How has having/not having children affect your career?

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I would like to ask what impact has having children/being childless been on your career?

Look RN Writer the things I say are based on nurses I have worked with - not generalising. These nurses I met - were complaining, etc some of these nurses I worked with were so bitter - that you wondered why they were mothers at all. So please do not think I am dissing ALL nurses who become parents. That is NOT the case.

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Specializes in ER, Surgery.
Here here at last a poster who agrees with me lol. Who wants kids - they are such a drain. I feel sorry for any woman that has that burden (sorry joy)

Without having a child you just really wouldn't understand how much they can and do enrich your life.

As far as your question "how has having/ not children affected your career"

It's personal choice, I was 27 when I had my children, I had a fulfilling life before, I worked hard, socialised hard and enjoyed my life. I had a successful nursing career had been qualified 7 years, and after having my first child spent a year off work to take care of her. I returned to work and started to study for my degree, which I did part time whilst working. I had a very flexible working environment and was able to longer shifts and less days and they gave me time off to study, when I worked my baby spent the days with her dad or grandparents and I have no hesitation in saying that this has enriched her life greatly.

10 years on I am very successful and working in a senior nursing position (DON), I am finishing my masters degree and am extremely content with both home and work life. It's about balance, I am motivated and ambitious and want to continue to progress in nursing, however without having the experience of being a parent I feel my life would be so much poorer.

That's not to say being a parent is the right choice for everyone, but for me it has been an enriching and rewarding choice and one I would do again in a heartbeat if I were able.

As far as how it's affected my career, it hasn't I am where I planned to be in both my personal and professional life. Had I been able to have more children then maybe my professional plans would have taken a little longer but I would have still got there.

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Hi I just wanted to point out that - pregnancy is not something that is thrown into one's lap. Gone are the days when women had no control over their fertility. So when I hear of any woman saying I have got xxxx amount of children and I am still in nursing school - IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!! Why do some women believe that being pregnant is the only way to motivate themsleves to have a career?? I have a career and dont have any children so I dont understand why that should be the case.

Excuse me?

I planned on having children and chose this path. I wanted children more than I wanted a career at that point in my life. I wanted to be a mom in my 20's and get the child rearing done while I was young rather than focus on my carreer and getting my degree and starting a family later. It may be hard for you to understand or believe, but most of us who are parents LOVE being parents and wouldn't have it any other way. I'm one of those you speak of. Having kids DID make me more motivated to finish school and accomplish my dreams of becoming a nurse. I AM doing better in school now than I ever did before I had kids. I know there are plenty of people who don't need kids to give them motivation and I was never implying that one "should" have kids in order to have that motivation. I was merely answering your original question and telling my story. Having kids not only gave me the most joy and love I've ever experienced in my life, but they have motivated me to be a better, stronger person and to succeed in ways I never even dreamt I was capable of before. You don't understand that and I don't expect you to. But that is the truth.

I've read all of your postings on this issue and it seems like YOU are the one who has an issue with children. Why such the fasination if you despise them so much and are so happy with your life without them? I have no problem with your choice not to have children, but what I do have a problem with is your attitude against those of us that do have children. If you have people that you work with who complain about their kids all the time, why not make the topic about that. Your question was "how has having children/not having children affected your carreer" or something to that affect. When people who have children posted their replies all you've come back with is insults and snide little remarks about how horrible it must be to have kids, what a burden they must be, and how happy you are that you don't have them. That is pretty rude and disrespectful. Like the other poster said, I don't see the respect going both ways.

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I have noticed that as well. I dont have children and I have run into nurses who have said that I was spoiled and selfish etc the usual nonsense that those with children usually say. It used to annoy me at first but now I ignore them and just carry on with my career. I have a wonderful home, fabulous car, can travel, have lots of wonderful friends, can hang out in wine bars etc. I am happy with my life, so glad I am NOT stuck at home with screaming children and a career that is forced to be stagnant because of the "kids" They do slow your life down I dont care WHAT people say on the matter and can even ruin it sometimes.

