Got called "stupid" at work

[janmae1950]

I am a nurse's aid at a LTC facility. I've been here since January. I took 4 weeks of class then was assigned to a hall on the 3-11 shift.

The CNA that trained me on this floor is very bossy. I don't work under her anymore but she tends to boss me around, run the show on the floor.

I've had problems with the gal. She has singled me out to boss me around; I can take criticism when I know it's for my own good and presented in a decent way, but she talks down to me all the time. She's 34. I'm 51.

I'm beginning to wonder about her. She's been a Personal Care Home Manager, a Medical Assistant and now she's working as a CNA at lower wages, I'm sure.

Tonight, when we got assignments, the nurse passed that chore on to Ms. Bossy. She asked if I wanted to do a certain hall that I've never done on my own and have only worked it 2-3 times. I said yeah, I'll never learn it otherwise. Ms. Bossy said so sweetly at that point "If you need any help, just ask"

Well later in the evening before last rounds, I was having trouble with one resident and went to Ms. Bossy. She took over and talked to me in a demeaning, irritable tone of voice. She was explaining things and saying "Now you watch what I'm doing." "Now I want you to remember all of this." It was said like a mother would talk to a misbehaving child. She didn't have to be so bossy or irritable - remember, she offered the assistance when shift began.

She ordered me to get something for the resident and I accidently shut the door too hard and was taking the soiled laundry out of the room, got sidetracked by someone else for a second and forgot the bib for the resident (I'm afraid Ms. Bossy makes me nervous and I screw up.) I go back, Ms. Bossy is at the door and angrily says "Where is the bib?" By then, I had had it and I angrily and louder than ususal replied "OK, I'll get the bibb."

After the resident was finished, I got a lecture from Ms. Bossy about how I will never ever yell at her again and how I had asked her for help and how she had helped me. And I said well quit talking to me like I'm 10 years old and then she said:

"WELL, IF YOU WEREN'T SO STUPID . . . . . (and I don't recall or heard the rest of the sentence.)

Boy, talk about one angry aid here. I don't like her and she doesn't like me and that's fine but don't get personally insulting with me especially in front of the nurse and the other aids which is where we were when she called me stupid.

So soon as I got home I typed up a nice little letter to the 3-11 shift Nursing Supervisor and the In-Service Supervisor explaining the events and requesting that I be switched to another shift. I don't even want to work the same shift as this b!tch.

I also requested an informal appraisal and stated that if, in fact, I wasn't cutting it (nice word for if I really was stupid), then it made no sense for me to continue to work at that Home and in the Nurse's Aid profession.

I just want away from this woman.

If we had just had a disagreement about how we talk to each other that would've been the end of it; but she personally attacked me and that's going to far.

Tomorrow I plan to give the letters to the Supervisors.

Suggestions please - am I doing the right thing? Is there somewhere here where I was wrong? When the door slammed, I went back and apologized for closing the door too hard.

I've tried my best to do my job; I don't talk about other workers; I want to learn. This particular gal seems to lead all the aids around by the nose. No one on the shift came to me - they all hovered with Ms. Bossy. I felt very alone.

[stevierae]

You are doing the right thing by "acting, not reacting." Good for you. Sounds like Ms. Bossy is threatened by you, and she wants to try to set you up to fail. Ignore her. Your calm demeanor and competence will speak for themselves to the people that MATTER. She doesn't. Quietly document her aberrant behavior and go up the chain of command to present your documentation, as fedupnurse suggested. Sounds like that aide is burnt out and/or needs to go to anger counselling. Maybe, if she is unreceptive, your documentation will give them the reason they need to fire her. I suspect she has a long history of this behavior, and it needs to stop with YOU.

[mattsmom81]

Jan, these kinds are everywhere and I understand when you say you have your own issues to deal with, and don't want this woman to drain your energy. I've been there. :)

Some folks you just have to walk away from, when it's best for YOU.. Good luck in your decision...I know it's not easy. :)

[Peeps Mcarthur]

I've been through this sort of thing also and the one thing that I always use to great success is the use of "fringe" knowledge.

There must be some information or facts she doesn't know but you know very well.

