When Good Friends Go Bad ...

  1. This is just a vent really, incredibly frustrating ...

    I'm getting ready to graduate, and have been with this friend all through nursing school. As part of our senior project, we're organizing a career day where all the hospitals make pitches to our soon to be new grads.

    The problem started when the director of the nursing program called out my name as project leader in front of the whole school ... and she couldn't remember my friend's name. Embarrassing, yes, but not my fault. Then, shortly thereafter, the director also asked me to lead another project on behalf of the faculty.

    The reason she asked me to do these things is because I've always done voluntary work for the director ever since I've been in school. I'm always happy to help out and, when she needs things done, I get it done.

    Anyway ... my friend has become insanely jealous over this. She's convinced I'm going to get some special award for graduation which, btw, doesn't exist. It's probably been made worse by the fact that the director also asked me to write an article for the newspaper, and there's going to be a full page spread on these various projects. Am I going to be featured in this article? No ... I'm just writing it and taking the pictures.

    My friend is so jealous of all of this that she now simply refuses to do any of the tasks she's been assigned. It's really jeopardized the success of the projects and I've had to scramble to make up for her lack of initiative. I've had to beg her to do every little thing and, now ... I've had to resort to doing it myself.

    I've tried to talk to her about it, but she denies all of it ... even though she constantly complains to others that I'm going to get some kind of special recognition from all of this ... which, again, isn't going to happen. I've done these types of projects before and there are no awards for it, nothing. I just like to help.

    This woman is nearly 50 years old and, now, our friendship is over. The funny thing is ... I'd be happy to have her do all of it and get all of the so-called "recognition" and "credit" if I felt she'd actually get the work done, but I don't have any confidence in that now. She's let too many important things slide and I can't afford to have these events screwed up just because of petty jealousy over awards that don't exist.

    None of this is going to matter in a couple of months. She's jealous over nothing. It just goes show ... kindergarten doesn't end no matter how old some people are.

    :typing
    Last edit by Sheri257 on Oct 8, '06
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    About Sheri257

    Joined: Nov '03; Posts: 4,389; Likes: 153
    RN

    18 Comments

  3. by   CaliNicuRN
    I had a situation in nursing school with a "friend" as well. I suspect she was jealous of me, but I honestly don't know why. I also am one who likes to help out, but sometimes thats makes others competitive and mean.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. Nursing school is hard enough, we ought to be able to have friendships based on adult reasoning and maturity. Unfortunately, you are correct, high school antics do not always stop in high school.

    Tuck your head down, do your thing and get through it. Be proud of what you accomplish and who you are!

    Tracy
  4. by   locolorenzo22
    Be proud of what you have accomplished and honored that someone would CHOOSE you to do these tasks. You cannot fix someone else's problems, and there will be those that would rather get the glory than make sure the task is done. In work as well as in school, some will seek the extra behind the scene stuff to make sure all goes well....and some will seek the glory grabs to make Employee of the month, student honors, etc.
    Coming from a work situation where many people seemed to put themselves first, it happens more often than we believe. I was out front as the boss, but happy to let the others lead and plan things and deal with the managerial aspects of the job.
    Keep your head up and KNOW that you deserve the respect you've earned! Now go kick some a**.
  5. by   Daytonite
    You know what? She's probably felt like this all along. Passive aggressive character type. Only now that you are both at the end of your nursing program she's going to exercise some aggression. That's how this personality type works. You're better off having found this out now. I'd take her name off any of the work being done and stop asking her for help. Find someone else to help out if you can and totally stonewall her. That's what she's doing to you anyway. I also wouldn't participate with anyone over any of the gossip she's spreading around. Be the bigger person and just ignore it. Other people will want to get involved and so they perpetuate the gossip because most people like to see a good fight. Don't give them one.

    It's too bad this wasn't noticed before. This kind of behavior doesn't pop up overnight. It's something she's done all her life. This is the kind of person that waits until the last day on a job and then tells everyone off just before they walk out the door. Watch and see some of the "scores" she is going to "settle" before she finishes her last day of school! Don't let her get you alone or stop to talk with her, because, as sure as I'm sitting here writing this, she's going to blast you and try to get the last word in before you all part ways for the last time. Just walk away from her if she tries to do that. It's childish and tatamount to an adult tantrum. It's all her insecurities she's spewing out anyway, not yours. She, however, doesn't have the insight to see that. Mark my words. You don't need that kind of upset on one of the happiest days of your life, your nursing school graduation, so watch out for her and keep your distance from her from now on.
  6. by   lisabeth
    [quote=Daytonite]You know what? She's probably felt like this all along. Passive aggressive character type. Only now that you are both at the end of your nursing program she's going to exercise some aggression. That's how this personality type works. You're better off having found this out now.

