What's the worst thing the workplace bully did to you? has done to you?

mjamesRN · Jul 13, 2003

Well, many nurses are catty backstabbers. My guess it's the ones who really really hate themselves that make their coworkers miserable with their immature antics. To put all that energy into hurting or jeopardizing another's job is true mental illness.

Nurses, for what they go through in their jobs, should undergo annual psychological counseling and it should be mandatory to go to motivation/ support groups.

I feel sorry for all of you who have experienced what you have on these postings, but I would simply tell them to go F---- themselves.

LOL

Audreyfay · Jul 13, 2003

I am so sorry for the pain you have endured at the hand of other nurses. There is true evil in this world. Don't you sometimes wonder why a person bullies? Power? Jealousy? Don't you think at some point they will get their own? I have somehow been able to avoid bullies, but know they exist. Some people were just out to make sure I failed. I confronted them. They, of course, denied it. That's when I was able to do the old trick of, "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."

pickledpepperRN · Jul 13, 2003

I have been told dozens of stories but will only tell the one I actually saw.

A charge nurse distrusts new staffs ability. That makes some sense, but she is rude in subtle ways to all new nurses.

The first time I floated to her telemetry unit the monitor observer had called in sick. Although I had my ACLS & CCRN cards she called the nursing supervisor to bring a copy of the results of the arryhmia test I had passed a decade before.

Other staff were C/O being too cold so another nurseturned the thermostat up. She came into the station (wearing a thick sweater) and turned it all the way down muttering, "Why did someone turn the heat up?"

I said, "I guess someone was cold, they are not wearing sweaters."

She spun around and got about an inch from my face to yell,"I WAS NOT TALKING TO YOU."

As call lights wen on because she han awakened patients I just looked around to see there was no one else in the station!

PS: She and I became good friends later and remain so today.

She transferred to the unit where I am usually in charge. When I precept new employees I tell them what a good nurse she is and warn them not to take her actions personally because all new people are treated that way by her. Once she finds out you are competent and willing to work she is fine.

MaryG · Jul 17, 2003

WOW.....your stories are veeeeeeery scary. I've had run in's with an RN that works nights a few times, but after the first few, I wouldn't back down. I thought......NO WAY......you are not going to intimidate me. She has managed to intimidate other aides, and they have actually quit. We've gone to the manager, but nothing ever happens. I guess they're the people that got away with bullying in school and just never quite grew out of it. It's a shame that adults have to act that way.

cindylouwho · Jul 17, 2003

I've found that if anyone even starts to pretend they might even try to bully someone or yourself ...you have to stand up to them from the get go and never back down....this works if done immediately and usually they will leave you alone...I tolerate none of that kind of behavior..not even from supervisors...

night owl · Jul 17, 2003

Originally posted by MaryG
I guess they're the people that got away with bullying in school and just never quite grew out of it. It's a shame that adults have to act that way.

It is a behavior learnt by about the age of 3. Most people are taught or grow out of this behavior, but some are not and by adulthood it has been practiced to PERFECTION. I have new neighbors a few houses down from me who recently moved here from NY. They have two children, a 5 y/o and a 7 y/o. These two kids are the terror of the neighborhood. My son who is 17, will be working on his car in the backyard and the 5 y/o comes up to him and just starts calling him all kinds of really nasty four letter word names and means it for no apparent reason. My son starts to get angry at him and I have to go out and tell him to ignore him. "Yeah, but he's pizzin me off!" Just ignore him! When he sees he's not getting the attention he wants, he'll leave you alone. "I can't ignore him, he won't shut up!" I tell the little boy to go home with his nasty mouth and if he cannot behave, he cannot come around here anylonger. Now his mother is standing on her back porch....NOT SAYING A WORD and this is where these kids grow up to be the workplace bully because they were never taught that this behavior is unacceptable, it is wrong and it will not be tolerated! How do you teach a child this when his own parent condones this type of behavior? He grows up to think that it's OK because mommy never told him it was wrong. So my son tells him you better get out of here before you get hurt and the mother calls the cops and tells them my son threatened to hurt him. Here comes the police... Getting all nasty with my son. I go out and intervene and tell the cop exactly what happened. He goes over to the mother and tells her to start disciplining her little boy soon because one day he will get hurt...badly for his inappropriate behavior. It's not the kids fault he's the way his, it's the parents fault for not disciplining him. The child doesn't know any better unless his is taught. Right now he is a diamond bully in the rough!

VickyRN, MSN, DNP, RN · Jul 18, 2003

What about that new federal study that just came out, claiming 17% of children in day care are aggressive and bullies?

Another question? We all KNOW that bullying is a BIG problem in nursing (it's endemic, a shameful part of the culture of nursing), so what do you do when you are a target, by one bully or by a pack of bullies? What's a good strategy? Any ideas? I really would like to know.

gwenith, BSN, RN · Jul 18, 2003

Vicky - here in Australia some of the bullying came from the turn of the century - it dates back to when nurses were little more than kitchen hands. I remember wne I started my training (many years ago) we were greeted by our immediate superiors ( nurses who had started thier training 2 moths previously) with the words "Oh good now you are here we are no longer the dirt on the floor merely the grime on the walls."