As an example, I had a run in with every lead therapist back in the day when I was working contracts as an RT. They would try to make themselves appear more skilled than the overpaid contract help and belittle me in front of their peers all the time. Since it was always in front of everybody I decided to start turning the tables on them. I would simply ask a question as if I was drawing from the well of their vast knowledge. I would ask because I already knew the answer and I also knew where I was going with it. I would ask tough questions but ones an RT really "should" know like policy and procedure stuff or pathology of some exotic bug...................................If they could answer then I lost no ground because the attention was on them and that's what they wanted BUT when they couldn't,which was the norm,I would launch into what I thought the answer was(which I already knew)and ask them again as innocently as I could muster. Their now paralyzed glossopharyngeal nerve can hardly communicate a sentence structure,forget that big attitude, they can barely get the "no I THINK your right" to roll off their tongue.

Once you have done that,they will avoid you. People like that never study. I'll bet she's as dumb as a box of rocks. If you have knowledge, then you have your relief valve. It's likely that she is quite ignorant about something seeing as she is so ignorant about common decency.

Wouldn't you say?

[Cubby]

Unfortunatlly Jan, people like her are everywhere in Nursing. A little bit of knowledge...well you know the rest of it,but don't let herdrag you down. The only way to effect a change is with a positive attitude. Good luck.

[thisnurse]

if i were you i would do this.....

first of all i would TRY to work with her every chance i got...i know its not easy but shes not going to like it either....

i would ask her

question

after question

after question

after question

after question

after question

id ask for her help all the time. id ask her advice....in other words i would take up as much of her time as i could and irritate the hell out of her with my "stupidity"

but only do this with her and nobody else.

[prn nurse]

You are right. Leave! Work a different shift or even a different place. You've earned your experience. Why stay and work with her? That is saying, "Yeah, you're right. I'm stupid." To insist on either a different shift and or hand in your notice mends your publicly ripped self esteem. And if we do not have our pride, we don't have anything. The administration has a duty to protect their employees from psychological or physical abuse. If the boss does not back you up, go get another job and then give 2 weeks notice. Refuse to be a victim. And last but not least, no job is worth this stress. It would be too stressful to continue to work with her, and it will show up in your blood pressure, etc. She is not "running you off." You're packing up and "moving on up," to peace of mind, happiness, and being appreciated. Good Luck.

[janmae1950]

Update:

After yesterday's incident I had spoken to the Charge Nurse about things and she had suggested that maybe a meeting could be arranged between me and the bossy aid and a supervisor.

Today, I called the InService Supervisor who also was our trainer in the classes and asked how I go about getting changed to a different shift. She explained that she would put in a request with the DON. I didn't go into the whys and wherefores then. I wasn't ready to.

Today the charge nurse told me on the side that there was going to be a meeting or something about this incident. So that's where it stands now.

In the meantime, I haven't spoken about this to other aids or instigated a b!tch session on lunch break. I won't stoop to that level.

I had to work with Ms. Bossy again today and when I came on the floor neither she nor any of the other aids spoke to me. So obviously she's been running her mouth and I'd love to hear her side of things. I worked on my own. Ms. Bossy has a knack for controlling people and sometimes it's like the other aids are scared to talk to me in front of her. Lord, how childish.

By the way, I forgot about one other thing that happened yesterday to add to my examples of this woman's demeanor. One of my residents took a wheelchair stroll to another wing. We were passing out dinners and I had asked her where this resident could be. She told me I better find him.

I located him shortly and took him back to his room. No more than 20 seconds had passed and Bossy stormed in to let me know that I need to tell all the other aids and nurses that I had found him "because we are all over the place looking for him." I tried to tell her that I had just found him, for crying out loud. When I think about this further, she must have seen me take him into his room and instead of letting the others know, she had to take me to task and reprimand me. She is ridiculous.

Thanks to everyone who gave me feedback. Having never worked in this field before, I want to move cautiously and not be whining and complaining when I don't know what I'm talking about.

But meanness and belittling others is a human quality - one that does not limit itself to the health field. I will not question my gut feelings about people any more. I've learned to trust that tension I feel when around certain people.

Thanks again for all your support!

