my sad nursing story

widow2RN · Oct 15, 2005

yep, am not so sure why i did it. first i thought it was for esteem but not so sure anymore. took up nursing because i wanted to prove to myself and my family that i could do it too. i took a challenge/risk, just recently passed, and now an LPN. i should feel proud of myself but unfortunately i just don't feel that way. i don't understand. maybe am just freakin' out. ever since i was in nsg school, it was always stress for me. and i mean stress and stress after another. so now am wondering when i start working as a real nurse, wouldn't it be more stress?? i don't think i could live with that. am supposed to work soon and i can't even let myself look forward to it. does this mean nursing is not for me? sorry, don't hate me.:stone

You're not the only one who went into it and then felt they weren't sure why. I am in 3rd semester of an RN program and it sometimes seems the longer I'm in it the more I question why. Yes, it IS a lot of stress... so much so that by now I am pretty much taking it one day at a time. Tired of having to pretty much teach myself and then having instructors treat me like they don't know why I still struggle with putting it all together when thrown out there in clinicals without guidelines and expectations from one semester to the next. I often find myself going through the negativities of clinicals and theory class and thinking that if the REAL world of nursing is this miserable, then what am I doing here?? I'm still hanging in there... sometimes one just gets to the point where they feel they don't have much choice. But, you know... it's always easier to encourage and advise another moreso than oneself... and all I would say to you is you are now at least THERE... so give it a try out there... and if after 6 months of it you still feel this way... just look at your other options, then look deep in your heart... and follow your own dream! :yeahthat:

hipab4hands · Oct 15, 2005

-No one is going to hate you, because we've all been through it.Nursing school is purposely set up to be a high stess enviorment. Ufortunately it's become a way of screening out those folks not suited for this field.The stress level you experience in school is only an introduction to what you'll experience as a staff nurse, especially at the beginning. The good thing is if you can get past the newbie stage, the stess level will go down. It's not going to totally disapear, but it will get back to a manageable level.The issue you'll have to decide for yourself, is can you work under these type of conditions for the remainder of your working life or will you be happier working in a different field.I wish you the best of luck in making your decision.

MadisonsMomRN, BSN, RN · Oct 15, 2005

I know that I have felt this way. It does get better....believe me. The more you work the more you will build your confidence. Hang in there...you will be great!:)

jacob1 · Oct 15, 2005

I am still going to school and i just posted a thread the other day "should i give up my dream" because i too have been thinking am i making the right choice, and i was given very good advice from the posters and felt 100% better....I think we all go through this at one time or another but nobody will hate you..:)

Question · Oct 15, 2005

-No one is going to hate you, because we've all been through it.Nursing school is purposely set up to be a high stess enviorment. Ufortunately it's become a way of screening out those folks not suited for this field.The stress level you experience in school is only an introduction to what you'll experience as a staff nurse, especially at the beginning. The good thing is if you can get past the newbie stage, the stess level will go down. It's not going to totally disapear, but it will get back to a manageable level.The issue you'll have to decide for yourself, is can you work under these type of conditions for the remainder of your working life or will you be happier working in a different field.I wish you the best of luck in making your decision.

I think in any other profession or organization they would call what you described above as HAZING and it is illegal. In my humble opinion it needs to be stopped and I hope senior nurses are willing to stand up to the task. Students and new nurses should try joining a nurse association and put hazing on the top priority to put a stop too. Power comes in numbers but it only takes one to lead the crowd.

To answer the question above: Yeah, some people will probably be happier in another profession where their peers do not haze them. I think hazing pushes a lot of qualified nurses out of the profession. I know all nurses do not haze the new comers and I can honestly say THANK YOU for being humble, loving people.

"Hazing" refers to any activity expected of someone joining a group (or to gain status within the group) that humiliates, degrades or risks emotional and/or physical harm, regardless of the person's willingness to participate."

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke

Cute_CNA, CNA · Oct 15, 2005

I'm not a nurse, but maybe you just need to find what area of nursing is most suitable/comfortable for you? :)

AMARTIN1 · Oct 15, 2005

As others have stated previously,there are going to be ups and downs to the profession! I've been a nurse four months and nursing school broke me down to my last nerve!!! :uhoh3: I made it and I too questioned myself. I felt from my perspective, that nursing school "fooled" me. They do give you the basics but you learn everyhting at the bedside and with experience. It is not always easy but it does get better as your knowledge and experience grows.:chuckle I think alot of us are hard on ourselves because we want to geniunely help and comfort "all" of our patients but in reality, we are trying to keep our heads above water and keep patients safe. We are fighting against the clock and it is not your best friend in the nursing profession. I feel sometimes like we do alot of paperwork, assessments, meds, chasing doctors and if we have time really talk to our patients. I'm off my soapbox now. I don't want to scare you by any means, I love nursing and I'm glad this is where God led me but that reality check is sure a *****. Good luck in all you do and if this feels right to you, go through with it. :icon_hug:

Liddle Noodnik · Oct 16, 2005

yep, am not so sure why i did it. first i thought it was for esteem but not so sure anymore. took up nursing because i wanted to prove to myself and my family that i could do it too. i took a challenge/risk, just recently passed, and now an LPN. i should feel proud of myself but unfortunately i just don't feel that way. i don't understand. maybe am just freakin' out. ever since i was in nsg school, it was always stress for me. and i mean stress and stress after another. so now am wondering when i start working as a real nurse, wouldn't it be more stress?? i don't think i could live with that. am supposed to work soon and i can't even let myself look forward to it. does this mean nursing is not for me? sorry, don't hate me.:stone

My heart goes out to you!

I originally went to nursing school because I was working as a nurse's aide and would watch what the nurses do; I wanted to know how to do it and why they did different things. I found working as a cna frustrating and it was difficult to complete my assignments in time. I loved the patients, just couldn't take the pressure. I figured nursing would be different somehow.

Well I made it thru nursing school with flying colors and I discovered, here was the ONE THING that my father had EVER been speechlessly-and-almost- in-tears-proud of me. So even though I found nursing school very difficult and nerve wracking, like you said, stressful, I WANTED that look in my dad's eyes (and of course others were proud or impressed). As I said too, I LOVED the patients, so THAT was not the trouble. It was that just never feeling like there was enough of me to go around.

Since then I have searched and searched for the right combination of hours, specialty, shift, and location, but each and every thing I tried was just about too hard to do - I would MANAGE - but was always fighting off anxiety or just being overwhelmed. By contrast my days off were barely enough for me to rebuild myself and face another week.

So some of what I had was what you describe, and later I found out I was alcoholic, which didn't help my situation - just compounded it. And later still found out I was bipolar.

So it makes sense that the work was more difficult for me to complete than it was for other nurses. One of the best things I did was work agency, so if the politics in one place got too hot I could go elsewhere - the work load was the same but I didn't have the pressure of being staff. Hard to explain. I could also opt-out on going BACK to places that were just too tough for me to handle.

I've been out of work for almost 2 years now - due to disability (bipolar) - but I would dearly LOVE to be able to work with my elderly patients somehow - but of course I always want to be sure (and always did make sure) my patients are safe in my hands.

So I don't know - you don't have to answer here, you can write me a private note, if you think you have some of the issues I had. I only HATED nursing when I just felt that I couldn't DO all that I was supposed to - and that sorta became a SELF hatred - cuz I couldn't meet my own expectations. I got over the approval seeking - had to - it was not enough in the end to get me through.

Or if you have just the issue of "I don't like it", that is another kind of problem. I always said that if I hated nursing at any point I would just get out - NO patient deserves a nurse that hates his/her job! Can YOU imagine being that patient? OOooo I've SEEN nurses who hate their work PERIOD and don't think for a second that patients don't notice!

Or, is it that you haven't found your EXACT area - the one that you would love. You could try agency or float pool, if you want less stress, a nursing home is less PRESSURE but it is kind of more TASKS - if organization is a problem. hmmm, hmmm... there are small group homes for the handicapped - home care - you do have to get in a good year of med surg just so you know you can handle "whatever" (well you do not HAVE TO - but I think THAT helps). Maybe work in an ICU/CCU where the patient numbers are smaller (for a time I LOVED that and was really good at it, when I felt a miserable failure on a regular floor).

Want less hands on? Get some experience and then see if you can work your way into management.

Want nothing to do with nursing? Just continue school - find something that might combine - but DON'T - DON'T do anything that will make you miserable! Nothing makes life harder than doing what you loathe.

Anyway, enough out of me.... just know that I commiserate with you. And I hope that whatever you choose will not kill your spirit. That makes you old, real fast.

God bless

Liddle Noodnik · Oct 16, 2005

Really happy to see the responses - us nurses DO care about each other!

(I've NEVER heard of nursing school/first year of nursing as "hazing" - wow! that sounds deliberate! and TOTALLY UNNECESSARY if we want to have decent staffing - and we do!)

It seems like most places I worked there were few nurses that were all "la de da, I'm relaxed" about their jobs. We ALL seemed really busy. Just some seem to thrive on that and some don't.

Anyway - good luck to the other posters on this thread :)