Have you ever felt that the only person you have been cheating is your own self because no matter how hard you try- you're trapped into something that you don't want to do and it slowly kills you... Have you ever felt that you're close to breaking down because the only thing that really makes you happy and the very purpose of you living have been snatched out of time and you can hardly find a tick of light to make it burn... Everyday- I felt sick, cheated and close to breaking down by just thinking that the only thing that I really love to do has, had and have been dished out in my own bare hands... The smell of HOSPITAL premises for some may brought them into puking but this smell had been my appetizer, soup, main course and dessert all at the same time...sick people in and out of ward had been my avenue to reality that I have learned to live and love... for some hospital is the scariest place on earth next to morgue and cemetery but as for me- hospital became my comfort zone, my playground and my home (my second home...) When I think of it, Nursing was not my 1st choice after all- I can still remember the very 1st time I have laid my eyes to nursing profession- wearing my white clinical uniform, white stockings, white shoes and white cap- it was nothing but pure white. I felt terrified, there's nothing on my head, just a question "is this the life I want to have for the rest of my life?"....I had no answer but I believe my own experience made me answer this very question... I love the rush, the adrenalin, the unpredictable everyday situation, toxic doctors and colleagues, the difficult patient and much difficult relatives to handle...the stethoscopes, thermometers, bandages, scissors, gloves...everything! Everything that makes me "ME"...Everything that makes me WHO I AM- a NURSE. You heard me right; I love my Profession more than anything else in this world. I can't see myself doing anything but to be in the four corners of this white house- where people laugh and cry, new lives were born, more flesh and blood were spared and lastly another chances and opportunities were relived. All I ever wanted was to wake up 3 am in the morning- gather up my stuffs together, go for a shower and wear my favorite attire for work- nothing fancy...just me- my scrubs and my ever comfy sneakers- with my hair all tied up...no make-up, no fancy clothes, no high heels on, no Channel, Armani and not even Prada- a pair white shoes; comfy white uniform and a perfect smile will do...