[ma kettle]

Is it Pittsburgh or what? Just kidding!!!! Anyway it sounds like you too the right avenues. Your braver than most. I infact probably would have gone somewhere else. There are too many wanting places in and around Pittsburgh to have that kind of stuff.

As for the cold shoulder, I applaud you courage. I encourage your strong work ethic. It will get noticed eventually. It may not be there, however.

My hats off to you:)

Sandy

[janmae1950]

Originally posted by Sandy Mowry

Is it Pittsburgh or what? Just kidding!!!! Anyway it sounds like you too the right avenues. Your braver than most. I infact probably would have gone somewhere else. There are too many wanting places in and around Pittsburgh to have that kind of stuff.

As for the cold shoulder, I applaud you courage. I encourage your strong work ethic. It will get noticed eventually. It may not be there, however.

My hats off to you:)

Sandy

Hey, I'm north of Pittsburgh too!!! Franklin Park Boro.

[SKM-NURSIEPOOH, BSN, RN]

i remember your other post entitled: cna test on wednesday https://allnurses.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=15791 & i'd hoped things would've worked-out between the two of you; was this your first time letting her know how she made you feel or did you only make your feelings known to her after this last incident...miss bossy needs to have been made aware of her behavior & how it affects you...she wouldn't necessarily know unless it's put-out there for her to see because some folks are just use to treating people any old way & are impossible to work with until their behavior is pointed-out to them.

my question to you is: can you afford to change jobs before passing your cna test? i'm under the impression that your present place of employment is sponsoring the cna class...is this correct?? if so, wouldn't you jeopardize your cna testing by going some place else???

secondly, are you able to go to your cna trainer & report this treatment again...i'm sure that your facility & the program instructors wouldn't appreciate this type of treatment of their students/externs/staff by precepting staff that are suppose to help or assist the students in their clinical/externship rotation.

third, i agree with many of the post above when they suggest that you have a conference with your shift supervisor, charge nurse(s), adon/don, along with miss bossy. the nurses really need to re-establish who is in charge here & discipline those people whom over step their authority in showing or assisting the cna instructor with teaching the students/externs/new employees the ropes. i bet if there's an investigation into how miss bossy conducts herself, management would find-out, from those same other cnas that miss bossy, in fact is insensitive & that she wouldn't have many supporters from that point on. you'd be surprised just how fast the others would be willing to separate themselves from her when asked privately about miss bossy's bedside/work ethics. i really believe that miss bossy would get her act together if she's found-out that she deliberately set-out to reduce morale within the cna student externship/work infrastructure at your facility.

i totally agree that you should make this request in writing as it would be the professional thing to do. in your request, outline briefly what your grievances are & what you'd expect to come from the results of the meeting. i recommend that you stick to the point & try not to, please don't get me wrong, sound "whiny" about it because if you have to deal with any male administrator(s), they (right or wrong) really hate it when women "complain"...they perceive it as a "female" problem.:angryfire just state the problem...list your points & suggestions...& request the meeting. show that you mean business & show just how business like & professional you can be & are. :wink2: relay the message that you don't mind constructive criticism, just as long as the person can express their criticism with tact. maybe one of your request from this meeting is that the preceptors should go through sensitivity courses & learn how to communicate in a professional manner. many people have skills to teach but just don't know how to express themselves properly. i feel that your facility should've done a better job in choosing & preparing miss bossy as a preceptor.

lastly, change your shift as you stated that you would feel more comfortable with working among others closer to your own age...if this won't affect your lifestyle too much...i say go for it, but i wouldn't change my job just yet as it might have a negative impact on you being able to pass the cna test again. if it won't affect your taking the cna test & you really want to leave...i say go for that too, but only after the meeting had been conducted & no resolutions been made.

ps, how's your dad:kiss...i hope he's doing fine.

good luck in this most upsetting situation....and in your re-test!!!

[xtremenurse]

i worked in a LTC before and your experince is very common. don't change your shift nor quit your job,this will just give that co-worker of yours the satisfaction of getting rid of you besides if youare doing your job im sure your supervisors or nurses will notice it and will appreciate you.

[joannep]

Hi Jan,

Just reading your replies so far I can sense that you are feeling stronger and more confident.

You have pinpointed the exact issue:

She is ridiculous.

Hang in there