I’ve been having some issues in the classroom that have been ongoing for quite some time and it seems to have escalated - hoping to get some feedback. This is going to be a little-long winded so bear with me.
A little backstory:
I’m a gay student and made the very personal decision to keep that detail about myself private while in school (shouldn’t be relevant to becoming a nurse anyway). Despite this, there are a handful of students that suspect that I am gay, and have made lewd and suggestive remarks, gay jokes, innuendos, and overt sexual gestures around me. They seem to do this all the time but also seem to target me. One of these girls makes a habit to announce to the class when I am ignoring her. She rubs up on one of the classmates in an overt sexual way and turns around and shakes her rear end looking at me to get a response - really childish and juvenile behavior. This has happened repeatedly. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I’ve done my best to ignore this but it has continued to go on despite my discomfort and despite her having apologized to me for behaving inappropriately (assuming someone said something to her).
I also have a clinical instructor that is very flirtatious - has gotten way up in my personal space when talking to me. She has also done this with other students (who are also uncomfortable) and become extremely offended when they back away. We recently had midterm clinical evaluations and she asked me to come in to work on documentation. I’ve never scored below a 4/5 on my documentation, while a number of my fellow students who have scored 2/3 and 3/3 were not asked to come in for remediation. I asked out loud why I was being asked to come in for remediation given that my scores were above average. I asked some of the other students what their scores were and if they had been asked to come in. When I went in for my pediatric rotation with a different clinical instructor, she made a point to tell me how good my documentation was and that it was way above average. I realize I’m speculating here, but she looked upset and she made a point to tell me this...she even said that I know because I’ve read hundreds of these and I would show you the difference between yours and most of the others I’ve read if I could. Seems strange?
I made the decision to contact my clinical coordinator/instructor and get some advice as to how to navigate this. I told her that I didn’t want any trouble and that I was just trying to get through school but that the problems in the classroom have been ongoing and need to stop. By legal definition, it’s bordering on, if not outright harassment. I was told that our conversation would be confidential. During the conversation, she agreed with me that it was harassment. I explained the fear I had of her speaking to these students one on one. She said that she understood my fear of reprisal and that she would give some instruction on harassment to the whole class. She also asked if I had spoken about this to any other classmates. I said no and that I hadn’t planned on it.
So I get to class on Monday and the instructor I spoke with made a couple of passive aggressive comments in front of the class. She threw my homework at me and said that’s what you get when you sit up front...ask Tiphanie (the girl next to me)...you know...ITS FUN.” I was also doing some concept mapping in black pen rather than in different colors as she had suggested. She made a point to say that I was the only one using black pen ...and that I needed some color in my life...everything blaaack and white. Very sarcastically. I tried my best to brush this off. I went in to her office and asked if she had said anything. She said no. She also said that every group has a set of mean girls and that’s just the way it is.
So the next day I come to class and half the class is absent. This was the day that the instructor was going to give the harassment training. She very loudly announced that “we are so glad you are here.” And made an inside joke with one of the girls that had been harassing me. Something along the lines of keeping her mouth shut. I went into her office again and asked what was going on? She denied she had said anything. She also acknowledged that she wanted to do something about the way I was being treated and that no one gets to decide what harassment is except me.
Fast forward to clinical day and the instructor that had asked me to come in for documentation remediation glared at me all day. She made a number of snarky comments. She said she was “Still an RN last time she checked” and that “when you’re young, you just think the whole world revolves around you...but no one cares...except maybe your mom...your mom probably thinks the world revolves around you.” I had to perform a suppository on a patient that day, and if you’ve done these, you know that they are tiny and you have to be careful when opening them. I had never done one before, so when I went to open it, it popped out and dropped on the floor. I had to go grab another and said she “oh I guess I made her nervous.” Funny thing is, when I brought one back in, she she opened it and almost dropped it. So I perform the procedure and afterwards she says something like “there’s a word for that but we can’t say those words around children, so we’ll wait until she leaves.” I’m not really sure what this was in reference to other than it was a jab at me.
So at this point I know some things are being said and that I’m being retaliated against. So I just did my best to be as professional and cordial to this woman as possible. But I also started talking to some of the other students. As soon as I started doing this, she got really nervous and kept trying to give us tasks to prevent any interaction. She also seemed to change her tune and be a bit nicer.
