giving, giving, giving...until I'm gone

[LanaBanana]

I've been a nurse for about 2 1/2 years now. In January of this year I started a new job after getting married and moving. At my previous job I felt like I was always giving so much of myself while at work but my manager and co-workers made it a good place to work and we tried to build each other back up. At my new job, I feel like I'm just giving of myself until I'm empty and no one else seems to care. The response I get if I'm overwhelmed with my patient load or just have an extremely time-consuming or needy patient is "Sorry." I'm the kind of person who wants to go above and beyond in my patient care, but sometimes I just reach this point where when no one else is trying to do the same, I don't either. I hate reaching the "I don't care" stage.

I know this isn't all coming from my work life, it's partly from home - afterall, I did just get married and move to a new town and I'm reaching the same point at home. I feel like I'm always the one giving, planning, etc and no one is giving back to me.

I guess I'm just venting and wondering if anybody else gets this way? I know that nursing is a 'giving' profession - ask any nursing student why they went into nursing and probably 90% say 'to help people.' But if we give so much - emotionally, physically, and spiritually - at work and then give more at home, what's the solution?

I wish the answer was as easy as finding a new job, but we're in a small town with 1 hospital and I check for jobs every day. I start back to school in August (doing RN-BSN) and am thinking about taking a few days to myself and going somewhere. My husband has had several conferences that he's gone to this summer where he's been able to get away and de-stress, but I stayed home and worked. Maybe that's what I need? I want to go somewhere and get a massage and lay by the pool all day and drink martinis. I feel better just thinking about it!

But seriously, what do you do about the constant giving until you're tank is empty when at work? We're nurses, we give, so how do you feel up your tank?

If you've read through my rambling, thanks!

[Crash_Cart]

Ok the jacuzzi is turned on, the BBQ is on, the pool is open and I have a team of message therapists standing by.

I am having a pool party over here.

Weary and tired nurses only need apply.

[Crash_Cart]

"But seriously, what do you do about the constant giving until you're tank is empty when at work? We're nurses, we give, so how do you feel up your tank?"

Gawd LanaBanana.. you sound like the perfect wife ... :)

Seriously...

You need to have an outlet and not an inlet...

It's not about "filling up" the tank" but rather sometimes it's more about being able to exhale........

You need other things to do other than nursing. I know nursing is an important function in society but realize it's just a "job" and there are so many other things you can also do in life. Don't deprive yourself of "living life" because of your "job." For example, I recently bought an RV and found out camping is a heck of a lot of fun.. Really.. I also grew a garden recently. Something nice about getting your face into a fleshy tomato you have grown yourself...

Live life.. Not just nursing... Sometimes you need to experience the simpler things in life.

Like the feeling of the rain on your skin....

Sometimes as nurses we get too caught up in things happening at our jobs to bother living our own lives... Remember.. It's just our "work" but take the time to smell the roses along the way.

Enjoy things which are "simple" and "carefree" in life. Do this and you will be glad you did. Seriously...

That is who I have become.. :)

My Best. - Charles.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i'm curious about this "90%" who went into nursing "to help people." most of the nurses i know went into it for a steady job with good benefits, adequate pay and a flexible schedule. the helping people part was an extra. if you're giving and giving and giving and have nothing to refill the well, of course you're going to burn out. start putting some effort into taking care of yourself! and give yourself a break. you cannot possibly be all things to all people. so just do the best you can and then call it good enough.

[zuzi]

Oh dear you, you are a so young nurse a so young wify, lol

In this life Dear, you don't need ONLY you to be the one who give all, who search, who make the bridges, the one who give a hand, who help, who try to be on the same page.... dear, is not life!

Let others also to discover you and just enjoy, let patinets to ask you instead you to give advices, learn to not talk too much to not give to much and to listen and observe. You will not waste your time and energy and you will not burnout thinking at what did you do and what others did not.

Let people to come to you not you to go to the people! Not given, given given but listen listen listen!

Just my 2 cents advice but I am old one from so long time married and not american at all...soo...lol

[Scrubby]

I truly feel your pain lanabanana. Some days I come home and i just have no energy to do anything because it's all been given away at work. My partner usually has to cook dinner most nights because I'm so pooped. That's ok though, he's a great cook!

I'm going to have to advocate a bit of selfishness here. Next time your being put upon at work to do extra work because your understaffed, been running exhausted all day anyway then refuse. From my experience the people who say yes are constantly taken advantage of, while those of us who say not are less likely to be put upon. If you haven't done every single little thing then leave it for the next person on the shift. Nursing is 24/7, there are only x amount of hours in a shift. You need to adopt the mindset that if you haven't done everything well, your only a human being and you need to start shifting the blame from you to the hospital, who hadn't provided enough staff for you to do everything. I'm not saying to be lazy, but you need to stop feeling bad about things that you cannot change.

[RNperdiem, RN]

In some work environments, the very giving staff are praised, recognized and rewarded for the extras they give.

In other environments, giving natures are seen a weakness to be exploited.

I am certainly not excessively giving.

I have needs and am not afraid to meet them.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

giving too much of yourself will create anger and burnout. Remember, nursing is not your life. It is how you finance your life.

