Has anyone else been in this situation?

[StillWaiting115]

I'm just so lost on what I should do for the future of my career... I'm going to be brutally honest: nursing/caring for people I don't know is not my passion. My passion lies in the creative field (design, acting, writing, art). But, I was brought up by my parents to be first and foremost pragmatic and realistic, so I went into nursing for the security mostly, and to be honest, I was so introverted growing up that I didn't make a lot of meaningful friendships that could've opened up paths into other fields. All I believed were those things like (starving artist, not having any clients to support a living doing what you love, etc) that I was too scared to try anything that may not have a demand in the future.

I admire people who had the courage to pursue their passion, but I know I wouldn't be able to sleep or eat if I didn't have a way to support myself. I don't want to rely on my parents, they've done enough raising me and I don't want to burden them when I feel like I should have the means to support myself and give back to them for bringing me up. I just don't know if I made the right choice to become a nurse, but I'm at this point where I somehow ended up farther that I originally expected for myself (somehow survived nursing school, passed boards on first try, successfully landed first job in acute care), and now almost 5 months in, I'm mostly unhappy and I can't tell what it is precisely that I'm struggling with.

But in those few months, I've learned some things about myself:

I prefer patients to be medically stable. The stabler they are, the less stressful it is. I was transferred to a short term rehab inpatient unit and for the first time since I started working as a new grad, I didn't feel like I had no appetite and anxiety 1 day before coming to work, like I did when I was working on a medsurg floor before I was told to transfer to a unit with 'less patient acuity'. I was busy, which I loved, but not so busy as you would expect on a typical floor, which was where I started out.

I prefer to take care of my patients for more than 3-5 days. I want to get to know my patients, and unlike those nurses (kudos if this is you) who don't mind walking into a shift with different teams than they had two days ago, I feel very uncomfortable not knowing what to expect or what is normal with a particular patient (their 'trend'). Also, as a person, the longer I know someone, the friendlier I am and easier it is for me to interact with them. That's not to say that I'm not 'friendly' - I'm just very introverted and quiet, and no, I can mask it, but I can't change who I am.

I feel more confident with less patient sizes, but what I've found is that taking a team of 6-7 who are just really there for therapy and ready to go home is vastly different from taking a team of 5-6 who have acute issues going on and need frequent monitoring and attention. For my personality, something that cannot be changed, the latter is much more stressful and the exhaustion I feel bleeds into my life away from work. It's affected my appetite, my sense of humor, my personality, and to make matters more complicated, I already have a general pessimistic outlook on life.

On the other side, I do not want to work in a facility with a patient load of 20+, no matter how long they will stay there.

After I was told to transfer from a medsurg unit to a place with more stable patients, I was in shock and ashamed. Then I found out that the place I'm transferred to has several rns who also came from medsurg in the past, and needless to say, we bonded a lot over that. Due to my exp in my previous unit, I was able to pretty much start working on my own, even though technically they were 'orienting' me. They were pretty impressed by this. Tragically, due to business reasons, my new unit was to be closed. Even though the time I spent was short there, I genuinely liked how my patients didn't need tele or had any 'acute' problems that needed to be treated. I don't know if that is my niche, but I do know that I liked that level of care. I was involved in patient care, but not too involved. It's like the goldilock's zone, if you get what I mean.

So I was put again on a new unit and this time, it is again like how I started out, only more or less acute, and not anywhere close to being stable enough that patients don't need tele.

The admin on the new unit is aware of my history, but in case I'm looking to transfer to another unit like the one I had before, there's no other unit like it. Now all of that is going towards community/outpatient basis, even though the nurses on my old unit felt that those patients were not stable enough to be outside of a hospital, but not unstable enough that they need a bed on the floor.

Thanks for reading this, if you got this far. I apologize if I sound whiny, I'm really not trying to be. But I guess I'm looking for input/advice on what I should do. With less than a year of exp, I honestly don't know where to go or what kind of future job is right for me. I don't want a management position - I'm far from a leader. I also don't really want to go back to get more schooling, since like I said before, it's a miracle (to me) that I was able to grit my teeth and get through nursing school when it's not a field that I was born feeling passionate about.

[Sour Lemon]

How do you feel about behavioral health?

