women working with women, why its so hard

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Its like women have to "compete" with each other and they are so catty. I never had a problem working with men, but working with women can sometimes be stressful. I always heard one talking about another, then acting like a friend to the one they were just talking about, two-faced, competitive, etc. I now work for homehealth and Im on my own, and I like it much better. There is none of that to deal with, but I just wonder why it has to be that way. I went up to my old floor yesterday to get an IV tubing set because the company didnt send one to my patient, I felt so out of place. I at least thought my old co-workers would say "hi" or ask me how I lilke my new job, etc. But I felt like an alien. When I worked with them, I was always the one who helped everyone who needed help, I was there for them when they were upset, etc, but now they act like they dont even know me. I thought they would miss me, but I guess i was wrong. Looking back on it, I guess they were pretending to like me when I worked there. I reviewed the years I worked there and I honestly think I was "too nice", and now I dont understand how women can be that way. (I am a woman). I was a victim of their slander when I worked there too. Anyone else have a problem working with other women?

Specializes in Med/Surg, Home Health.
What other people really think about me is none of my business. If I go to work, am a friendly and helpful person doing all I can for the patients (The reason I am in nursing...) I have done my part.

Look at what you wrote in your original post and think about this...look at who you're trying to impress?! The backstabbers, gossipers and slack employees.

We can change OUR perceptions of others and how we allow them to affect us, OR we can do a good job, no matter what...I think we can all see the value of having friends, but ultimately I am there to make a difference for the patients in my care, friends are just a bonus!

Keep on doing your best and value each thank you from a pt who heals, going home better than they arrived as a better reward than ANY co-worker's praise... Isn't that the point?

Just my 2 cents...

The patients were the reason I was there and the ONLY reason I miss that place. You are right, friends are just a bonus, but teamwork makes a better environment for the patients. When someone couldnt get an IV, I went and did it for them. If they couldnt get a blood draw, they would come and get me. I was GREAT at sticking patients and they always came to me to do it for them. But then afterward, it was like they held it against me. It made me feel uncomfortable asking anyone for help myself when I needed it, I would use the callbell to ask for help but no one would show up. THAT made the environment less positive for the patients. I had one patient ask me for help because her nurse (my coworker) wouldnt help her. She later told me that her nurse was talking about me to HER. I almost blew. My patients loved me and I was often requested, I received countless thank-you cards that went thru management to get to me. The appreciation from my patients is what kept me going. But I was still the low-man-out. If I was seen talking with a guy (security or a doc) they said I was having an affair. If they saw me talking to my gay coworker, then they said I was gay. Management even took me to the side to discuss my "incidents with security". :angryfire Thats when I realized how bad it was. It was rediculous. I dont know. I was just wondering if any others here ever experienced it. I wonder if its possible to be "too nice" because the nicer I was...the worse I was liked. I would much rather have a positive work environment and have support, than to be hated for being nice.

Specializes in being a Credible Source.

In reading some of the posts that allude to bullying behavior it makes me wonder: Is the average guy harder to bully than the average gal? Or, is the average guy more bully-resistant when the bully is female?

Having a school-aged daughter I have read a fair amount about the "Queen-Bee" phenomenon and bullying among pre-teen girls. Is it possible that whatever leads to that (which I have no idea) morphs into a grown-up version that manifests in the overwhelmingly female workforce that is nursing?

Does anybody have any data pertaining to the rates of pre-teen and teen bullying among males versus females?

Specializes in being a Credible Source.

I'm also wondering if the basic premise of this thread has any basis in fact. Has anybody ever seen studies that have tried to assess the characteristics of workplaces based on gender ratios or age ratios?

Could it be that some of this perception derives from assumptions that turn into self-fulfilling prophecies? (Edited to add: OP, I'm not referring to your specific experiences but just a general question.)

I worked with men for many years. I would choose a male workplace any day, for just the reasons stated before. They are at work to work. Discussions center around getting the job done, not on somebody's personal life.

One man actually said he preferred working with me because I behaved like a man at work. I found that high praise.

Specializes in being a Credible Source.
I am thinking of going on a Forrest Gump like walk in demonstration against mean nurses and how they ruin nursing. Anyone want to join me?
If you want to expand it to mean people in general, I'm with you.

As the bumper sticker says, "Mean People Suck."

The patients were the reason I was there and the ONLY reason I miss that place. You are right, friends are just a bonus, but teamwork makes a better environment for the patients. When someone couldnt get an IV, I went and did it for them. If they couldnt get a blood draw, they would come and get me. I was GREAT at sticking patients and they always came to me to do it for them. But then afterward, it was like they held it against me. It made me feel uncomfortable asking anyone for help myself when I needed it, I would use the callbell to ask for help but no one would show up. THAT made the environment less positive for the patients. I had one patient ask me for help because her nurse (my coworker) wouldnt help her. She later told me that her nurse was talking about me to HER. I almost blew. My patients loved me and I was often requested, I received countless thank-you cards that went thru management to get to me. The appreciation from my patients is what kept me going. But I was still the low-man-out. If I was seen talking with a guy (security or a doc) they said I was having an affair. If they saw me talking to my gay coworker, then they said I was gay. Management even took me to the side to discuss my "incidents with security". :angryfire Thats when I realized how bad it was. It was rediculous. I dont know. I was just wondering if any others here ever experienced it. I wonder if its possible to be "too nice" because the nicer I was...the worse I was liked. I would much rather have a positive work environment and have support, than to be hated for being nice.

