Damage control? Or just more damage? - page 2
SO my husband just started nursing school today - his first day of class! I am more proud of him than I can say. Of course, we are talking about how to stay strong in our marriage, when he will be... Read More
Jan 17, '07Joined: Dec '03; Posts: 3,070; Likes: 5,134You just have to be really careful if you decide to go with something like this. I have known many people who have discussed the possibility of an "open" relationship with their partners; and very very few who were actually able to emotionally handle the whole thing if it did ever get started.
With your friends who are doing this... it may *look* like it's all working out swimmingly, but do you really truly know how the nursing student is feeling about what is going on?
If yourself and your husband do decide to try this arrangement, well... good luck to ya. I hope it works out well for you. I mean, sometimes arrangements like these really are successful. But, be careful to look for cues that your husband isn't handling it quite as well as he said he would, make him tell you how he's feeling about it, and then of course, decide if it's worth risking your marriage to keep up what you are doing.
And of course, ALWAYS remember that nursing school doesn't last forever, though it can seem like it sometimes.
Jan 17, '07Joined: Jan '07; Posts: 13No wish for conflict, I'm legit, though I appreciate your careful regard. I'm here for people's wisdom, and if I hear a lot of people say, "Bad idea and here's why" I am definitely going to consider that. I would never have thought of such a thing until I met these people myself. Thanks for your response, I appreciate it. I welcome "red flags" - I am here because I might be blind to the ones in front of me.
Jan 17, '07Joined: Jan '07; Posts: 8; Likes: 3More damage without a doubt ! My husband and I have gone through He%^ ( I don't need to tell you the details-just know that I could write a book). We have stuck through everything together! This might be a old fashioned idea but going through the worst and finding yourselves still together is what marriage is all about. We have been married for 17 years and during that time I have gone through two( LPN then RN) with my husband cheering me on the whole way ( no other person did) Hang in there! Just say this too will pass and it will ! Stay together and stay stong against the turning tide. Romance is in the embers of time no matter what you go through !
Jan 17, '07Joined: Jan '07; Posts: 13He's doing RN BSN program at the local state university, and his class schedule is crazy. One thing I don't know is often he's be out of class early, which I hadn't thought about until now. Also, if he would be able to come home, have a good meal, and just be in the house, it probably won't be as bad as I'm worrried about. We've just always gone to college and worked together, so this seems like a huge deal - when it really isn't that long, is it?
Jan 17, '07Joined: Jan '07; Posts: 13Every single one of those things is a very good point. I'm not in the market, as it were... so a lot of the things that didn't matter when my husband and I were younger are more of a concern now. When I met him in high school, we had no need to worry about those things. I haven't dated in, well, I guess it's about twelve years, so I forget. Bit more complicated now, isn't it?
Jan 17, '07Joined: Jan '07; Posts: 13Great points. I would waaay rather have to scramble to fix a marriage between two people who got a bit disoriented than three people that got way too oriented.
I love him so much..I will just set this concept down if it's what's best for the two of us in the long run.
So much great advice here - I am grateful to you all.
Jan 17, '07Occupation: Pediatrics Specialty: Pediatrics ; From: US ; Joined: Jun '05; Posts: 1,350; Likes: 1,346I think that it is a bad idea, like another poster said, why dont you work extra shifts so that your husband wont half to work. Be supportive by picking up on the housework and cooking for him giving him time to study and creating a stress free home. Schools usually operate in semester or quaters with break in between, take advantage of those times and be with him. Personally, and I am sorry if this sounds rude, but you are sounding very selfish and unsuportive of your husband. He is only one day into school and you are worried about your needs being met, what about his needs to have a loving supportive devoted wife? If you are consdering breaking your marriage vows as soon as something stressful presents iteslf, then mabey you shouldnt be married.
Jan 17, '07Joined: Jan '07; Posts: 13It's so great to hear a sucess story with a strong marriage at the end of it. These days, with so many people getting divorced, its tempting to consider something different, in case it was the missing piece that would have kept someone with their husband/wife. What a joyful, positive response! Thank you!
Jan 17, '07Joined: Jan '07; Posts: 13I think working extra shifts for him is a great idea. I just hope he'll let me. He really wants to try to carve this out for himself, but I think once things get tougher he'll be willing to let me help more. I completely agree with you about making sure my home runs smoothly so his part of it runs smoothly too.
You don't sound rude at all- just invested in marriage. I appreciate your position.
Jan 17, '07Occupation: Emergency RN Specialty: 5 year(s) of experience in Emergency / Trauma RN ; Joined: Oct '06; Posts: 32; Likes: 5Wow...
Flame me if you want but since this seems to be a bit of a retarded question anyways I'm going to go ahead and reply.
I'm sure some may criticise my "lack of professionality" for responding to this "troll" like this.
I have to honestly say that up until this moment I have enjoyed visiting allnurses.com for a wide spectrum of nursing information and experience from around the world, but after reading the OP's question and some ofthe serious responses, I can honestly say that we are all dumber for having read this.:trout:
I have just spent the last 8 hours listening to the inane complaints of many of the people choosing to attend my ER in the middle ofthe night and this was my trigger point.
Your personal choice of a life style aside (kudos to your husband for going back to school to improve your lives), I have to ask you one question...
Are you on crack ??? (not meant to insult crack addicts everywhere)
He's going back to school full time and your worried that you may need to have an affair so that you aren't being neglected or bored ??
How's about getting off your a**, start working to earn a living for both him and you. Maybe he can relax on his one day off and not have to support you or worry about making money to pay tuition, books, clinical / lab costs, etc.
Honest to God, a lot of the postings on this forum deal with professionalism, portrayal of nursing as more than the naughty nurse hadnmaiden type, and what do we end up having to read ? "should my husband find me a lover while he is in nursing school?" How do you even feel that this is an appropritate venue to ask such a question, and how do the responders actually put effort into coming up with sincere responses.
"My friends and I (all guys) are dressing up as naughty nurses for president's day, where can we find costumes that will fit middle aged men (dresses, shoes, caps etc.) anything online ?"
Well.. it has something to do with nursing.
Honestly, if the OP thought that this was an appropriate forum for her question surely my question sits well with others (great, now if someone googles "naughty nurse" they'll come to this forum).
jeesh, I'm so out of energy... sorry for the rant at 0400.
MODERATOR !!!Last edit by one_speed on Jan 17, '07
Jan 17, '07Specialty: 25 year(s) of experience ; Joined: May '06; Posts: 1,284; Likes: 770You don't need a bunch of strangers on a bulletin board to tell you what is right and what is wrong about your relationship. In my opinion, the very fact that you have to ask tells me that either A) this is a prank or B) you really are very naive.
*You* are the one who will be doing or not doing. *You* are the one who has to decide what marriage vows mean. However, the last time I went to a wedding, I don't recall hearing the words "I join you matrimony and, if you get bored or too busy for your partner, I also join anyone else who wants to join in."
(adding: as part of my disbelief, I find it hard to believe that you hadn't considered doing other things with your time.)