[Davey Do]

I'm just so lost on what I should do for the future of my career... I'm going to be brutally honest: nursing/caring for people I don't know is not my passion. My passion lies in the creative field (design, acting, writing, art). But, I was brought up by my parents to be first and foremost pragmatic and realistic, so I went into nursing for the security mostly, and to be honest, I was so introverted growing up that I didn't make a lot of meaningful friendships that could've opened up paths into other fields. All I believed were those things like (starving artist, not having any clients to support a living doing what you love, etc) that I was too scared to try anything that may not have a demand in the future.

At one time, StillWaiting, I could have written this paragraph. My passion is nursing, but I had to allow the fates to lead me to that passion.

I went into nursing for, among other reasons, job security, but have always loved​ art. It's quite all right, in fact it is good, to have multiple passions. I am passionate about nursing, art, life, and my wife, and feel as though I am complete.

I use my art to deal with the stressors of my job and problems with life as a whole. I intertwine my art into my life and my work. Heck, I've even been paid by the medical center where I work for painting murals and doing other forms of artwork!

Your post was not read as being whiny, StillWaiting- merely someone searching for their place in the cosmos, as you should be doing.

Desiring not to give you career advice, for there are others far more capable, I want to give you conceptual advice: Let go and let God; allow the fates to lead you. The fates are going to drag you anyway, so just allow the forces that be do their job.

I have worked in OR, ER, med/surg, home health, and administration, but the fates have always led me back to psych. Once I understood and accepted that lead, I embraced it.

And you will too, StillWaiting- it's like Richard Bach wrote,

"A cloud does not know why it moves in such a direction and at such a speed. It feels the impulsion... this is the place to go now.

But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift high enough to see beyond the horizons".

The very best to you, StillWaiting!

[Davey Do]

How do you feel about behavioral health?

Yeah, Sour Lemon. I thought about that too.

[Sour Lemon]

I feel like behavioral health allows a more whimsical side of my personality to come out. I work per diem on a somewhat extended stay unit. I can take off for 3-5 weeks, come back, and many of the same patients are still around. They're "medically cleared" and assessment is more about listening to their realities than anything else. The patients also seem to benefit from a calmer type of personality as opposed to a high-strung, reactive one. Not everyone has an affinity for psychiatric patients, though.

I also keep my foot in the door in med/surg to remain versatile, but psych is my clear preference and sounds like it might be a good option for the OP.

[Davey Do]

Adding to Sour Lemon's suggestion, gero psych has quite a bit of medical to keep one up and interested.

[StillWaiting115]

I feel like behavioral health allows a more whimsical side of my personality to come out. I work per diem on a somewhat extended stay unit. I can take off for 3-5 weeks, come back, and many of the same patients are still around. They're "medically cleared" and assessment is more about listening to their realities than anything else. The patients also seem to benefit from a calmer type of personality as opposed to a high-strung, reactive one. Not everyone has an affinity for psychiatric patients, though.

I also keep my foot in the door in med/surg to remain versatile, but psych is my clear preference and sounds like it might be a good option for the OP.

Well, the theoretical part of psychology fascinates me. I wanted to take psychology as an elective in high school, when I found out that it was offered, but I was persuaded to choose accounting instead (one of my parents is an accountant and again, with the reality of job availability). When I got to college, I was elated to find that psychology was a pre-req for my nursing program, because I always felt like I missed an opportunity for taking psych. I wanted to go for a psych degree in college, but I was told that it's difficult to find a job unless you have a master's. Also, in the area I used to live, our community was small, so that makes it even more difficult to find a psych job, especially with no experience.

I don't want to give too much personal information, but, growing up, I've also lived with emotional/verbal abuse. I know that's why I have confidence issues (my instructors/preceptors have pointed it out and I'm doing my best to fix this, but it's hard because this is so innate because it happened during the critical period of my childhood). Because I have to live with that, whenever I hear people place less important on mental health aspect of a person or how society tries to sweep people with mental health problems 'under the rug', or general ignorance about people who are suicidal and depressed (don't get me started on how 'suicide is selfish'), I get very defensive about those issues. I don't know if that's any indicator that psych is my calling though... theory vs practice is different. In practice, you are in a potentially dangerous position with a patient who is suffering an episode (I don't like calling people 'crazy') and just because they can't help it, doesn't put you at any less chance for physical harm. I can handle words, it's just the physical part that scares me. I'm rather short and not bulky at all. I can put myself close to the door, but I may not be quick enough.

