Husband or School? - page 2
:confused: :( Before I started my first semester; back in pre-req's. I thought I had the greatest husband on earth! Now, I just want to leave him! My classes are M-Th, 9-4. Every night I have to... Read More
Oct 27, '02Occupation: RN, MSN student Joined: Mar '02; Posts: 1,223; Likes: 1I hate to say this, but (imho) he sounds like a childish selfish brat! Marriage vows are to love one another - that includes helping each other - not running off and having a good time and expecting your spouse to manage the house and kids while you're gone (esp when your spouse is sick). Marriage vows are not for you to become a slave to him! (This is one of my pet peeves lol)
Now how do I handle it? When my bf starts to forget to do something - I'll remind him immediately & we usually have a good laugh over it as he does whatever it is. I do the same if I forget something. We also share with each other our love and respect.
Does he show you the little loving things? Like holding hands, saying thank-you, or telling you how nice you look? If not, might be time (once you're feeling better) to go on a little retreat or have a couples night out.
Either way ... a good talk when you're feeling better would be in order. Try to see if you can get him to help you cook... I never cook alone - it's way too much fun to cook with someone you love.
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon!
Oct 28, '02Occupation: ED RN Joined: Sep '02; Posts: 2,475; Likes: 25I agree with Kitty--why should you be the only one to cook dinner and clean the house? House chores should be split 50/50 in a marriage. This is 2002, after all. Your school is comparable to a full-time job. I think you need to make that clear to him. Also, why shouldn't you pursue a career that you'll enjoy? You are not tied down to your husband and house...
Sorry, not to sound too critical, but I think women give too much of themselves to others.
Hope you feel better soon.
Oct 28, '02Occupation: Psychiatric Research Joined: Aug '02; Posts: 1,467; Likes: 6You are doing all this work and he has time to go hunting and fishing??? Sounds too much like my ex-husband, ugh.
I hope he learns to be more supportive. You need and deserve that, and so do your children!
Oct 28, '02Occupation: Registered Nurse Specialty: 5 year(s) of experience in Trauma and Pediatrics ; From: US ; Joined: Apr '02; Posts: 1,523; Likes: 31((((( Freebird55 ))))))
Hubby Need to get over it!!!! Everytime my hubby has the audacity to complain that he is not getting enough attention, or that the house is not a dust free or sparkly clean as it used to be, I tell him you know all those vacations your planning on us taking when I graduate, and all those home improvement projects you want done when I graduate, "WELL I NEED to study in order to graduate!"
That usually snaps him back to reality! I understand his frustration at times because he works nights.. so he doesn't get much sleep b/c he is handling the cooking and the kids during the day.... because I also work during the day.... so sometimes he just needs to vent.... just like I do sometimes! So I let him, I tell him to get over it.... then the moment has passed..... we go on!
When a parent/partner decides to return to school there is a lot of adjusting and sacrifices on both ends that are made.... but we are a partnership, and where one starts dropping off the other picks up the slack.... and then visa versa... that what it's all about... nothing last forevers and all situations are temporary....
This too shall pass!
Oct 28, '02Joined: Oct '02; Posts: 64; Likes: 1This is a great subject....right now I work full time and am working on my pre-req's for nursing school, and sometimes my partner gets a bit out-of-shape when I say I have to study over the weekend and he has all these social plans that he wants me to go to. I assume it will only get more difficult when I am actually in nursing school.
Oct 28, '02Joined: Jul '01; Posts: 357; Likes: 5My husband and I almost got a divorce during the first semester. For all the same reasons stated above. Then I sat him down and explained that when I graduate and become a nurse, we would be able to afford some of the things that we have always wanted, like a house of our own(renting), a truck to haul his 4-wheeler in(he has to find a friend to do it), and a real vacation!!!
Today, he doesn't complain. . . much. When he does I just remind him that on our present income we will never be able to have anything better than what we have now. He even occasionally pitches in and cleans the house or takes the kids outside to play with them
Oct 28, '02Joined: Oct '02; Posts: 549; Likes: 19My question is he really unhappy because he isn't getting home-made biscuits or could he be feeling threatened by all the changes that are occurring?
It sounds like you have a traditional type of marriage and you going to school to become a nurse is changing the dynamics of your relationship.
Once you graduate, you will be a professional making good money and he may worry that you will no longer need him the way you do now. I don't know what your husband does for a living, but he may be threatened by the idea that you will have a career on an equal footing with his. Men can be really touchy about money, their ego and being "head of the household".
If he is uncomfortable about these changes, his complaining about your housekeeping may be a way for him to try to keep things the way they have always been in your marriage.
Being a man, he is probably not conscious of these feelings and would deny them if you asked. But you might want to subtly let him know that he is and will continue to be important to you even when you are more financially independent.
Talk about him being able to buy a new hunting rifle or a great vacation you can take with your kids using the extra money you will earn. Let him see how his life will improve and your family will be even stronger when you are a nurse.
Hopefully he will feel less threatened by the changes and more willing to help you. He doesn't sound like the type to do laundry or clean the bathtub, but maybe he could take the kids to a movie to give you some quiet time to study or bring home McDonalds or order in pizza for dinner once a week.
Oct 29, '02Occupation: Wife;mother;full time student Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 45Ya'll are soooooo great. I love this site!!!! So far things have been good after he read my letter, so maybe that is what he needed. I'm still cooking a "good" supper, he did take the baby out of the bath tonight, after I washed her body and hair. LOL I guess it's a start! Things are pretty guiet tonight, there all in the den or living room watching t.v. so I'm studying 8 chapters for two test tomarrow (death & dying) & (vitals/assesment) I believe I'm getting better too, still have some conjestion & cough but most all of the pain is gone. Love all you guy's & gal's on the BB.
Gotta study, catch ya later.......................Freebird55
Oct 29, '02Joined: Apr '02; Posts: 119; Likes: 1Glad to hear it! But remember that he may need reminding ona regular basis. There is a fine line between reminding and nagging so be creative. I think you're on to something though. Best of everything to you!