I have a wonderful home, can travel, lots of wonderful friends, can hang out in wine bars, too. I have kids but that doesn't mean that my life is over. Yes, I don't get to go out as much as I used to on the weekends and going out means finding a sitter. But honestly, I don't WANT to go out every weekend without my kids. I actually ENJOY being with them more than anything else. SHOCKER! Who says having kids forces your career to be stagnant? As a mom, I personally might not choose a job that is not good for them, but that's not something that I feel bad about. They are my first and foremost priority and I am happy to make them happy. (Another SHOCKER!) Some people might use having kids as an excuse as to why they can't furthur their education to expand their careers but those are just excuses. I know plenty of people who have obtained their graduate degrees while having children at home.

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i had my daughter when i was 14! yes 14 i call my daughter my long story..lol.. having my kids made me a bigger and better person, my babies made me want more in life, and because of them i have more, i graduated with my A.S in criminal justice, im in the the military, i will be starting nursing school january of 2010, they maade me very strong, yes its hard being a parent but you know your not doing things for yourself but you know you have someone there that needs you...my babies make me work harder then the average person..oh yeah im only 25...i say im very bless and i cant complain

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Here here at last a poster who agrees with me lol. Who wants kids - they are such a drain. I feel sorry for any woman that has that burden (sorry joy)

Look RN Writer the things I say are based on nurses I have worked with - not generalizing. These nurses I met - were complaining, etc some of these nurses I worked with were so bitter - that you wondered why they were mothers at all. So please do not think I am dissing ALL nurses who become parents. That is NOT the case.

Not according to the top post....every person's choice to have kids or not, is their choice...their's

As far as treating other colleges differently, I think people who treat others, with or without kids, rudely or like they are spoiled, ignorant, or have no idea how life is...are very unbelievable. :eek: I would never do that to someone else, everyone lives their life the way they feel is correct for them and who am I to say they are wrong? I have had co workers with kids and without kids that are very happy with their life's path...and I think that is fabulous!:heartbeat

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Specializes in ICU.

ellean55 -honestly i have to wonder what this ax is you have to grind against mothers and children. i have known plenty of women who have decided having children wasn't in their game plan but there was no malice or disrespect for the role like you have shown in this thread. sounds like a personal issue you are struggling with rather than any kind of rational thought out process ***not because you don't want to have children, but because you speak so lowly of motherhood and children in general***

they do slow your life down i dont care what people say on the matter and can even ruin it sometimes.

oh, by the way, people ruin their own lives, not children. in fact, when a parent chooses not (or lacks the ability) to embrance their child/ren and enjoy them for all the goodness they can bring into a life, they have no one to blame but themselves. i'm willing to bet that these people wouldn't be happy in life regardless of their kids. they just like to have (or need???) something to blame it on.

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ellean55 -honestly i have to wonder what this ax is you have to grind against mothers and children. i have known plenty of women who have decided having children wasn't in their game plan but there was no malice or disrespect for the role like you have shown in this thread. sounds like a personal issue you are struggling with rather than any kind of rational thought out process ***not because you don't want to have children, but because you speak so lowly of motherhood and children in general***

i totally hear where you are coming from, but allow me to make a few points (from the childless by choice perspective :) )

those of us adults who choose not to have children are near constantly belittled and questioned by those who do. i am not exaggerating. everyone from close family to co-workers really want to know why we have no plans to have kids, and why we have actively taken measures to prevent it from happening. (i got a vasectomy, best thing i ever did!)

this can be very draining, and unfortunately, can diminish our compassion for the other side. i make a very concsious effort to remember where parents are coming from, so it doesn't bother me too much anymore as i've gotten older. however, i can definitely understand the frustration on the part of the childless by choice.

as for me, kids are just not compatible with the lifestyle that both my wife and i enjoy at this time. we live in a walkable, public transit friendly neighborhood in a small apartment surrounded by a ton of excellent night-life, restaurants, and a million things to do. we enjoy our time together, going out, having fun, and only having to worry about ourselves and each other. we go to dive bars and chat, lift weights together at the gym, go to social events on short notice, attend community happenings, and do a good bit of volunteer work. we are both musicians who perform together and have a (very, very) tiny recording studio in our bedroom. not to mention my being in nursing school full-time, and her working full time and pursuing a graduate degree. a great deal of these heavy time involvements wouldn't be possible with kids, or at least, not to the degree which we enjoy. will we be interested in adopting somewhere down the road? maybe. :) it will be only after as much careful consideration that went into us deciding not to have them at this time.

