Vent: On Jumping to Conclusions - page 2

To those of you who consider yourselves quick on the uptake, the downside is that you make snap judgments. Some of those are right on, some are completely baseless. Happened to me the other... Read More

  1. by   UM Review RN
    Quote from Tweety
    But why is that something about yourself that you accept and thus allow people to treat you this way? I'm not letting you off the hook am I? LOL

    I dunno. Poor self-esteem? No self-confidence? Inability to be assertive but not rude while at work?

    *Any more of this and you'll have to bill me. Geez. *
  2. by   UM Review RN
    Quote from gitterbug
    Hello Angie,
    I know from experience the anger you experienced. Just remember when you go to the other unit, gossip travels faster than the truth, so please, find a way to nip this type of talk in the bud. I agree that humor may be the way to confront these lies at first, if that does not do the job, lose that temper and let them know, they have their own jobs to do and should not have the time to be watching your every move. I would be willing to bet the ones starting the rumors are the very ones who NEVER assist another nurse when she has a patient in real distress. This is just another reason why so many nurses are looking for an exit sign.

    I hope I handle this better the next time. It seems like if I try to nip it in the bud, I'm accused of making mountains out of molehills, but if I don't say anything....well, look what happened.

    So it doesn't look like much of a win-win either way.

    But I do believe, for my own peace of mind, that the next time I work with those two, that I will bring it up in as polite a way possible, and try to just relate the facts without getting completely hysterical.

    And thanks for your advice, I do appreciate it.
  3. by   Silicone
    Quote from Angie O'Plasty, RN
    I do have a temper, but it's like money-- once I lose it, it's really hard to get back.
    You might want to consider this:
    That's also true about a person's reputation.
  4. by   banditrn
    Angie - you might want to do this the next time you find a bunch of co-workers gathered together in the breakroom or some where "I heard a rumor about myself! I heard that I was doing such and such - what I was actually doing was this.............!"
  5. by   Simplepleasures
    Quote from TrudyRN
    My boss does this. She makes these snap decisions and is wrong as often as not. The really bad thing with her is that she never changes her mind and never admits she was wrong. She is very egocentric and always has to be right. Then, of course, she has her favorites and her out-of-favor group. So an event for 1 person is cause for teaching and coaching, but for another person it is grounds for disciplinary action, firing.

    So far, I'm in the latter group, I think. Very stressful. I need to make some changes soon. Any words of help and encouragement would be tremendously appreciated. :uhoh21:
    Trudy,my boss was exactly the same way, her snap decision is now costing the facility lots of money defending themselves in my law suit and hopefully alot more if I win.

    Angio, their gossip mongering could be costing you your reputation which could come down negatively on you at evaluation/raise time, or even cost you your job, things like this are serious as well as hurtful and frustrating.
    Last edit by Simplepleasures on Jan 2, '07
  6. by   erichRN
    I just answered a thread about someone leaving nursing and I said that there were a lot of garbage people in nursing, but even more really nice ones. It may appear that all in the unit are garbage people, but if one (you, I, we ) speaks up, those who are followers will appreciate the stand you take and will join you. It can change the character of the unit. It may seem hard, but it's worth it. What do you have to lose?
  7. by   gitterbug
    I think Angie and many others on this board are like most females, we have been raised to take loads of crap and keep our hurt, anger, feelings of unworthiness, and fear bottled up until we know once we let go, we will go too far. I am not proud of myself for one or two times I went so far as to tell a trouble-making, lazy gossip on my unit to meet me on the street after work and be ready to rumble red-neck, hollar style. For you people who do not know what that means, I would have taken the club out of the trunk of my car, I did carry a gun at that time, and I was putting on my boots to stomp her head in, thank goodness another nurse, older, wiser and God-fearing got ahold of me, talked to me, and let me vent my red-haired Irish temper. Now, I count to 10, say a prayer, and ask the person that said the untrue, unkind, unprofessional remark to talk to me in private, or with the supervisor, or with the NM. I do not yell, cuss, lose eye contact. Sometimes, the apology is quick and real, sometimes they are flippant, and sometimes they are scared. I explain I want to have a good, professional working relationship with my teammates, but I cannot allow gossip and untruths to go unanswered. It has worked for me many times and I hope it continues to work in the future. Good luck on finding a way to handle just one more stressful side of nursing.
  8. by   SaderNurse05
    Angie, when I read your post it reminded me of experiences I had on the floor. It was really hard for me to conformt someone because when I used to get really mad I would cry- talk about losing the fight before it starts. With some therapy and a lot of work I am able to confront someone if necessary. I don't like it, I turn red but I do not cry and I do not yell. I completely understand why you did not want to address this garbage. It is a shame because if we could work like the "team" hospitals tout in their advertisements then you would not go have to go through this. This job is hard enough without other people getting their jollies like this. I know from this forum lots of you are blessed to work in a supportive, nurturing environment and I am glad for you. If we all could say that then we might not need All Nurses so much!! Congrats on your new unit and hope it is staffed with professionals.
  9. by   clemmm78
    When something like that happens to me, my first reaction is to blow up (which I don't), my second is to cry (which I try not to do) and my third, which I usually do follow up on, is to pop my head around the corner and say, with puzzled expression and very puzzled voice, "Excuse me???"
  10. by   UM Review RN
    You've all given me some great ideas and advice, and I will definitely follow up on this.
  11. by   RN mom of 2
    That's seriously messed up!

