Work place bullying . . . I am a victim now, and I am afraid to do any thing about it - page 2

This all started out not too long ago. I used to feel liked by almost anyone I worked with, but now, I feel, some one has daggers for me. It all started one day when I was doing a day shift, which... Read More

  1. by   Sleepyeyes
    Originally posted by FutureRN_Mandi
    Thank you so mch ya'll . .BTW . . .I was being sarcastic
    Mandi, when I was a CNA and had to work with jerks like this, I thought they were right about my work, and that gave them the right to talk to me about ME like that.
    Because if I didn't do something perfectly the first time ( or if not perfect, then at least realrealreal well), I would be down on myself. Their voices would only mimic what I was already saying to myself.

    So it made those people doubly hard to fight off. Eventually, I learned to pretty much stay away from them. And believe it or not, I still have problems as a nurse with CNA's like this because there is just nothing in this world that will convince them that they don't know it all. ya know what i mean??? :chuckle

    Well, they DONT know it all.

    My lack of confidence shows--until I know what I'm doing. Then-- I totally kick butt.

    And if you had been trained properly (don't you guys have an orientation to day shift????? maybe THAT's what you need to talk to the DON about, eh?) you would've been told that your beds need to be done before lunch. You were right not to leave the person in the shower. She was wrong to sit at the desk and ignore your resident; she thought she was getting even with you, but in typical bully-like smallminded way, you could see that it was only the resident who was the brunt of this behavior--and THAT TRULY SUCKS.

    A REAL NURSE thinks of the patient, the patient, the patient. Your patients probably looked great; you probably did more than wipe their heinies before you dressed them.

    That kind of CNA doesn't think of the patient; her aim is to GET DONE.

    Note the difference in mentality, please. This is what will make you a nurse, and keep her a CNA in an entry-level job thinking she knows freakin' EVERYTHING for the rest of her life (well, ok, just til her back gives out, but it won't because she will always find someone else to do her work for her-- watch her get the choice assignments every time....)

    If it's any comfort, what you describe is pretty much what happened to me as a new CNA. And today, I'm an RN. She's still a CNA, making a quarter of what I make, and still believing she knows it all.

    In ==freakin'===credible!
    I've trained a lot of CNA's and as a CNA, I worked every shift. As a nurse, I've supervised some of the best and some of the worst. PM me if this one gives you any more trouble, ok??
  2. by   renerian
    Mandi don't let the witch walk all over you. I agree with an earlier post she may be the facility "witch". Maybe saying something like if your here to help fine but if your here to nag, get out of my face. People will treat you like crap if you let them. Demand respect.

  3. by   Tweety
    What everyone else said, but don't stop being nice and polite. Repaying rudeness with rudeness isn't right either, and removes your right to complain to your DON. Demand respect.

    When I "get back in someone's face", I don't feel any better about the situation or myself. I get upset when I loose it like that.

    When I was a CNA I stayed over and helped 3rd shift and ran across a person exactly like that. She went on and on about "you 2nd shift people", how to properly situate a patient for the night, how to clean them, what to do.

    I realized that she really didn't know how rude she was. I was nice and realized too that I would never volunteer to work that shift again.

    Anyway, about he b*tch you worked with. Realize she too doesn't have any self-esteem and coping skills and you are far more evolved that her.
  4. by   mattsmom81
    One cannot be expected to know all the rules on a new are new as a CNA, as an employee, and you're on a new shift. One cannot know it all immediately and some disorganization is expected!

    You don't 'suck', you are the newbie. Being new doesn't mean you must be a target for rude nasty individuals, never tell someone you 'suck' as it's not true.

    My advice is practice asking for guidance you need in an assertive way...never by demeaning your value. When you work a new unit/shift report to the charge nurse and ask her what the unit routine is and who should you report to...if they know you're unfamiliar they can direct you from the get go. That way you won't get way behind and open yourself up for criticism later.

    if you make a mistake, admit it in a matter of fact way and show you are correcting it. Ask for honest feedback and improve your performance. Let people know you want to do a good job...and ask them for their help. Even the bytch may respond favorably if you tell her you want to learn and would she be your mentor....

    If not, then find a good hearted person to be your mentor...try to work his/her shifts primarily and let them help you learn and grow in the workplace.

    Find an assertiveness seminar to will help you feel better about handling these situations without being a passive victim.

    Good luck, sweetie, lots of us were pushovers once upon a time....but we learned. So can you.
  5. by   Gromit
    Don't forget, also, that (as you've now been made aware) responsibilities are different on different shifts. For that matter, different floors will do or place priorities on different things.
    When another tech worked 'my' slot in the icu (I had been moved to another floor). I had lunch with her that day, and she told me that she absolutely hated my station, and couldnt understand how I could do it! -I love it there, and would rather be there than 'on the floor'.