I find out that a classmate had also complained about one of the same students about her dress and behavior. The email she sent out was also sent to the entire staff and she was also treated with contempt after complaining about a number of things. We went out for some drinks and both of these women confirmed that they didn’t feel like any of the administration or staff had their back and that there was widespread gossip and retaliation going on. They also confirmed the inappropriate behavior of this clinical instructor.
There’s quite a bit more to this, but just writing this out confirms all the more about the rampant unprofessionalism and harassment going on at this school. I’m at the tail end of my program, (thank god) but I’m honestly just so upset that I’ve had to put up with this while paying 30k in tuition. All of it is so unnecessary. I’ve never in my adult life had this kind of problem before. Honestly, I’m seriously questioning my choice to pursue nursing if this is the kind of treatment nurses are expected to put up with. Is this what it’s like?
Anyhow, if you’ve taken the time to read this rant, thank you so much.
Your situation sounds ridiculous and am sorry to hear about it.
I'm surprised, though, that you've never before come across people who don't feel good about themselves and have nothing more meaningful to do with their life besides trying to belittle others in order to help themselves feel superior. IMO it is rampant! So many insecure people around, not just in nursing. This baloney is at the heart of a lot of gossiping, for example, as well as more serious situations like yours. It is everywhere.
I understand that this must feel intensely personal because of the nature of some of the behaviors. I get why some people aren't fans of my "ignore these fools" line of advice; they feel like it is giving in or refusing to take a stand. But make no mistake, the people who do these kinds of things have BIG problems. If they had anything going for them they wouldn't need to try to torture others just for the simple pleasure of a few minutes of feeling that they are good enough.
Therefore, the amount of emotional energy that should be spent on them bears serious consideration. We each have our own personalities and will each make our own choices about it. But you can already see the pitfalls in thinking that you are going to plead your case and expect others to care. Sometimes they will and sometimes they won't and sometimes they'll make things significantly worse. And life just is not about fighting these kinds of battles. Life is too short. Going your own way and living well is also a perfectly acceptable alternative.
You asked about whether nursing is like this. It can be, but it isn't insurmountable, IMO. 99% of the time you actually don't have to participate. You don't have to react, you don't have to give it the time of day or care a single thing about it. Where you will run into trouble is when you crave and require more from the workplace than it should be. I've already said this today in another post elsewhere, but we do not need BFFs and a support group and constant approval in the workplace. Those relationships and loyalties can and should be reserved for (expected from) our close loved ones; not from people who just happen to work in the same building because that's where life put them at that time.
We are there to provide excellent professional nursing care to patients, nothing less and rarely anything more.
Please don't take this as criticism. Everything I am writing is with a spirit of hoping to empower you, not criticize you:
I pulled out the above quoted items because they stuck out to me as things I would've been leery doing (or would have no way of knowing about) if I wanted to retain control of a situation.
I know situations like yours happen in installments in real time and we can't always make a perfect plan of attack. But we can examine the situation and plan some moves carefully. Example: I would inherently know not to trust anyone at your program. How would I know that? Because if the admin/faculty/staff were serious/trustworthy/upstanding/professional/ethical, then students in their classes wouldn't have been shaking their a$$es in anyone's face or getting away with any of this BS in the first place! So--that's a clue. That's how you know that having a soul-baring meeting with one of these staff/faculty is going to lead to more chaos.
We should be able to be free of harassment, and I am not advocating that anyone just live with harassment. What I am advocating is that people should try to stay above the fray (that is, don't insist on fitting in with foolish people or being accepted by them), and when there is a serious concern that requires intervention, gather evidence, muster a serious, no-BS demeanor, and present the evidence in a way that is least susceptible to being ignored (e.g. have a lawyer drop your dean a note). Understand these people's behavior is foolishness. 1) Never try to win the approval of fools 2) When it's time to do something, never deal with fools on their terms.
Thank you so much for response and the advice. You hit on so many great points and quite of few of them I have been reflecting on recently. I've really had to learn some tough lessens the last few months and upon reflection, there are definitely some things I would have handled differently. Live and you learn, I suppose. Honestly, I have never been in a situation like this before, and in all likelihood, I doubt I will find myself in another one quite this extreme (at least I hope not).
I've got my ducks in a row and I'm keeping to myself until I finish out the program. If need be, I'll escalate just as you suggested (probably with the help of an attorney). I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.
I've got my ducks in a row and I'm keeping to myself until I finish out the program.
You can do it.
We are often stronger than we think we are. I'll be pulling for you. I hope you post an update when you're officially out of there! That's the goal at this point. Successfully get out of there so you can get on with your life!
