Should boyfriend help me out?

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I am attending a community college for an accelerated nursing program. I currently work at a small local restaurant and get paid only minimum wage. My school schedule only allows me to work 3 days a week including weekends; therefore, I am making no money. I'm not qualified for student aid and the school I attend does not participate in any student loan programs. I've tried applying at other restaurants such as Chili's and Olive Garden but I don't get hired because they do training in mornings which I cannot attend because of school hours. My parents are putting gas in my car, but they can only help out so much. I still have a car note to pay and credit card bill. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years. I have several girls in my class and their boyfriend is helping them out. Many girls were even able to quit their jobs because their boyfriend will give them money. I hate to work more hours and start failing school because of it. Do you think my boyfriend should be helping me out? Should he offer to put gas in my car, give me $50 or so? I don't think it is his obligation to help me out, but I feel he should.

Specializes in Labor and Delivery.

ok. I dont think he should have to help you out but if he is offering then I would except. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and have not been working just focusing on school full time. I look at it like this, we plan on getting married after i am done with school and any way he helps me out financially now will help us both when im out of school and we decide to have a family. I say take what you need. Don't feel bad because if he loves you and has the money then i wouldnt worry about it. Then again i am 'one of those girls' i guess. I do love him very much though and do not abuse it. He has a good job and is older.

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I didnt realize you lived w/ your parents. In that case, I would just assume your parents were "taking care of you" since thats kinda how that normally works

I asked my husband about it and his view was that its ok to give your girlfriend money sometimes, but if you do it too often, they might come to expect it, and that would add an uncomfortable dynamic to the relationship that really shouldn't come before you are living together/married.

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The problem with boyfriends 'helping out' is what happens when one person leaves. If he leaves, well you are in the same boat and you haven't solved this problem. If you leave then he just lost a whole lot of money. In some states he can recoup that which will hurt you more.

Aren't there any untapped loan sources for you??? One of the few lessons young people should learn is self reliance.

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If I were in his shoes I wouldn't mind helping out with a $50 a week to fill up your car but that's it, and even that would be very generous. I had a girlfriend that technically lived with me and I let her drive my car with my gas in it and eat my food too. 5 months later we split and guess what? I haven't seen a penny since. We are friends again and I could ask for some money but I really don't care at this point, I have enough for myself to get through as I worked hard, saved up and now I'm going to school. If you can't handle the accelerated program without working to support yourself, then find a different program with a slower pace. No offense but all those guys the girls in your class said are helping them so they don't have to work, are suckers.

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

Again, not sure of the circumstances, but, this is YOUR goal, to be a nurse. And, there is no guarentee that the two of you will be together by the time you complete the program. I would watch what he does; meaning that if he does offer to help, it shows his character, but, not to count on it, because you both are too young to say what the future will hold as a couple.

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He doesn't owe you anything. He is your boyfriend. Not your husband.

I would look into student loans. It has nothing to do with the college itself. You can look for loans on your own.

steph

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I'm not really sure I agree with that, as I see being married as us both being in it all together. My husband works and I don't, but its "our" money, not "his". We are one unit, a married couple, and we take the good and the bad together. "His" money pays all of our bills so that I could stay home with our daughters for 3 years, and "his" money is going to cover as much as possible until I get out of nursing school, because when I make a nurse's wage, HE will reap the benefits just as much as I do.

That being said, since its technically both of our money, I cant go to him asking for $20 if he doesnt have it to give me, because I know our limitations.

As for the OP... if you are not married, I don't feel its their responsibility or your right to expect him to help you out. Are you engaged? planning to get married? Because thats the only time where I think it becomes a gray area.

More than anything, relationship is about communication, and asking us here makes me wonder if either a) you havent communicated with him enough and should be talking to him instead of us or b) you did and didn't like the answer he gave you.

just my thoughts on the subject~

This is a boyfriend and not a husband. Very big difference in the scheme of things.

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What type of accelerated program are you actually in at the community college?

When did you start the program?

Why are you not applying for jobs at the hospitals or nursing homes in your area where you can work every weekend, and possibly one or two evenings per week? You could do that at a restaurant, so not sure why not at a facility that cares for patients.

Sorry, but you can easily support yourself on working three days per week in a hospital or medical setting. And then it is not the responsibility of anyone but yourself. Most of us got thru school working full-time as well as attending school.

And just because you may have discussed marriage, it still does not mean that you will be even together when you finish. There is nothing that is ever guaranteed.

And if you are coming here asking what you should do, perhaps it is because you do not feel comfortable with it as well? If it was you that was working and your boyfriend wished to go back to school, would you pay for it all for him?

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Thread moved to different forum as it has nothing to do with working the first year as an nurse once the exams have been written and passed.

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Specializes in SRNA.

No, you chose to manage a car loan instead of buying a car with savings and (presumably) you charged the items on your credit card. These are choices you made, and even if he has the money, he shouldn't give it to you.

I'm sure he works hard for his money as well, and if he's smart, he's saving it. Work during nursing school and learn more about time and money management in a tough situation.

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Specializes in NICU.

If you're living with your parents and can't qualify for financial aid ...... then it's because they are claiming you as a dependent, therefore you should be looking to THEM for financial help.

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Specializes in Oncology, Med-Surg, Nursery.

No, I don't think he is obligated to help out. If it does on his own, great, but I don't think it should be addressed as an expectation.

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