What do I do now? HELP ME, PLEASE

  1. I graduated last December with a BSN, supposedly from a very good school. I will throw in that I graduated at the top of my class, Sigma Theta Tau and yada yada yada...Yes I know, (and can prove) that doesnt amount to a hill of beans in the real world of nursing.
    I just failed PBDS for the second time (there are multiple tears in my beer this afternoon). I am the worst nurse in the world, (no, I havent killed anyone yet). My preceptor says I am too dependent on her (only because I dont know what I am doing). I absolutely hate floor nursing. I really really suck at it. I am on my second job (because I thought the first wasnt a good fit)...only to find out my problem isnt the hospital, it is me. I am not nursing material. I struggle with it everyday. It isnt coming to me. The people I tutored in nursing school are doing amazingly great, and I come home crying everyday. I have always been one of those people who could walk into a job and 2 hours later will be performing like I have been there for 20 years. I adapt and learn very quickly, dont know how I went so wrong with nursing. I love the science. I love my patients, truly love helping them.
    I want out of nursing, but dont know exactly what to do with a $40,000 BSN degree. I am at my wits end. I havent won the lottery yet. Debating on hitchhiking through South America but dont think I can do that for the rest of my life. So what now?
    Most education positions require years of experience. I dont know that I am qualified to do anything else nursing wise. And I really dont want to go back to waiting tables. I worked in Medical billing, coding, medical insurance, workers comp before...but I was barely making enough to cover my student loans.
    I am open to any ideas. sorry for the long rant...I just dont know what else to do.
  2. Visit Texas BeachBum profile page

    About Texas BeachBum

    Joined: Oct '06; Posts: 6; Likes: 20
    RN, Tele
    Specialty: Telemetry


  3. by   TazziRN
    First, take a deeeep breath. Calm down. Okay.......is nursing what you want but maybe not the kind of nursing you're doing? There are many many many opportunities in nursing, so many that if one thing (or even two or three or four) doesn't fit, try something else!

    As for your preceptor, maybe you are too dependent on her, but a good preceptor is able to tease away from that dependence without you even realizing it until you're on your own. Perhaps what you need is a different facility with a different preceptor?
  4. by   Texas BeachBum
    My best friend who is also a nurse says the same thing, but I dont know how many more facilities I can go through. I really think I like cardiac nursing, but I dont know. The thought of going to a totally different field in the hospital scares me to death. I can barely do tele with 10 months experience. And yes, my preceptor isnt the best preceptor in the world. She tends to do the whole setting you up to fail, traditional eating of the young...etc etc etc....but again, I dont know how much longer I can get away with the new grad position applications.
  5. by   Rnandsoccermom
    Your first year of nursing is always the worst and tele is one of the hardest places to start. Consider what you HAVE accomplished and chalk it up to experience.
    Wherever you go nursing is nursing, they just use different equipment and different forms.

    I always tell people it will take you around 5 years to feel truly comfortable with your knowledge and skills. It's a process.

    This may not help, but give yourself a chance. In 21 years I find that everyday people always have respect for nurses, they need you.
  6. by   Antikigirl
    WOW...I feel you...wasn't less than 6 years ago in my 7 years as a nurse when I was doing the EXACT same thing! I wanted to run off the face of the earth into a void! I was so frustrated with myself, sad all the time, and miserable to be around!

    But then I turned it around by getting help for depression with my MD! The situation turned me to depression, and I was sinking fast. No way...I thought to myself...I can't be depressed! Nope..I was, and my MD said it was normal and part of healthcare too...called Caregiver Stress/Depression. Which will be a actual diagnosis soon!!!!!!!

    First..you must align goals for yourself. Simple ones daily. For me it was to find at least ONE nursing job arena that I thought I would enjoy a week for 4 weeks. The next was research that and find out how I could make that happen for the top 2. In addition to that, I had goals of doing a work related task (JUST ONE) that I would really focus on that day...say I would "do my I/O's as accurately as I could for all my patients" or "I will work on my time managment today and get my breaks!" or "I will look up something instead of asking another nurse today"...things like that. Self focused and proactive.

    As things went on, I learned so much about current nursing and my plans for the future. I also found I had a seratonin probelm and was put on a medication that I must say...helped so very very much! I journaled too!

    Now I found a job that I adore and realize I am not perfect but I sure do try. I ask questions if I don't know or look them up. And appreciate my first years as 'the REAL nursing school of hard knocks' taught me what to do as an RN! You too will look back and be proud of yourself for making it!

    Check out some areas of nursing you enjoy...there are so many so don't stop looking or asking questions about them...I still hear about new areas daily!!!!!! Areas I didn't know about! Keep up the hope for the future and give yourself credit for being new and accept personal limitations and strenghthen them PRN. Get yourself into a position that facilitates learning and doesn't throw barriers at you (which sounds like you are in one now!) while you precept.

    Good luck to you...I made it, and at that time I would have sworn I wouldn't have! You can do it too and keep on looking for opportunities within nursing .

    (BTW...I know you aren't ready now...but when you are I found agency nursing to be so fulfilling and liberal! If I had a horrible experience I simply didn't go there again, I scheduled my own hours, it was wonderful...need some experience under your belt first...but that can be a future goal for you too...I got to see the facilities and the staff before I chose to work there...and now I have my perfect job!).
  7. by   Mulan
    I think tele is a very difficult floor to work.

