Getting Over Feelings of Regret?

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Specializes in ICU / PCU / Telemetry / Oncology.

I'm almost 40 and keep having frequent moments of frustration that I should have identified and entered the nursing profession 15-20 years ago. Sometimes I feel like I wasted those years with non-healthcare jobs that really got me nowhere, even though there are professional moments that I cannot imagine not ever experiencing. I seem to be also frustrated with the fact that I let my 30s (a prime youthful time) go by without having incorporated nursing and that I cannot today walk out the door and start looking for work as an RN as many of you can. I am hoping to enter an accelerated BSN next year and looking to be a nurse well into my 70s as a means of feeling better about making up for lost time. I'm getting impatient about finally getting this career path moving!

I know I cannot turn back the clock and have life the way I think it should have gone, I guess I am just looking for some way to move forward knowing that it's all OK.

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I've been pursuing this all my life and am only half way. Now, after some truly bad experiences, I have found that nursing is not the be all and end all of life. It was a nice dream years ago but reality has set in. I've no incentive to push for a better career in nursing, so I just take the small pleasant experiences for what they are and leave the rest. What matters more than nursing is having good personal relationships. Your family and true friends will always be there.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Paco.........please accept this lesson from an old woman: life is way too short to waste in regrets over the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's".

I too used to wish I'd pursued nursing when I was younger (I was pushing 40 myself when I graduated), before I'd had kids and struggled through years of poverty doing minimum-wage jobs and bouncing on and off the welfare rolls. I felt so guilty for having wasted almost two decades of my life and done nothing I could be proud of.

What I didn't realize then was that older nurses can offer something that even the young and energetic ones can't, and that's life experience. I can't count the number of times I have been able to get through to patients because I had gone through something similar and knew where they were coming from. I've been ill, known pain, suffered losses.

So have you. That's what will make you a compassionate and empathetic nurse.

I say, go for it and never look back...........and never, ever regret the past. You cannot change what's over; only where you go from here.

Good luck to you!

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Specializes in Operating Room Nursing.

Paco, my advice is to focus living in the here and now. You can't change the past, you can only move forward. I wasted years of my youth living on the dole and getting drunk everyday. There are days where I truly regret throwing all that time away but I'm glad that I managed to crawl out of the hole I'd put myself in.

There are plenty of nurses I know who entered the profession well into their 40's and they are doing fantastic! You will bring so many skills with you into nursing from other jobs you've had.

All the best.

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Specializes in Pediatrics.
Paco.........please accept this lesson from an old woman: life is way too short to waste in regrets over the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's".

I too used to wish I'd pursued nursing when I was younger (I was pushing 40 myself when I graduated), before I'd had kids and struggled through years of poverty doing minimum-wage jobs and bouncing on and off the welfare rolls. I felt so guilty for having wasted almost two decades of my life and done nothing I could be proud of.

What I didn't realize then was that older nurses can offer something that even the young and energetic ones can't, and that's life experience. I can't count the number of times I have been able to get through to patients because I had gone through something similar and knew where they were coming from. I've been ill, known pain, suffered losses.

So have you. That's what will make you a compassionate and empathetic nurse.

I say, go for it and never look back...........and never, ever regret the past. You cannot change what's over; only where you go from here.

Good luck to you!

This is just what I have been trying to express to my mom, but you say it so much more eloquently! She is over 50 and starting nursing school, and constantly worried about whether she will be "able to do this" as she says. Of course she has concerns about physical endurance, concomitant life stressors, etc. But, she DOES have that life experience that is going to make so much of a difference. I keep telling her she will be good at it but thank you for giving me a better way to say it. (hug)

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I relate to your feelings although I am only 26 turning 27 this year and I feel like I've wasted the heart of my 20s in pursing a career and not getting anywhere (fashion! holy mole!).. I know, I'm only 26 but I still have a lot of prerequisites I need to take and a lot of goals to achieve before I even know if nursing is for me... I'm hoping for stability and a challenge... I'm a nice person who has too much sympathy for life and people.. I didn't have a sudden epiphany that I want to be a nurse, I just see some very smart women pursing this field and I admire that and want to experience the challenge they're experiencing.... I hope it works out...

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Specializes in PCCN.

i think part of this is realizing some things after you turn 40. i had many regrets- not being able to have a big family is a big example for me. why? cause i wasted my time in my youth? the stuff i did then i cannot do now. life back then was more carefree- go to your job,go home, party, go out with friends, etc. didnt think too far ahead- lived in the now. well now, i long for the past. and as far as nursing- i realize i wasted 6 years of my life doing that too. talk about regret. you know , it would be great to have that pride ful feeling of being a nurse. ha! well, in the real world it isnt that way- especially in a hospital, as i have learned. having an RN license has just given me the opportunity to be completely abused by all involved- management, doctors- patients ESPECIALLY!. if you have some dream that being an RN is some kind of prideful and fuzzy feeling job- well, ill save you the expense- IT ISNT. dont waste your time. my biggest regret is ever getting INTO nursing.

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Specializes in Onc/Hem, School/Community.
I've been pursuing this all my life and am only half way. Now, after some truly bad experiences, I have found that nursing is not the be all and end all of life. It was a nice dream years ago but reality has set in. I've no incentive to push for a better career in nursing, so I just take the small pleasant experiences for what they are and leave the rest. What matters more than nursing is having good personal relationships. Your family and true friends will always be there.

I graduated at the age of 42 and have been a nurse in a high acuity area for just a few months. I am glad I got my degree, it had always been a goal for me to finish college. After working as a CNA for a few years, I was sure of my decision to become a nurse later in life. Trust me, do not regret your past because as caliotter indicated, nursing will be your job - not your life. It will not make you a better person, but you will need to be strong and confident and that is amazing in its own right. Maybe I'm just going through growing pains and adjusting to my new job; however, I have to say that I have not developed the satisfaction from my job that I thought I would. I may have to move around in order to find my niche. I thought this unit was it, but I was wrong. I hope that it is the unit that I'm uncomfortable with and not the job itself. I hope I did not waste years of my life and money toward a dream that is not what I thought it would be = the be all and end all of life and my source of self-satisfaction. I envisioned myself driving home after a long day feeling proud of myself, but instead, I drive home feeling like an idiot because I was late getting my charting done and I did not get to *really* spend time with my patients. :banghead:

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Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.

Girl... JUST DO IT AND WELCOME TO THE PROFESSION!!!! I have been doing this for 31 years and I have worked with a lot of students who are women (almost always) who have come to nursing late in life and they are always GREAT. They have had a life, gone through the good and bad, raised kids and grand kids, had to deal with husbands and so they are prepared to deal with all the issues that the patients have. They just have to learn the technical stuff. So you just come on. I would love to have you. Move up here to Seattle and work with me.

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Specializes in Onc/Hem, School/Community.
Girl... JUST DO IT AND WELCOME TO THE PROFESSION!!!! I have been doing this for 31 years and I have worked with a lot of students who are women (almost always) who have come to nursing late in life and they are always GREAT. They have had a life, gone through the good and bad, raised kids and grand kids, had to deal with husbands and so they are prepared to deal with all the issues that the patients have. They just have to learn the technical stuff. So you just come on. I would love to have you. Move up here to Seattle and work with me.

Diane227 - I don't know if you were addressing the OP, the other posters, or me....but you made me smile. Thanks. :loveya::loveya::loveya:

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