When a loved one is admitted...

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in Med/surg, rural CCU.

Do you struggle to butt out?

My husband's grandmother was admitted last night to a local hospital. I worked there for 6 months last year and found the conditions and care horrendous. Every day I left I was in tears and thanking God I hadn't killed anyone and thankful I still had my lisence.

I don't want to alarm them all, but I keep asking questions, wanting to make SURE they are actually doing SOMETHING for her. (as in my experience they don't)

I don't want to be the obnoxious family member either to the hospital OR to my in-laws, but worry about her. Things are strained with my in-laws (though I get along well with his grandmother), none of them value my opinions, but I don't want to have information and not use it regardless of what they think of me.

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Personally, even if they don't care about your opinion, I would inform them of the conditions you experienced. I would be grateful if an insider was able to provide me information about a location my loved one was at.

Obviously it's bothering you that you know this information, and you know she's in there, so you need to get it off your chest. It's likely a terrifying time for the family, and they really do want to make sure their grandma has the best care. They have options.

Think about it, what if a problem comes up with the grandma and they knew you worked there and they ask you, "Why didn't you tell us about this place?" It's pretty much a lose-lose situation, so might as well give your conscience a bit of relief.

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Specializes in Med/surg, rural CCU.

They know I had alot of concerns when I was there already. I told my FIL "remember they are limited in what they can/will do there, I'm here if you have any questions, and do not hesitate to ask for a transfer if she's not recovering like she should"

She's CHF/COPD and has been in other hospitals. Hopefully she's aware enough of what is her normal treatment to speak up.

One thing that always bothered me- they did VERY little for COPD, basically I felt it was a death sentence there. They didn;'t understand that not all COPDers are retainers- and often would refuse to give more oxygen even if a patient was desatting. The doc instead would "educate" the patient that it is a terminal illness and not much they can do as they decline.

COPD- pretty much either respond to nebs and steroids or die.

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I definitely can't comment on the care being given, just because I'm a student. But what you're saying does make sense (not in the sense of whether its proper or not, but I understand what you are saying.)

Are they doing anything for her comfort, or if they really think it's that time, have they contacted hospice?

That's good that you said something. I'm not too close with my inlaws either, but I would've said something as well. Even if they didn't care what you had to say.

We can hope that they understand what proper treatment is, but honestly, you never know. They will likely listen to what the doctor has to say over you (at least I could see mine doing that.)

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Specializes in Med/surg, rural CCU.
I definitely can't comment on the care being given, just because I'm a student. But what you're saying does make sense (not in the sense of whether its proper or not, but I understand what you are saying.)

Are they doing anything for her comfort, or if they really think it's that time, have they contacted hospice?

That's good that you said something. I'm not too close with my inlaws either, but I would've said something as well. Even if they didn't care what you had to say.

We can hope that they understand what proper treatment is, but honestly, you never know. They will likely listen to what the doctor has to say over you (at least I could see mine doing that.)

Which part makes sense?

No, no hospice, she is not dying, she's chronically ill. There is treatment for COPD, if their sats are dropping, you GIVE oxygen to a point. Morphine slows down the resp rate, ativan calms the anxiety (which is a huge thing with COPD exacerbation), if they retain, BIPAP can work wonders.

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Specializes in Med/surg, rural CCU.
I definitely can't comment on the care being given, just because I'm a student. But what you're saying does make sense (not in the sense of whether its proper or not, but I understand what you are saying.)

Are they doing anything for her comfort, or if they really think it's that time, have they contacted hospice?

That's good that you said something. I'm not too close with my inlaws either, but I would've said something as well. Even if they didn't care what you had to say.

We can hope that they understand what proper treatment is, but honestly, you never know. They will likely listen to what the doctor has to say over you (at least I could see mine doing that.)

I'm really not a nusre who thinks I know everything. But- working CCU in a rural hospital, CHF and COPD are things I work with frequently.

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I'm really not a nusre who thinks I know everything. But- working CCU in a rural hospital, CHF and COPD are things I work with frequently.

I wasn't meaning to insinuate that you know everything. I think your experience should count and your family should consider it.

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Which part makes sense?

No, no hospice, she is not dying, she's chronically ill. There is treatment for COPD, if their sats are dropping, you GIVE oxygen to a point. Morphine slows down the resp rate, ativan calms the anxiety (which is a huge thing with COPD exacerbation), if they retain, BIPAP can work wonders.

What did they (the doctors or nurses) say to you when you mentioned your concerns? Did they just blow you off?

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I don't want to be the obnoxious family member either to the hospital OR to my in-laws, but worry about her. Things are strained with my in-laws (though I get along well with his grandmother), none of them value my opinions, but I don't want to have information and not use it regardless of what they think of me.

I don't think asking questions should appear as obnoxious, depending on how you ask them. However, if things are strained with the in-laws you will likely be viewed as obnoxious whether you ask 2 questions or 10. You have a right just as everyone else to be concerned about his grandmother.

It's a shame they don't value your opinions. They could really use them to their advantage.

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Specializes in Med Surg.

How does your husband stand in this? Is he feeling caught in the middle or does he lean one way or the other? I'm not trying to start a family feud or anything but where he stands could make a big difference in things for better or worse.

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No, no hospice, she is not dying, she's chronically ill. There is treatment for COPD, if their sats are dropping, you GIVE oxygen to a point. Morphine slows down the resp rate, ativan calms the anxiety (which is a huge thing with COPD exacerbation), if they retain, BIPAP can work wonders.

Hospice might be a good idea, as though she is chronically ill, she will, in all probability, die from her COPD in time. All of the treatments you mentioned can be and are done in the home. Hospice does NOT mean do not treat. It means keeping folks in the comfort of their own homes, out of the hospital, and keeping them comfortable. All the things you just mentioned are things hospice would do in the patient's environment of choice.

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Specializes in Med/surg, rural CCU.
I wasn't meaning to insinuate that you know everything. I think your experience should count and your family should consider it.

Oh, no, I'm sorry, I didn't think that from your post... I was just stating it.

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