Half-way through NP program and my heart is not in it anymore, what should I do?

Specialties NP

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It's not that I don't love nursing. It's the fact that I have 2 toddlers and a young son at home whom I am currently home-schooling. I work part-time as a hospital RN and I'm taking MSN classes part-time as well. I'm about half-way through the program at this point. My thesis research is complete. I would like to drop out and start again later when my kids are older, when we are living in a better area where my kids can go to public school, BUT, I have invested a lot of time and money in this program. I have only 5 years of nursing experience now, which is another issue. I start clinicals next semester, up until this point I have been doing basic/theory classes, many of them online, which is great since I have small children. I am very nervous about spending more time away from them when I have to start my clinicals. I only get one chance to help them grow up and I don't want to be an absentee mother. What do you think? Should I keep pushing forward and finish my degree? Or quit and try again when the kids are older? I need perspective from some experienced NPs whom have btdt, please help me.

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Hmmmm...the home schooling adds a difficult twist there. If you stay doing what you are doing (i.e. working as an RN) are you going to be able meet financial goals that would allow you to move to a better district ?

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Let me give the student view from a mom of 3--I graduate in a few weeks....

Wow-I admire your ability to home school. That is tough. Obviously you are worn out. As a mom of 3 --I know it is hard. I see nothing wrong with taking a year or two off. There is no way to be 100 percent at school, work, and parenting in grad school. You are simply pulled in every direction..

They do grow up really fast. I waited until my last one went to K-5--to go back. For me, that was the right decision.

Once the clinical portion starts-it really gets hard. Our program requires us to enter patients into a database at night. On top of that-you have many hours of reading a week, care plans, etc. My family has seen very little of me for a year now. :(

Good luck making your decision. If your heart isn't in it, that may be your decision-FOR NOW! Take care.

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Specializes in Emergency, Cardiac, PAT/SPU, Urgent Care.

I know it seems very hard right now - but you CAN do this! I started my NP program when my youngest was 6 mos and my oldest was 2 1/2 (and breastfeeding to boot!). When I finished, my youngest was 4 and my oldest was 6. What I wound up doing when clinicals started was taking out loans and dropping my work status to 2/4 weekend program (nights) and then eventually to per diem. My last year of clinicals I quit my job. I needed that time to be home for my children and to finish my papers, read, study for exams, etc. Even though it seems hard now, sometimes it gets even harder when the kids are older because they are involved in a lot more extracurricular activities. Also, I can imagine that homeschooling would get more difficult and more involved the older your children get.

Do you have supportive family members (spouse, parents, etc.) who can help? I enlisted my parents to stay at my house once per week to watch my children for one full clinical day and a neighbor to help out on another full clinical day. I also had a local college student help out while I attended class once/week in the evenings.

How many hours do you need for each clinical per semester? Sometimes if you break it down per week, you will see it's not that bad, and most times it only requires two full days/week.

I wish you all the best - I've been there and I used to think that there was no way possible that things would work out (I actually used to think this before each semester started); however, it somehow would all fall in to place when it seemed the least likely that it would. If it's meant to be, it will all work out for you - as long as you want to make it happen.

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Even though it seems hard now, sometimes it gets even harder when the kids are older because they are involved in a lot more extracurricular activities.

I will completely echo this. I did wait until my daughter started school, but I will say without a doubt that kids miss you wayyyyy more when they are in school and life gets WAY WAY busier. IF you continue pushing down this route, your reward at the end will be a better paying job, NO weekends (unless you specifically choose this) and more flexibility.

At times I stopped working during my program and took out some student loans. I wouldn't go 100K into debt for this, but a little debt is not a bad thing AND it will allow you to be home with your family more.

There were soooo many times I wanted to quit and sooo many times a classmate of mine wanted to quit but we were so close (if you have done your thesis you are halfway!) and we knew in the end we would be so thankful we did. And we are!

Is there no way to move to a rental house in an area with a better school? Is the local school really that bad? I only ask because I *seriously* know people who have publicschoolaphobia and in reality the schools are just not the horror show people make them out to be. One couple we know homeschools and they live just down the block from a school that people wait in line to transfer in to! The reason they homeschool? They heard one of the K teachers was mean. UGH. Seriously!

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Please do not give up!! I don't know anyone at all who has gone through their programs without knowing without any doubt that they simply could not do it anymore -- and so very many of us made it.

What I CAN tell you is that finishing was worth every all-nighter, every tear, every time I had to tell my husband and my kids "not right now, mommy has to study".

Now I make almost twice the salary, pretty much make my own hours and am having the practice that I wanted. This means I have more time and money (yes it does matter) to enjoy with my family and I am a happier wife and mom for them to enjoy.

Are we allowed to post personal contact info here? I will be happy to give you my info so that you have someone to email/call when you need that 3 a.m. reminder of just why you are doing this.

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Lsurie, thank you for all of your words of encouragment, I attempted to find a place to message you but i didn't figure it out............ If Lords willing I get through this semester, I will graduate in May!!!!.. I am in a traditional school... had my oral comps last month, which was nerve racking... but i passed.. yeah hoo!.. but It is hard, I am working full time, and school 6 hrs, and my clinicals, which I do 150 hours this semester, but will do 360 next semester, I get tired..... so tired....... no time with my family, husband, cant go anywhere, naughta........ It is hard.............

