Getting my life back

[steffyh]

I'm a FNP in my 2nd year of practice. My first year should have been great, but it was hell! Looking back on it, what really did me in was the lack of support I had, an unstable manager who was totally unprofessional, a colleague who stopped mentoring me and was the owner's pet as well as the managers buddy- all of them back stabbers... I just got fed up. I was constantly bringing work home and always felt like I had this "thing" hanging over my head. I never slept well, I constantly woke multiple times during the night, I couldn't get to sleep, and then I would wake up early and unrested. It eventually got to the point near the end where I would go to work with this tightness and heaviness in my chest, feeling short of breath, and like I wanted to punch anyone in the throat. I just became a monster.

I was 8 months into my first year when I started looking for a new job on the advice of a very close friend, and it took me 5 months to find it. I was so scared to tell my boss that I was leaving, but what really woke me up was when she said to me at my 1 year review, "you're going to go home, take care of your kids, put them to bed, and then put on your big girl panties and go back to work." As in, sign in and get my charts done. I just remember thinking, "you are sick."

I'm not a mom yet, but I'm getting ready to be one and I sure as hell will never put work ahead of my family. When I'm home, I should be home, not mentally attached to the day that just went down and the thought of all the crap that still needs to get done. I want to be a great wife, a great mom, and a good friend.

I reflected on the life my bosses had and had a moment of looking into my crystal ball and said no way! My former boss was pretty much an absent mother who has a dysfunctional marriage. My other boss was just as bad and I didn't want to be either of them in 20 years so I quit.

I'm now working in a retail clinic and I have my life back. I've since finished 3 books since leaving, something I was never able to do, I have more sex with my husband, I'm more rested, I sleep in, I nap, I play with my dogs, I take care of ME, and I'm happy. Best part is that now I'm making more money doing less work and I never bring a thing home. My friends all comment on how happy I look and it's true! Now I'm going to be starting a family and have all of those precious moments to look forward to.

Point is: don't get stuck! Don't think that what you're doing is "it." You may have an amazing job and have struck that balance in your life, but that's just it- you need balance! We all need balance. How can we take care of people when we can't even do the same for ourselves?! You can't even do a good job like that!

I hope this inspires you to look at your situation and think of where you're going to be in 5, 10, 20 years or more. Look at others around you if you're not sure. Are they happy? Do they have balance? How did they find it? If they're miserable, they don't have it and it should be a BIG wake up call to move on. This is how I looked at it: if I could be fired at any moment and for no reason, no matter how much of myself I gave, then why the hell should I care about leaving?

Take your life back. Be happy. Find balance.

[Chocolate_RN85]

There's a lot posts on PMHNP around here , where they describe there daily routine, and 3 out of 5 posts express there relaxing day. Again, everybody experience is different , we all know that. I'm not looking to seat all day and watch the Wendy Williams show, I love a challenge, I've been grinding my entire life, buuuut, again I don't want to catch a CVA , therefore I will try my best to find something that suits my lifestyle and balances my zing, if not Adios😏

[BlackNightingale]

I definitely needed to read this tonight. For the past two years, I've been in a salary position that has allowed me to build my leadership and education experience. But the pace over the past two years has been absolutely grueling! I work on a team full of women, mostly nurses who are in their 30's, not married, and have no children. So for some of them, work is their primary focus. Well, I'm 30, married, with two children. I've found it difficult to connect with my family lately because I'm so burned and stressed. So I'm done. Today, I decided that I'm going back to inpatient nursing. Working three days a week instead of seven is going to be such a relief. I'm actually going to post about this. Feel free to leave me some advice! Thanks for such an awesome post!

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I'm right there with you sista - I keep applying for inpt APN positions right and left - gotta get out of this 5 day, 60 hour/week job!

[steffyh]

Good for you! Take your life back! Life is too damn short to miss out on so many opportunities for ourselves and families. Good luck! :)

[MikeFNPC, MSN]

Great story, thanks for your transparency with a difficult position. I especially liked the "reconnecting" with your family and the importance of those relationships.

Coming from freshly graduating last December; many of my classmates, out of fear, took the first job offer they received. Now I'm hearing similar experiences as yours that are filled with regret, shame, and feelings of helplessness as to "what do I do now."

Two messages others can glean, don't settle for the first job, and don't compromise what's important such as a life, lol. We really are a commanding force in healthcare and are daily gathering more and more respect. Join a professional group and stand together for what's right! I am proud to be a nurse and more so to be an NP.

