Parents will kick me out if I don't drop my nursing dreams...

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I am about to graduate high school and not happy about it at all. My parents want me to pursue a career in medicine while I want to go into nursing. They've threatened to kick me out or not let me go to college if I don't do what they say. The fact that I want to do my nursing prerequisites at a community college makes them even more angry. I have tried to do what they want always by not getting a job when they didn't want me to, but at this rate im scared I wont be able to go to college. I've done so much research into my career path and I don't want to compromise it. Does anyone have any advice?

Hey there-

I come from a similar situation except that I am much older than you. By failing to follow my own dreams and intuitions and listening to what my parents wanted for me, I wasted my own time and betrayed myself. If you do the same, you will end up a miserable, angry and resentful person. You will work so hard to consistently please your parents and think that when you are an MD you will be happy because it's what they wanted, but you know what- you won't be. Every step of the way you will dread it and feel a bitter resentment.You will feel out of place and when you accomplish something, it won't feel like an accomplishment, because it meant something to someone else and not you. The clincher is that you will be the one who WORKS for everything, day in and day out, and without your own motivation and drive behind it will do nothing but cause you misery. I can give this advice solidly, because I did this and this is what happened to me (as well as any other person that I know that did something because their parents, society, a spouse, etc. thought it was a better plan than their own). My advice is this: trust YOURSELF and only listen to yourself and what YOU want. Parents do not have an ownership over you and even despite maybe having your best interests at stake, they can do some serious damage to your life path and your psyche. You are still young, but old enough to establish that your own dreams and who you want to be is a non-negotiable. If the people in your life want to get behind that, they are welcome to cheer you on. If they want to challenge that, then you don't need them in your life causing obstacles. It's their right to not pay for your tuition or offer you housing, but being as young as you are there are plenty of things you can do to follow your own life path without their consent, which you don't need after the age of 18. Look into scholarships and student loans. A private student loan would pay for not only your tuition, but also your living expenses. You might need a co-sign but another adult or older sibling besides your parents will suffice. You are pursuing a very respectable career and whatever their misinformation is surrounding it, it is their problem. Them offering you housing and tuition if you follow what it is they want for you is one thing: MANIPULATION. By partaking in this, you are allowing them to establish a pattern of control over you. This type of parenting is very destructive. I know because I experienced it. If you want to have happiness and peace in your life, I suggest you start early by putting your foot down, developing your own independence and following your own dreams. The more you allow them to shape your decisions, the more miserable you will be as you get older and the harder it will be to start establishing your own boundaries with them. This isn't about your career, it's about them controlling you. If it wasn't this it might be where you live, who you marry, and turn into a never ending cycle of constant pleasing them with nothing in return for yourself. Your parents do not own you and you will most likely outlive them- left with the life that either you, or they created for you. Make sure you are left with the one you created for yourself.

I'm glad I am not the only one going through this. It is definitely a struggle to feel like you're not a bad daughter by stressing your parents out but at the same time believing in yourself. It is hard to become independent because my parents oppose any actions to do so. Thank you for sharing, and I'm sorry you had to go through that as well.

Then you should definitely be able to get on somewhere. There's a lot of places specifically for tutoring, but I've also heard of some people who just set up their own service and find customers, which would probably make you more money since there's no middle man.

Start applying for scholarships now then because a lot start being available starting in the fall of the school year for seniors, so some might be closed now. Depending on how much your parents make and how willing they will be to even give you their tax return info, applying for financial aid through FAFSA may give you some grants. Though I believe even if your parents won't give you their tax return info to be able to fill out the application, the government should offer some low-interest loans that will be better than private loans.

For housing, renting a room or finding someone who needs a roommate with no need to add you to the lease is going to be your best bet. It'll be hard to get on a lease without a co-signer since you won't have great credit or a massive income at this point. Renting a room will probably be the cheapest option.

Yea, I know a classmate who started tutoring so I'll ask around and see what I can do. I haven't really been proactive with applying to scholarships but thankfully there are a lot to still apply for since my counselors have been sending out emails for many scholarships to apply for with march, april, etc. deadlines. Plus, I plan to attend community college to finish my nursing prerequisite classes so with scholarship money I can easily pay it myself...hopefully. I live in a big city where renting a room at the cheapest is 500-600$, living with a roommate would definitely ease the cost of rent/utilities, but then there is food, taxes, other costs to think about but with a job and a tutoring hustle I believe I can supplement this.

