Male coworkers harrassing female staff...

Nurses General Nursing

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Hi ya'll! I have a problem...

My male coworkers are like a pack of wolves. One member of the pack was recently fired due to his terrible attitude. OK. So that's one down and two to go! I have another one who won't keep his hands to himself. One day he was stroking my hand, putting his hands around my waist, etc... I told him to stop and keep his distance. He is not easily redirectable. This has been a recurring problem ever since he began working there.

Then there's a third one. I can deal with him for the most part because he is all words and no touching.

Back to the coworker whom I'll refer to as "hands". I've spoken to my nurse manager and staff has talked to him regarding this behavior. He was calm for a while after that but still insists on talking to me like trash. Tomorrow I want to give him a letter from my husband and myself outlining the behavior I expect from him in the future. My husband is extremely angry and so am I. This is my last time telling him to stop before it gets ugly.

What should this letter say?

This guy is such a creep. He tells me that he can see through my pants and that I have a nice a**. Inapprpriate to the highest degree...and unacceptable to say the least! I feel sick thinking about this. Before I break his face and/or his fingers I need to do something...

Sometimes these sexually innappropriate guys are just jerks, but then again some ARE scary. I recall a really bizarro case where a male nurse first claimed HE was being sexually harassed by the females(he twisted facts). In retrospect this man had psych problems; probably borderline or something. He tried to involve me with his problems by claiming I was a witness to a sexual harassment by a female coworker...but that is NOT what occurred. He then threatened me subtly...knew where I lived, where I parked my car, etc. A bunch of us finally went to the risk manager and eventually the hospital got rid of him, but we worried for a long time what he might do. We called the cops but they just laughed at us...trouble is they can't respond to threats. (which of course is why women get killed by their abusive partners so frequently.)

I heard a few years back the BNE had taken his license and he was driving truck OTR.

So I understand why the OP wants to 'mention' (altho probably better to let this slip out in a casual conversation vs a letter) she has an upset husband..cuz a little fear on the part of the perp is a good thing. Protective hubby type guys tend to know how to settle up in back alleys. ;)

There's some people out there who respond best to this type of justice. And I work with a few guy nurses who admit they have had to deal with abusive uncooperative docs and coworkers in this way...subtle physical threats. "What's your problem? We can take this outside right now...".

Sometimes the guys know best how to settle stuff quickly...and can put a bully or harasser in his place. Schoolyard justice? Maybe but like I said some understand this best.

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I agree with the majority, don't send the letter.

Keep a detailed list of the date, time and specifics of each incident and report to HR. Keep a copy for your own records and note when and to who it was sent and what response you received. Start a file. Does he do these things when others are around to witness them? Note to yourself who saw, who observed this guy's conduct.

If there is no response, go up the next step on ladder as far as the person you contact.

There is a professional way for these things to be handled, and you must conduct yourself as a professional and try to keep the emotional side out of it, as far as how you choose to respond. Most companies do not want these type of situations to exist.

They should have written policies on record for how they handle complaints. You need to find them. Are they mentioned in your employee handbook? What training do hires receive on this issue? Request to see the training video again, it might give info on who to contact.

If there is no training video, was there a written policy that emplyees had to sign off on? Dig yours up, again, it may mention who to contact for complaints.

Ask to view the P&P ( policy and procedure) manual for your workplace. It should be in there.

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Sometimes these sexually innappropriate guys are just jerks, but then again some ARE scary. I recall a really bizarro case where a male nurse first claimed HE was being sexually harassed by the females(he twisted facts). In retrospect this man had psych problems; probably borderline or something. He tried to involve me with his problems by claiming I was a witness to a sexual harassment by a female coworker...but that is NOT what occurred. He then threatened me subtly...knew where I lived, where I parked my car, etc. A bunch of us finally went to the risk manager and eventually the hospital got rid of him, but we worried for a long time what he might do. We called the cops but they just laughed at us...trouble is they can't respond to threats. (which of course is why women get killed by their abusive partners so frequently.)

It is SO important to be sure that you are SAFE! mattsmom is right -- he may be just a jerk -- but then again.... maybe not. I learned the hard way that you can't ASSUME someone isn't going to hurt you or that they won't take things too far. Also, the police are not going to be able to do much until there is action on his part -- in our case, complaints were lodged and "lost" -- it was a very frightening time. Now, I know that I can protect myself from goons like that, but sure felt helpless at the time!! REMEMBER: Protect yourself BEFORE he does something even more unacceptable. Iwas too ashamed to tell anyone about my stalker for a long time and that just enabled him to get away with it longer. The jerk's behavior and innappropriateness are not a rflection on you!! Don't stay a victim -- tell your boss, tell the corporation, tell an attorney -- if you have established the pattern, then IF he escalates, you are already started in the process!

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We called the cops but they just laughed at us...trouble is they can't respond to threats.

After 9/11 threats have taken on a new meaning and consequences are more severe.

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, End of Life, Pain.

