Marriage to a Nurse-- Need HELP

NeedAdvice1234 · Apr 7, 2004

Its a professional environment, most people don't try to date people they work with just for the fact that it can be uncomfortable after a break-up. If you weren't attached, would you go around your place of employment and try to get with all the girls that work there? I doubt you would since most people don't go to work expecting to get a date. After working for awhile with someone you may grow into a relationship but places of employment including hospitals aren't singles bars where everyone is looking to get some.

Well that makes me feel alot better.... Its not that i don't trust her ...i do... i just don't like it when i hear her tell me how some dude was snarling and drooling over her when she went to a bar or something.....Thats when I really become overprotective...but i let her deal with that stuff... or i will go insane

cinrn68 · Apr 7, 2004

I am surprised how many people talk about the gloves.... One of my thoughts was...wow the only things from your and the person is a piece of latex... I guess I underestimate the value of latex..Is it that impenratrble??(sp)

Actually, they are non-latex gloves these days since so many people have developed allergies to latex. However, there aren't many organisms that can cross through the gloves. (think about a condom -- those little swimmers can't get through that thin piece of plastic either!!) The gloves protect from blood borne pathogens (if you happen to have a cut on your finger, etc.), and other secretions that we may come across, but again, the most important thing is handwashing, even you wear the gloves.

NeedAdvice1234 · Apr 7, 2004

Actually, they are non-latex gloves these days since so many people have developed allergies to latex. However, there aren't many organisms that can cross through the gloves. (think about a condom -- those little swimmers can't get through that thin piece of plastic either!!) The gloves protect from blood borne pathogens (if you happen to have a cut on your finger, etc.), and other secretions that we may come across, but again, the most important thing is handwashing, even you wear the gloves.

Don't they ever rip?? If so do you have to resanitize yourself no matter how fatal the injury is??

I also guess you swap out gloves after every patient

cinrn68 · Apr 7, 2004

Don't they ever rip?? If so do you have to resanitize yourself no matter how fatal the injury is??
I also guess you swap out gloves after every patient

It can happen that they rip, but if the patient is that questionable, a lot of nurses double-glove for those occasions. And like I said, you're really only at risk if you have cuts or what-not on your own hands, and if you're really paranoid, you can wipe yourself down with chlorhexidine antiseptic or rubbing alcohol if you do come in contact with an iffy patient. Yes, the gloves are intended to be discarded after each patient (and then you wash your hands before going on to the next one).

gypsyatheart · Apr 7, 2004

OK, NeedAdvice1234, after reading the last couple of pages (especially post#62), I am going to revise my advice to you. You, not you and your fiancee, but you, need to seek some professional counselling. It is clear you have issues, issues with women, issues with trust, issues with relationships. You haven't read half the postings offerred to you. All you've done is picked up on a few "funny"/sarcastic comments. It sounds like you want reassurance and someone to tell you "everything is gonna be OK"...guess what, no one can tell you that, because not one of us knows what will happen in our lives. Suppose you two do actually progress and get married, and she does become a nurse. Suppose something did happen to her...an exposure or on the job injury? What would you do? Leave her? I'm not saying that any of that will/would happen, but it is possible, and you need to know that. But you know what? Injuries can happen anytime, anywhere. What if, God forbid, she were in some kind of accident, what then, are you gonna walk out on her because you weren't prepared for it? Just giving you some food for thought. You really do have issues,like I said..feelings of abandonment, I think this is maybe where a lot of this coming from.... Please seek some counseling for yourself, then perhaps the two of you together.

I think you will find, that no matter what woman you end up,you will have these issues,until you recognize them and work on them.

bukko · Apr 7, 2004

Don't they ever rip?? If so do you have to resanitize yourself no matter how fatal the injury is??
I also guess you swap out gloves after every patient

Needy -- I've given you some smirky replies, not to be insulting, but to try and inject some humor. All smirkiness aside, let me add a few points.

1.) People here have read extra meanings into your comments because that's part of what we do on the job. When we question a patient, we never get the whole truth immediately. They may forget things, be embarrassed to tell all, or have psychological problems that prevent them from opening up. But we have to learn the truth. For instance, we have to know that this person drinks a quart of vodka a day, because they're going to go into delerium tremens and we need the doctor to prescribe drugs to alleviate that.

So we pick up on words, gestures and hesitations that indicate things unsaid. Most nurses have great B.S. detectors. I haven't read things into your previous posts like other nurses because it hasn't been important enough to analyze that deeply. But your choice of the words "fatal" and "resanitize" indicate a deeper fear-of-germs issue. Am I right? If so, analyze your attitude toward the situation in light of that. And don't forget that more people get hepatitis from slobbo restaurant workers than ER needle sticks.

