Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I was checking my results on affinity and my last test result is positive for alcohol. The problem is, I didn't drink. The only thing I can think might have caused it was some lemon tahini dressing at a vegetarian restaurant I ate at the night before. I've had the same dressing in the past and never had a problem.
The killer in all this is that I am due to complete monitoring in four days. Yes.
Never had any positives during monitoring, nothing but a dilute specimen. I'm not drinking, not using, nothing. And bing.
*Sigh*
I haven't heard from my case manager yet. I'm trying to stay calm and think. Stick to my routine and not worry. I know I do have options, I just can't believe this. After everything I have done, all the scrupulous watching everything I do, eat, drink, and walking on eggshells...BUT we will just wait and see.
Still waiting. I messaged my caseworker today requesting an update on the status of my MRO review, asking about the need to continue checking in, and reminding of the fact that my contract expired one month ago.
One month. Sheesh this has taken a long time. But I'm not giving up.
Thank you all for hanging in there with me. It means much more than you know.
I tried the squeaky wheel technique...they just got nasty on me (rudely yapping in my ear and not letting me get a word in edgewise). Now that they know I have legal representation, I don't want to go near them. For all of their claims of nonexistent policy and contract language, right now they still have the reins. I think it is unreasonable torture to force this to take this long. I need to do something but nobody will hire me into a non nursing job and anything that even vaguely smells of nursing will have to be vetted through them....just give'em another thing to ignore. I am still a tiny bit hopeful that this will be fixed soon. Because of that, i am reluctant to commit to anything.
So i sit in my apartment, Netflix binge, read, Facebook and hang out here. I'm so done with this....
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
Update:
I just wrote a letter to the program director, discussing the situation thus far, emphasizing key points, stating how I feel about all this and asking for my contract to be successfully completed as well as a cessation of the daily check in requirements.
Never heard back from my caseworker after the letter I wrote yesterday, requesting an update on the MRO Review, etc.
I don't really have a word for how I feel at this stage of the game.
Part of me still can't believe that this happened. Like many of us when we start out in recovery, the beginning isn't usually great at all, but we get through it. One gets through the first few months, then years. Life starts opening up, we see things differently, we really LIVE. Most of the time, the legal stuff is done and we can at least start to move on with our lives at this point. We do have to watch ourselves and maintain the behaviors that we adopted in treatment and recovery, but the early stresses of probation, testing, therapy, mandatory meetings, etc are completed at this stage of recovery.
I had no doubt, and still have no doubt, that this RMA will be completed successfully. I am clean and have not relapsed.
It's mindblowingly devastating to have to prove myself, all over again. I have busted my ass in the past 16 years to turn my life around and maintain my recovery. I did the very best I could in this monitoring program.
It's time that this be wrapped up and time to move on to the next step. I've done my penance.
Enough.
Thank you all for listening, and for your continuing support. Thank you also for believing me, and believing in, me. This can be a very lonely road.
I wrote a letter to my program director...she did write back...said she sent "my concerns" on to my case manager. Yeah, real useful. I wanted to respond with...way to pass the buck, if I'd gotten answers from the case manager, I would not be writing you!!
Sorry about sounding bitter. At this stage i just can't help it. I've lost the house I was so very close to leasing (within hours of key pick up), my job offer is in suspended animation (when are they going to get tired of the wait?) and I'm living on my grandmother's inheritance money. I'm grateful it's there, but this is NOT what it was meant for. My grandmother is probably spinning in her grave.
This is no longer about (or ever was, really?) "protecting the public" or whatever buzzword crap they use. It feels like it's about power, money and vengeance (you went over my head so I'm gonna make your life hell.) You can't make this stuff up. It feels like Groundhog Day, from hell.
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
I wrote a letter to my program director...she did write back...said she sent "my concerns" on to my case manager. Yeah, real useful. I wanted to respond with...way to pass the buck, if I'd gotten answers from the case manager, I would not be writing you!!
