Gotta good "poop" story? I do.

[st4304]

Once upon a time, when I was a young, energetic nurse I admitted a handsome, young executive type...very good looking and about my age. I felt he was a little embarrassed for me to be admitting him and asking him such personal questions about, you know, his bowel patterns and such. However, I remained professional and we got through the admission. His admitting diagnosis was bowel related and I had an order to do an occult stool. Soooooooo, I asked in my most professional tone that he save his next bowel movement for the nurses to check and I placed a hat in the commode.

A couple of hours went by when his call light came on. When I entered his room, his face was very red. He had had a bowel movement and had saved it for me. I thanked him and entered the BR. There sitting in the middle of the hat was the perfect turd -- it looked just like a Dairy Queen large, chocolate cone -- even with the little curly-q on top! :chuckle It was hilarious. Of course, my professionalism when out the door and I teased him unmercifully. He ended up having a great sense of humor, thank God!

Also, anyone ever have any experiences with exploding colostomy bags in the middle of the night after housekeeping has gone home? Just wondering. I have. :wink2:

[brassdragon]

don't you hate it when you walk out of a patient's room and someone says 'hey you have sh*t on your shirt" and you are thinking it's just a thread or piece of paper.

Also had one from some old little lady the size of a football

[deespoohbear]

I had a male patient once that pooped in the plastic 6 ounce water cup that was on his bedside table. He proceeded to put the cup on his lunch tray. Thankfully, one of our nurses found the cup before it went to the kitchen. We would have never heard the end of that one! The old man did a good job of hitting the cup!

The other poop story concerns me and another nurse. One afternoon I was asked to go with an elderly pt to X-ray. She was an ER pt and a nurse needed to go with her because she was heavily medicated and on a monitor. Anyway, I get over to Xray with her. They have her on the exam table, and she quickly proceeds to poop. :eek: All the way down to her ankles. The xray techs were about ready to upchuck. I called the ER nurse to come and help me clean her up. The other nurse was kind of ticked off at me because she thought I was just being lazy. She changed her mind when she got to xray and saw the table and patient covered in poop, and the xray techs no where to be found. :imbar That lady takes the cake for me!

[wildezmanznurze]

My worst nasty poops story!

During my first year as a nurse, half of which was as a GN, I was sent to Siberia on the night shift on a tele unit.

So one night a tele alarm goes off due to lost signal.

I go to the patient's room immediately, of course. The lights were dim. As I entered the doorway, I could see the woman standing by the bed. It seemed she would fall, and was coming towards me.

She was, I recall, elderly and slightly confused. We had her in wrist restraints.

So, I naturally lunge forward to catch her in my arms. The lady grabs on to me in a warm bear hug.

Sadly, that was not the only thing that was "warm." One of my partner nurses coming in just behind me hits the lights just as I catch the patient. I could feel something being smeared on me and it did not smell good.

So as the lights go on, we find that the old lady is smeared in feces all over her face, chest, arms and hands...

...and so am I!

So much for my nursing "initiation."

[wildezmanznurze]

THE SOAPS SUDS ENEMA REVENGE!

I recall this one nutcake that use to come into the er alot on night shift always complaining of not being able to poop.

He always came in dressed in cowboy boots, designer jeans, western shirt and a cowboy hat.

He claimed to be a former western singer.

We had a routine with this clown. Two fleets enemas, a touch of MOM and, of course, a bedside comode, and run for the hills.

We soon concludedthat he seemed to enjoy this "attention" for his supposed constipation. He was particularly happy when a pretty female nurse took care of him. This was often doable as part of our er initiation rights for new and float staff.

THe horror part of this clown was who would be the one to empty the commode - which he insisted upon to be at the bedside! Oh, no, he couldn't just hold it until he made it to the bathroom!

We all would do almost anything to avoid the duty of commode policing!

One night, we figured this pain in the orifice came to "visit" with us with his "problem" just once too often.

We suggested soap suds enemas until clear to the good doctor on duty, and he was happy to obligue us.

The good gentleman got two back to back SSE's. The results were excellent. He never came back again!

Yee haa!

[deespoohbear]

I had a patient once who was constipated. I had given the pt a suppository, placed the pt on the bedpan, and informed my CNA. I asked the CNA to tell me if and when the pt had a BM. A few moments went by and the pt's call light went on. The CNA went into the room to tend to the pt. The CNA came back out after a few minutes and proceeded to describe the BM for me. This pt was pretty constipated and the BM had come out in small balls about the the size of malted milk balls. The CNA had actually counted each "turd" in the bedpan. When she told me the number (I think it was 15 or something close), I about fell off the chair. Probably most descriptive, accurate wording of BM I have ever heard.

[formernurse]

HEY WILDEMAN OR WIZEGUY (whatever you are calling yourself these days): BOY DO YOU GET AROUND. NOW IT'S POOP STORIES. HERE IS AN EARLY BIRTHDAY SONG FOR YOU: :balloons:

Happy poo poo to you.