If you can figure out how to send me a message, would love to contact your via email.. just tohear your input!

thanks

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I wanted to add additionally that I remember feeling the way you do right before I transitioned to the clinical courses. I was trying to picture what it would all be like with me having to run to clinicals here and there and all over....and it really freaked me out! First of all it was hard to imagine having to actually go in and see a patient AND it was hard for me to imagine my schedule. I think I was trying to picture it in my mind and frame it all in to how things were in my life then and I couldn't picture it. I guess it is kind of like when you have a 6 month old and you just can't even BEGIN to imagine what it will be like when they are 10..you know ?

I would highly encourage you to step it down a shift or two a week at work AND try to proceed with these clinical classes one at a time. Most of the first ones (or at least in our program only require like 75-100 hours at first. You could do one day a week OR you could get it done quicker and do two days a week and then just be done.

I took my clinical classes ONE at a time ! It took me awhile, but I did it and my family did not suffer.

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That is a good point. Our program goes strait through...Like the fall first semester is only offered once a year. If I had all the writing/theory courses out of the way before clinicals-it would have been much more manageable. Also-there are a lot of grants out there for mom's going back to school. In the South where I live, there are several grants that pay for a year of school--if you agree to look at jobs in underserved areas.

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Specializes in FNP.

I don't know how you are going to home school while in clinical, but if you can, go for it. My 4 kids were hs'd for years until I decided to go back to school. I need institutional school as much for babysitting as anything else! I have 20-30 hours of "homework" a week, in addition to 16 hours in clinic plus 4+ hours transit time back and forth. Next semester clinic is 40 hours a week for 16 weeks, and I still have to work at a paying job, and will still have 20 hours of reading and studying to do in addition. I work 12-24 hours a week and attend school FT. I barely have time to have a normal bowel movement every few days, and my spouse and I spend exactly ZERO time together, and have sex about once a month. There is no opportunity to play candy land with the kiddos. I'm a virtual stranger to my kids right now. I have no freaking idea what any of them plan to be for halloween, what they are doing in school, or what they ate for breakfast. Seriously. I haven't read a bedtime story or cooked a meal in months. If we didn't have a maid we'd be living in a hovel wearing rags, BUT, it will be worth it! This is just serious daddy time, lol. I could not homeschool right now, but I took hs-ing very seriously and spent hours preparing and all day working and playing with the kids. I wan't one of those unschoolers, lol.

I think you have to prioritize, b/c you can't do it all. My priority right now is my own education. I spent 20 years at home with kids (working PT w/e nights) and now it's my turn. You have to decide whats best for you and your family.

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Thanks for the kind replies everyone. I have lots to think about. Raising my children is my #1 passion and commitment. I don't want them to suffer so I can further my education. I guess I can try it and see how it goes. I'm not going to take more than one clinical class at a time, carachel. I AM having trouble picturing how this is going to work out in my mind. You make a good point that they will most likely miss me more as they get older.

I don't unschool but we home-school on a fairly flexible schedule, linearthinker. I don't have to stand over him while he does his work so that helps tremendously. I was home-schooled as a child and it worked out well for me. My mom was a homemaker and I feel like I need to live up to that standard of always being there for my kids. But I also want to have the money to give them things I did not have. Working p/t weekends, I feel like I have the best of both worlds. Part of me thinks I am crazy to mess with this schedule, but I also know that I'm going to need more $$ coming in as they grow up, and it would be nice to have a career I enjoy rather than one I tolerate. Being a Med-Surg nurse is ROUGH sometimes and not something I want to do for the rest of my life (no offense to all the wonderful career med-surg nurses out there).

Blessedx3, yes, I totally feel pulled in every direction. I'm one of those people who is always striving to do better, and I can't be the mom, employee, or student I want to be because because it is just not physically, mentally, or emotionally possible to give everyone my 100%. I just do the best I can. I have not accepted any grants because I do not want to work full-time right away when I get out of school and they all seem to require that.

Spacklehead, Yes, I do have a decent support system. My parents will help with the kids and their dad can keep them some mornings when he doesn't have to work. My sister has also offered to watch them sometimes. I'm breastfeeding my youngest, she is a year old, and will be 15 months when I start clinicals this spring. I breastfed my first son while I went through my BSN program when he was a baby. It was difficult being away from him so much, I swore I'd never do that to him again, or to any of my other children.

Thanks again, everyone. I have written a book! Hope everyone has a good weekend.

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Please do not give up!! I don't know anyone at all who has gone through their programs without knowing without any doubt that they simply could not do it anymore -- and so very many of us made it.

What I CAN tell you is that finishing was worth every all-nighter, every tear, every time I had to tell my husband and my kids "not right now, mommy has to study".

Now I make almost twice the salary, pretty much make my own hours and am having the practice that I wanted. This means I have more time and money (yes it does matter) to enjoy with my family and I am a happier wife and mom for them to enjoy.

Are we allowed to post personal contact info here? I will be happy to give you my info so that you have someone to email/call when you need that 3 a.m. reminder of just why you are doing this.

Thanks! I've PM'd you

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