We have a very strict sexual harrassment policy at my hospital and I would imagine yours does too. Find a copy of the policy and take it with you the next time you report an incident to your manager. Also make sure you document every time an incident occurs and who you spoke to about it. I agree with the others - keep your well meaning husband out of your professional affairs - no good can come from his intervening. :angryfire If human resources is not up to intervening on your behalf then I wouldn't hesitate to discuss this with a lawyer and let your supervisors know you are doing this. If they are worth their jobs - they will take action. This 'gentleman' needs to have his hands placed in restraints - or better yet - handcuffs! :devil:

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Specializes in Rehab, Med Surg, Home Care.

This guy needs a little educating. Wonder how he'd feel if you backed him up against a wall, got right in his face, grabbed a handful of something personal and squeezed just a little too hard (OK, a lot hard, maybe with some twisting), looked him straight in the eye, and said calmly, "you know, it makes me really uncomfortable when people make insinuating comments or touch me in personal ways. Please don't". Oh, I know. Inappropriate. Right. Still, can't help thinking it would bring it home to him to be on the other side of the power balance, because this kind of crap is all about holding power over others (female co-workers).

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"Hands" is just a jerk, and if he keeps up that attitude towards women he's gonna have problems wherever he goes after he gets fired from there.

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(personal opinion and as in all personal opinions, you should make your own decisions)

you should not feel the need to constantly notify evryone in the hospital from your boss to the ceo. if your boss is considered managment and you notified her or him on this guy's behavior, then management was notified (make a note of the date and time; plus i would have it in written form). if there was corrective action taken place and the behavior contiues, it is your obligation to notify your superior again. (make sure you are following the hospitals policy on how to report). if still you are being harassed, then it is time to talk to an attorney. let your lawyer write the letter (that ussually gets someones attention.) and keep yourself (and your irrate husband) out of it.

i was in hr and now i am going into nursing in part because i had to deal with idiots like the man you descibed too frequently.

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Specializes in HIV/AIDS, Dementia, Psych.

I agree with the posters who said to leave your husband out of it. If I were in your situation, I'd tell the guy the next time he reaches out to touch me, he's going to pull back a bloody stump. Set your limits and don't dance around the issue. This guy sounds like a real jackass. You need to be short and simple like 'DON'T TOUCH ME' or 'DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT'. Try short and not-so sweet.

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Document, document, document!! File official grievences, with your manager and HR dept. Threaten a lawsuit. Keep your husband out of it. You will win in the end. :p

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Specializes in Med surg and Psych.

:imbar I CAN HONESTLY SAY I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. A MALE NURSE I WORK WITH AND I HAVE KNOWN FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS REALLY SURPRISED ME. HE ALWAYS SEEMED VERY CRAZY ABOUT HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN, AND THAT IS WHAT I LIKED ABOUT HIM, BECAUSE I AM VERY FOND OF MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN. ANYWAY... ABOUT 3 WEEKS AGO, I HAD TO WATCH HIM WASTE A NARC. AND HE SAID YOU KNOW WE NEED TO LIGHTEN UP AND LIVE CRAZY OR WE WILL GO INSANE. I AGREED, NOT KNOWING I WAS FEEDING INTO HIS SICK MIND. ANYWAY...I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST SMALL TALK. HE SAID, I WANT TO DO SOMETHING WILD. I JUST SMILED AND HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID I MIGHT NEED YOUR HELP. I THOUGHT, OH BOY WHAT AM I GETTING INTO. THEN HE DROPPED THE BOMB...:uhoh21: I WANT TO GET THE TIP OF MY member PIERCED. I THINK MY TEETH ABOUT FELL OUT OF MY MOUTH, AND MY FACE FELT LIKE IT WAS BURNING. I LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, BUT I HAD NEVER FELT THAT UNCOMFORTABLE. I AM NOT THE TYPE TO REPORT. I TOLD MY HUSBAND AND HE KNOWS I CAN HANDLE MYSELF. THE JERK WANTED ME TO DO THIS IN THE TX. RM. HE SAID HE KNEW HOW TO DO IT AND DID NOT WANT TO PAY $100 FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT. WELL...I WOULD NOT DO IT FOR $100. HE SAID HE COULD NOT SEE IT. MAYBE HE NEEDS TO GET AN ENLARGEMENT. LOL! ANYWAY...NOW WHEN HE SEES ME HE ACTS LIKE WE ARE BEST BUDS. I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. AM I OVERREACTING? I AM USUALLY NOT A STICK IN THE MUD, BUT THIS HUMILIATED ME FOR SOME REASON. ANYWAY...:balloons: HAPPY NURSES WEEK EVERYONE!:balloons:

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Mamanurse, I don't even want to HEAR about genital piercings in the workplace either...and he had the nerve to ask if YOU would do it???? Lordy what is wrong with some people!!!! :(

Just my 2 cents: consider telling him fairly directly this was innappropriate and made you uncomfortable or IMO you have opened up a door for him. Good luck.

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