    You're a night-shift person. If the witch had to work your night shift, trust me, its extremely unlikely she would do the job as well as you.

    I agree with the other poster -don't be mean back to her. Its not worth it. It would be demeaning to yourself. You are not like that. There are those of us who do appreciate that
  6. by   AJACKT33Z
    You'd think proffesional adults would act civil to one another. Remember how cruel kids used to be when you were a kid? Think of that person as handicapped emotionally; that you should tell her when you finally do it her way, for her not to be upset when you do it better---you won't do unto others because being so mean was something you grew out of. What I'm trying to say is the calmer you are, the better to throw her "act" right back at her where it belongs. As a male, I was yelled at like that when I was a rookie 19 yrs ago.It made me feel very small<----I know how this feels. I really think that no matter what advice you take, you will remember all the bad crap you took & the ones who gave you that crap-------and turn out to be far superior in every thing you do. They are sooooooo ass-kissy when you meet them years later--and you say " you helped me soooo much, if you need me, I will return the favor" This happened to me & yes,gang, it's stooping to their level, but I can't deny I was thoroughly pleased w/ myself, and wore a constant smirk for a week. You'll be OK, but this nurse has to be-----HERSELF----a punishment in itself. Hang in there & realize those who can't do, teach!!! Think of all the ppl you answer to & realize this----they can't do it as you will in the future, and the hosp. keeps those types to weed out the non-hackers.The best revenge is making those types furious by not reacting ---like they don't matter. I'd like to be there when she does that. Do me one favor? Remember & help when YOU are the exp'd one & stop the cycle.
  7. by   2banurse
    Mandi, question for are currently going back to school for an RN right? You are also quite young too? My guess is that this bully is a little older and pretty much at the height of her career...she is probably envious that you at such a young age are pursuing your dreams.

    I know that when I was your age, it was easier not to confront some of the bullies I came up with. As you get older you will get a thicker skin. For now, in your place, I would keep doing the good job you've been doing for your residents and if you have questions, as the DON or another nurse. Stay clear of the witch if you can and when she gets in your face, think of how your future is going to be so much better than hers, and that 10 years down the line, she will probably still be bullying those newbies. I think also that you will be more sensitive to the CNAs under your supervision who may be faced with the same and you can let the bullys in your supervision, that this will NOT BE TOLERATED...

  8. by   sjoe
    Here is a book you might find useful:

    Simmons, Rachel, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, Harcourt, NY, 2002.

    page 3 There is a hidden culture of girls' aggression in which bullying is epidemic, distinctive, and destructive. It is not marked by the direct physical and verbal behavior that is primarily the province of boys. Our culture refuses girls access to open conflict, and it forces their aggression into nonphysical, indirect, and covert forms. Girls use backbiting, exclusion, rumors, name-calling, and manipulation to inflict psychological pain on targeted victims. Unlike boys, who tend to bully acquaintances or strangers, girls frequently attack within tightly knit networks of friends, making aggression harder to identify and intensifying the damage to the victims.
  9. by   Youda
    That's an interesting book, sjoe, I agree.

    But, for the practical "how do you handle this" and "why is it happening to me?" type answers, I strongly suggest that EVERYONE who has encountered work place bullying to buy a copy of The Bully at Work, by Gary and Ruth Namie. No financial interest here, just an extremely helpful book that gets past the rhetoric and right into detailed plans of what to say and how to say it and to whom. Required reading, IMO.
  10. by   renerian
    3rd shift guy-nicely said.

  11. by   meownsmile
    I dont know about this person being jelous,, but she may very well feel that the world has done her wrong and is blaming and taking things out on everyone but herself for her situation.
    My guess is even her family(children and hubby) if she has any have a whole list of subversive hurtful little barbs she puts on them daily.
    Consider the sad little shell of a person she is and dont let her get the best of ya. Misery loves company so dont let her drag you into her little world of despair.
    Be yourself, proud, strong and the capable person that you are.
    Originally posted by OBNurseShelley
    Get some balls, stand up for yourself and quit your whining. Some people are mean, get over it.
    Well said.

    It is not enough Mandi to say "yeah I'm a whiner I know it." "I suck, I know it." ***** You say crap like that and you wonder why people walk all over you?

    No one will ever stick up for you 100% except for yourself, so you have to learn to do it. The world will not tip toe around you because you've admitted that you are a whiner.

    If you don't learn to stand up for yourself, you'll only become jaded and harbor great animosity towards those around you. Completely unhealthy.

  13. by   sjoe
    Youda recommends: The Bully at Work, by Gary and Ruth Namie.

    Thanks Youda, I just put it on reserve at the city library. I must say the theory, descriptions, and examples were rather good in "Odd Girl Out," since they agree with a very long post I did here some time ago, but some of her "solutions" were less than satisfactory.
    Last edit by sjoe on Dec 9, '02