2.) As far as being married to a nurse, maybe this can give you some comfort: there are hundreds of thousands of people who are married to nurses in America. My wife is one. (She frequently makes me shut up at the dinner table when I tell disgusting job tales.) And somehow, these hundreds of thousands make it work. Don't you think you're just as capable as them?

NeedAdvice1234 · Apr 7, 2004

Needy -- I've given you some smirky replies, not to be insulting, but to try and inject some humor. All smirkiness aside, let me add a few points.
1.) People here have read extra meanings into your comments because that's part of what we do on the job. When we question a patient, we never get the whole truth immediately. They may forget things, be embarrassed to tell all, or have psychological problems that prevent them from opening up. But we have to learn the truth. For instance, we have to know that this person drinks a quart of vodka a day, because they're going to go into delerium tremens and we need the doctor to prescribe drugs to alleviate that.
So we pick up on words, gestures and hesitations that indicate things unsaid. Most nurses have great B.S. detectors. I haven't read things into your previous posts like other nurses because it hasn't been important enough to analyze that deeply. But your choice of the words "fatal" and "resanitize" indicate a deeper fear-of-germs issue. Am I right? If so, analyze your attitude toward the situation in light of that. And don't forget that more people get hepatitis from slobbo restaurant workers than ER needle sticks.
2.) As far as being married to a nurse, maybe this can give you some comfort: there are hundreds of thousands of people who are married to nurses in America. My wife is one. (She frequently makes me shut up at the dinner table when I tell disgusting job tales.) And somehow, these hundreds of thousands make it work. Don't you think you're just as capable as them?

Maybe i lashed out wrong in this forum maybe i didn't...all i know is that I came to seek advice and help in understanding what nursing is about...

I know i was off track with a lot of my concerns but I had no opposing information to make me belive otherwise.. I understand humor is a part to elivate the circumstances...however this was a very difficult and importnat subject to me. Generally speaking I felt it was off color to make fun of a situation thats been stirring in my head since she started Nurseing school. I am trying to be the best guy for her..and with that takes understanding and to understand something you need to tackle the fears.

Your post makes alot of sense... I am not sure If I would benifit from professional help since this is just one bump in MY world of romance. I would think if i needed any professional help then other areas would have surfaced as problems in my relationship...Not trusting... Stalking .... or even reading mail or something.. This is just me being overprotective of myself... It was hard getting hurt so young...but instead of pushing people away..I over anaylize all pssiblities and the stuff that i get stuck on for an answer I research...

Your posting is interested... you got me thinking... Like I said the germs and diseases scare me..and why am I focused on it..... well this might sound stupid but its kinda like... If you knew that driving to work today would end you up in a fatal crash and paralyze you or make you into a veggie state would you take the ride or call out of work????

Same here... if she was at a great risk for contracting a disease for the rest of her life or even shorten the life maybe its a topic of conversation needed to be addressed.... WHICH IT WAS..knowing that over 2milion nurses on 35 got infected by something in 2003 makes me feel alot better...

Now... you asked me... thousands of people are married to a nurse and am i just as capable as them....

I never thought about it that way.... I guess because I was so wound up on it failing i never thought about how it could work...Your right... if they can why can't I?

Energizer Bunny · Apr 7, 2004

BTW.... I am really going to piss you people off now... I work at New York Presb Hospital.... However, i tried to talk to the staff and noone ever had time for me... even for a lunch to discuss this stuff... they recomended this site... If only they knew!!
anyway... my girl wouldn't feel confotrable with that stuff.. she told me she made a huge mistake before she started schooling... The school had a night session for the S/O of the nursing students... they were their to talk to you to tell you life was going to get hard and so on so forth... there was also a q/a afterwards for any concerns.... She kicks herself everyday because she thought I could have used it..

You want to explain this? You work at a hospital after telling us you didn't...so it was a complete lie? How much of everything else you've said is a lie? I'm really confused here!

NeedAdvice1234 · Apr 7, 2004

OK moondancer lets revisite your comments here---

You state, "You, not you and your fiancee, but you, need to seek some professional counselling. It is clear you have issues, issues with women, issues with trust, issues with relationships."

How is this clear..please provide examples if you are going to make this acusations.Do you honestly think if I had such issues I would be here trying to squash my fears or would I have broken off a long time ago? Your judging me based on one post of fear for something I don't know about.

You state-

You haven't read half the postings offerred to you. All you've done is picked up on a few "funny"/sarcastic comments.