    What about a medsurg floor, a surgical floor is usually the best to work on in my opinion, or a gyn floor if such a thing exists.

    Isn't pbds supposed to determine what areas you need to work on during orientation, didn't they do that? It seems like they should have concentrated on whatever you would need to do, either on the floor orientation or in learning activities, in order to pass it a second time.

    What are they going to do? Are they going to give you more orientation or what? I would take advantage of whatever they offer and stay there and at least get a years experience in that you can take elsewhere.

    Have you read the thread Perfomance Based Development System in the Educators-Nursing forum? Many good nurses with years of experience are not doing well on the pbds.

    Maybe you need to go to another area, one that may be easier to start off in.

    Good luck.
  8. by   Texas BeachBum
    Well..the tele floor I work on might as well be a medsurg floor. Which is frustrating in itself, because I came from a true tele floor, and was told this was one as well. Because it isnt a true tele floor (no drips, nurses dont read their own strips, etc etc) we have more patients. Which is a problem because my main problem is organization. I might not know WHAT is wrong, but I know SOMETHING is wrong, and can go for there. But I have stopped taking breaks, IF I eat lunch (ok, I work nights, so midnight snack??) it is while I am reviewing charts and doing 24 hour chart checks. I no longer even chart at the nurses station I move a chair down outside my patients rooms so I can be right there. I really try to get everything done. The only time I sit down is about 1 hour a night (and that is in 5-10 minute increments spread out) when I have to do chart checks and nursing notes (for the next shift) and mar to mar checks. I even have started putting off charting so I can get the "nursing" part done, and stay over to do my charting. I dont know what else to do. I really wonder if I nursing is not a good fit. I know that people are saying not to jump ship, but maybe there is a reason that 40% of new grads drop out the first year. Maybe I should invent a apptitude test for nursing students, to see if you are going to like it when you graduate, save others from a huge investment in time and money, only to find out that they arent called to be nurses (even though, before I graduated I would have SWORN I was called to be a nurse).
    Maybe I should quit my whining and go to the beach? LOL...
    I just need to know that I have other options if this floor nursing thing is a bust.
  9. by   bargainhound
    There are jobs that you can work at doing telephone work for insurance
    companies. These jobs have good pay and benefits. One is Corvel
    and they work with companies on workmen's compensation claims. There
    are others. www.corvel.com for jobs list
  10. by   bcskittlez
    Don't you dare give up. I can taste the drive and intelligence coming from your post. You may just be use to everything coming easy to you. You are going to have to work for this one! Just doesn't have to be necessarily on that floor. Why not long term care even? I hear that you get to organize your day better and it pays just as good if not better than most hospitals pay new nurses. I bet, in the long one, you will be one of the best!
  11. by   Mulan
    How many patients do you have?

    Experienced nurses in some places, conscientious ones, are doing the same thing you are doing regarding breaks, patient care and charting, believe me. I'm willing to bet (forget the pbds) that it is not you, it is the system, the nurse patient ratio, etc. Bedside nursing is not easy. Things do get better with experience. They definitely get better with better nurse patient ratios.

    Is there an educator or someone you can talk to at your facility that can maybe offer some helpful advice or guidance?

    With a BSN you will definitely have other options than bedside nursing.
  12. by   Antikigirl
    I agree with Mulan! When I am confused about priorities and what I should be doing...I converse with other nurses to formulate a good game plan. I keep my clipboard with me at all times and write notes constantly so I don't forget something. There are always times of forgetfulness or even a brain toot or two (I call it cerebral flatulance time)...and it is nice to be able to talk with another nurse to get back on track..or even my charge nurse (but then I do expect a lecture...LOL! Oh well!).

    Some of the other nursing I did in my time is Camp nursing which was AWESOME (I had so much autonomy and learned fast...had a book of easy to read protocols that I could refer to at any time...it was so great finding that nurse within me doing that...I was on my own, and I took that opportunity to be my own self and nurse at once...great stuff!!!!!!!!). Assisted living...for me more admin than floor and learned the insurance/geriatrics/documentation/organizing techniques and prioritizing/communication/and business end of healthcare! That helped and really humbled me all at the same time. Then I did volunteer at outdoor events with a company..again autonomy and field nursing...awesome stuff with the perk of meeting celebs! LOL!

    So there are very different areas in nursing! I absolutely adored camp nursing and outdoor event nursing!!!!!!! (had to leave both because of travel time and having a family... ).

    I have more experiences...but that would take a book. And I am ADN! ...I just proved myself to know more by experience and doing it...therefore, more opportunity for me
  13. by   morte
    PLEASE,PLEASE! read and heed triagenurse rn's post......when you get that addressed, you will find it easier to deal with the "preceptor-who-isn't"
    you have a right to expect guidance....and perhaps you need to be very direct with this person, and if that doesnt work try the nurse manager....good luck
  14. by   Texas BeachBum
    The nurse-patient ratio really isnt bad. I really have to say the hospital does pretty right by us. (atleast at night where people dont call in, a few times on days they have had so many call ins that nurses were getting 12 patients!!, but only until help arrived a couple hours later...but YUCK)....On nights we have about 5 or 6, even 4 occasionally....4 and 5 I can handle....but the magic number six is a deal breaker. or 5 with two totals, that can be a sticky one as well. So, i really cant complain about patient care ratios. that isnt the problem with me.