Gotta good "poop" story? I do.

Nurses General Nursing

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Once upon a time, when I was a young, energetic nurse I admitted a handsome, young executive type...very good looking and about my age. I felt he was a little embarrassed for me to be admitting him and asking him such personal questions about, you know, his bowel patterns and such. However, I remained professional and we got through the admission. His admitting diagnosis was bowel related and I had an order to do an occult stool. Soooooooo, I asked in my most professional tone that he save his next bowel movement for the nurses to check and I placed a hat in the commode.

A couple of hours went by when his call light came on. When I entered his room, his face was very red. He had had a bowel movement and had saved it for me. I thanked him and entered the BR. There sitting in the middle of the hat was the perfect turd -- it looked just like a Dairy Queen large, chocolate cone -- even with the little curly-q on top! :chuckle It was hilarious. Of course, my professionalism when out the door and I teased him unmercifully. He ended up having a great sense of humor, thank God!

Also, anyone ever have any experiences with exploding colostomy bags in the middle of the night after housekeeping has gone home? Just wondering. I have. :wink2:

That one is pretty funny but I think I can top it....I was also admitting a young executive type and needed to get a urine speciman from him so I handed him a small speciman cup and a urinal....he was taking a really long time so when I finally checked back in the bathroom I could hardly contain my laughter as I found a small speciman cup of urine and a urinal full of BM....as I walked out of the bathroom, he says, "sorry it took so long, I was constipated.." I couldn't bear to tell him that the jug I gave him was a urinal, I guess you can never asume a patient will know what a urinal is for.:rotfl: :rotfl:

Once upon a time, when I was a young, energetic nurse I admitted a handsome, young executive type...very good looking and about my age. I felt he was a little embarrassed for me to be admitting him and asking him such personal questions about, you know, his bowel patterns and such. However, I remained professional and we got through the admission. His admitting diagnosis was bowel related and I had an order to do an occult stool. Soooooooo, I asked in my most professional tone that he save his next bowel movement for the nurses to check and I placed a hat in the commode.

A couple of hours went by when his call light came on. When I entered his room, his face was very red. He had had a bowel movement and had saved it for me. I thanked him and entered the BR. There sitting in the middle of the hat was the perfect turd -- it looked just like a Dairy Queen large, chocolate cone -- even with the little curly-q on top! :chuckle It was hilarious. Of course, my professionalism when out the door and I teased him unmercifully. He ended up having a great sense of humor, thank God!

Also, anyone ever have any experiences with exploding colostomy bags in the middle of the night after housekeeping has gone home? Just wondering. I have. :wink2:

Specializes in Case Management, Acute Care, Missions.

Oh these are SOOOOO funny.... only nurses would see the humor in Poop!

I once took care of an elderly man, totally alert and oriented, but always stuck his hands where the sun don't shine. I spent 2 hours soaking, scrubbing, picking etc, his fingernails.... stuff must have been there from 1932!

We all know that little old people are obsessed with their "bowels" - but my best friend's grandma takes the cake. She actually keeps a BM diary... records time, size, consistency, color, difficulty passing etc. Won't leave home without it.... "just in case there is an emergency you know... doctors need this information" :eek:

I am a PCA (glorified nurses aid) as I say, and one day I had a patient with a belly surgery. No problem right??? Wrong! She was my first patient I went to see that evening and it looked like an atom bomb went off. She had that lovely liquid stool. It looked like she just pulled up her gown and let it fly. It was on the bed, floor, chair, wall, anything that was within shooting distance. As soon as I got it all cleaned up guess what???? It would happen again. I couldn't even get a sample for the lab for c-dif because she never could make it to the toilet. I swear if it was one time it was 5. To put a spin on it, it took me three hours to get a house keeper up there to mop. They won't mop up poop. Just after you have tried your best to clean it up. Needless to say that was a night to remember.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

Ahhh....that good old explosive diarrhea. This thread is two years old but oh so funny.

One of my first patients was an old fellow who was just confused, wondering all over the room, constantly getting out of bed sitting on the commode. Took a while for me to figure out he was constiptated so I gave him a laxative and was going to give him an enema.

