How To Spot a Workplace Bully, Part Three

Having the correct diagnosis for a workplace problem helps with finding the right solution. Labeling every conflict as bullying can lead to disciplinary overkill or its flip-side, a devaluation of the actual cases. At the same time, applying typical problem-solving and conflict-resolution tools can put the target in harm's way. How then, do you identify a bully in the workplace? Nurses General Nursing Article

How To Spot a Workplace Bully, Part Three

Dealing with a bully is a challenge for members of both sexes, but women are especially bad at it. In an article in the New York Times, Mickey Meece says male bullies outnumber females sixty percent to forty percent. But when it comes to their victims the bullying womenm "prefer their own kind, choosing other women as targets more than seventy percent of the time."

The reasons for this are both logistical (women have more female co-workers and subordinates) and gender-related (women tend to be easier victims--they are often less skilled at identifying an attack, less confrontational overall, more likely to doubt themselves, and more willing to compromise in the name of reaching a resolution). Women want to reach out to other people, be team players, and find connection. Such approaches can work wonders in disputes with reasonable bosses and co-workers, but they're blood in the water to a bully.

If women have a tough time coming to grips with workplace bullying, they have an even tougher time getting others to take the issue seriously. Normal people (especially other women) don't want to acknowledge that this kind of twisted behavior actually exists. It's easier (and less unsettling) to pin the problems on personality differences or blame the target for having a problem with authority (even if that's never been an issue before). Those who don't understand what they're really looking at might recommend meeting with the offending supervisor or coworker one-on-one to clear the air or encourage the complainer to simply rise above the whole thing and be the bigger person. When a bully is involved, such assessments are inaccurate, and the advice is unwise, ineffective and possibly even dangerous. We wouldn't make these same suggestions to victims of domestic violence, would we?

Being targeted by a bully who is friendly with management is similar to the situation of a woman being battered by a police officer husband. When she's had enough and she finally calls 911, how quick do you think her husband's brother officers will be to see her side of the equation?

Then there is the other end of the stick--management that fears the bully as much as the target does. Whether it's anxiety over the bully turning her sights on them personally or worries about being able to build a case for the bully's termination or even just the trepidation of finding a suitable replacement, supervisors may know the score but chose the path of least resistance by relocating the target to a different shift, department or facility. In a worst case scenario, the target is fired, leaving the bbullying boss or co-worker to operate with impunity. Can you say, "Punishing the victim."? No one is indispensable, but generally, the higher up the food chain the bully is and the greater their participation in committees and other activities, the safer they are to continue practicing their violence.

That's what workplace bullying is, after all--a form of psychological violence that leaves its target stunned and wounded. And just like a skillful physical assailant, a bully often knows how to land blows that don't readily show, especially if those who might be able to stop it don't know what to look for.

Part of the difficulty with making a bullying complaint stick is that the pieces of the puzzle seem innocuous or even petty when looked at individually.

HR Person

Quote
"Your charge nurse gave you the hardest assignment on the floor all last week? Are you kidding me? There's always a 'worst assignment,' and someone has to take it. Besides, maybe that just means she thinks you're a good nurse, and you can handle the challenge."

It's only when the fragments are assembled into a whole that the real picture emerges.

HR Person

Quote
What you've written here is that when Bonnie has been charge nurse on your shifts, she's given you the highest acuity assignment by at least five points approximately 75 % of the time for the last six months; she has repeatedly skipped the mandating roster and made you stay late even though others were ahead of you on the list; she has let other people go to lunch and take breaks whenever they requested, but frequently turned you down, even after you've told her that you only have a brief window to get yours in; she has floated you when it wasn't your turn unless it was a more favorable float and then she kept you when it was your turn to go; she regularly checks your charting for grammar and spelling errors and at least three times has told doctors you've paged that no one called them; she has spread rumors about your marriage and your kids to other people who have come to you to let you know what she's saying; and a co-worker said that Bonnie told her to give you a couple of low scores on your peer review.

Target

Quote
That's right. I spoke with Trish, our manager, but she and Bonnie are close friends, and she just chalked it up to me blowing things out of proportion. She said, "You're not going to be best buddies with everyone you work with," and told me that all this score-keeping was childish and even a little paranoid.

Another hurdle in being believed is that a frequently-used assessment tool for the existence and severity of bullying is the damage it does to its victims. Observers don't see the bow or the arrows, and they certainly don't see the archer for the bully he or she has become. The only evidence that shows are the holes in the target. What this amounts to is that the victim has to try to prove her case by displaying her wounds.

HR Person

Quote
How has Bonnie's behavior affected you?

Target

Quote
I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping for about four months now. I get migraine headaches a couple of times a week. Twice they were so bad I had to call in. Bonnie really gave me a hard time after that. I've lost almost twenty pounds because my stomach hurts most days. I used to love coming to work, but now I'm miserable. I'm on an anti-depressant and I have to take antacids before and during my shift. And even though my marriage was just fine before Bonnie started rumors about it, the stress she's causing is getting to both me and my husband. My kids are feeling it, too. I haven't felt like myself for a long, long time. This just isn't right."

It isn't right.

