Follow my heart or follow my dreams?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hello everyone :)

I need some advice/opinions. I'm coming towards the end of my second semester (out of four) in an ADN program. After I graduate and get my license, I plan to apply to some universities to obtain my BSN. One of the universities I will be applying to is San Diego State University; a school I have wanted to go to since I was in the 6th grade. My family and I used to live in San Diego, but my dad was in the Marine Corps and we were transferred to a tiny little desert town, needless to say it was a huge change for all of us. Since then I have always wanted to go back, and what better way than to pursue my love for nursing at a school I've dreamed of attending for so long?

So here is my dilemma...my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years; we have talked about marrige but nothing is "official" yet. I figured I should tell him about my plans so there are no surprises if and when the time comes. He said that he isn't sure we would be able to afford living out there; I reminded him I would be an RN by then. My family has plans to move back to San Diego also, when things are financially stable. So I would get to live in a city I love, go to the school of my dreams, and be able to visit my family often, which all sounds great to me...but on the other hand my bf has lived in the same city his whole life and has all his family, friends, and work invested there. He asked if I would be willing to go to the university in his city, which also has a great BSN program (I'm also applying there, but if I get into SDSU...). We have been through so much together, everything from my breakdowns from being in the nursing program to the death of both his parents, but I'm not sure how this change will affect us. Of course, this is all depending on whether or not I get accepted to SDSU, but I just want to be prepared. I have always told myself that I will never let a man stand between me and my dreams, but at what point do you make sacrifices for those you love? :confused:

Have you ever thought of talking to him and asking him what he want's, or are you afraid of opening up a can of worms? Well, as I see it if you can't take it to him and talk to him about it you are not anywhere close to where you should be for getting married. So, if your bringing the problem here before talking to him, you should go to school, no question about it your not ready for what marriage is. If you have already talked to him about it (not just hinting about what you would like to do, guys don't get hints) get married, you are ready for the big show, and the two of you will work it out. The best way I can describe marriage, is there can only be one head, both people bring in their experience and knowledge to make a decision. The thing ruining marriage in this time, is that two people are trying to make independent decisions. In the 1950's there was low divorce because only the man made decisions for the family so the woman just followed and it worked out. In 2009 both want to make independent decisions and then need fight to work it out in their own favor. So for marriage to work out today you both need to do what is best for the couple and forget your independent self interest, otherwise you are just like business partners and not a family. Best of luck. Jeff

PS; Yes, I am a guy, Yes, I am happily married, and this is only my point of view. So, Ladies if you feel you need to attack me and my point of view, please do it via PM and not on her post.

Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.

Samantha, I read your profile. You are only 22! So, you have been with your BF since you were only 19. You have years ahead of you! I am also in California and lived for a long time in some of those tiny little desert towns and I did, in fact, go to nursing school at a college close to one of them when I was the ripe old age of 24. However, I went to a large university of 40,000 students back East for my BSN. One thing I always knew because my family moved a few times during my childhood was that staying in one place promotes stagnation. One of the reasons I went back East for my BSN was to experience the difference between the way I had been educated in California and what it would be like in Ohio. After spending 8 years in Ohio I moved to another part of the country and worked for a while. The experience was valuable. I have a brother who has been in the same city and has actually lived in the same house in Ohio for the last 38 years. He never changes or does anything different. He is very set in his ways. I couldn't live like that. If there is one thing that you will learn about nursing it is that things are changing all the time--all the time.

I think you actually answered your own dilemma when you said, "I have always told myself that I will never let a man stand between me and my dreams". Isn't that what you have been doing? When I read your post it sounded to me like you have been tagging along with your BF. A relationship is about both parties doing things for each other. What has your BF done for you? You really didn't say. Husbands and wives are equal partners in relationships these days. If you anticipate a marriage between you two, you can expect to be bringing home half the income. How is BF going to be at supporting and developing your future income earning potential? I think that is the question you are mulling over in your mind. He seems to be wrapped up in his thing. At 22 and with no commitment from BF you should also be wrapped up in doing your thing as well. Concentrate on your nursing career and move on. If your BF is ready to commit, he'll find ways to work things out with you; if not, you'll find someone else. The world is a huge place with millions of people in it. That you met Mr. Right at 19 with hardly a chance to check out other prospects is highly unlikely.