You live in a zoo.

You smell like a monkey.

And you look like one too.

Am sure the folks here just love your posts!!!!!

[sunnygirl272]

originally posted by whisper

lol and i really mean it, one of my house mates came to check that i was okay, or if i had lost my marbles!! i love the turd monster story. the only one i can think of is with a demtia pt who would drop their pants in the middle of the corridor or walk up to you to give you a present! i never knew it was possible to put on gloves so quickly.

__________________

where there is chocolate there is hope

is it just me..or did anyone else laugh more at the chocolate reference ....???

[adrienurse, LPN]

And who says nursing humor is warped?

I'll call this a poop scare story. I work with LTC residents with dementia. We had a new resident a few months ago who was having some, how should i say, behavioral concerns while adjusting to the unit. It had been one of those long days and I was in need of a little comic relief at the time, when I came accross a brown smear that lead down the hall and around a corner. I cautiously followed the trail which led into a resident room. Lying on a bed sleeping was another resident who was covered from the feet to waist and all the surrounding linen in a brown substance. I couldn't help but shreak out in laughter when I realized that the brown substance was only chocolate pudding. Apparently the sleeping resident had not even woken up while he had been fingerpainted. The "behavioral concerns" resident seemed to feel better after completing her artistic endevor. ART THERAPY?

[NancyRN]

When I was in nursing school, I was not very good at doing patient care because I hadn't ever worked as an aide.

One day I was cleaning up a lady who'd had a large loose bowel movement on a pad. While holding her on her side with one hand, I yanked the messy pad out from under her with the other hand. Poop went FLYING across the room, landing in big splats all over the floor.

At that very moment, my nursing instructor walked in. She walked all over the room tracking that poop around. I didn't want to tell her..didn't want her to see my incompetence..so I just let her keep walking in it! Of course she finally noticed....wasn't very happy with me!

[NurseGirlKaren]

Well, this discussion has finally inspired me to register so I can contribute. Post #1!!

Why aren't any of these kinds of things highlighted on those Johnson and Johnson "I'm A Nurse" commercials?

Somebody already mentioned the c. diff smell. Once you know it, you can pick it out again right away. The smell AND the look!

My first memorable poop patient was a demented tele patient that I walked to the bathroom during my first year as a nurse. She sat on the toilet yelling "Ow, it hurts, it hurts!" Pooped a couple hard little chunks, thought she was done, walked her back to bed. She said it still hurt "there". Me, being the naive nurse that I was, thought I'd take a look. She was about 10 cm and crowning--stool! That was my first manual disimpaction. Had a couple handfuls worth by the time I was done.

Had an ICU patient that I weaned off sedation and extubated. His first raspy, whispered words to me were "I need to have a bowel movement." I was surprised to hear that! Stuck a bedpan under him and out came a huge cow patty. It made that doink sound as it was dumped from bedpan to toilet. He was never incontinent of stool that whole week he was intubated--was saving it for me!

And why is it that my family members think they have to describe their B.M.'s to me? Is it just me?

Finally, (now remember, there's not much that can gross me out anymore) I am unable to even look at that green ketchup that they have now. My husband was kind enough to sqeeze some of it out of a packet at a fast food restaurant and proceed to dip his french fries in it!! It bears way too much resemblance to that soft green tube feed stool to me.

Sorry I got so carried away--you've hit a nerve!!

Karen

[arbley]

I worked as a CNA in a nursing home while I was in nursing school. One day when I entered a patient's room, I saw a row of little brown balls about the size of marbles on the window sill. I really wasn't sure what they were until I got a little closer. Yup! it was a row of little turd balls drying in the sunshine. Looked like it would have made good slingshot ammo. :chuckle

[TaraER-RN]

man...this stuff cracks me up! I had a teacher tell me once...and she swears this is true...that a psych patient came in, and amond psych problems also compained f blly pain and constipation. I guess they did a digital exam, no poop there...so they ran some xrays..and sure enough there was stool there...but mixed in with the stool were big ball looking things that they couldn't figure out. They finally got the guy to admit that he had been swallowing barbie doll heads! He said that he would get good erections when he passed them!!! Gross huh? She swears it happened!

I've seen the big long boa constrictor stools that result from enemas....and even have a lady once who got a fleet, and then was sitting on a bedside commode...all the sudden one of the EMT's (our CNA's in the ER) came up and told me that she thinks my patient pulled her catheter out or her IV...the thing is my patient had neither. so I go in the room, and my patient is yelling I pulled it out..I pulled it out! I had to ask her what she was talking about....turns out, she had got some tissue and when the poop got stuck was able to disimpact herself and was freaking out....it took me like 15 minutes to calm her down.

I also had an old lady in the ER who came in for constipation from taking a lot of percocet. She brought a stool sample wrapped in tissue in her purse to show us the pills were coming out whole in her stool! Now that is something I would never expect to find in a purse!!!!