Have mercy on me, I am supposed to be the strong one

[catrn10]

This is not a Nursing issue, but I had a very bad night tonight. First I get to work and get a phone call about 1930 from my husband that my Mare is in foal and something is wrong. I've had her 19years and so I'm upset.I tell him to call a vet, I'm at work, can't leave, I AM the relief help. Second phone call , she's down and it's bad, he needs help. I can't leave, no way. I call my daughter, she goes over to my house and calls me, it's very bad. Fortunately, by this time another unit is now over staffed, thanks to 2 codes that went bad, Would I like to go home? Not really, but I love my horse and she's dying. I go home, I get here and find out my husband has been calling the same vet, over and over. I try a new one I've never used, and will from now on, he comes over. The Mare is in a bad way. I'm a Nurse, I got a strong stomach, Right? Evidentally not. He says he has to cut the foals head off , it's dead and stuck , the mare will die if he doesn't. My husband holds her head, the vet hold the metal rod in her lady parts, and I have to pull the wire back and forth until it cuts off the head. I am sick, sick, sick. Then we have to pull out the rest of the poor little thing. My mare may die anyway, it's too soon to tell. I can't get the decapitated baby out of my mind. I'm a Nurse, I'm supposed to be strong, but not this! I pray to God I will forget. I am heart broken and I have to tell the kids when they get up. I'm not telling them about the head, I can't. I don't know what I'll tell them if the mare dies. I'm just sick.Thanks for letting me vent.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

So sorry.

[Shevalove]

I am so so sorry. I hope your mare pulls thru. What an awful thing for you to have to deal with. I totally freaked out when my dog had a very bad siezure. Being a nurse did not make it any easier. Please let us know if mom is ok?

[MRed94]

Prayers are with you in this. Hugs from all around.

MRed

[researchrabbit]

You are smart not to tell your children the entire thing. Those pictures can stick in their heads for years.

My thoughts are with you, your family, and your fur-covered friend. I hope all goes well for her and you.

[ERNurse752, RN]

That's sounds so traumatic...it's not a question of being a nurse, or being tough when it's a family member, whether animal or human.

I hope she recovers.

(((catrn10)))

[NurseWeasel]

In my experience, animals are TOTALLY different than humans. Mister Weasel says it's because "animals never hurt anybody", I don't know if that's it or what, but I totally understand your pain.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and am sending blessings for Khaia.

[colleen10]

Dear Cat,

I am so sorry that you and your family have had to go through all of this.

Animals are totally different, I guess, like Wratched said, they are innocent, especially the new borns.

This is all very traumatic and I really think you should continue to talk someone, anyone, to this off your chest and work through all of these emotions.

Being a nurse doesn't mean you aren't human, please cut yourself a break. You should be proud that you were able to help the situation by being there and saving your horse. Many others would not have been able to. This experience would be traumatic for anyone, I'm sure even the vet who is a professional and is in a way removed from your horse, being that it is part of your family.

I remember when I was in college the University's Horse Stable Foreman, who is a great horseman with decades of experience, lost a foal at his barn at home. The pregnancy and delivery were seemingly normal but resulted in a still birth. I remember driving behind his pick up truck in which the foal was laid in the back with a large sheet drapped over it, but I could still see it's legs, hooves and tail hanging out a bit. It was being taken to the University for Necropsy. That vision is still in my head and is always accompanied by great feelings of sadness.

It is never easy to loose a foal or any animal for that matter, but the way in which you lost yours is absolutely awful. I know if it was me in your situation I probably would have allready had symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I hope that your mare does better and you and your family can get over this. Please continue to talk and share your feelings.

[frannybee]

Cat, what a horrific thing to go through. I've been sobbing my heart out for 10 mins after reading that....guess it was an awful day all round

[memphispanda, RN]

I am so sorry you are going through this. That has to be one of the most tragic things I have heard of for a pet owner. Big hugs, and prayers for strength going your way.

[duckie]

If it's any consolation, I would not have handled it any better, you did what had to be done to save the Mama and you should feel good about that. Time will ease that horrible feeling and in the mean time concentrate on taking care of Mama and your family. Love to you. Duckie

[JedsMom, ASN, RN]

My prayers go out to you. I remember being there with my beloved gelding when he died and it is an extremely hard thing to do. It really is losing a member of your family. You shouldn't expect to be strong in that situation, it's family. I hope your mare recovers quickly and that your pain will ease soon. God bless.

[jdomep]

I am so very sorry for your loss You loved her and would have loved "your grandbaby" and I agree your children do not need to know the details (it is bad enough they are in your head) - My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.