Anorexia and the RN

Nursing Students General Students

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Are there any RN's or even student nurses out there taht are or have had Anorexia or Bulimia? Do you still have it? I do have anorexia and no one knows about it. They thought I was better but when I gained all the weight back I got depressed again and I am so tempted to do it again. It never really left me. I may be an idiot but I do not think I am ready to give it up yet. I KNOW how bad it is and how deadly but it is a psychological thing I guess. I love the control it gives me in a chaotic world and I do so desperately need to lose the weight I gained. Please talk to me. Support, advice, whatever you like. thanks. :p

Specializes in Neuro.
I have lost 13 lbs now since last week and my husband is on my case about being way to fat again. I hate that!

Not that I'm any kind of expert on this sort of thing, but if you're already weight-conscious and anorexic, and your husband is telling you you're fat... he really can't be helping you cope with your situation. I admire your willingness to stick to your vows and whatnot, but your marriage could be detrimental to your health if he keeps suggesting you need to lose weight. I would not only recommend talking to a professional, but when you do, I would mention your husband's attitude toward your weight, because that really concerns me.

Meghan

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Not that I'm any kind of expert on this sort of thing, but if you're already weight-conscious and anorexic, and your husband is telling you you're fat... he really can't be helping you cope with your situation. I admire your willingness to stick to your vows and whatnot, but your marriage could be detrimental to your health if he keeps suggesting you need to lose weight. I would not only recommend talking to a professional, but when you do, I would mention your husband's attitude toward your weight, because that really concerns me.

Meghan

ou all have made me brave enough to maybe talk to the college's councler about this. I just hope they do not kick me out of the nursing program I worked so hard to get into b/c of all this. It is so hard to get into my school and if I am dropped from the program, I may never get back in. It has happened to others in my school. I can not go to another school as they are all too far away. I need to go to a close to school as I have a family(pre-schoolers) and all. I think if I were dropped I would be worse off. That would devistate me. I know it. I want to be careful who I speak to and this is why I sought the advice of my peers here on the board. Thansk again all. I do appreciate all your posts and I look forward to them every day. :)
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Not that I'm any kind of expert on this sort of thing, but if you're already weight-conscious and anorexic, and your husband is telling you you're fat... he really can't be helping you cope with your situation. I admire your willingness to stick to your vows and whatnot, but your marriage could be detrimental to your health if he keeps suggesting you need to lose weight. I would not only recommend talking to a professional, but when you do, I would mention your husband's attitude toward your weight, because that really concerns me.

Meghan

ou all have made me brave enough to maybe talk to the college's councler about this. I just hope they do not kick me out of the nursing program I worked so hard to get into b/c of all this. It is so hard to get into my school and if I am dropped from the program, I may never get back in. It has happened to others in my school. I can not go to another school as they are all too far away. I need to go to a close to school as I have a family(pre-schoolers) and all. I think if I were dropped I would be worse off. That would devistate me. I know it. I want to be careful who I speak to and this is why I sought the advice of my peers here on the board. Thansk again all. I do appreciate all your posts and I look forward to them every day. :)
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Let us know how things work out!!!! Good luck.

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Let us know how things work out!!!! Good luck.

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Oh well, I am stuck. I took a vow for better OR worse. I need to honor it.

I am NOT an advocate of divorce just because you get bored, etc...but in your case, you are suffering through mental abuse!!!!! You absolutely DO NOT have to put up with that!!!! (you knew you were going to get that from me, huh? LOL!) Remember, if you need anything, PM me please!

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Oh well, I am stuck. I took a vow for better OR worse. I need to honor it.

I am NOT an advocate of divorce just because you get bored, etc...but in your case, you are suffering through mental abuse!!!!! You absolutely DO NOT have to put up with that!!!! (you knew you were going to get that from me, huh? LOL!) Remember, if you need anything, PM me please!

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Hey Kibbs,

I was anorexic too in highschool and throughout college. I don't tell people who know me personally now or talk about it to people who knew me so its really nice to be able to talk about it anonymously online.

What keeps me from not dieting is that when I was thin, I had to fight to think, to study, to pay attention when other people are talking to me, and to be able to do things everyone else did a lot more easily because they had the strength and energy.

I wanted to be able to live without feeling like tired and miserable and without fighting MYSELF all the time. This is why I stopped. FOR ME! Me, me, me (like Agent Smith in the Matrix). In my opinion, this is the only way I could truly stop: to benefit me, myself, and I.

It was not because I was hurting other people and not because guyfriends said I was unattractive because I was so skinny and it was not because OTHER people wanted me to get better grades or see me not so tired and miserable. As much as a sweet person I was back then and am now, I stopped giving a damn about other people and I did it all for me: I became anorexic for myself, in order to give myself more control and to create a protective boundry between myself and other people who violated my boundaries, and I slowly, very slowly stopped being anorexic for myself, in order to give myself more control and to create a protective boundry between myself and other people who tried to violate my boundaries. So, in my case, my mind and motivations still stayed the same but the coping mechanism I was using to protect myself changed. I didn't believe people when they said that my brain had a disease and I had a disease that was talking through me and taking control of me. Trying to protect myself because I'm feeling very scared is not a disease; it is VERY healthy. That, I feel, is one of the biggest misunderstandings with anorexia. People tell u that what you are doing is destructive and diseased but they don't realize that it is actually one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself: you're trying to protect yourself and feel good about yourself. What is unhealthy is that the means you use to achieve this end will eventually destroy your body and life if you keep it up because you can't function when you don't eat.