Sorry about sounding bitter. At this stage i just can't help it. I've lost the house I was so very close to leasing (within hours of key pick up), my job offer is in suspended animation (when are they going to get tired of the wait?) and I'm living on my grandmother's inheritance money. I'm grateful it's there, but this is NOT what it was meant for. My grandmother is probably spinning in her grave.
This is no longer about (or ever was, really?) "protecting the public" or whatever buzzword crap they use. It feels like it's about power, money and vengeance (you went over my head so I'm gonna make your life hell.) You can't make this stuff up. It feels like Groundhog Day, from hell.
I wish these people could see that there is a human side to this. There are real people out there, who really want to just get back to work and get their lives back.
Don't apologize for sounding bitter. We get it. You deserve a safe place to tell how you feel. Gods know that few, if any, people out there really understand what life is like for those of us in monitoring.
People need to hear this stuff and need to be educated on what is being done with their tax money and licensure fees. The issue is not necessarily that the monitoring programs and BON don't have a proper place and function. The issue is the inappropriate and ridiculous things that are being done in the name of "protecting the public" even when the professional in question isn't a danger to the public.
Some days I just get disgusted. And Angry.
I am biding my time. I have a name in the legislative assembly of the state that I'm going to contact when the time is right. Going to go political.
Despite my non-desire (is that a word?) to play crusader rabbit and try to fix the world, I am tempted, when all is said and done to get myself on the docket for some BON meeting in the near future and get my 5 minutes to speak on these very issues and the destructive effect it has on people. You are right, there is a time and a place for these programs. Yes, their very existence has been a lifesaver for some, no argument there but that does not mitigate the damage that is done. It's the fact that the responsibility of these programs have been turned over to private organizations/companies with little, if any oversight by the very people who gave them the job. The result is a company (IPN) who does what they want, how they want and willy-nilly ruins people and breaks them financially whether they are appropriate candidates for this program or not.
You can tell this is the neonatal structure of what i dream of saying. I don't know if it'll ever really happen, but it is a nice dream.....
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
I'm done, y'all! See the updated thread.
Thank you all so much, for hanging in with me, praying for me, sending me positive vibes, and for believing in me (and believing me).
One of the most devastating things anyone can experience, is not being believed.
Some would ask, does an addict really deserve to be believed?
I say, yes. Trust, but verify. Do not assume that because someone is an addict, that they are not capable of telling the truth. If they tell you something, and there is corroborating evidence that they are being truthful, they are as likely to be telling you the truth as the next guy.
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
Despite my non-desire (is that a word?) to play crusader rabbit and try to fix the world, I am tempted, when all is said and done to get myself on the docket for some BON meeting in the near future and get my 5 minutes to speak on these very issues and the destructive effect it has on people. You are right, there is a time and a place for these programs. Yes, their very existence has been a lifesaver for some, no argument there but that does not mitigate the damage that is done. It's the fact that the responsibility of these programs have been turned over to private organizations/companies with little, if any oversight by the very people who gave them the job. The result is a company (IPN) who does what they want, how they want and willy-nilly ruins people and breaks them financially whether they are appropriate candidates for this program or not.
You can tell this is the neonatal structure of what i dream of saying. I don't know if it'll ever really happen, but it is a nice dream.....
There's also a time and a place for crusader rabbits that are not afraid to speak up and push back against those that do not want to follow the law. As your case demonstrates, that includes monitoring programs, licensing boards, and those who think they are above the law.
Good grief! Everyone gets a positive EtG 3-6 months prior to graduation in this system. It is a racket. Whether you kiss their ass or speak your mind makes no difference. You are ****** either way people. This needs to be named, exposed and reformed. Activism is needed and the boards are part of the problem. The same thing is happening with doctors and we need to communicate, collaborate and address this directly. It is a scam!
:cheeky:
kalycat, BSN, RN
1 Article; 553 Posts
Sending you positive thoughts!!