This couldn't be more of a false statement.. If you actually read everything I wrote I explined there were postings that indeed Help me.. People sent me facts to my mail box theat sheaded alot of light...However, If i get attacked because of something that is importnat to me...I'm not going to remian quiet and become the punching bag of the group...I expect you wouldn't either

You state-

It sounds like you want reassurance and someone to tell you "everything is gonna be OK"...guess what, no one can tell you that, because not one of us knows what will happen in our lives.

Don't confuse Reassurance with understainding.. I have stated time and time again I am trying to understand what a nurse does and I listed my concerns so people would know exactly why I want to understand..I thought it would help you see how someone who is not in medicine can be concerned..I don't belive anyone can tell me how my life is going to turn out...but if I wound up choosing to leave her... I would be considered the *** here...wouldn't I... even though life is unpredictable

Suppose you two do actually progress and get married, and she does become a nurse. Suppose something did happen to her...an exposure or on the job injury? What would you do? Leave her? I'm not saying that any of that will/would happen, but it is possible, and you need to know that. But you know what? Injuries can happen anytime, anywhere. What if, God forbid, she were in some kind of accident, what then, are you gonna walk out on her because you weren't prepared for it?

everyone has chocies in their lives..and if you don't look out for yourself who will??? This post was orignally started to find out what a nurses life is all about and if I can be able to match my life to her needs of her ocupation. Now if she told me that she was a hooker on the street should I not be considered about marrying her?? Or should I just brush it up to OH OK HUH be careful... How about if you saw a child maybe a child in your family waving around an unloaded gun...does that make it safe not to repremand him? Just because its not loaded doesn't mean it couldn't go off..But I am sure you wouldn't just chalk that up to...hey driving in a car kind of reaction your giving me.... If I feel that she is a great danger to my unborn child or me because of possible infections its my right to question if I can handle that... The fact is I was unclear and uncertain on how safe it really is in a ER atmosphere. If she did catch something would i leave her NO!!! but if you all told me there was a 99.9% chance of her getting a fatal or nasty disease.. well then I would probally walk away... Its easy to blast someone when u know more about a topic than they do... step out of your shoes and tell me what you would do If I was the one carrying your unborn child to and from work and my job was of extreme danger. THESE THINGS SHOUDN"T BE TAKEN LIGHTLY... however... i get criticized for taking them into consideration...

My girl told me if i ever signed up for the Marines or a Cop she wouldn't marry me because of the consitent is he safe and will our children know their father concern....... how is this any diffrent?

Only diffrece i see is that I became more educated on the profession from the people who took time to explin things to me rather then make fun of my situation... to those I am greatful for... i have worked these issues out almost completly i just have little questions that are non make or break.

You State-

You really do have issues,like I said..feelings of abandonment, I think this is maybe where a lot of this coming from.... Please seek some counseling for yourself, then perhaps the two of you together.

I think you will find, that no matter what woman you end up,you will have these issues,until you recognize them and work on them.

Because I posted one concern I need professional help?? Well then I think you need help to... I think you take offense to what a man has to say. it seems you hate men when they have concerns about their S/O. It seems that you have pent up hate against all men. You seem to judge them off the bat without trying to understand them...

NOT REALLY FAIR TO BE JUDGE OFF ONE POST IS IT???

bukko · Apr 7, 2004

I never thought about it that way.... I guess because I was so wound up on it failing i never thought about how it could work...Your right... if they can why can't I?

Right on, dude! Have confidence as you walk through life. You won't always succeed, but if you start out with the attitude that you will, it's more likely than if you take the attitude that you won't.

NeedAdvice1234 · Apr 7, 2004

I work in the corporate offices on the 20th floors... the main hospital is located basement to 4th floor..I have no interaction with hospital workers.. I only help out the university employees of Columbia Univeristy Medical Center.

So I have a physical location at the hopsital however, I do not work for the hospital. I see patients in the lobby and doctors when the elevators stop on certain floors.. they are always talking about some scary ****..Like so and so got stuck with a needle and it might be fatal or so and so got punched in the face by a pateietn and now she needs reconstructive surgery... Thats really what got me thinking.

I have tried to find people to talk to me about it that work here..but noone cares to help the healthy i guess..and rightfully so...who am i to try to have them answer my questions when someone needs meds or real comfort

You want to explain this? You work at a hospital after telling us you didn't...so it was a complete lie? How much of everything else you've said is a lie? I'm really confused here!

NeedAdvice1234 · Apr 7, 2004

My biggest fear... ehh nevermind...

Right on, dude! Have confidence as you walk through life. You won't always succeed, but if you start out with the attitude that you will, it's more likely than if you take the attitude that you won't.