You say that your mother calls you fat and makes fun of you. In my opinion, this would feel very hurtful and degrading if anyone, however nicely, said this to me. If this is true for you, I would go as far to say that your anorexia might be a means of trying to protect yoruself against her degradation or anyone else's degradation of you. If this is so, it is a very good thing that you want to protect yourself from her degradation by trying to lose weight. This should be seen as something postive and you need encouragement as you are trying to protect your own integrity and self-respect, something that should not be underrated. Again, It is VERY Good that you are trying to protect yourself and attain control over yourself and how you feel about yourself. BUT, the means(starving yourself) you are using to acheive this protection are, in fact, destroying your body and other parts of yourself so that you will not be able to function well if you keep doing this. This is what made me realize that I needed to find other ways of coping and stop starving myself.

I don't know if this is what you are going through but it helps me a lot to explain my story a bit and I really hope maybe you can benefit from it. I hope you are allright and that you come through okay and figure things out for yourself to understand and learn how to stand up for yourself even against those closest to you.

Keep writing : )

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Hey Kibbs,

I was anorexic too in highschool and throughout college. I don't tell people who know me personally now or talk about it to people who knew me so its really nice to be able to talk about it anonymously online.

What keeps me from not dieting is that when I was thin, I had to fight to think, to study, to pay attention when other people are talking to me, and to be able to do things everyone else did a lot more easily because they had the strength and energy.

I wanted to be able to live without feeling like tired and miserable and without fighting MYSELF all the time. This is why I stopped. FOR ME! Me, me, me (like Agent Smith in the Matrix). In my opinion, this is the only way I could truly stop: to benefit me, myself, and I.

It was not because I was hurting other people and not because guyfriends said I was unattractive because I was so skinny and it was not because OTHER people wanted me to get better grades or see me not so tired and miserable. As much as a sweet person I was back then and am now, I stopped giving a damn about other people and I did it all for me: I became anorexic for myself, in order to give myself more control and to create a protective boundry between myself and other people who violated my boundaries, and I slowly, very slowly stopped being anorexic for myself, in order to give myself more control and to create a protective boundry between myself and other people who tried to violate my boundaries. So, in my case, my mind and motivations still stayed the same but the coping mechanism I was using to protect myself changed. I didn't believe people when they said that my brain had a disease and I had a disease that was talking through me and taking control of me. Trying to protect myself because I'm feeling very scared is not a disease; it is VERY healthy. That, I feel, is one of the biggest misunderstandings with anorexia. People tell u that what you are doing is destructive and diseased but they don't realize that it is actually one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself: you're trying to protect yourself and feel good about yourself. What is unhealthy is that the means you use to achieve this end will eventually destroy your body and life if you keep it up because you can't function when you don't eat.

You say that your mother calls you fat and makes fun of you. In my opinion, this would feel very hurtful and degrading if anyone, however nicely, said this to me. If this is true for you, I would go as far to say that your anorexia might be a means of trying to protect yoruself against her degradation or anyone else's degradation of you. If this is so, it is a very good thing that you want to protect yourself from her degradation by trying to lose weight. This should be seen as something postive and you need encouragement as you are trying to protect your own integrity and self-respect, something that should not be underrated. Again, It is VERY Good that you are trying to protect yourself and attain control over yourself and how you feel about yourself. BUT, the means(starving yourself) you are using to acheive this protection are, in fact, destroying your body and other parts of yourself so that you will not be able to function well if you keep doing this. This is what made me realize that I needed to find other ways of coping and stop starving myself.

I don't know if this is what you are going through but it helps me a lot to explain my story a bit and I really hope maybe you can benefit from it. I hope you are allright and that you come through okay and figure things out for yourself to understand and learn how to stand up for yourself even against those closest to you.

Keep writing : )

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I am NOT an advocate of divorce just because you get bored, etc...but in your case, you are suffering through mental abuse!!!!! You absolutely DO NOT have to put up with that!!!! (you knew you were going to get that from me, huh? LOL!) Remember, if you need anything, PM me please!
Thanks CNM2B. :)
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KibbsRN.... I hope you do talk to you school counselor. You are very brave and it takes a lot of courage to get help. I was an anorexic in high school and was afraid to get help and now I wish I had. I did not get help until I was 30 yrs old. I still have a problem with eating although now it is the opposite problem - I over eat. I need to get some counseling for it to. We all have some problem that needs attention. :-) No one is ever perfect. Your counselor at school will be very supportive and want to help you. You will NOT get kicked out of school, that is for sure. Please let us know how you are doing. Support is so imortant and you have it here. :-)

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Thansk suzanna. I appreciate your openness and honesty. I do actually feel stronger. I exercise a lot. I do not feel hungry at all. I did eat yesturday (first time in 1.5 weeks) and I just did an extra mile on the treadmill at a faster pace. I feel stronger when I am in control and I tend to exercise more when I am in control. I have more muscle than I did 3 months ago and I feel wonderful. Even though I ate yesturday at the picnic I still do not have the urge today to eat. It is weird. I used to go on binges after a few days of 300-500 cals a day but recently I have not felt hungry at all. I ate yesturday because it was a fun event and friends were all around. But I did not feel like I just had to eat. Usually after a binge, too, I would feel like I couldn't stop and yet today I feel fine(of course I did not binge yesturday either. I ate "normal" which is a lot for me.0 I feel on track again. You know my doctor told me (when she was worried about the anorexia when I had gotten real skinny) that she would feel good if I ate 1000 cals a day. well some days I go over the 500 limit I put on myself and I hit like 800 clas. That is only 200 short of what my doc feels safe with. (And my doc is really tough on me and she is a great doc) so I am not starving myself, I do not feel. I used to go on fasts and stuff with only water all day for days but I am just eating 100 clas every few hours or so throughout the day. I think my metabolism likes this. This is how we are told to eat anyway. Especially if someone is pregnant they are told to eat mini meals. Anyway. tHANks all for your kind words. I appreciate it all. I am trying to do this the healthy way but still feel in control of things.

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