Workplace bullying is a pattern of crazy-making behaviors and threats designed to undermine a co-worker's or a subordinate's professional and/or personal life to such an extent that their confidence, their sense of safety, and their health are compromised. It has nothing to do with problem-solving, conflict-resolution, or appropriate workplace discipline and everything to do with a toxic person attacking others to protect herself at their expense.


Resources

Workplace Bullying Institute

The Silent Epidemic: Workplace Bullying

New Laws Target Workplace Bullying

kickbully.com

Why Do Women Bully Women in the Workplace? They're Easier Targets.

Backlash: Women Bullying Women at Work

Women Bullies Often Target Other Women

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tralalaRN

168 Posts

Specializes in pediatrics.

This is an outstanding series of articles. Thank you! Well done.

Specializes in CC, MS, ED, Clinical Research.

Great reference articles for people struggling with this. Good series.

Poi Dog

1,134 Posts

The sentence that struck me is this:

Part of the difficulty with making a bullying complaint stick is that the pieces of the puzzle seem innocuous or even petty when looked at individually.

rn/writer, RN

9 Articles; 4,168 Posts

The target can look like a whiny crybaby unless the investigator takes the pattern of behavior into account. When a complaint is about bullying, it's essential to look at the big picture.

Nursula_rn

11 Posts

Getting the he** out of here now. The supervisor is indeed the bully and while it seemed paranoid at the time, I made notes regarding what and when. What to do with this information? Not much. However- manager is aware, is bullied herself it would seem and has become tainted by the situation and is of no use when it comes to fixing the situation. She has encouraged me to leave. I might have wanted to stay, but the 10 years the bully has dedicated to the cause in this office have tainted the whole place and nobody is particularly untouched. This office has become poisoned. Everyone is just happy its not their turn today/this week/this month. Identifying someone new for her to bother is self preservation and a team sport. I look forward to leaving quickly, with whatever reference I have. With no serious reports of misconduct (unless you count just not being her best friend, and not handing out trophies for simply showing up to baby clinic), I am well prepared. What to do with the experience? The take-away message? Pick better lottery numbers.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist

NotReady4PrimeTime, RN

5 Articles; 7,358 Posts

Specializes in NICU, PICU, PCVICU and peds oncology.

These articles really resonate, Miranda. It's a particularly difficult row to hoe when the bully is in a position of power over the target, and has the ability to block any attempt by the target to either address or escape the bullying. How does one convey the substance of bullying behaviour when it's typically a hatchet disguised as praise? An example would be saying one thing in the presence of others, then doing the opposite in private, such as building the target up in the estimation of coworkers but then holding the target back from achieving the very thing the bully has intimated the target is capable of. Or conversely, the target may be put in a position where proving their abilities is undermined by inadequate supports and subliminal constraints and the target loses ground by seeming to be unequal to the task.

Thank you for placing a spotlight on this unforgivable and unconscionable behaviour. Your efforts may allow more targets to recognize themselves as such and find their way out of that role.

rn/writer, RN

9 Articles; 4,168 Posts

These articles really resonate, Miranda. It's a particularly difficult row to hoe when the bully is in a position of power over the target, and has the ability to block any attempt by the target to either address or escape the bullying. How does one convey the substance of bullying behaviour when it's typically a hatchet disguised as praise? An example would be saying one thing in the presence of others, then doing the opposite in private, such as building the target up in the estimation of coworkers but then holding the target back from achieving the very thing the bully has intimated the target is capable of. Or conversely, the target may be put in a position where proving their abilities is undermined by inadequate supports and subliminal constraints and the target loses ground by seeming to be unequal to the task.

Thank you for placing a spotlight on this unforgivable and unconscionable behaviour. Your efforts may allow more targets to recognize themselves as such and find their way out of that role.

So many capable people are attacked this way. It's often too subtle for others see, especially when they are among the ones the bully treats well. I'm putting together some material that tells what to do about a bully--how to survive their assaults, and how to gather evidence and be able to show others (including the bully's boss or folks even higher up the food chain) the patterns that exist and the ways it's costing the company money and morale.

To all who are being targeted in this way, hang in there. You have my utmost respect and caring. I hope that in the not too distant future there will be legislation that recognizes and deals with bullying. It may seem far fetched at the moment, but look at the strides that have been made with domestic violence and sexual assault victims. Years ago it was almost impossible for battered wives and sexual assault victims to even get anyone to investigate their claims, much less believe them. Now, even though the laws still have some flaws, victims at least are listened to and the crimes against them are taken seriously. I hope that the treatment of bullying will follow suit.

massrn116

117 Posts

I have found the articles very helpful in making me realize I am not "paranoid" and my complaints are not petty. My current nurse manager is SO threatened by my confidence and my ability. She can never "get me" on my patient care so she has targeted me by saying "people" have called me rude (other colleagues) or "you don't seem very happy" etc. All little vague accusations that at times take their toll. The "problem" with me though is I refuse to be her victim. I stand up to her any way I can, I challenge her vague complaints and I am just waiting for my next evaluation. I am possibly thinking of attaching a copy of the bullying articles for her review.