    Something similar happened to me in school. I was helping my pt in her room, and her roommate's mom buzzed the front desk to get a soda. Well, the clerk thought I was the one calling for the soda, and says (real ******) over the intercom, "Is this the student nurse?" I was really angry, because I would never do that! So, I marched right up to the desk, put my hands on the counter, leaned towards her and calmly said, "I would NEVER call you and ask you to get MY pt a soda. Next time get your facts straight before you accuse someone over the intercom." I swear, she moved back in her seat! She couldn't believe a student was in her face. People love to push people around if they know they can. She wouldn't look at me after that, and I was glad! Good luck to you.
  12. by   UM Review RN
    It seems that misunderstandings are quite common in this business and my new goal is to treat the whole process like a nursing procedure and make myself practice a list of interventions.

    Strategies. It's all about the right strategies. I realize too that this happens in every workplace, not just this unit. But on a non-toxic unit, there are a few who will step up for a person and not allow a rumor to go very far.

    In fact, I've been pleased to overhear someone defending a coworker, which also tends to nip stuff in the bud. It's really true, if you can't say something nice, then please don't say anything--especially at the desk where everyone and their brother can listen in.

    Thanks to all of you sharing your experiences and advice, I'm getting to a better place emotionally.
    Last edit by UM Review RN on Jan 3, '07
  13. by   bethin
    Quote from Angie O'Plasty, RN
    I do have a temper, but it's like money-- once I lose it, it's really hard to get back.

    I don't speak up at work because if I did, words would fly out of my mouth that would make a sailor cringe. Co workers do things that piss me off but I let it go because I know if I call them on it, I'll be fired for my mouth. I don't know how to calmly talk to someone I have a problem with. I either say nothing or I say too much. I did get in a verbal match with a nurse who ordered me to dig through the trash for a narc she lost, berating me in front of co workers. I let the words fly and she did too. Everyone around me was backing away, afraid.

    You would think after that she would leave me alone. She didn't. A month later she had me digging through the trash for the vs sheet I gave her. Never mind all the vs were charted in the computer.

    And just this past weekend she gave me more attitude and yelled at me after I asked her if a pt could have pain medicine. I didn't yell, I calmly backed away saying "that's ok, I'll ask someone else." Never apologized, nothing. She treats other worse - once threw a water pitcher at an aide because the lid wasn't on tight and had been dumped on the pt. She left the pt with a soaking bed and threw a tantrum in the hall.

    Too afraid to speak up and report her. She'd come back and accuse me of being grumpy in the morning - which I am. So I take it.

    Why don't I just lie in the middle of the hallway and let her physically walk on me?