    This is a very real possiblity. While nursing school was going on, she felt she needed you for some reason.
    I kept an email I once got just for that reason. Some people come along for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. It helps to read that when I encounter those reason people and season people.
    When you think you have a real friend and someone does something like that, it hurts, but when I read that email, it reminds me that it is them with the problem, not me. Good luck in your career.
  7. by   Sheri257
    [QUOTE=TexasAngel]
    Quote from Daytonite
    You know what? She's probably felt like this all along. Passive aggressive character type. Only now that you are both at the end of your nursing program she's going to exercise some aggression. That's how this personality type works. You're better off having found this out now.
    Quote from TexasAngel
    This is a very real possiblity. While nursing school was going on, she felt she needed you for some reason.
    Yeah ... I think you guys have nailed it. I've always been generous with giving my notes to her. Now I realize she probably was just using me for those notes the whole time.

    :typing
  8. by   Tweety
    Yep, sounds like a manipulator and a user and not a "friend".

    Good luck!
  9. by   SummerGarden
    She probably thinks everything comes easy for you too. You do not have to study as hard to be a good student. Everybody likes you... it is easy for you to make friends... You get asked to do things she does not get asked to do.... You do not have to work hard to get credit because she does all the work.... And life is so unfair to her!!! WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

    I agree with the other posters; write her off. She is nothing but a User, Loser, Whiner, Manipulator, and a slew of other things that will do nothing but bring you down in life.

    True friends build you up and help you when you are in need. They are not jealous of or hurt by your successes. They also do not drain your life force because of insecurity issues or anything else. In other words, true friendships are not one sided.

    Good luck with your project! I am happy to hear that such opportunities exist in nursing school because I too love to volunteer and help out. :wink2:
  10. by   athena55
    Ditto all the above posters, but I am also concerned with the fact that she is not pulling her weight in regards to your school project. Is there someone you can go to and ask their advice, like a trusted Instructor/Professor?
    I have done most of my school work via distance programs and I usually hate to be in "groups" because it seems there is always one or two in the bunch who don't do their fair share of the required work/project. So, the others in the group have to do double duty in order to get a good grading, and the sad part is, the ones who don't do their share will share in the grade (good or bad)
    Sorry, started to ramble. Hey, but congratulations on all the hard work you have done, up to now, and I hope your project falls into place for y'all.
    Too bad you lost someone who you considered a friend.
    Respectfully,
    athena
  11. by   Sheri257
    Quote from athena55
    So, the others in the group have to do double duty in order to get a good grading, and the sad part is, the ones who don't do their share will share in the grade (good or bad)
    Actually ... the teachers are aware of this problem, and encourage us to disclose who didn't do their fair share in the paper each one of us has to submit on the project.

    So, that's what I'll do.

    BTW: we just had a test and, without my notes ... she flunked it.

    :typing
    Last edit by Sheri257 on Oct 10, '06
  12. by   lisabeth
    I am sorry, becuse I know how you feel. Dont worry. There are people who are capable of being friends. She will never really have any because she doesnt know how to be a friend. You got where you are on your own, and she couldnt have done it without you. [quote=lizz]
    Quote from TexasAngel



    Yeah ... I think you guys have nailed it. I've always been generous with giving my notes to her. Now I realize she probably was just using me for those notes the whole time.

    :typing
  13. by   SummerGarden
    Quote from lizz
    Actually ... the teachers are aware of this problem, and encourage us to disclose who didn't do their fair share in the paper each one of us has to submit on the project.
    Good, this is how my MBA program worked.

    Quote from lizz
    BTW: we just had a test and, without my notes ... she flunked it.
    Big surprise! Oh, and she probably thinks this is your fault too!
  14. by   lisabeth
    Big surprise! Oh, and she probably thinks this is your fault too! [/quote]

    Or wishing she had waited a little longer to show her outburst.

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