As the title states, I made the decision to quit nursing last weekend. Actually, I simply couldn't bring myself to show up anymore.
A few hours before my shift was to start, I began having the usual increase in anxiety, degradation of general mood, and grew increasingly unsettled at the mere thought of clocking in. I sat on my couch and cried, feeling like someone ran over my dog. It was bad. Those feelings/reactions to going to work have been going on for quite awhile, around 3 years now. But I finally hit a wall. I. Just. Can't.
I attribute the PTSD-like symptoms I am experiencing to too many shifts of being woefully understaffed with too many high acuity residents and management who says out loud "You have enough staff." while all but sprinting up and down the halls just to try to keep up with the lights/perform ADL's. Where is my CNA? Helping with meal service on another unit because that's how management says it's supposed to be, leaving me with 18-20 skilled residents who think they're at the Hilton. They have PICC's to flush/hang ATB's on, drain flushes, I&O caths to do, wound care, hip precautions, loads of ortho residents, FBS's, etc. Never mind the "nurse" duties I'm supposed to magically get done in 8 hrs. And why does half the hall suddenly have to pee 5 min after meal service starts? Especially the 2 asst people who refuse bedpans? Those residents also happen to have cell phones, who gleefully call their designated loved one to complain that "My light has been on for FORTY-FIVE MINUTES and NO ONE WILL ANSWER IT!" Actually, it's been about 10 minutes, but guess who gets that phone call from angry, misinformed family members? But who am I kidding? We have enough staff. Management said so.
I have worked in at least 25 different facilities in 2 states, and know that the above is par for the course. I have worked in a couple fairly decent buildings, but in my experience, those buildings are few and far between. I don't have the strength to continue working in this madness.
I also have no desire to work in any other venue be it home health, hospice, MD office, none of it. I want nothing to do with healthcare at all. I am at peace with that. In fact, I haven't felt this good physically/mentally in a long time. It's nice, for change.
I have known for years that I would leave healthcare, and did leave a couple years ago but had to drag myself back due to finances. Not this time, sister. It's over. It's finally over. Onward and upward.