Threatening to kick you out of the house is a control issue. They have the right to kick you out of the house at 18, but when it comes down to you moving out and living on the streets, your parents (unless they don't care about you) will not let you live on the streets if you don't go along with their plan. You do not need your parents permission to enroll in a community college and get your nursing degree.

Definitely true, but sadly that's just how they were raised, as they're immigrant parents that were raised in a culture that supported this kind of treatment. I don't expect to change them, but I also don't want to compromise my life to please them when I know in my heart what I really want to do.

It seems like you aren't going to let your parents intimidate you into going into a career that you don't want, and if that's the case, I'm really happy for you. :happy: It's an absolute shame that they don't see nursing as "respectable," but that notion is based in ignorance, and perhaps something else. If nursing is truly what you want to do, then you'll have to work hard and perhaps scrape by for a little while, but it'll be worth it in the end.

Do you at least have a relative you can stay with, if not a friend? At this point, getting a job might be the most important step you can take at the moment. You could always share an apartment or rent a room (though, of course, be cautious and do research). Some community colleges offer housing, although that will be expensive so you might try to avoid that, if you can.

If you're interested, perhaps you could look into a CNA program? I'm not sure how much they tend to cost at a college, but depending on the school, you can get it completed quickly during summer. CNAs are WAY in demand and I got calls within days of applying for several jobs after passing my exam. My starting pay is $13.50, and I only work part time, every other weekend. Some nursing homes or hospitals will actually train you on the job (I believe you're paid for training, too) and then you just have to pass the exam within a certain amount of time.

If you decided to work as a CNA for a year to save up money, you could probably earn a comfortable amount so long as you're diligent about saving. Plus, the benefits for full-time employees tend to be good and I would think your hours would be stable. You would also gain a lot of experience, and depending on the state, it might be within your scope to pass certain meds, like a nurse. :cheeky: Intimate care not your thing? You could always look into getting a certificate as a Medical Assistant (I think the pay tends to be even better for them) within the same amount of time as a CNA, or you could try looking for a position working at a plasma donation center... I know a few high school girls/young adults working at one near me. I believe the training is on-the-job, and I'm sure the pay is good, although that might be more competitive to get into.

Hope the best for you; hang in there! :up:

Specializes in Psychiatric and Mental Health NP (PMHNP).
Thank you for the advice! However I do not have an interest in joining the military, although it would be a nice solution for a problem like this. I was also thinking of staying at a friend's place, but problem is I don't have a lot of friends to rely on haha. But if push comes to shove I guess I will have no choice. I have also looked into apartment living and renting rooms, but right now I don't have the money for that and if I did have a job more than likely I would be struggling to make ends meet.

Let me be blunt here. How bad do you want to be a nurse? If you really, really want to be a nurse, then it will be a hard road to do this without any parental support. I don't think you have a good understanding of what is like to financially support yourself. In addition, it is a bit troubling that you don't have many friends.

If you are willing to be totally independent upon high school graduation, then you need to have a full time job lined up you can start as soon as you finish high school. That isn't going to be a nice cushy job. Quite frankly, as a high school graduate you are not in a position to be picky. The military is a good option and I suggest you talk to a recruiter. There are many military jobs that will give you great healthcare or other training. It's not all grunt work. You could have a nice desk job or healthcare job and even go to college part time while still serving. For someone who has lived as sheltered a life as you, this is the best choice, as the military will provide you with a full time job and salary, housing, and food. One of my best friends at Yale was a Marine Corps reservist while at Yale. After graduating from Yale, he served as a Marine Corps office for several years, then went on to teach at Harvard and then earned his PhD from Oxford.

Talk to a guidance counselor at school about how to find housing and how to find a job. If you are going to be an independent adult, you need to know how to do this stuff. Talk to other kids and make some friends at school. This is also an important life skill.

You need a serious reality check. If you want to go your own way, you are going to have to be willing to work your butt off and make some serious sacrifices.

Let me tell you a couple of stories:

1. One of my best friends in high school came from a family that practiced a very conservative religion that frowned on women getting a higher education. Her dream was to become a scientist and her family refused to support her in any way. She worked her way through community college deliving pizzas and whatever work she could find, all by herself. She completed her BS at UC Berkeley, PhD at Stanford, and post-doc at Cal Tech. She did all this without one single penny from her family or any emotional support or encouragement. She is now a senior scientist for the EPA and owns her own beautiful home in a lovely city.