i don't discount those who choose to have kids. i will say that i wish more people had given it as serious thought as me and my wife did. kids need to be loved unconditionally, and while this is very difficult to do i have no doubt, it is necessary for the child to feel secure, and safe. i'm not going to lie, i see a lot of parents neglect their children, and treat them as anything other than the tiny human beings that they actually are, with their own goals, feelings, and emotions. this breaks my heart regularly.

however, to those who have kids, and treat them with respect and raise them in the best way, you have my unparalleled admiration. you are doing a job i am no doubt not capable of doing at this point, and i am in awe by great parents. you have one of the more difficult jobs out there!

anyway, sorry this is so long...just please try to bear in mind that sometimes you face a lot of flack for choosing not to have children, and this can lead to some short tempers, which is unfortunate.

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Specializes in ICU.

Trust me, I do understand where you are coming from and can even appreciate where a short temper might break through every now again. But to start a thread and then turn it into a bash-athon towards mothers and children is a competely different thing (and pre-emptive, not momentary outburst) Its very apparent that you really thought through your decision and are content with your life, as you should be. Not just b/c you can point out the many ways your are enjoying your life, but by appreciating how others who have chosen differently can still enjoy theirs too. There's no malice or insults in your post. Ellean on the other hand, well, all I can say is trying to prove to people how much better her life is by insulting and degrading others' lifestyles doesn't come off as very convincing. And to tell nurses and future nurses that their careers will be stagnant because of their children is, well....childish at best. How ironic, lol!

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I totally hear where you are coming from, but allow me to make a few points (from the childless by choice perspective :) )

Those of us adults who choose not to have children are near constantly belittled and questioned by those who do. I am not exaggerating. Everyone from close family to co-workers really want to know why we have no plans to have kids, and why we have actively taken measures to prevent it from happening. (I got a vasectomy, best thing I ever did!)

This can be very draining, and unfortunately, can diminish our compassion for the other side. I make a very concsious effort to remember where parents are coming from, so it doesn't bother me too much anymore as I've gotten older. However, I can definitely understand the frustration on the part of the childless by choice.

As for me, kids are just not compatible with the lifestyle that both my wife and I enjoy at this time. We live in a walkable, public transit friendly neighborhood in a small apartment surrounded by a ton of excellent night-life, restaurants, and a million things to do. We enjoy our time together, going out, having fun, and only having to worry about ourselves and each other. We go to dive bars and chat, lift weights together at the gym, go to social events on short notice, attend community happenings, and do a good bit of volunteer work. We are both musicians who perform together and have a (very, very) tiny recording studio in our bedroom. Not to mention my being in nursing school full-time, and her working full time and pursuing a graduate degree. A great deal of these heavy time involvements wouldn't be possible with kids, or at least, not to the degree which we enjoy. Will we be interested in adopting somewhere down the road? Maybe. :) It will be only after as much careful consideration that went into us deciding not to have them at this time.

I don't discount those who choose to have kids. I will say that I wish more people had given it as serious thought as me and my wife did. Kids need to be loved unconditionally, and while this is very difficult to do I have no doubt, it is necessary for the child to feel secure, and safe. I'm not going to lie, I see a lot of parents neglect their children, and treat them as anything other than the tiny human beings that they actually are, with their own goals, feelings, and emotions. This breaks my heart regularly.

However, to those who have kids, and treat them with respect and raise them in the best way, you have my unparalleled admiration. You are doing a job I am no doubt not capable of doing at this point, and I am in awe by great parents. You have one of the more difficult jobs out there!

Anyway, sorry this is so long...just please try to bear in mind that sometimes you face a lot of flack for choosing not to have children, and this can lead to some short tempers, which is unfortunate.

This is so well written that I had to leave a comment.