Quite frankly I don't believe you would have had the same experience with a group of men. Much as I hate to admit my preference is to work with men.

Three women I worked with once said that I worked overtime because my marriage was falling apart -- this was said behind my back but got back to me.

So much for my compassionate colleagues right? What they didn't know was that my husband beat the living daylights out of me and if I timed it right he would be asleep dead drunk when I got home and I could have some peace. Of course they never thought to ask why I did so much overtime they just made something up. Nice huh?

Specializes in Med/Surg, Home Health.

2bsure, I hope you made it out of that marriage. Be safe and take care of yourself.

I wonder if its possible to be "too nice" because the nicer I was...the worse I was liked. I would much rather have a positive work environment and have support, than to be hated for being nice.

Yes, there are so many in nursing who interpret kindness and stupidity. I've been cautioned, "don't bleed in a pool of sharks." It's crazy isn't it? Isn't nursing generally thought of as charitable. And nurses as Florence Nightengales. It's got me thinking if Florence wasn't, in reality, a not so nice person because how did this whole nursing phenomenon, (nasty and manipulative people with passive aggressive tendencies... and the accusations and lies and rumors that go on)...One of my nursing students (who the others all thought of as the dunce of the class partly, I believe, because she made being sweet and friendly her number one priority) came up with this. Many people with a low self-esteem are drawn to nursing because when they put on their scrubs and their stethescope, they are suddenly somebody. To me, I see so many people who compare themselves constantly. Who criticize their peers constantly. I have to agree with this. If a manager tries to take on a floor clique, they get run out. The cliques get real good at manipulating and reporting false interpretations of events. They are even real good at setting people up for failure and then sit back and gloat when failure happens.

Its crazy.

Specializes in acute rehab, med surg, LTC, peds, home c.

Cheno, I think every floor or facility has their own environment and it is possible to have peace and harmony with the right group of people. The floor I work on now is probably the best team I have ever worked with. With the exception of 1 person who talks about everybody and anybody who isn't sitting right in front of her, we dont really have a gossip problem. Some people are just toxic and it is very easy to get caught up in that.

I know I will catch alot of crap for saying this but, the only difference is that the facility I work at now only hires RNs. I dont know if it is just coincidence that we get along so well or if the educational level makes a difference.

The other thing is that it is an acute rehab floor where team work is imperative. Working cooperatively toward a goal often does make people get along better. Whatever the case, we definitely have a pretty tight knit group where I work.

I know I will catch alot of crap for saying this but, the only difference is that the facility I work at now only hires RNs. I dont know if it is just coincidence that we get along so well or if the educational level makes a difference.

The other thing is that it is an acute rehab floor where team work is imperative. Working cooperatively toward a goal often does make people get along better. Whatever the case, we definitely have a pretty tight knit group where I work.

Again, glad for the candid discussion. I think the push for BSNs was partly to dispell some of this. And now I'm going to get even more flack because, I have always thought that a 2 year trade school does not make for a well-rounded person. Most of the nurses I work with are 2 year RNs. Most have come out of rough circumstance. I am speaking from the stories I have heard told on the floor.

I came from rough circumstances but by coincidence, ended up traveling the world...the world...and was an actor in NY and studied communication before coming to nursing. I feel like such an odd duck. I suspect I would have fit in better if I'd been an hair stylist or a waitress before coming to nursing. It feels like that to me.

I know I'm gonna get it but this is what I seel

Specializes in acute rehab, med surg, LTC, peds, home c.
I came from rough circumstances but by coincidence, ended up traveling the world...the world...and was an actor in NY and studied communication before coming to nursing. I feel like such an odd duck. I suspect I would have fit in better if I'd been an hair stylist or a waitress before coming to nursing. It feels like that to me.

I know I'm gonna get it but this is what I seel

It is funny that you said that because the one person that I mentioned that has a gossip problem was a hair dresser before becoming a nurse. Most of the RNs I work with do have ADN degrees, a few have BSNs or BAs in another major. Alot of us have come from broken homes, abusive relationships, and rough circumstances but many have not. Some are "lifers" who started nursing very young and never did any other kind of work. Many of us share the same backround/demographic which is working/middle class Irish/Catholic. Consequently, we were brought up with this martyr mentality. For better or worse, this is how many of us are hard wired.

You are fortunate to have had these other experiences before coming into nursing. I have dreams of someday, when my kids are grown, using nursing to help me travel, either through travel nursing or the Peace Corps or some similar organization.

+ Add a Comment