Then I hear, him "Oh Lord, Please help me Jesus, uuuuuhhhhgggg! Help me lord, help me Jesus." I walk in the room he's laying on his side, I walk up and I swear a large grapefuit sized impaction flies out about two feet, followed by rivers and rivers of loose stool. "Thank you Jesus! Praise the Lord! You know the Lord Helped me get that out".

Go tell it on the mountain, the Lord does his work in mysterious ways. After that he was calm, cool, collected and slept like a baby. :)

My worst BM story...

Well in our facility we serve PABA-its this nasty mix of Prunes, apples and Bran (never have figured the last A). Any way A&O residents, scream when they see it coming.

But here I was on the dementia unit. I was orianting another nurse, and had a little extra time, so I cleaned the fridge. Me not thinking, pulled all the old or unlabled 8 oz bowls of this stuff out of the fridge and set them on the top of the dinner cart to go back to the kitchen.

About an hour later a housekeeper says something about the fact that there is "brown stuff all over the unit and its not BM"

I think "uh-oh" the bells have started to go off that some of these folks will eat anything.

We follow the trail and find one lady is responsible for the whole thing, but that now the Poop is flowing.

The CNAs all said "UH UH you made the mess you fix it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" so I spent the rest of the shift cleaning up this woman. and she was one of those demented folks who never stops walking so you just chase them with the wipes around the unit trying to clean them up. :p

BTW. normal serving is 2 oz and she ate between 5-8, 8 oz bowls. :imbar

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I had a patient who had dementia, but was the sweetest guy. He had broken his shoulder and we were transferring him from the bed to the chair. When we stood him up, he farted and said "Oh I'm so sorry I think I'm going to poop. There were 2 other aides standing him up and I was making the bed. Sure enough, I look and he's starting to poop. I had one of the aides throw me a diaper and I said "Go ahead and go honey, I'll catch it!" So he proceeds to lay a four pound turd in the diaper as I'm holding it. Yes, we weighed it. Biggest turd I've seen to this day :chuckle

non nursing my daughter when a toddler did a poop in a tonka dump truck in back yard because her mother refered to to doing a poop as having a dump

That is so funny:chuckle :rotfl:

Kids are so rational...I love 'em!

OMG, these were hilarious:chuckle :chuckle :chuckle

Too much crap here for me to read through all these. Unfortunately, my good one is about me. Remember that nurses are always the last ones to figure out what's happening with themselves! About 7 years ago, I almost passed out in the shower. Thought maybe I had a bug that was going around, plus I was driving 100 miles one way to cover for a home health branch manager who was on leave so I was tired and stressed. Almost passed out several more times, plus people at work said I looked kinda pale. Wife finally told me that I had a choice of going to the ED or a local "doc-in-a-box." Went to the doc and all labs checked out ok. On the way home as my wife went through the Wendy's drive through, I got very nauseated, dizzy and had severe intestinal cramps. I got in the back seat and laid down, telling my wife she better hurry up. The house was just a couple miles away. When we arrived, I jumped out of the car and run into the house, where I immediately passed out, hearing my wife go, "Oh, my God!" I came to right after hitting the floor and said, "I gotta use the bathroom!" Stood up and passed out again. So, I'm smart enough not to get up again so I'm lying there on my living room floor of the house that I was remodeling. The floor, which I was very proud of, had newly finished oak (I had recently pulled up the 30 year old carpet to find oak flooring that had been covered with carpet at construction). I told my wife to get a towel quick and I stripped naked. The minute she got the towel at my hindquarters, I blew out about 10 pounds of bloody stool! I then realized what my problem was! (My wife did not enjoy bagging that crap up!) She called 911 and I told her what to tell the paramedics. I propped my feet up and my wife covered me with a blanket. After arrival in the ED, I had my head down and feet up as they tried to get my BP over 70. A gastro doc placed his cold stethoscope on my chest, sending me into the hardest rigors I've ever had. They had to get warm blankets so I wouldn't shake the wheels off their gurney! My comment to him was, "thanks a lot, guy! Anyway an emergency EGD and a little epi stopped the bleeding. I had been taking a lot of Motrin! If the physician at the "doc-in-a-box" had only struck his finger up my behind things might have been different. Anyone else almost die after leaving a doctor's office and being pronounced fit?

You could have told her that she could name the baby "Little ****"

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