But I know that psych is not all about violent patients. I really do believe that society has more potential to hurt these people than the reverse.

I liked my psych rotation and clinical...but like I said earlier... theory vs practice.

[Davey Do]

I don't have that boldness to go charging into another unit only to find out that it's not what I pictured (like with medsurg).

Hello?! Didn't somebody say something about allowing the fates to lead you?

I realize you're processing all this Stillwaiting, so, for now, just keep on keeping on and let it happen.

[Lylas]

I think it's great that you're able to jump into acute care right off the bat. Even if you found you could not handle the varying acuity levels, you have at least gained some experience under your belt and knowledge about what you are able to deal with.

Your situation sounds similar to my own journey that I've chosen to take thus far. Like you, I naturally find myself more drawn to the creative arena (music/art/photography, etc), but never pursued what I really liked, due to personal reasons as well as the notion of doing something 'more practical' that was instilled in me. I studied in university, intending to go for psychology, but decided on making the change to taking a two year Practical Nursing program.

Since obtaining my license, I have stuck to working in long term care as that is what I was more familiar/comfortable with. Even so, it took me 3+ years to establish a workable routine for myself where I felt I could safely handle patient care. I had some dark points where I would look back and think "why did I choose this route, however did I manage to get through the two years [only!] of my nursing education?" But I told myself that it was a privilege to be caring for/working with different people in these unique points of their lives.

I encourage you to keep your creativity running on the side when you can. The joy you derive from that can help motivate you in your daily work. Continue following the journeys of those whom you admire in the creative fields you're interested in.

Who knows, maybe you will find colleagues around you who inspire you to be a better nurse too :) Good luck!

[DowntheRiver]

The beauty of nursing is that there are just so many routes you can go down. Recently, I switched to public health, and I've finally found my niche. I do Immunization Outreach, Refugee Health, and STD/Specialty Services. With my outreach, I'm able to get out into the community and vaccinate people as well as education people. I also get to put together presentations and use my creative side. I assist with coming up with campaign ideas but I also work in the clinic drawing blood and doing assessments. It is a M-F 9 to 5 job and I love it. It is little pieces of different aspects of nursing thrown together so I get to do a wide variety of things. The only downside to public health is that you can't help everyone who needs help, so sometimes that gets me down. State job, pay is ok (anything with hours like that is going to be just ok), but the benefits are amazing, I'll get loan assistance in 9 months, and they're assisting me with getting my BSN and eventually MSN.

Just something to think about. I wouldn't shut the door on nursing just yet. Something also to consider once you have a year or two under your belt is medical writing/blogging.

[TriciaJ, RN]

I was thinking psych nursing too. Generally medically stable. Generally less turnover. If you were fascinated by psychology in the first place, this may be worth exploring.

Good luck to you and keep us posted.

[StillWaiting115]

The beauty of nursing is that there are just so many routes you can go down. Recently, I switched to public health, and I've finally found my niche. I do Immunization Outreach, Refugee Health, and STD/Specialty Services. With my outreach, I'm able to get out into the community and vaccinate people as well as education people. I also get to put together presentations and use my creative side. I assist with coming up with campaign ideas but I also work in the clinic drawing blood and doing assessments. It is a M-F 9 to 5 job and I love it. It is little pieces of different aspects of nursing thrown together so I get to do a wide variety of things. The only downside to public health is that you can't help everyone who needs help, so sometimes that gets me down. State job, pay is ok (anything with hours like that is going to be just ok), but the benefits are amazing, I'll get loan assistance in 9 months, and they're assisting me with getting my BSN and eventually MSN.

Just something to think about. I wouldn't shut the door on nursing just yet. Something also to consider once you have a year or two under your belt is medical writing/blogging.

VaccineQueen, how did you get a job like that? Did it require at least 1-2 years of acute care exp? It sounds nice to be able to utilize your creativity like that in projects.