guilty mom

beach_bride514 · Oct 17, 2009

I'm so not a mom, but please don't be too hard on yourself!! You are not a bad mom. If you were then you most likely wouldn't be going to school to have a respectable career, and make a better life for yourself & kids. However, I don't see a way around the studying....I hate it too, but we have to do it! IT WILL BE WORTH IT :)

Keep smiling, hold your head up, and one day your kids will be telling their friends "My mom is a nurse!!" :)

Good luck & Best Wishes!

pjsmom · Oct 17, 2009

I was looking for a "Nursing & Family Life" forum (which I didn't find and also think they should have) and ran across your post. I just started school and feel the same way. Right now the baby is playing around me while I do some of my workbook exercises. I wish it was easier (I also wish I had started before kids). My poor husband has a long couple of years ahead of him, lol. I am trying to schedule every single day in 30 minute blocks. Everything gets scheduled in, studying, the kids, laundry, TV, dinner, etc. This will be my first full week trying to do it this way. I hope it enables me to give my undivided attention to my kids when its their turn instead of trying to do the half study / half mom juggling act.

Good luck,

Monica

missy--kay · Oct 17, 2009

I was just talking to a lady over coffee about his same thing! My kids are 7 and 12 and I feel guilty when I study... thinking I should be with them and I feel guilty when I'm horsing around with them thinking that I should be studying and she gave me the best advise.... "You have got to get over that girl!"

You (and me) are not bad moms. We are doing this whole school thing for our family... to give them better. And everything worth anything has sacrifice. You can do this... and I can do this.

Good luck!!

kt77 · Oct 17, 2009

I just started nursing school and finding that it is indeed difficult to juggle my time between studying and my 15 month old son. One thing that helps me is that I make specific time for studying where I go to the library or coffee shop and focus just on what I need to study (maybe make some specific time for a tutor?). I don't waste time feeling guilty for being away from my family because I know it won't be this way forever, I just focus on studying. Then when I'm with my son and husband I don't ruin the time I have with them by feeling guilty, I've put in the study time and I deserve to enjoy the time with them. And they deserve my attention. Also, another thing that snaps me back to reality when I'm letting guilt creep in is that if I flipped the script and someone told me they were feeling guilt about this, I'd tell them to cut themselves some slack because they are doing the best they can. So sometimes I try to take my own advice, however hard it is to do that. Hang in there, what you are doing isn't easy!!

OCD_Mom · Oct 17, 2009

I am there too. First of all as mom's it is part of us to give our kids all the nurturing we have and right now we can't. We will all struggle and find ways to get through this but honestly it is a short time and you just need to make the time with your children the very best quality time you have! BIG HUGS to all the moms the reward will be great when we finish.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Oct 18, 2009

I haven't read the other responses yet, but take a little time out for your kids, even if it's a couple hours on the weekend to take them to the park or do something fun. Invest an hour or two every day if you feel you need to in order to study. Find a balance so you don't stress out, it will make you a happier mom and a better student if you aren't ridden with stress and guilt. it's all about balance.

I know my daughter has taken a huge change more then the other kids (they are all school age and it has just been me and her the past 2.5 years and now she is in her preschool full time) today I took her to the build a bear place in the mall to build herself a new doll and we hung out a bit and then hung out with her brothers. Like I said, it's all about balance.

CuriousMe · Oct 18, 2009

If I'm not studying (and I need to be judging from my my last two test grades), then I feel guilty because I'm a bad student. If I am studying, then I feel like a bad mom because my 4 yr old and my 6 yr old are being ignored, and more often than not watching tv instead of engaging in frolicky fall stuff.
Any other student/moms feel this way?

So, all I have is a textbook answer....what you're feeling is called role conflict. You feel like you're not fulfilling either role....it's a nasty trap. I think the only way around it is to renegotiate what is required. So, maybe arrange for a fun day for the kids with their friends (or favorite Aunt, Grandparent, etc.. you get the idea) once a week....that way they're haivng fun (hopefully a decrease in guilt for you) and you get some studying done.

But I think you have to realistically take a look at what you're expectations are of yourself. I'm not a Mom, but I'm pretty sure you can not do everything with your kids that you would be doing if you weren't in school. So, again, renegotiate...with yourself if you have to...what's one thing you don't want to miss each week with each kid? Work to make that a priority.

You may be able to have it all.....just not all at the same time :-) I hope things ease up for you!

dscrn · Oct 18, 2009

I just started nursing school and finding that it is indeed difficult to juggle my time between studying and my 15 month old son. One thing that helps me is that I make specific time for studying where I go to the library or coffee shop and focus just on what I need to study (maybe make some specific time for a tutor?). I don't waste time feeling guilty for being away from my family because I know it won't be this way forever, I just focus on studying. Then when I'm with my son and husband I don't ruin the time I have with them by feeling guilty, I've put in the study time and I deserve to enjoy the time with them. And they deserve my attention. Also, another thing that snaps me back to reality when I'm letting guilt creep in is that if I flipped the script and someone told me they were feeling guilt about this, I'd tell them to cut themselves some slack because they are doing the best they can. So sometimes I try to take my own advice, however hard it is to do that. Hang in there, what you are doing isn't easy!!

So true..hardest on us!

queenzeus · Oct 18, 2009

You will feel guilty it a normal response but your kids will see u and they know that mommy is trying to be a nurse and proud of u what i do with my kids since i have 2 who r school age when they do there homework i do mines right with them so we r having quality time together it does always have to be about fun when u spend time with kids he can also be about having conversation and doing study.

You r not a bad mom u just sacrificing a little of your time for a big outcome

missy--kay · Oct 18, 2009

I'm not a Mom, but I'm pretty sure you can not do everything with your kids that you would be doing if you weren't in school.

That's a very interesting response from someone who does not have children. You have no idea. No, I can't do everything with my kids now, in my last year of NS, that I did before. I went from a SAHM to a full time nursing student.... and that is where the guilt is. I have class 3 days a week all day, and 2 days of 12 hours clinicals. In the 2 days I have "off" a week, which are currently Tuesday and Sunday, there is not a whole lot of park time, story time, cookie making time... And did I mention the projects to complete, the papers to write, the patients to study, the careplans to do, the tests to study for...

I'm getting over it, though. My mom went to nursing school when I was my kids' age and I don't remember.

missy--kay · Oct 18, 2009

I am so sorry, CuriousMe. I did not see the word NOT in your sentence!! You are right... we cannot do everything. I'm sorry I was hasty with my reply!!!