Doctors Say the Darnedest Things - WIN $250! Nurses Week Contest 2018

[Brian S.]

The doctor said WHAT?!?! Some of what is said is jaw-dropping, other phrases uttered are unbelievable while other things heard from the mouths of doctors leave you shaking your head is disbelief for the rest of your shift. Those sayings are truly memorable but when you share them here in the comments below, you could win one of two $250 grand prize amazon.com gift cards as part of our 8 Days of Giveaways.

Nurses Week is all about honoring nurses, appreciating all you do for those in need of care and having some fun along the way! Keep the fun going with our Doctors Say the Darnedest Things contest. Fear not, though, because even if you don't win one of the two $250 amazon.com gran prize gift cards you're still eligible to win one of two runner up prize packs containing some awesome gifts including the items shown in the photo below and plenty more!

What are you waiting for? Tell us those memorable things you've heard doctors say and get that much closer to winning!

There are more contests, too...

• Fill in the Blank Contest
• National Nurses Week Cartoon Caption Contest (sponsored bu rukuku)
• Patients Say the Darnedest Things Contest (sponsored by relode)
• Create a Meme Contest (sponsored by Performance Health)
• Best Tips for Nurses Contest
• Share Your Favorite Motivational Quote (sponsored by Medelita)

Have fun, thanks to all of the nurses across the country and Happy National Nurses Week!!!

National Nurses Week Celebration 30 Days of Celebration / 8 Days of Giveaways

UPDATED May 15 ... and the winner is...

As promised, the winners are posted below. Thanks for all of the awesome and creative entries!!! Feel free to share!

[Davey Do]

Not a doctor , but an NP when I contacted him about two patients on the geriatric psych unit with medical concerns:

"I've got problems with two different patients", I said.

He replied, "Just unlock the door and they'll leave, eventually".

[saskrn]

I was working as a travel RN in a critical access hospital, so I was covering med/surg, OB and the ED. In this case, I was both nurse and patient.

One night at work I injured my knee (through no fault of my own), and I had to be seen in the ED immediately for workers comp. My knee was obviously injured, with pain, bruising, edema and poor ROM. The on-call MD initially refused to come in and see me in the ED, but he finally arrived because he had no choice. After assessing me, he confirmed that I had indeed injured my leg, and told me not to walk. When I asked him for a note because I wouldn't be able to work, he refused and told me I had to use a wheelchair and go back to work immediately.

He expected me to finish my travel contract and do patient care from a wheelchair instead of walking.

[Zinnyme]

I was on night shift in a medical ward, when the doctor on call came in and said '' I'm thinking of sedating all the patients cos I really wanna have some good sleep, what do you think nurse...'', I gave him a very serious and surprise look.

[Zinnyme]

I was on night shift in a medical ward, when the doctor on call came in and said '' I'm thinking of sedating all the patients cos I really wanna have some good sleep, nurse, what do you think...'', I gave him a very serious and surprise look

[SilleLu]

Patient in respiratory distress, lungs sounded horrible, RR in the 50s, accessory muscle use, shallow, sat ok on just nasal canula however. Lasix given but patient getting worse by the minute. Resident comes to me and asks for STAT Flonase and saline nasal spray because she thinks she might have some nasal congestion. That was her entire plan of care.

Luckily the senior resident was around the corner, and transferred patient to ICU on BiPap immediately.

[Meganlynne26]

I was assisting the ER physician with a fecal impaction and as he removed a large piece of stool from an older gentlemen's rectum he shouted "CONGRATULATIONS IT'S A BOY". I about died but he didn't stop there. He removed another piece and said "WAIT IT'S TWINS!" The patient laughed and it lightened the mood for a very uncomfortable procedure. #DoctorsSaytheDarnestThings

[nursecolley, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN, EMT-P]

Oh, Lordy, I thought of some more.

I took a patient in to the ER, and he was severely impacted. When we returned to transport him home, the doctor said, "He should be lighter now!"

I brought in a GSW to the ER, nine months gestation, who was deceased. The shooter killed himself. Even though we had her to the ER within minutes, the doctor refused to do a C-section, stating he 'didn't want to CREATE a third patient'.

[Buccaneer8735]

I was running charge on my unit (cardiovascular surgery unit), we had a vascular patient POD 2 from AAA repair. Patients BP was 180-200's, the resident evaluated the patient then turned to me and asked "Can you guys IV push Nitro?" Still laughing to this day

[RNHeartNurse]

Many doctors at my facility use dictation software to write their notes. While some will proof read, many do not. Sometimes the mistakes are quite comical.

I was reading the admission history and physical for one of my patients. It stated "patient came to ED complaining of shortness." This was the first time I had heard of height being an emergency condition! In the same note, it said, "Past medical history: unable to attain as patient is amputated." Lol! The patient was intubated.

[AngelKissed857, BSN, RN]

This wasn't to me, but to my husband, but his surgeon- who was also a family friend. Husband has massive lipoma on one scapula. I'd been trying for years to get him to have it removed, but he was a contractor and it didn't bother him, end of story as far as he was concerned. Anyway, he finally decides to see surgeon because it's so big, he can no longer button his shirt- seriously! It was a same day procedure, under local. Husband is quite stoic and doctors hate putting him under due to cardiac hx.

As surgeon is in the middle of doing his thing, he suddenly asks husband, so do you want a boy or a girl? Husband replies, doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy. The lipoma was 6lbs, 7 oz. Our first child was only 5 lbs 2 oz! I was so grateful when that thing was gone.

[klcrn1987]

Out of the mouths of "babes"

... I was working night turn as the Supervisor in a nursing home and we had a resident that had passed. I called the local hospital to get the order to release the body to the funeral home and I got the brand new resident on call. It was obviously that this was the first call of this kind he had dealt with so I explained that ... 1-No, he didn't have to come to the facility to pronounce, that I could do it. 2-All I needed was his official order "Yes, you may release the body to the funeral home"...he said, "Can you send it to the morgue?" I just couldn't resist and told him... "Well, I tried that once but the kitchen staff really freaked out the last time they walked into the cooler and found a body there!!" TOTAL silence!!!! I softly said... Doc, I'm kidding! OH!!! Oh!! Yes!!! You may release the body!!! Some days it's so fun to tease the puppies!! :)

[JJ1023]

As a student nurse doing clinicals on a med surg unit, prior to Hospice, an elderly lady was was reaching end of life. I mentioned a concern I had with a doctor who was of oriental descent. Response was "She old, she die." This has stayed with me for 30 years & I have lovingly told over the years.