Thoughts on balance (home vs. school)?

Energizer Bunny · Jul 15, 2004

There are threads all over the place about this sort of thing. The guilt is hard. I am already dealing with it and am only taking two summer courses right now. I am SURE it will get worse as fall approaches. Especially, with my oldest starting kindergarten. Hopefully, I won't miss his first day.

My dh also just started a new job where he has more steady hours (M-F) but we never know if he will be home or off galavanting somewhere due to the travel required by the position. This week, he is in CT and I am having to struggle through with studying. It's really hard to do with these kids and I have been in tears more than once wondering if I can do this now that dh won't be here as much.

Energizer Bunny · Jul 15, 2004

First off, your "needy" husband is going to have to get over himself. Nursing school is hard work and he's going to have to put your need to be supported ahead of of his wants.

NO KIDDING! I am sooo sick of hearing about these husbands that expect the women to do everything still. Dang! This is 2004.....wake up and grow up men! and women, get some balls dangit!!! Go after your dreams and tell them to stuff it!!!!

rnmi2004 · Jul 16, 2004

I hear ya, CNM2B!

rainbows4me · Jul 16, 2004

Oh how I remember your fears! I just graduated this spring with my ADN (high honors I might add!!) and passed the NCLEX in June. I'm taking the summer off and start working in the NICU in August (I was hired back in January - so even if you want to take time off, apply early for those highly competitive specialties). When I started full-time school (two years ago) my kids were 8,8,7,6, and 5 (blended family). I was SO worried about how I would do it... and you know what? You do what is important to you and you let the other stuff fall away. I had alot of guilt about not spending time with my partner and the children, but then again, I knew this was for the best - them seeing me working hard at something I wanted and finding success. They came to my graduation and they'll see me go to work in a few weeks - and they are as proud of me as children can be. My daughters keep wanting to know if I can bring them to the NICU for 'bring your child to work' day next year!! We all had to grow, we all had to work a little harder, we had to eat sandwhiches for dinner sometimes, and we all had days where the ten pounds of stuff shoved into the five pound bag was just about unbearable, but we survived. And let me tell you - the sense of accomplishment of obtaining this degree and dream job - it's immeasurable. I think the thing that made it possible for me to push past the negatives was the absolute knowledge I had that this was the right career for me (after working in a field that didn't fit at all). My family could see by my leadership that we were doing the right thing and that we would all survive. And we have...

Good luck to you!!

jschut, BSN, RN · Jul 16, 2004

My children have picked up extra chores ( like vaccuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom...) and I am currently teaching the 9 & 11 year olds to do laundry, (The 16 y/o does his own).

We DO eat sandwiches sometimes for supper, and they are no worse for the wear, believe me!

My hardest part is the 7 y/o and the hubby who are both very needy. HUbby is by fr worse than all of the children put together! But I am trying a different approach with him to see of it works. So far it has. (Maybe psychology wasn't a waste of time after all! :chuckle )

Once you get started, it will all kind of fall into place for you.

Good lUck!

wannabemw · Jul 18, 2004

Oh how I remember your fears! I just graduated this spring with my ADN (high honors I might add!!) and passed the NCLEX in June.
Rainbows,
u r truely an inspiration!
TY 4 posting. And u r right about everything!
~MJ
CONGRATS ON PASSING!!!! :balloons:

DZcarrie · Jul 19, 2004

i was the kid who's mom went to nursing school. i am also trying to do the balancing act right now myself....

as far as being the kid...i handled it ok, but my little sister did not. she was in about 5th grade at the time. my mom didn't listen to how miserable the poor kid was going to a sitter over the summer that she didn't know and that made her sit all day. yes, sit. a little kid during the summer. then when school started, she was draggin lil sis out of bed at 5 am in the morning to go to the same "sitter". she really didn't make an effort to make any of it a nice experience for any of us. it really was hell. she really could've made it a lot easier, but just didn't want to take the small effort.

i was alone all of the time. if i remember correctly, my parents almost got a divorce that year. though, if my mom had spent ANY time with us at all, it would've been nice. she was just kind of like "i'm going to school now, don't ask me for anything and deal with it."

she graduated 2nd in her class and didn't even mention us in her speech, though went on and on about how much her classmates helped her. yeah...guess who was at home cooking for her, cleaning for her, and ironing her clinical uniforms all the while doing all of our activities and getting a's?

so, don't neglect your kids is what i'm trying to say. i am certain that if you just sit down with them and explain what things will be like, they will take it much better and probably cut you a lot more slack than if you just kinda force them to go with your flow.

i'd make a schedule...for example...they don't disturb you between such and such hours so you can study. we just kind of were thrown into everything and made to fend for ourselves...

just my two cents!

good luck

Rapheal · Jul 19, 2004

The best advice I got was to lower my standards. I had to accept the house not being super clean, and accept the fact that I could not be 100% accesible to the kids and relatives. There was a lot of guilt.

It was helpful for me to make school lists, grocery lists, and to do lists to keep organized. I also made quicker meals and froze half to use another day.

It is a different lifestyle and there may be some shock in getting adjusted. I think that is why a lot of students drop the first semester. If you feel overwhelmed just try to remember that it does get better because it becomes more familiar. Good luck in school.

RedSox33RN · Jul 19, 2004

I've already started doing several things. Besides giving my kids (4, ages 13, 11, 10 and 8) more chores and telling them I won't be available as much (which they've been going through when I've done pre-req's), I've given up being Treasurer of the PTO (but am still Treasurer of the baseball league in town. We are a baseball family, and I cannot give that up!) and my book group and quilting group. I've cut way down on the number of shows I record on Tivo (figuring I'll have precious few "down" hours to watch them anyway), and have concluded that clean laundry can be picked out of a laundry basket just as easily (albeit more wrinkled) as it can be pulled out of a drawer (and less time spent putting away!). The house will not be pristine (although I don't know where I'll be living, as I'm separating) but it won't be dirty. I will have to buy extra undies and socks for those times when laundry just isn't done. And I will rely on the help of many wonderful friends who offer to babysit my youngest, and will pay the one who will watch him before school, when I have to be at my school at 7am after a 1 hour commute.

My life will change, and already has. I'm praying that it will only be for 4 semesters, and will be for the betterment of myself and my family!