Some of is was a learnt and inappropriate managment strategy where a person does not "fit" because of altered - not neccessarily poor but altered work performance and because there were few other options to "sack" the person they were bullied into leaving. Thus the covert justification began.

Bad management practices that were learnt behaviour. One teaching the next - the "hidden curriculum" Saw it glaringingly at a recent workplace where people I knew would not be bullies elsewhere had fallen into the behaviour because that was the norm.

I am stiing here trying to formulate a simple answer to a difficult question. To really understand it you have to realise that there are three levels of bullying. Single bullying - where it is mostly just one person usually in a postion of power. Cohort bullying where there are two or three close friends who "back them up" and finally mobbing - where the culture supports "us" and "them".

Needless to say the fewer people involved the easier it is to adress the situation. Sometimes it does go back to the bullyig finding a better home life. Even in single person bullying there will be main tarets and those who are close and those who are neutral. The target often looks to the others for support as I did and it was a long slow learnig process that showed me that many of my "supporters would not and could not speak up for me as they were afraid of being targeted.

Cohort bullying will often dissipate if you can divide and conquer but dividing them is difficult - true "cliques" Possibly the worst form of bullying to deal with as your actions can and will be misreported. The cohort bullying I encountered was classical - my boss was actually rather a weak and ineffectual person who was not capable of doing her jog efefctively. She relied on two others to "shore" he up and it was these two who spent hours pourign venom in her ears. Without these two she was alright with them she bacme the worst bully I have ever encountered.

The last - mobbing is the most difficult it is endemic and cultural much like what I first described. Although it can have a "vindication" to "Get rid of " underachievers it soon becomes a tool to get rid of anyone who does not "fit". I think my last place of employment was classical for this. They would employ new graduates to ICU in large numbers - OK if you have enough older more expereinced staff as "leavening" but when you have ahigh turnover there is not enough expereince to pass from one group to another and so the "practice wisdom" becomes less. There is so much not written down in nursing or written in only a few places that we do rely on practice wisdom in the workplace. This lack of cummulative expereince led to a large number of nurses operating only at the "novice" end of Benner model and thier thinking as a group became very balck and white. Example every patient in the ICU whether they were vented and sedated or awake and aware whether the blink reflex was intact or not, had to have 2nd hourly eye drops!!! To not do this was to be classified as a "lazy nurse" regardless of what else you did. This mindset had an underlying insecurity and anyone who had expereince elsewhere did not last long in that unit because they were able to challenge the "by the numbers" nursign routines that had become sacrosanct.

I have rabbitted on a bit here but I think that we are near to findign a solution. On the board here I lookout for threads that rant about "lazy" or "stupid" coworkers and unless they are in jest I read them and see if there is a bully looking for justification in thier actions lurking behind the post - if there is I will gently try to show them a better way of resolving the problem than "telling that stupid witch what I thought and making her pay!!!" (note this is an example sentence and has not been copied from any post.)

mattsmom81 · Jul 18, 2003

There are so many 'problems' in healthcare today, so many issues to resolve. As an employee, if we find problems with 'their' system, it reflects badly on the management team. It's also seen as more complicated to address interdepartmental issues. The system seems to ENCOURAGE a bullying, punitive atmosphere, IMO, as it's easier to target an individual vs a whole complex system.

We also hear a lot of 'lip service' regarding healthy workplaces, fair treatment, goals and visions of the facility blah blah...but one must look carefully at the ACTIONS of an individual and an institution. I've been disappointed in what I've 'seen' over the years; I go into nursing employment eyes wide open.

Too many facilities I have worked with seem to have a big ol' cohort and mobbing system soundly in place and functioning well.

Woe to the nurse who enters one of these toxic places and unwittingly becomes the next scapegoat. I've seen it, and I know what it feels like too. One who is outgoing, conscientious, and honest about what she sees going on can make a big target in these places...if she fails to adopt the party mentality. This is how they make or break new managers in too many sad cases I've seen.

Sorry to sound cynical. I'm sure it gets to me because I'm immersed in it, and have higher personal standards. But..like Mama said, we can't always fix what don't wanta be fixed.

gwenith, BSN, RN · Jul 18, 2003

Too true and when it gets to the level you describe Mattsmom it becomes self perpetuating. Why should they listen to anyone wlse whent they are comfortable with the status quo. I does no good to say "This is not in the patients best interest because if you continue to do xyz then abc cmplications may occur" You then run into "Well I'VE never seen that happen!!"

vablueyes · Jul 20, 2003

I had to deal with two nurse bullies. We work in a rural ER, three nurses per shift. These two made sure I got the heaviest load..and they took the easy ones, and worked together. I had to do everything for my patient alone, and they would sit on their butts and watch. At lunch time, they would tool off together, and I'd eat alone...no biggy, because I really disliked them. Finally, one day I had a patient who delivered a baby, and I had to take care of both mommy and baby, and clean up after the ordeal. They left at 7:00, and I was still there at 10:30. I confronted them both the next day, and told them they were sorry excuses for nurses, and terrible team players. I then went to my boss and told her "either they go, or I go." Well, I'm still there, and they are driving at least one hour each way to work...so, I guess the best nurse won, after all.

WhiteCaps · Jul 20, 2003

I remember one bully who the "managment" decided to give the position of charge nurse reasoning she would do better if she felt more in control!!! Can of worms there! Where are the good managers anyway?