heartbroken needed to vent

seekerskeeter · Jul 24, 2012

for my preceptor what I was told was that she liked precepting. because my manager asked a few and she volunteered. but apparently most of the nurses that she precepted also left or failed due to her teaching method. again like I said she maybe a good nurse but as a teaching I will give her an F. another nurse told me that when they see me overwhelmed and would try to help he wouldn't let them and then by the end of the shift seems like she finds joy when I was not able to finish everything one day I was about to lose it then when I approached her she was smiling like making fun of me smiling then said "so can you still handle it?!" I said YES then tried my best until the end of the shift. one time I felt totally humiliated because instead of pulling me to the side and telling me if I was not doing something the proper way, she just raised her voice and told me that I'm not doing it the right way with her smirky look in front of the patient so the patient said "I don't think you know what you're doing, I want another nurse!" I felt so sad and crushed after that. so before I left the hospital completely (the day that I resigned) I told my manager that my preceptor maybe a good nurse but a new RN will have a hard time learning from her. she's very uncomfortable to work with she humiliates her preceptee in front of coworkers and patients. that is so unprofessional. correcting and trying to teach the right way is different from humiliating. Then I thanked my manager and left. My preceptor, she was just a total B***h

sunnyskies9 · Jul 24, 2012

I would consider yourself lucky you got out of that job. the fact that your manager ignored your pleas for help and your preceptor was downright rude to you are both red flags. good for you! but I do think it would have been nice if your other coworkers would have stood up for you, especially to your manager. oh well. Good luck to you on finding another job, but this one was definitely not a good match for you.

KateRN1 · Jul 25, 2012

*warning -- harsh words ahead*

I'm just taking a guess, a wild shot in the dark, but by the comments of the preceptor that you posted (eg "So you still think you can handle it?") that you might have presented yourself as something of a know-it-all or not really in need of instruction. If that is the image that you presented of yourself, then I'm frankly not surprised that your preceptor would be a bit abrasive. As a new grad, most students don't really have the skills to operate independently in a hospital environment. Experienced nurses know this. Most new grads should know this. Some don't realize this and become very difficult to teach. As I said, this is just a wild guess and may or may not apply, but here's some food for thought: You say that your preceptor was a bad teacher, but were you a good student? Did you seek out learning opportunities or did you wait for them to come to you? Did you ask for assistance, instruction, feedback? Did you jump in to help where you were comfortable and competent? Did you research meds or diseases that you weren't familiar with? Spend some time honestly assessing yourself and your behavior in this situation and try to see how you contributed as well as what you could've done differently.

seekerskeeter · Jul 25, 2012

*warning -- harsh words ahead*she said so can you still handle it.. it's different from so you still think you can handle it. I didn't present myself a know it all because if I don't know it I do ask her how to do it.. there are times where she will call me in front of my patient and ask me how to do this and that then if I don't know I would tell her I was meaning to ask you about this topic before we get inside the patient's room because I dont know how to do this.. she wouldnt answer me ofcourse I look dumb in front of my pt but I think she finds joy in that, making me look dumb and incompetent in front of people. so during my break while eating I research online how to do stuff then the next time she asked me I was able to answer although she was never satisfied. she never made a comment that I ever did anything right. All she did was crush my confidence.

seekerskeeter · Jul 25, 2012

but thank you for that opinion..

little1rn10 · Jul 25, 2012

after 6 weeks of training I resigned. My preceptor gave me hell. literally hell. Even my coworkers agree on that. I told my manager that I'm not clicking with my preceptor but she said stick with her coz she's the best. and so I followed her advice. as a nurse se maybe good but as a preceptor she sucks so bad that I couldn't handle the stress anymore. it was so hard. so now I'm jobless again. I love med surg I loved it that I learned alot in a short span of time but like one of the nurses who cried coz I left said, what happened was not fair. She said I was working under avery stressful environment and having that lady as a preceptor jut made it worse. I really want to work in a med surg dept just the preceptor and other haters made it so hard.pls don't judge me I just needed to vent. Most if the nurses said that they hate to see me go coz they really liked me. I just couldn't work in that kind of an environment anymore. Stress caused by work work I can handle but stressed induced coz I was bullied that I couldn't anymore. I don't think anybody deserved this kind of treatment. to be yelled at in front of other people to literally shame me in front of my pts. It's my fault too coz I just let it all happen, I never said anything. I just let her walk all over me. A lesson that I learned the hard way. never again will I let anybody treat me like that. Now I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to find another job on med surg :,(

I don't understand why, but this is like a circle--it never ends.

Veteran nurses, whom were all once a new grad, went through the same torture and now are doing the same thing to new grads. I agree with another post, "Don't take anything personal" and "stand up for yourself". Don't let anyone think they can "push" you around, be straightforward, but respectful and be open minded; you'll learn more on the floor than you did in school. Veteran nurses need to take new grads under their wings.

This task needs to be delegated to "special" individuals. :saint:

Don't let this get you down. You graduated nursing school and passed the boards, you have what it takes.