[Tait, MSN, RN]

I myself am a 2 1/2 year nurse, a new wife and only child that moved from Wisconsin to Georgia to be with my husband. We also just bought a house, and have the stresses of attempting "reproduction" on our shoulders at the moment.

I recently went through a very heavy bought of burn-out and believe that I am currently on the upswing.

Somethings I discovered through a lot of conversation and reflection:

Floor Nursing is not for me, and its OK.

I love my patients, I love helping them, making them feel better, but over all the floor environment doesn't give me...enough. I am destined for public health, community education and patient advocation in my heart and have begun steps to complete my BSN as you are, and move into that facet of nursing.

My best friend at work was trashing my confidence.

Sometimes we don't realize that those around us are hurting us. In this case it is my best friend on the floor. I love her to death outside of work, but lately at work I notice her snide comments, and her ability to mock me in the rare times I get overwhelmed have been compounding into a complex for me. So what did I do about it? I sat her down and told her how I felt, and everytime we work together I communicate how I feel and so does she.

I am not saying you have to open some magical lines of communication at work, I am lucky my friend is as willing to meet me halfway on this. But you may want to look (and it seems you already have, since you recognize the difference between your two workplaces) at the people around you and see if they are adding to your stresses, and see how you can overcome them. Unfortunately you will most likely have to do more to adjust YOUR way of thinking towards them, than they will towards you, however then you have the control over the situation.

I took the charge nurse role.

As confidence was part of issue, but knowledge and ability was not I took on the charge nurse role. At our facility this isn't a HUGE deal. Basically we hold the pager, assign patients and deal with customer service. This gives me PERMISSION to help my fellow coworkers and feel that I am adding an additional level of camaraderie to the floor. Plus the great feedback from coworkers/supervisors has increased my confidence greatly. (Mind you I have always wound up in some form of management at my jobs, so this route may not work for everyone and may just vastly increase your stress levels.)

I confide in my husband, but I save the "my day at work sucked" for my mom.

My mom gets the brunt of my gripes about my day. I save the big stuff for my husband as I need his support with school and family/friend issues, but I try to leave the day to day gripe at the door step. I don't want to fill my home with unhappiness about work, so I vent it out to momma (who has listened to everything for years) on the ride home. She is a great little HIPPA advocate so I don't stress about her blabbing, and she works in health care as well so she understands most of it, other than the heavy clinical side.

Communicate with your husband. Let him know how you feel, and make sure he is pulling his weight at home. We have the capacity to do everything for our mates, as we are caretakers, but we have to remember to let them walk the road with us, not pull them along in a gilded cart while we lash ourselves over and over to continue without abate.

I schedule myself six days off in a row each month.

I work nights, and even though my body doesn't appreciate it I much prefer the pace and control. So each month my manager and I have worked out to space my days out S-M-T and then W-R-Sat so I get a nice long break to do stuff around the house, lay by the pool and generally chill and catch up on life.

I also get routine pedicures, especially after a three day straight, I get massages on occasion and my husband has learned to support my Starbucks addiction.

In conclusion dearie, take some time and take care of yourself. I agree with other posters, learn to say no. If they call you on your day off, don't pick up. I did this once this week and kicked myself for about two hours until my husband reminded me "it isn't your responsibility to cover for them, and you have gone in early plenty of times." (I once worked two 12's back to back and then picked up and worked a 16 on my last day because my boss begged me. I almost didn't make it home I was so tired.)

Take care,

:icon_hug:

Tait

PS. I also didn't pick it up because then I knew the bastages would prolly cancel me for overtime on Saturday and I would lose that sweet extra weekend diff!

[roamingessential]

I went into nursing bc I am one of your "90%" however I also work where my 'actual' workload is not a 12 hour shift but 16-18 hours....but what I have come to find acceptance in is this:

I give what I have. I do what I can in the time I have to give. Its not always only 12 hours but when I'm tired I'm done. I used to do it all as long as it took...now I go home and appreciate that I have 'given' what I am able to without putting myself into pain and the next shift is still there to help me pick up the pieces same as I do for them when they have a difficult night. Nursing is a 'human' profession. We are not machines. We need rest. We need play. We need love and laughter to continue "giving."

We also need boundaries that we set for ourselves and our facilities, bosses, and staff. I made a list of my "no's". No, I wont work more than 13 hours unless it doesnt conflict with my family or other priorities. No, I wont always get every single treatment done in my shift if someone is dying or falling or being demanding. No, I won't come in on my day off unless I WANT to do it- from my heart. Being a nurse is not 'who you are' its what you do because its what you want to do.

Make down time for yourself. Go for a run, learn to play guitar, cook if you feel like it, or sit in the sunshine and read a book. Let the dishes sit in the sink an extra afternoon. Even in a new marriage you set boundaries, when that doesnt happen its easy to feel drained. My man and I still struggle with it sometimes but trust me it does get easier.... and for me at least, exercising my body even when I'm "mentally" exhausted actually elevates my mood and makes me sleep better! Like you said, find some time for you. If a 'weekend' isnt there try starting with an hour....

when I have time for lunch I dont even stay in the building- I'll even go to my car and read for 15 minutes with my sandwich! It 'resets' my panic button. :)