2. I had to go my own way. I had an Asian tiger mom and she literally threw all my belongings out on the street. I was homeless at 19. Fortunately, one of friend's parents let me stay with them for a few months, as their oldest was at college. I hustled and got a well-paying full time job and I also got a part-time job. I tried to join the military but was rejected because I had a bad shoulder. Once I had enough money, I rented a room in a house. I was working 50-60 hours a week to save up money for a basic car (a necessity in SoCal) and for community college. I ended up a successful high tech business executive (Vice President) but it took my 10 years longer to get there than my peers. In my 50s, I changed careers to become a Nurse Practitioner and went to Johns Hopkins.

Personally, I don't think you are capable of the hard work required to become an independent adult and do your own thing. You also lack any life skills such as finding a job and housing. You don't come across as "hungry" enough.

Your best bet is to go to college and let your parents pay for it. Major in something that will fulfill the premed and the nursing prereqs. Then after graduating, get a decent job for awhile and then do an ABSN or a direct entry MSN and pay for that yourself.

It seems like you aren't going to let your parents intimidate you into going into a career that you don't want, and if that's the case, I'm really happy for you. :happy: It's an absolute shame that they don't see nursing as "respectable," but that notion is based in ignorance, and perhaps something else. If nursing is truly what you want to do, then you'll have to work hard and perhaps scrape by for a little while, but it'll be worth it in the end.

Do you at least have a relative you can stay with, if not a friend? At this point, getting a job might be the most important step you can take at the moment. You could always share an apartment or rent a room (though, of course, be cautious and do research). Some community colleges offer housing, although that will be expensive so you might try to avoid that, if you can.

If you're interested, perhaps you could look into a CNA program? I'm not sure how much they tend to cost at a college, but depending on the school, you can get it completed quickly during summer. CNAs are WAY in demand and I got calls within days of applying for several jobs after passing my exam. My starting pay is $13.50, and I only work part time, every other weekend. Some nursing homes or hospitals will actually train you on the job (I believe you're paid for training, too) and then you just have to pass the exam within a certain amount of time.

If you decided to work as a CNA for a year to save up money, you could probably earn a comfortable amount so long as you're diligent about saving. Plus, the benefits for full-time employees tend to be good and I would think your hours would be stable. You would also gain a lot of experience, and depending on the state, it might be within your scope to pass certain meds, like a nurse. :cheeky: Intimate care not your thing? You could always look into getting a certificate as a Medical Assistant (I think the pay tends to be even better for them) within the same amount of time as a CNA, or you could try looking for a position working at a plasma donation center... I know a few high school girls/young adults working at one near me. I believe the training is on-the-job, and I'm sure the pay is good, although that might be more competitive to get into.

Hope the best for you; hang in there! :up:

Thank you for the support:D Yea I know in just a couple months things are probably going to take a turn for the worst, so I want to prepare for that. I don't have any relatives in the area, and as I said in another post I don't have many friends (I'm the type to have a few good friends rather than lots of friends, but it would be really helpful right about now to have more people to rely on:down:) I know that getting a job is the most important thing right now, but another thing is that my parents have yelled at me before to not get a job so I'm waiting until I'm 18 next month to even pursue that...but even then If I do get one they're going to give me hell about it, but oh well. I have looked into being a CNA before, I think since last year. Thing is I would need money to enroll in a program like that. But it is okay I have plans to become a patient transporter and maybe a CNA? It depends on if the salary is higher and if the hours are better. Wow, do you work PRN? If you don't mind me asking, what city or state do you live in? I live in an urban, metro city area with a good medical center but from what I've researched online the CNA salary is around $11-12/hr, so I wasn't expecting to make more or less than a patient transporter. I do think the the exp. I would get as a CNA would be invaluable though, and get my foot in the door for future nursing jobs. Ah, being medical assisting programs take around a year to complete, so I don't think I could do that. What jobs could you work at a plasma donation center? But interesting... I'll definitely look into it. Thank you! Hanging on a thread lol.

Personally, I don't think you are capable of the hard work required to become an independent adult and do your own thing. You also lack any life skills such as finding a job and housing. You don't come across as "hungry" enough.

