal rod in her lady parts, and I have to pull the wire back and forth until it cuts off the head. I am sick, sick, sick. Then we have to pull out the rest of the poor little thing. My mare may die anyway, it's too soon to tell. I can't get the decapitated baby out of my mind. I'm a Nurse, I'm supposed to be strong, but not this! I pray to God I will forget. I am heart broken and I have to tell the kids when they get up. I'm not telling them about the head, I can't. I don't know what I'll tell them if the mare dies. I'm just sick.Thanks for letting me vent.
Dear Cat,
I am so sorry that you and your family have had to go through all of this.
Animals are totally different, I guess, like Wratched said, they are innocent, especially the new borns.
This is all very traumatic and I really think you should continue to talk someone, anyone, to this off your chest and work through all of these emotions.
Being a nurse doesn't mean you aren't human, please cut yourself a break. You should be proud that you were able to help the situation by being there and saving your horse. Many others would not have been able to. This experience would be traumatic for anyone, I'm sure even the vet who is a professional and is in a way removed from your horse, being that it is part of your family.
I remember when I was in college the University's Horse Stable Foreman, who is a great horseman with decades of experience, lost a foal at his barn at home. The pregnancy and delivery were seemingly normal but resulted in a still birth. I remember driving behind his pick up truck in which the foal was laid in the back with a large sheet drapped over it, but I could still see it's legs, hooves and tail hanging out a bit. It was being taken to the University for Necropsy. That vision is still in my head and is always accompanied by great feelings of sadness.
It is never easy to loose a foal or any animal for that matter, but the way in which you lost yours is absolutely awful. I know if it was me in your situation I probably would have allready had symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I hope that your mare does better and you and your family can get over this. Please continue to talk and share your feelings.
My prayers go out to you. I remember being there with my beloved gelding when he died and it is an extremely hard thing to do. It really is losing a member of your family. You shouldn't expect to be strong in that situation, it's family. I hope your mare recovers quickly and that your pain will ease soon. God bless.
traumaRUs, MSN, APRN
87 Articles; 21,287 Posts
So sorry.