WOW...I feel you...wasn't less than 6 years ago in my 7 years as a nurse when I was doing the EXACT same thing! I wanted to run off the face of the earth into a void! I was so frustrated with myself, sad all the time, and miserable to be around!
But then I turned it around by getting help for depression with my MD! The situation turned me to depression, and I was sinking fast. No way...I thought to myself...I can't be depressed! Nope..I was, and my MD said it was normal and part of healthcare too...called Caregiver Stress/Depression. Which will be a actual diagnosis soon!!!!!!!
First..you must align goals for yourself. Simple ones daily. For me it was to find at least ONE nursing job arena that I thought I would enjoy a week for 4 weeks. The next was research that and find out how I could make that happen for the top 2. In addition to that, I had goals of doing a work related task (JUST ONE) that I would really focus on that day...say I would "do my I/O's as accurately as I could for all my patients" or "I will work on my time managment today and get my breaks!" or "I will look up something instead of asking another nurse today"...things like that. Self focused and proactive.
As things went on, I learned so much about current nursing and my plans for the future. I also found I had a seratonin probelm and was put on a medication that I must say...helped so very very much! I journaled too!
Now I found a job that I adore and realize I am not perfect but I sure do try. I ask questions if I don't know or look them up. And appreciate my first years as 'the REAL nursing school of hard knocks' taught me what to do as an RN! You too will look back and be proud of yourself for making it!
Check out some areas of nursing you enjoy...there are so many so don't stop looking or asking questions about them...I still hear about new areas daily!!!!!! Areas I didn't know about! Keep up the hope for the future and give yourself credit for being new and accept personal limitations and strenghthen them PRN. Get yourself into a position that facilitates learning and doesn't throw barriers at you (which sounds like you are in one now!) while you precept.
Good luck to you...I made it, and at that time I would have sworn I wouldn't have! You can do it too and keep on looking for opportunities within nursing
(BTW...I know you aren't ready now...but when you are I found agency nursing to be so fulfilling and liberal! If I had a horrible experience I simply didn't go there again, I scheduled my own hours, it was wonderful...need some experience under your belt first...but that can be a future goal for you too...I got to see the facilities and the staff before I chose to work there...and now I have my perfect job!).