Harassment in Nursing School

[JJWiley, LVN]

On 8/2/2021 at 12:06 PM, JKL33 said:

Your situation sounds ridiculous and am sorry to hear about it.

I'm surprised, though, that you've never before come across people who don't feel good about themselves and have nothing more meaningful to do with their life besides trying to belittle others in order to help themselves feel superior. IMO it is rampant! So many insecure people around, not just in nursing. This baloney is at the heart of a lot of gossiping, for example, as well as more serious situations like yours. It is everywhere.

I understand that this must feel intensely personal because of the nature of some of the behaviors. I get why some people aren't fans of my "ignore these fools" line of advice; they feel like it is giving in or refusing to take a stand.  But make no mistake, the people who do these kinds of things have BIG problems. If they had anything going for them they wouldn't need to try to torture others just for the simple pleasure of a few minutes of feeling that they are good enough.

Therefore, the amount of emotional energy that should be spent on them bears serious consideration. We each have our own personalities and will each make our own choices about it. But you can already see the pitfalls in thinking that you are going to plead your case and expect others to care. Sometimes they will and sometimes they won't and sometimes they'll make things significantly worse. And life just is not about fighting these kinds of battles. Life is too short. Going your own way and living well is also a perfectly acceptable alternative.

You asked about whether nursing is like this. It can be, but it isn't insurmountable, IMO. 99% of the time you actually don't have to participate. You don't have to react, you don't have to give it the time of day or care a single thing about it. Where you will run into trouble is when you crave and require more from the workplace than it should be. I've already said this today in another post elsewhere, but we do not need BFFs and a support group and constant approval in the workplace. Those relationships and loyalties can and should be reserved for (expected from) our close loved ones; not from people who just happen to work in the same building because that's where life put them at that time.

We are there to provide excellent professional nursing care to patients, nothing less and rarely anything more.

Please don't take this as criticism. Everything I am writing is with a spirit of hoping to empower you, not criticize you:

I pulled out the above quoted items because they stuck out to me as things I would've been leery doing (or would have no way of knowing about) if I wanted to retain control of a situation.

I know situations like yours happen in installments in real time and we can't always make a perfect plan of attack. But we can examine the situation and plan some moves carefully. Example: I would inherently know not to trust anyone at your program. How would I know that? Because if the admin/faculty/staff were serious/trustworthy/upstanding/professional/ethical, then students in their classes wouldn't have been shaking their a$$es in anyone's face or getting away with any of this BS in the first place! So--that's a clue. That's how you know that having a soul-baring meeting with one of these staff/faculty is going to lead to more chaos.

We should be able to be free of harassment, and I am not advocating that anyone just live with harassment. What I am advocating is that people should  try to stay above the fray (that is, don't insist on fitting in with foolish people or being accepted by them), and when there is a serious concern that requires intervention, gather evidence, muster a serious, no-BS demeanor, and present the evidence in a way that is least susceptible to being ignored (e.g. have a lawyer drop your dean a note).  Understand these people's behavior is foolishness. 1) Never try to win the approval of fools  2) When it's time to do something, never deal with fools on their terms.

Thank you so much for response and the advice. You hit on so many great points and quite of few of them I have been reflecting on recently. I've really had to learn some tough lessens the last few months and upon reflection, there are definitely some things I would have handled differently. Live and you learn, I suppose. Honestly, I have never been in a situation like this before, and in all likelihood, I doubt I will find myself in another one quite this extreme (at least I hope not).

I've got my ducks in a row and I'm keeping to myself until I finish out the program. If need be, I'll escalate just as you suggested (probably with the help of an attorney). I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.

Thanks again.

 

[JKL33]

On 8/3/2021 at 7:52 PM, JJWiley said:

I've got my ducks in a row and I'm keeping to myself until I finish out the program.

You can do it.

We are often stronger than we think we are. I'll be pulling for you. I hope you post an update when you're officially out of there! That's the goal at this point. Successfully get out of there so you can get on with your life!

Very best of luck!

[JJWiley, LVN]

1 hour ago, JKL33 said:

You can do it.

We are often stronger than we think we are. I'll be pulling for you. I hope you post an update when you're officially out of there! That's the goal at this point. Successfully get out of there so you can get on with your life!

Very best of luck!

Will do! ?