I think anyone one who will try to stop her would probably be a little insecure,IMO.

Education is never bad and there is no such a thing as "too much education".

However many significant others fail to realize that driven by their egos.

Hopefully the OP will come into an agreement with herself and her future husband and they will offer support to each other and be each other backbones.

I am sorry to Beachbutterfly, this is not a personal attack on you, you make good arguments. And this is probably not what you had in mind, but the way you phrase your statements make a great example for me to use.

This is how people try to make marriage work and wind up with a divorce, but it works great in business negotiation if you are trying to take advantage of the other guy;

First an attack,

"I think anyone one who will try to stop her would probably be a little insecure,IMO."

Then a good reason,

"Education is never bad and there is no such a thing as "too much education".

Then an attack,

"However many significant others fail to realize that driven by their egos."

Then a me statement, putting herself in a more important roll, sandwiched in a way to seem supportive,

"Hopefully the OP will come into an agreement with herself and her future husband and they will offer support to each other and be each other backbones.

Jeff

I think the first thing you need to do is finish nursing school. You're only halfway done (kudos to you!!!) and you're already thinking about how decisions after graduation MIGHT affect you and your boyfriend. Boyfriend, not husband, not family, not kids, but boyfriend. I say focus on you right now and focus on finishing nursing school, passing your exam and finding a job. If and when the time comes that you apply to and get accepted to SDSU, and IF and when you are still with said boyfriend at that point in time and plan to get married, THEN make a decision regarding that situation. But I see no reason to stress over it now. Waayy to early IMO.

No, my dream IS to be a nurse. I want to bet my BSN because that is a goal I have set for myself. The reason I want the BSN is beacuse it will open up other opportunities in nursing for me that an ADN would not.

Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.

Quite a quandry that you are in, but I think you should follow your dreams.

Like Daytonite said, you are SOO young; have everything ahead of you.

I got married at 22. Hubby and I are still together 14 years later, but quite honestly, I feel

like that time of life is way too early to settle down and if I could go back, I'd have waited a

little while and lived for myself a bit more.

Though we DID wait quite a while to have kids, which did give me a BIT more freedom. =)

Specializes in ER.

Follow your dreams. I can really relate to you. I always wanted to go to a particular university as well. I toured the campus and checked out the news online everyday. I had always wanted to go to this school. When it came time to apply to schools I didn't apply to my dream school. Why? Because I had a boyfriend who I thought I was going to marry. I had been dating him for 2 years at that point. I didn't want to move away, live alone, and leave him behind. So I applied to the local school instead. It's been a year since I've graduate and this boyfriend has been out of my life for 2 years now. We broke up after my first year.

I really regret that I didn't follow my dream.

I've been married for 20 years and my husband has always been supportive of my goals and aspirations as I have him. You are at the age where you need to explore your options and follow your dreams.

If you have reservations about discussing this with your boyfriend then that could be a strong indicator that, as Jeff stated, that you are no where near ready for marriage. Marriage is an equal partnership and you have to make a lot of compromises to make it work.

I would follow my dreams and finish up nursing school at the school of my choice and if marriage is meant to be things will work out when the time comes. You can't put your life on hold. I wish you the best of luck and I think it's awesome that you have these goals and have given it lots of thought.

Best wishes!:)

Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.

Forgive me if this has already been mentioned, but I would wait to worry about more school until after I got degree #1 and a job lined up. Unless you're in an area that has an abundance of new grad jobs, that might be more important and then you can look to see where you end up. If your hospital will pay for you to go to the BSN program, it works out with your boyfriend, and you get into your dream school, go for it. I agree with previous posters about knowing when following your heart is best and making compromises. You have to ask yourself, why am I doing this (why do I want/need the BSN at this school), what are my options, and what would I do without my boyfriend? I know I'm invested enough in my relationship with my FH that I would never want to go to school without him by my side and everything I do related to grad school is going to be very local and very much part time. If you think that the BSN program is more important, go for it. Good luck!

My heart tells me to follow my dreams.

+ Add a Comment