Have you ever had one of those moments when you just couln't take one more hit from life without imploding? This is where I am right now. I'm not sure how to pull myself out of this funk I'm in right now. I have four weeks till third semester finals and I'm just fighting for every step I take. I know its depression, but can't seem to snap myself out of it even though logically I can see what is happening.
I'm a third semester ADN NS student taking additional classes for my BSN. Three weeks ago I took a hard fall out my back door and injured myself pretty badly when I fell (full weight) to my knees across the edge of the cement step. I thought I'd broke my leg, but didn't go to the hospital because I knew that would get me kicked of clinicals. Finally went a couple of days later (after lots of pain), and the doc thought I'd injured my ACL. Found out today that it's within normal parameters, but it still burns under the patella and feels like I have an ace bandage wrapped around it. Whatever, I guess I'll get over it.
My beloved siamese vanished from my home on Halloween. She was an inside cat who rarely went outside without me because she was afraid. I've had her for ten years and miss her so much. I've not been able to get anything done since, I failed the endocrine test on Wednesday and now I'm on the verge of failing. I have a 75.2 (75 is passing).
On Thursday I failed the math practicum which was stupid because I've not failed any of the math since I've been in the program. I have another chance on Wednesday to pass it before being removed from the program. This added failure has just about got me paralyzed with fear.
Thursday night after failing the practicum and enduring three hours of lecture, I come home to find my husband on the couch with a brand new tiger stripped kitten on his chest. I burt into tears and sobbed for 20 minutes. While it has to be one of the sweetest gestures my very unsweet husband has ever done, he doesn't understand that you cant just replace one cat for another and make it all better.
I want my Dorky kitty, the one who has been with me since before I was a wife, a mother, and a nursing student. I want my friend back, who travelled with me from Oklahoma to NC and then back to Mo. The one who used to sit on my lap while typing to allnurses and reading all the things that happen here. I'm crushed and I don't know how to get over it swiftly so I can get the things done that have to be done before the end of the semester. I know I have to do something, it's just so hard though to let go.
Thanks for listening my friends. I just needed to vent a little before kicking myself in the butt. I've got to pull myself up out of this before I fail, because at this point in my life, failure is not an option I can successfully navigate.
Moderators please let me know how I can change my screen name because I'm no longer a SiamCat1, I am a SiamCat0 and would like to not be reminded of my lost friend.
Nov 10, '07
You said that your average is 75.2 and passing is 75. So therefore you're PASSING! You're not about to fail, you're about to pass! Think positive and you will achieve positive things.
Now, I'm sorry about your cat. It stinks to lose a pet. I too have lost a pet and it sucks. BUT, you need to think about your future and you need to focus on your school work.
Nov 10, '07
It is easy to dwell on the bad grades and make yourself miserable about them. I do it too. I try and remind myself that no matter how much time I spend beating myself up over them, those past grades will not change. But you can do things right now to improve those future grades. (I'm sure you know this stuff already, but hey, you can never have too many inner pep talks.)
And I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I have two cats, my best friends for 12 years now, my furry little shadows. Both indoor cats, one managed to run out the door and stay gone for two weeks. I spent every night outside, walking the neighborhood and calling for him, and on a particularly quiet night, I heard him meowing back. I am thinking of you and hoping you have a similar reunion with your SiamCat very soon. However, if this is not possible, do not write off the distraction powers of this new kitten. Of course he will never replace your best friend, but you can get to know him and have fun with him. Enjoying kitten antics is not betraying your missing cat, and you can feel good about the fact that you are giving a cat a good home.
I hope things start to look up soon...
Nov 10, '07
I'm so sorry your cat is lost...I have two of my own, and can't imagine what I'll do when their time comes...don't give up hope yet though - I lost one of mine for two weeks once a few years ago, he was just out wandering I guess, but he found his way home. When I was a kid same thing, we lost one of ours for about two weeks - turned out he was trapped on a garage roof on a different block. If it's only been since Halloween she might still be OK. As for help concentrating on studies, I don't have a lot of suggestions. You need to, but I can't think of a lot of specific suggestions. One that I use is to give myself daily assignments, which I write in my planner ("read chapter 22," "type notes from 11/8"). It helps me to break things into smaller tasks, and checking them off makes me feel like I've accomplished something.