 

[Retriever5280]

A lot of junk happened to me as well.  I looked at graduating as simply getting the credential.  Got through it, glad it's over.  Didn't attend the nursing graduation, but did attend overall graduation that was offered.  Rethinking things now I think there are many other fields to enter that are better than this one and pay better.  Physician assistant for one.

[Rach1234567]

Most of us don’t have the energy to put up a fight anymore against discrimination. It’s a exhausting and often losing fight - speaking from experience. It’s often left me feeling worse for even trying to speak up at all. I just sit there and subject myself to harassment now. I would just make sure you post a honest review of your experience on review sites for your school and/or ratemyprofessor so that you can warn future students of what may come. 

[Misteighbloo, BSN, RN]

I’m sincerely sorry you are dealing with this. This is the most childish and ridiculous behavior I can imagine. To address your discouragement (understandable), there absolutely are kind people and good places to work in nursing. We had several openly gay students at school and have an openly gay man working on my unit now and they have been much appreciated members of our cohort and team. I wish you luck in finding a place and team where you are loved and appreciated for your work, do not be discouraged!  

Edited Aug 18, 2021 by Misteighbloo

[Retriever5280]

"Honestly, I’m seriously questioning my choice to pursue nursing if this is the kind of treatment nurses are expected to put up with. Is this what it’s like? 

Anyhow, if you’ve taken the time to read this rant, thank you so much." 

Went through a horrible situation while in nursing school and should have taken it as a warning that the "profession" has a lot of the same.  Mostly women, mostly bad.  The most evil side of the female gender seems to find a home in nursing.  Like you I've questioned my choice many times.  You're young enough to change your destiny.  PA, ultrasound tech, etc. actually pay more and are much more respected than nursing.  Most of the nurses I've worked with eventually went to something else where they could get away from the bedside and "passing of the baton" at shift change where no matter how much you do it will never be enough for some.   Why they left had nothing to do with patients; it was ALWAYS the psychos they were working with.  Thankfully, now there are many fields available for women.  Escape while you can.  You have much to offer and can find civility, decency and peace outside the never-ending pettiness of this field.   Anyone with self-esteem would run from the multiple toxic environments commonly seen in nursing.  Good luck to you.

[AmandaBeaverhausen]

Though I don't have any solutions differing from those already offered, I just wanted to say how very sorry I am you've had to endure all this. I wish you could be in my cohort and we could all laugh and study, and your orientation wouldn't matter.

Hang in there, and get that degree-- you're gonna make a great nurse! ❤

[iNurs5, CNA]

I was in non- nursing. I found both good and bad people in all areas of life.  Some thought they were good liars. Some just like to stir poof. 

Nobody has right to abuse.

Edited Aug 18, 2021 by Honyebee

[JJWiley, LVN]

On 8/18/2021 at 4:26 PM, AmandaBeaverhausen said:

Though I don't have any solutions differing from those already offered, I just wanted to say how very sorry I am you've had to endure all this. I wish you could be in my cohort and we could all laugh and study, and your orientation wouldn't matter.

Hang in there, and get that degree-- you're gonna make a great nurse! ❤

Thank you so much ?

[JJWiley, LVN]

On 8/18/2021 at 4:07 PM, Retriever5280 said:

"Honestly, I’m seriously questioning my choice to pursue nursing if this is the kind of treatment nurses are expected to put up with. Is this what it’s like? 

Anyhow, if you’ve taken the time to read this rant, thank you so much." 

Went through a horrible situation while in nursing school and should have taken it as a warning that the "profession" has a lot of the same.  Mostly women, mostly bad.  The most evil side of the female gender seems to find a home in nursing.  Like you I've questioned my choice many times.  You're young enough to change your destiny.  PA, ultrasound tech, etc. actually pay more and are much more respected than nursing.  Most of the nurses I've worked with eventually went to something else where they could get away from the bedside and "passing of the baton" at shift change where no matter how much you do it will never be enough for some.   Why they left had nothing to do with patients; it was ALWAYS the psychos they were working with.  Thankfully, now there are many fields available for women.  Escape while you can.  You have much to offer and can find civility, decency and peace outside the never-ending pettiness of this field.   Anyone with self-esteem would run from the multiple toxic environments commonly seen in nursing.  Good luck to you.

My end goal is to become an NP - I don’t think I could survive bedside nursing for long. 

[windsurfer8, BSN, RN]

Personally I would focus on school and getting your degree.  Let the school know your concerns, but then keep moving forward. There are always rude people around especially in the nursing world.    Do not let others behavior derail your plans.   Good luck.