FYI:

A patient taught another nurse and myself how to complete a task; it was great! I have been a nurse over 2 years and I remember going down the hallway and telling my preceptor, "I have never done this before" and she would walk me through it in the patients room---sometimes you will learn task infront of the patients. Yes, of course I was embarrassed but I learned and so did my patients.

amzyRN · Jul 25, 2012

*warning -- harsh words ahead*she said so can you still handle it.. it's different from so you still think you can handle it. I didn't present myself a know it all because if I don't know it I do ask her how to do it.. there are times where she will call me in front of my patient and ask me how to do this and that then if I don't know I would tell her I was meaning to ask you about this topic before we get inside the patient's room because I dont know how to do this.. she wouldnt answer me ofcourse I look dumb in front of my pt but I think she finds joy in that, making me look dumb and incompetent in front of people. so during my break while eating I research online how to do stuff then the next time she asked me I was able to answer although she was never satisfied. she never made a comment that I ever did anything right. All she did was crush my confidence.
My preceptor was exactly this way. She never ever gave me one work of positive feedback. On top of that she was always scowling, in fact, it seemed like she was unhappy doing her job. She was compassionate to some of the patients and would give bed baths to the sickest ones. I just did not understand how that compassion could not be extended to me as another human being deserving of basic respect. My preceptor even made comments that could be seen as racist (or racial prejudice toward the race category I fall into). It was just so awkward working with her. I hated every day I went to that unit. I would feel like I was going to vomit on the car ride over to the hospital. I am just so glad I never have to go back there. I don't think I would be able to work with someone like that agian, unless I had a face to face conversation about how their attitude was effecting me and changing their behavior.

happyinillinois · Jul 25, 2012

It is never okay for a preceptor to degrade an orientee in front of a patient. It makes the nurse and the hospital look bad.

bbie17 · Jul 25, 2012

Unfortunately, wherever you go you will have doctors/preceptors/coworkers/bosses/family members/patients who are rude, mean and treat you like crap. The best thing to do is not take it personal and just do your job. If it's a preceptor that's giving you a hard time, try your best to get through orientation. Once you're on your own, it will be much better and you don't even have to go to them for help. If it's certain coworkers you dislike, bond with the ones you do and schedule yourself so that you're working opposite days as the people you don't like. You can't change jobs every time you don't like your coworkers or change your assignment b/c you don't like a patient. Learn to work with people, especially the difficult ones, and you will go a long way. Goodluck on your job search.

iamgabrielle · Jul 26, 2012

i had to quit coz of my preceptor.. we're on the same boat ride.. she made my orientation a living hell.. never learned a thing from her.. she made me so anxious i felt like vomiting all the time.. my brain couldn't function with her. i was so scared to go to work.. there were times that i will have an opportunity to work with a different nurse coz she was on break and i would do just fine.. i was able to do my job without the feeling of my chest about to explode.. but once she returns I'm back to being a total wreck. for short she ruined me. i tried to switch preceptors but manager wouldn't do it. so the situation got so bad.. had to go.. tsk. sad

OCNRN63, RN · Jul 26, 2012

the hard truth is that you will come across people like this your entire career and you just can't keep quitting!!!! i have told my kids and all those i have precepted for 17 years, that you don't have to like the person educating them, as long as they are competent and you can learn from them. this is precious advice.
i learned skills from hard nosed nasty nurses, i learned how to interact with the caring ones. i learned how to stand toe to toe with a screaming doctor from those nasty nurses. i learned how to drop everything and hold a hand and just listen from the caring ones.
each peer you encounter in your career has the potential to teach you something each and every shift. you can't run from the hard ones, but you can figure out what you need from them and what they need from you. ex. the hard a$$ nurse gets assigned the difficult needy on the call buzzer patient. i offer to take that one from them, and tell them i need the patient experience. the trade off is that my lab draw skills stink and i want her to help me improve my skills with the morning lab draws.
this is about knowing how to work and work with people. it is a skill to be learned that will serve you well as you slowly become proficient in dealing with a wide breth of patients. it starts with our peers, please don't let anyone drive you out of a job, unless you are going to be fired, there is always wiggle room to work out a compromise.
may i finally suggest, in the future, you immediately pull this nurse away in private and discuss how you prefer these situations be handled. it sure as heck is uncomfortable, but i've been pulled in for doing a few of the things you mentioned and quickly adjusted my precepting verbage and actions...
... we all learn from each other, you need to put in the difficult actions by stating what you need, like and dislike. i wish you well.

this.

i had an instructor that used to make me physically ill because she was so difficult. i took her aside, and when i told her how i felt, she looked startled and said she hadn't meant to come across that way.

sure, she still made me know my stuff and still grilled me, but her attitude changed dramatically.

i could have dropped out of school because of her, but i made myself toughen up and learn from the experience. not every preceptor is going to be warm and fluffy, but they still have much they can teach you. what will you do when you get another job and your preceptor is tough on you? what about a code when everyone is yelling and get short with you?

ultimately, you're being taught how to save people's lives. take this and learn from it in your next position.

OCNRN63, RN · Jul 26, 2012

my preceptor was exactly this way. she never ever gave me one work of positive feedback. on top of that she was always scowling, in fact, it seemed like she was unhappy doing her job. she was compassionate to some of the patients and would give bed baths to the sickest ones. i just did not understand how that compassion could not be extended to me as another human being deserving of basic respect. my preceptor even made comments that could be seen as racist (or racial prejudice toward the race category i fall into). it was just so awkward working with her. i hated every day i went to that unit. i would feel like i was going to vomit on the car ride over to the hospital. i am just so glad i never have to go back there. i don't think i would be able to work with someone like that agian, unless i had a face to face conversation about how their attitude was effecting me and changing their behavior.
sheesh. no wonder people don't want to precept. when preceptors start being judged based on their facial expression, something is awry. maybe she had a fight with her husband before she came into work. maybe she just got her butt chewed by the manager for something. maybe a patient just yelled at her. maybe she realized she has spinach between her teeth. maybe she's scowling because she's having problems seeing and needs glasses.

i'm not saying this to be mean, but it's true: don't assume everything is about you. the world doesn't revolve around you.

just because someone has passed nclex and has amassed years of experience and is a fantastic bedside nurse does not mean he/she is also a great teacher. some are good at it...others, not so much. unfortunately, sometimes nurses who don't want to precept are forced to. it's not fair to the new employee, and it's not fair to the experienced nurse.

if you're expecting everyone to be all sunshine and roses, you're going to spend your life being unemployed.