Mike

[CocoaLoverFNP]

I hope this inspires you to look at your situation and think of where you're going to be in 5, 10, 20 years or more. Look at others around you if you're not sure. Are they happy? Do they have balance? How did they find it? If they're miserable, they don't have it and it should be a BIG wake up call to move on. This is how I looked at it: if I could be fired at any moment and for no reason, no matter how much of myself I gave, then why the hell should I care about leaving?

Take your life back. Be happy. Find balance.

Hi Steffyh,

First of all, i apologize if i had to resurrect this post.

SO, your post really inspired me! It took me several days to find this post. I have read it before but now that I have been thinking about applying for CVS, I wanted to re-read it again.

By the way, i really love the pay, flexibility, and the fact that CVS is accepting new grads. However, any CONS to being an NP at CVS?? I read from other websites that CVS didn't approve vacation time, sick time, and NPs are expected to clean bathrooms? Management is inconsiderate? Are you able to choose shorter days or have to take the whole shift? Please reply here (for the next NP who will be wondering the same) or pls message me. My husband and I are planning to have children soon and minute clinics seem like the best for mommy NPs who want less stress and and happier lives.

Thanks for all the info!

[steffyh]

I absolutely LOVE working for CVS. I'm not sure what websites say they don't approve vacation time, but that's not true, at least for the MC. Every day I've ever requested has been approved, except for 1 d/t another NP getting married and leaving too many holes in the schedule for the market- so that's understandable and the day I was requesting wasn't important b/c I just wanted it off randomly to eat up my earned time. I have never had to clean a bathroom and nor do the other NPs I've spoken with. My bosses are great and will work with you. As for the schedule they really want you to do the whole shift 8AM-7PM (weekends are 9-5:30 and 10-5:30 Sat and Sun respectively), but on the flip side I work 3 days one week, then 4 the next and have it worked out w/ my clinic partner that we do every other 3 day weekends and during the rest of the week we each work every other day- you can arrange your schedule as you and your clinic partner see fit just as long as the clinic is covered.

I hope that helps. Thank you for your kind words, I'm glad this is helping other NPs in the same boat I was in. Good luck!

[CocoaLoverFNP]

I absolutely LOVE working for CVS. I'm not sure what websites say they don't approve vacation time, but that's not true, at least for the MC. Every day I've ever requested has been approved, except for 1 d/t another NP getting married and leaving too many holes in the schedule for the market- so that's understandable and the day I was requesting wasn't important b/c I just wanted it off randomly to eat up my earned time. I have never had to clean a bathroom and nor do the other NPs I've spoken with. My bosses are great and will work with you. As for the schedule they really want you to do the whole shift 8AM-7PM (weekends are 9-5:30 and 10-5:30 Sat and Sun respectively), but on the flip side I work 3 days one week, then 4 the next and have it worked out w/ my clinic partner that we do every other 3 day weekends and during the rest of the week we each work every other day- you can arrange your schedule as you and your clinic partner see fit just as long as the clinic is covered.

I hope that helps. Thank you for your kind words, I'm glad this is helping other NPs in the same boat I was in. Good luck!

Thank you for the information, steffyh!

I saw those "previous employee" comments on the glassdoor website. Most are negative comments so I am hesitant to apply. I am glad that you have a different experience;-) Were you able to negotiate your hourly pay?

I heard that the clinic is a "one man" job (you do everything from being the cashier, stocking supplies, paper work, etc.). Would you recommend this job for a new grad? If an Internal Med clinic hires me in the future, do you think it would be harder to switch from working at a MC?

[CocoaLoverFNP]

Thanks again!

[sailornurse]

Is this written by someone with a graduate degree? Her previous posts say she is finishing BSN at Chamberlain & starts FNP at Chamberlain in January.

[newenglandRN36]

I hope this inspires you to look at your situation and think of where you're going to be in 5, 10, 20 years or more. Look at others around you if you're not sure. Are they happy? Do they have balance? How did they find it? If they're miserable, they don't have it and it should be a BIG wake up call to move on. This is how I looked at it: if I could be fired at any moment and for no reason, no matter how much of myself I gave, then why the hell should I care about leaving?

Take your life back. Be happy. Find balance.

I think that this is a great piece of advice; thank you. I have been stuck in a job that is toxic for the past 8 years. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is miserable. Lateral violence, poor staffing, poor management and leadership and a high level of "politics" and favoritism run rampant at my job. The turnover rate is incredibly high. Due to my good pay and scheduling (which is the reason why everyone stays), I am in no position to leave this job until I am done with school. I will be starting my FNP program in September and I am planning on getting my degree, finding a job as an NP, and NEVER looking back. I just hope that I can hang in there for another 2 whole years. I'm glad to hear that you love your new job!