oh shyt - page 3

i had the MOST disgusting patient last night. he has an unusual bowel regimine..... stay home with no bowel movement for weeks, get admitted to the hospital then get digitally disimpacted by... Read More

  1. by   TracyB,RN
    OMG!!! That is just sick & wrong!
    I really am feeling guilty for LOL about this. I can only imagine how frustrating that shift must have been. YUK!!!!!
    Someone else mentioned Freud having a field day. . . I was thinking the same thing LOL.
  2. by   LilgirlRN
    I vote for a colostomy.
  3. by   Furball
    I vote for a sutured in wine bottle cork...to heck with him!
  4. by   thisnurse
    oooh....colostomy...i wish i had thought of that.
    (he might like that tho...easier access)

    every time he comes in they give him a bowel regimine...he is noncompliant. hoolihan..thats what i was thinking...if he can do it in his bed he doesnt need to be there.

    the docs really tic me off. they know whats up. they dont like him either im sure but they only see him a cpl minutes a day and we are stuck with his shyt. i think we should tell the docs that if they admit him again we refuse to care for him. period.
    i know i am.

    his roommate was another charmer....thankfully i didnt have him.
    i think he had a dvt and i know he was on a heparin drip. he kept pulling out his iv and bleeding all over the place. his nurse would put a new one in and he would pull it out.
    he was restrained at first but would convince his nurse to just let one arm free....dummazz nurse kept falling for it.
    i suggested placing the iv in his penis...lol
    my coworker agreed so long as i would get him in the state required for insertion.
    i had to pass...im a one man woman...lol

    the person i felt sorriest for was the cleaning person. that room was so gross. vomit and poop and blood all over.

    this pig has now been bestowed the title....CRAPMAN...thank you ...lol
  5. by   mother/babyRN
    Well, I now know why I became a nurse....
    There was a poor poop of a patient,
    who thought this nurse deserved a vacation,
    so he scooped up his crap,
    and she gave him a slap,
    and now she is in poop litigation....

    I will say, however, with that pretty terrible limerick written, that in the old days when I was a new grad and we had to do barium enema preps, which consisted of putting the enema tip in, blowing up a balloon ( with a syringe STOP IT- I know what you're thinking), give 1000cc on one side, 1000cc on their back and 1000 cc on the other side until clear, that I really wasn't totally grossed out until one of my little old ladies went into CHF due to my antics and the other one decided that liquid feces on a white sheet provided excellent impromptu writing material.....YUCK! In OUR beloved facility YOU would have been in the hot seat for even DARING to set limits or speak to the patient appropriately...YOU GO GIRL! Next time tell him to consume and masticate feces...(Eat shyt)
  6. by   CseMgr1
    ...Talk about anal-retentive (joke) behavior!...Gawdalmighty...!!
  7. by   zudy
    JUst when you think you've seen it all before, another one crawls thru the door.
  8. by   thisnurse
    you know this freak is still on the unit?
    dont ask me why.
    and of course i got him.
    he has discontinued his grossness. no more impactions or vomiting on the bed or floor.
    nurse reporting off tells me he has a problem with "hygenie"
    id say.
    he has a bedside commode in his room when he can walk to the bathroom. 5am he calls me and tells me he needs assistance.
    what do you need?
    i need you to get my toothbrush and mouthwash.
    sir you can get them yourself. they are in the drawer beside your bed.
    never heard from him again.
    i will do anything and everything for the patient that needs my help but ill be dammned if im going to waste my time helping ppl who think im the maid.
    i still hate crapman
  9. by   mamabear
    If that guy doesn't need a psych consult ASAP, nobody does!
    I work on a psych unit, and we've had more than our share of fecal smearers: UGH:imbar
    Does your facility have a policy concerning FF's who are obviously abusing the system?
  10. by   l.rae
    in the er where i work we have developed 4 new triage catagories....1-to be treated
    2-to be neutered
    3-to be lobotomized
    4-to be euthanized

    send crapman to dayton and we'll catagorize him for ya! do you have a preference...need i ask?

  11. by   shygirl
    This guy was indeed a "sicko" . He needs psych meds ...fast. God bless your patience. I also laughed out loud!! Gilda
  12. by   Genista
    God Bless You! I haven't laughed so hard since I can't remember. Thank you for sharing the funniest & hands down worst poop story of all time! LOL. And people wonder why there's a nursing shortage! Ha ha!
  13. by   micro
    this nurse,

    thank you for reinforcing the great and glamourous job that we all find ourselves in.........
    it is so grand and rewarding and then...........

    this nurse, keep on nursing, because even these poor sad cases need somebody to show their s..... to.........

    sicko micro and out

    this nurse you always make me laugh
    Last edit by micro on May 26, '02