Quote from mgyurzaman
yep, am not so sure why i did it. first i thought it was for esteem but not so sure anymore. took up nursing because i wanted to prove to myself and my family that i could do it too. i took a challenge/risk, just recently passed, and now an LPN. i should feel proud of myself but unfortunately i just don't feel that way. i don't understand. maybe am just freakin' out. ever since i was in nsg school, it was always stress for me. and i mean stress and stress after another. so now am wondering when i start working as a real nurse, wouldn't it be more stress?? i don't think i could live with that. am supposed to work soon and i can't even let myself look forward to it. does this mean nursing is not for me? sorry, don't hate me.:stone
My heart goes out to you!
I originally went to nursing school because I was working as a nurse's aide and would watch what the nurses do; I wanted to know how to do it and why they did different things. I found working as a cna frustrating and it was difficult to complete my assignments in time. I loved the patients, just couldn't take the pressure. I figured nursing would be different somehow.
Well I made it thru nursing school with flying colors and I discovered, here was the ONE THING that my father had EVER been speechlessly-and-almost- in-tears-proud of me. So even though I found nursing school very difficult and nerve wracking, like you said, stressful, I WANTED that look in my dad's eyes (and of course others were proud or impressed). As I said too, I LOVED the patients, so THAT was not the trouble. It was that just never feeling like there was enough of me to go around.
Since then I have searched and searched for the right combination of hours, specialty, shift, and location, but each and every thing I tried was just about too hard to do - I would MANAGE - but was always fighting off anxiety or just being overwhelmed. By contrast my days off were barely enough for me to rebuild myself and face another week.
So some of what I had was what you describe, and later I found out I was alcoholic, which didn't help my situation - just compounded it. And later still found out I was bipolar.
So it makes sense that the work was more difficult for me to complete than it was for other nurses. One of the best things I did was work agency, so if the politics in one place got too hot I could go elsewhere - the work load was the same but I didn't have the pressure of being staff. Hard to explain. I could also opt-out on going BACK to places that were just too tough for me to handle.
I've been out of work for almost 2 years now - due to disability (bipolar) - but I would dearly LOVE to be able to work with my elderly patients somehow - but of course I always want to be sure (and always did make sure) my patients are safe in my hands.
So I don't know - you don't have to answer here, you can write me a private note, if you think you have some of the issues I had. I only HATED nursing when I just felt that I couldn't DO all that I was supposed to - and that sorta became a SELF hatred - cuz I couldn't meet my own expectations. I got over the approval seeking - had to - it was not enough in the end to get me through.
Or if you have just the issue of "I don't like it", that is another kind of problem. I always said that if I hated nursing at any point I would just get out - NO patient deserves a nurse that hates his/her job! Can YOU imagine being that patient? OOooo I've SEEN nurses who hate their work PERIOD and don't think for a second that patients don't notice!
Or, is it that you haven't found your EXACT area - the one that you would love. You could try agency or float pool, if you want less stress, a nursing home is less PRESSURE but it is kind of more TASKS - if organization is a problem. hmmm, hmmm... there are small group homes for the handicapped - home care - you do have to get in a good year of med surg just so you know you can handle "whatever" (well you do not HAVE TO - but I think THAT helps). Maybe work in an ICU/CCU where the patient numbers are smaller (for a time I LOVED that and was really good at it, when I felt a miserable failure on a regular floor).
Want less hands on? Get some experience and then see if you can work your way into management.
Want nothing to do with nursing? Just continue school - find something that might combine - but DON'T - DON'T do anything that will make you miserable! Nothing makes life harder than doing what you loathe.
Anyway, enough out of me.... just know that I commiserate with you. And I hope that whatever you choose will not kill your spirit. That makes you old, real fast.