As a child-free by choice person who deals with the constant questioning, I feel you expressed why it can be so draining and frustrating at times. I feel like the majority of my friends who have children rarely have to defend why they chose to do so (and yes, many of them are excellent parents and their children are lucky to have them!) and it really feels like there is such a difference in how the non-popular child-free choice is viewed by our society (and the disparity in workplace treatment as well in terms of personal time/allowances made for those who have children vs. those who do not/judgements made wrongfully about our demeanors etc..). While this makes me sad at times, it's always nice to see someone intelligently and eloquently express the points you made. Thank you for that :).

This line really resonated with me, "I don't discount those who choose to have kids. I will say that I wish more people had given it as serious thought as me and my wife did." I really have built a life for myself that I have molded to my liking after an immense amount of thought and self-analysis. I love my life and the decisions I have made so far. I do think there are many out there who may have children after the same amount of self-analysis and thought and feel the same way but there are also far too many on the other side of the coin who 'let things happen' with little thought as to the enormous responsibility parenting really is and that really breaks my heart as well. To those who make the decision and give it their all, that's awesome. I wish that you guys would cheer me on for my lifestyle too though ;)

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And to tell nurses and future nurses that their careers will be stagnant because of their children is, well....childish at best. How ironic, lol!

Oh I agree with that. Some people only feel validated in their decision if they dismiss the decisions of others. That's too bad, because I think we'd all be pretty bored if we all made the same decisions.

I do know some mothers who advanced their careers as far as they wanted while still raising kids. My favourite example I always use is my sister. She has 5 awesome kids, and yet still completed her nursing degree. That still blows me away when I think about it. Her and me are opposites like that, she requires less down-time and "me-time" than I do, and thus she was able to do this. I know it wasn't easy, and that's part of why I have so much respect for those who can pull it off. It's not a bad decision, just different. (I'm assuming of course that we're talking about good parents. We all know a few bad ones, unfortunately. )

I get a kick out being the "cool uncle/parent's friend" for kids, and despite not having any, am not bothered by children. I've even thought about working pedi or a NICU. That's the last impression I'd say is worth clearing up. Some who choose not to have kids don't really like kids too much. Others don't mind them. I will say that it's worth trying not to criticize those who chose not to have kids because they don't like them much. When you think about it, they actually made the most compassionate decision for themselves and any potential kid. They knew it wouldn't be a good situation, so in good conscience, they avoided it. I'm not saying anyone in this thread has done that, but it does happen, quite a bit. I have often heard (from those who don't know me) "You're not going to have kids? Why do you hate them??" :rolleyes:

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I feel like the majority of my friends who have children rarely have to defend why they chose to do so (and yes, many of them are excellent parents and their children are lucky to have them!) and it really feels like there is such a difference in how the non-popular child-free choice is viewed by our society (and the disparity in workplace treatment as well in terms of personal time/allowances made for those who have children vs. those who do not/judgements made wrongfully about our demeanors etc..).

Well, I obviously know exactly how you feel. I think in a lot of ways it's just a side effect of how prevalent having children is, in our society. I try to remember that most people mean well and some, perhaps, never considered not having children, so this might be a completely new outlook for them which can be shocking or surprising.

but there are also far too many on the other side of the coin who 'let things happen' with little thought as to the enormous responsibility parenting really is and that really breaks my heart as well.

Heh, you sound a lot like me! I am also always glad to meet someone else who has thought this through as much as you have. There is an article that I really, really think you should read which really helped me solidify my decision and has made it easier for me to help explain to others my decision. (also, I really think people with children should also read this. Not because you shouldn't have had kids, but as the article says, to understand more where people like us may be coming from!)

http://enlightenment.supersaturated.com/essays/text/carolynray/shame_children.html

The article is a little long, but I highly recommend it to anyone who is curious about this issue, on either side!

And Ellean, I obviously understand your decision, but try to understand where others are coming from also. I think you'll find that this gives them more respect for the decisions you are making, and just might give you more insight into the lives of others. People "get there" in a literally unlimited number of ways, so it's hard to automatically assume something like parenthood puts a person's goals out of reach like they may for you, or for me.

Different strokes. :)

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