I disagree. I think the OP is coming across as taking a more pragmatic approach rather that a passionate approach to solve this problem.

OP, of course you lack "life skills," as they are skills developed over time. We have *all* had to learn how to get our first job. We have *all* had to learn how to find affordable housing. Maybe some of us had more supportive experienced adults in our lives to help guide us, but others of us didn't and were able to overcome obstacles to achieve our goals.

I think part of 'adulting' successfully is knowing your own mind and abilities, and taking logical steps to reach goals. Will it be more difficult for some? Sure, but making sacrifices and working hard to get to your goals ultimately arms you with more life skills to tackle your next set of obstacles.

Good luck with whatever you decide, OP

Specializes in MICU RN.

That really sucks. Do you have any other adult family members or family friends who are able to advocate for you? Maybe they would be more responsive listening to the benefits of a nursing career from them. Best of luck!

Thank you for the support:D Yea I know in just a couple months things are probably going to take a turn for the worst, so I want to prepare for that. I don't have any relatives in the area, and as I said in another post I don't have many friends (I'm the type to have a few good friends rather than lots of friends, but it would be really helpful right about now to have more people to rely on:down:) I know that getting a job is the most important thing right now, but another thing is that my parents have yelled at me before to not get a job so I'm waiting until I'm 18 next month to even pursue that...but even then If I do get one they're going to give me hell about it, but oh well. I have looked into being a CNA before, I think since last year. Thing is I would need money to enroll in a program like that. But it is okay I have plans to become a patient transporter and maybe a CNA? It depends on if the salary is higher and if the hours are better. Wow, do you work PRN? If you don't mind me asking, what city or state do you live in? I live in an urban, metro city area with a good medical center but from what I've researched online the CNA salary is around $11-12/hr, so I wasn't expecting to make more or less than a patient transporter. I do think the the exp. I would get as a CNA would be invaluable though, and get my foot in the door for future nursing jobs. Ah, being medical assisting programs take around a year to complete, so I don't think I could do that. What jobs could you work at a plasma donation center? But interesting... I'll definitely look into it. Thank you! Hanging on a thread lol.

Yeah, there will definitely be some rough months ahead while you try to transition from your parents house to supporting yourself. I hope you're able to find a way to make it work well for you... It would be better to sacrifice a few months of unhappiness rather than your whole career, though, no? As long as you find a way to safely take care of yourself.

I'm sorry to hear that the MA programs take so long; I didn't realize that. :grumpy: Again, you could always look into a nursing home program that will train you as a CNA so that you can get your certification while being paid. You'll gain, and not lose... If I understand correctly. :notworthy: Will your parents kick you out instantly if you so much as get a job? Aye, this is rocky territory, haha.. I don't know too much about patient transportation so I can't offer any perspective on that.

As for the area I'm in- I live in the Minneapolis (MN) area. It's actually quite crazy- the cities/towns around here are very affordable (in comparison to others) but you get paid really well at the same time. The average pay for nursing assistants in the towns surrounding me is between $14-$15! I lived in Washington state prior to moving here, and it was much more expensive, however, CNAs there were only making $11 an hour (so pathetic, seriously, for the amount of responsibility that CNAs have).

This is a huge step and something to definitely consider... But perhaps you could consider moving? If you were to consider this route, you would definitely need to think about it a lot and research your options. I moved out at 19 across the country, but I was able to transfer to another location for a retail store I was working at since I was 16. They didn't promise me a full time position, but I was able to earn it, thank god, after a few months. I was scared for awhile, though, that I would run out of money to support myself (I left with $5,000 in savings). Fortunately my (now) husband lived there so I knew I could possibly rely on him a tad if it got bad. If you don't have prior job experience, it can be difficult (possibly) finding a full-time job, especially if it's in retail (from my experience, there are only a few full time positions, and there are people who have worked at the store for years who are waiting for one to open up, though this might differ at different places). That's why I believe it would be best to have a certificate of some sort for a job that's in dire need, but, of course, everybody's situation is different so that might not be the most plausible course of action for you.