We are often stronger than we think we are. I'll be pulling for you. I hope you post an update when you're officially out of there! That's the goal at this point. Successfully get out of there so you can get on with your life!
A lot of junk happened to me as well. I looked at graduating as simply getting the credential. Got through it, glad it's over. Didn't attend the nursing graduation, but did attend overall graduation that was offered. Rethinking things now I think there are many other fields to enter that are better than this one and pay better. Physician assistant for one.
Most of us don’t have the energy to put up a fight anymore against discrimination. It’s a exhausting and often losing fight - speaking from experience. It’s often left me feeling worse for even trying to speak up at all. I just sit there and subject myself to harassment now. I would just make sure you post a honest review of your experience on review sites for your school and/or ratemyprofessor so that you can warn future students of what may come.
I’m sincerely sorry you are dealing with this. This is the most childish and ridiculous behavior I can imagine. To address your discouragement (understandable), there absolutely are kind people and good places to work in nursing. We had several openly gay students at school and have an openly gay man working on my unit now and they have been much appreciated members of our cohort and team. I wish you luck in finding a place and team where you are loved and appreciated for your work, do not be discouraged!
"Honestly, I’m seriously questioning my choice to pursue nursing if this is the kind of treatment nurses are expected to put up with. Is this what it’s like?
Anyhow, if you’ve taken the time to read this rant, thank you so much."
Went through a horrible situation while in nursing school and should have taken it as a warning that the "profession" has a lot of the same. Mostly women, mostly bad. The most evil side of the female gender seems to find a home in nursing. Like you I've questioned my choice many times. You're young enough to change your destiny. PA, ultrasound tech, etc. actually pay more and are much more respected than nursing. Most of the nurses I've worked with eventually went to something else where they could get away from the bedside and "passing of the baton" at shift change where no matter how much you do it will never be enough for some. Why they left had nothing to do with patients; it was ALWAYS the psychos they were working with. Thankfully, now there are many fields available for women. Escape while you can. You have much to offer and can find civility, decency and peace outside the never-ending pettiness of this field. Anyone with self-esteem would run from the multiple toxic environments commonly seen in nursing. Good luck to you.
Though I don't have any solutions differing from those already offered, I just wanted to say how very sorry I am you've had to endure all this. I wish you could be in my cohort and we could all laugh and study, and your orientation wouldn't matter.
Hang in there, and get that degree-- you're gonna make a great nurse! ❤
Though I don't have any solutions differing from those already offered, I just wanted to say how very sorry I am you've had to endure all this. I wish you could be in my cohort and we could all laugh and study, and your orientation wouldn't matter.
Hang in there, and get that degree-- you're gonna make a great nurse! ❤
"Honestly, I’m seriously questioning my choice to pursue nursing if this is the kind of treatment nurses are expected to put up with. Is this what it’s like?
Anyhow, if you’ve taken the time to read this rant, thank you so much."
Went through a horrible situation while in nursing school and should have taken it as a warning that the "profession" has a lot of the same. Mostly women, mostly bad. The most evil side of the female gender seems to find a home in nursing. Like you I've questioned my choice many times. You're young enough to change your destiny. PA, ultrasound tech, etc. actually pay more and are much more respected than nursing. Most of the nurses I've worked with eventually went to something else where they could get away from the bedside and "passing of the baton" at shift change where no matter how much you do it will never be enough for some. Why they left had nothing to do with patients; it was ALWAYS the psychos they were working with. Thankfully, now there are many fields available for women. Escape while you can. You have much to offer and can find civility, decency and peace outside the never-ending pettiness of this field. Anyone with self-esteem would run from the multiple toxic environments commonly seen in nursing. Good luck to you.
My end goal is to become an NP - I don’t think I could survive bedside nursing for long.
Personally I would focus on school and getting your degree. Let the school know your concerns, but then keep moving forward. There are always rude people around especially in the nursing world. Do not let others behavior derail your plans. Good luck.
JJWiley, LVN
11 Posts
Thank you so much for response and the advice. You hit on so many great points and quite of few of them I have been reflecting on recently. I've really had to learn some tough lessens the last few months and upon reflection, there are definitely some things I would have handled differently. Live and you learn, I suppose. Honestly, I have never been in a situation like this before, and in all likelihood, I doubt I will find myself in another one quite this extreme (at least I hope not).
I've got my ducks in a row and I'm keeping to myself until I finish out the program. If need be, I'll escalate just as you suggested (probably with the help of an attorney). I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.
Thanks again.