Nov 10, '07
I've been through it all.....I promise you that you will get better.
Thinking of you, Susan K
Nov 10, '07
First, have you checked local shelters? Posted flyers with a picture? Placed an ad in the local papers?
I lost my German Shepherd two years ago. We got her as a pup and had her 7 years. One day she went outside with me and when I turned around, she was gone. We looked for over a week, placing ads and everything.
A week later, she was dead in our front ditch. It looked like she had probably been picked up, taken someplace, and then got away. She almost made it home before being hit by a vehicle.
Those were rough weeks. I feel your pain. I've lost several pets, and it's rough. Plus, nobody really takes your loss seriously.
But about nursing school now. This reminds me of something else: last spring I was driving back to school to take a test, and saw one of our cats dead in the ditch about 1/4 mile from our house. This cat, although spayed, was a wanderer. She was my daughters favorite, too. I stopped and verified that it was her, then had to go on to school. My husband went and buried her that night. But I was distraught when I got to school, and had to keep it all to myself, because nobody in my class likes animals or has pets. (Really).
I got through it and you will too, although it stinks.
I also had a few moments when I thought I wouldn't make it. I also had an anxiety attack on a pass/fail math test and was the only person in the class to fail. I had one make-up shot a week later, and did pass, but that week was hell for me. I was so stressed I couldn't sleep. All I did was study math - for seven days.
So I know how you feel. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
Nov 10, '07
I understand how you feel. I am on the vurge of failing my classes. I am hoping that I can pass the next 2 tests and the final. I pray that it will be better for me. Just hang in there. I know that is easy to say but that is the advice that everyone has been given me. Good Luck!
Nov 19, '07
I also know how you feel -- I am on the verge of failing one of my classes, and am barely passing the other with a C-. I hope that I will be able to pull it together, but often I am just so overwhelmed that I sit and cry about the fact that I am not doing well and could possibly get kicked out of my program.
Eventually I do realize though that that's no way to help myself do better, so I throw myself in my academics. Hopefully this will pay off.
I pray that you will be able to do the same, although I know it's not easy. Good luck, and we're all here for you.
Nov 19, '07
I'm sorry that all that bad stuff has happened. It seems that a lot of people have a lot of bad things happen all at once. But like they said before, you're passing! And although it's hard to replace a cat, you could go by a shelter and all those cats in there have lost owners, or just been alone. Even if it's a new cat, it's a cat that YOU could be picking, and you could make one really happy by giving it a home. New friendships are never a bad thing.
Nov 19, '07
(((((AngelaSN))))), as I fellow cat lover, I can totally understand how you are feeling. If she doesn't come home to you, I pray that another cat lover took her in and is taking good care of her.
You've come so far already in school, just hold tight.
Nov 24, '07
I Am So Very Sorry For Your Loss. I Also Have A Cat Who Is 13 And Has Been With Me Since I Was A Teenager. She Has Helped Me Through Many Of My Hardest Times. And I Know The Time Of Her Departure Grows Near... I Truly Hope You Find Your Friend. Cats Are Very Smart Animals And Find Ways To Survive. Be Strong And Stay Focused Your Cat Would Not Approve Of You Sulking,
Nov 24, '07
I, too, am sorry about your loss. Your husband had good intentions when he brought home your new kitten. Give your kitten the same attention you would give your missing SiamCat and whenever your mind starts to wander to your loss, force yourself to do another math problem or read another paragraph. You have to buckle down and think that your missing cat would not appreciate your not being attentive to the new kitten, nor your not being as attentive as you need to be to your studies. Distractions only stop us when we let them stop us. Good luck and hoping that your missing kittie comes home safe and sound. Then your worry will be that both cats get along!
Nov 24, '07
My heart is breaking for you. Check out petfinder.com because there are quite a few rescues that put pictures online and being a Siamese would sure narrow it down. I'd also physically go to the shelters to look for her. The ones in my area aren't always the most helpful over the phone.
If your depression continues I'd consider trying an antidepressant as this isn't a time when you probably have many reserves left over. Sending good vibes your way and I hope your kitty finds her way home. Jules
P.S. I have adopted several strays that found their way to my door and I love them with all my heart. I've often wondered if their owners stopped advertising etc by the time they came out of hiding because I didn't find anyone who was looking for them.
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