Again, if you consider moving, you might be able to find a city or state that will be easier for you to live in. Minnesota (for example) is a very safe state to live in, and there are jobs EVERYWHERE. Also, research the MANE program (Minnesota Alliance for Nursing Education). There are 7-8 community colleges that are in agreement with each other- they require similar (if not the same) pre-requisites so you can apply to most of these schools (by the end of this year, I'll be able to apply to 4 nursing programs!) and you are dual-enrolled to Metropolitan University, so that you can work on your BSN immediately after receiving your RN. Also, your pre-requisites are actual nursing school courses. When you get accepted into nursing school here, you will have completed 2 of the 5 semesters for nursing school. Once you get your associates, and transfer to Metropolitan U, you only have 3 semesters left until you graduate. I personally feel more secure. :D

I'm not saying move to Minnesota lol, but that you might want to consider moving to a place that has different options. Again, if you do consider this... Make sure you do a lot of research and come up with an in-depth plan. Finding a job that will allow you to support your self and put money into savings will be the #1 concern. You need money for anything.

As for the plasma donation center... I'm not entirely sure. I think the younger girls (who were typically nursing students or in high school) did "check in"-type stuff. They did vitals on the donors and checked their blood sugar levels. They also helped new donors check in- helped get them in the system, explained the process, asked health questions, etc. Those who did the actual donations walked around, of course, inserting IVs into people's arms and started up the machines (it seems pretty easy, at least). I don't know too much about this area, but you could probably find out more by doing general research, and by looking at a plasma donation center near you. They might have some info on their "career" page.

If you have any other questions, I'd be happy to answer, if I can offer more advice. :geek:

Military is always an option, but I don't think OP isn't "capable of hard work" if she chooses not to do it. That's absolutely ridiculous. Most people I know didn't move out of their parents house right after high school, and even when they did, they could hardly take care of themselves. Deciding to join the military right at 18 is a huge decision, as well, because for the next few years your butt belongs to the government and you'll be shipped off to god-knows-where, and the military is a whole new culture of its own. My husband just got out of the military and he hated almost every second of it. I, too, don't think the military would work well for me, and I would seek out other approaches, as well, if I was in OP's situation. What's wrong with trying to explore options, logically, before making a huge commitment?

You should give the military serious consideration even though you don't care for the idea. While in the military, you get a paycheck every month. If you live "below your means", (think free room in enlisted quarters instead of apartment in the civilian sector), you can sock away quite a nest egg during your service. You can become a nurse (LPN level) by enlisting for the appropriate job category. Finish an enlistment with the right military occupational specialty and many states will allow you to sit for the LPN licensing exam. Then, you can work your way through RN school on LPN/LVN pay. While in the military, you can take advantage of the tuition assistance program and any other available program for the military to pay for you to go to school. All of these benefits as well as others, (free medical care comes to mind), are not to be brushed aside for someone who is trying to avoid living on the streets or doing everything the hardest possible way. Just talk to a recruiter and think it over. Nobody will force you to sign any contracts.

Perhaps you can compare stats to convince your parents. Modestly, med school costs around 34k a year and Nursing at UCSF costs 11.5K a year. Starting nurses average make 60K a year, but if you hit a big hospital or a place like Bay Area, you can start at 80-90K a year.

At 22 (after 4 years of Nursing) you can move back with your parents, pay off you debt in about a year with housing and food and bills covered by your parents with money left over. Save up money in the meanwhile to get an apartment and gain experience in the nursing field. Nurses around my area can get up to 6 digits (~120K). Just look up "Registered Nursing jobs" for the area you wanna work at. If you wanna keep going to Nurse Practitioner career which is like a Physician's Assistant, I've seen nurses nearly 200k a year (HR source and job listings) in the Bay, but of course they are seasoned.

NP's can diagnose and have limited prescribing powers, but this is changing. For example, the VA is trying to give full prescription power to NPs News Releases - Office of Public and Intergovernmental Affairs.

It's a lot less stressful path.

You have these 3 big exams USMLE. I'm pretty sure if you F'up on any of these Board Exams you are screwed, but the most important one is the last one. If you get a bad score you might not match with the specialty you want to specialize in. A lot of risk for a lot of time and money.

Meanwhile, by the time you are done with med school and are a full fledged Doctor, you will have been practicing nursing for ~4 years (During residency/fellowship), probably making 6 figures.

If your parents don't pay for your BSN you will probably still apply for Financial Aid via FAFSA. I went to UC so it might be different for BSN programs, but they have a grace period of about 6 month after you graduate to start paying. When you start school again, however, this debt is delayed for a while or until you are done with school. I went back to school and my federal loans were delayed for 4 years.

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