chartlooe

I think working extra shifts for him is a great idea. I just hope he'll let me. He really wants to try to carve this out for himself, but I think once things get tougher he'll be willing to let me help more. I completely agree with you about making sure my home runs smoothly so his part of it runs smoothly too. You don't sound rude at all- just invested in marriage. I appreciate your position.

It's so great to hear a sucess story with a strong marriage at the end of it. These days, with so many people getting divorced, its tempting to consider something different, in case it was the missing piece that would have kept someone with their husband/wife. What a joyful, positive response! Thank you!

Great points. I would waaay rather have to scramble to fix a marriage between two people who got a bit disoriented than three people that got way too oriented. I love him so much..I will just set this concept down if it's what's best for the two of us in the long run. So much great advice here - I am grateful to you all.

Every single one of those things is a very good point. I'm not in the market, as it were... so a lot of the things that didn't matter when my husband and I were younger are more of a concern now. When I met him in high school, we had no need to worry about those things. I haven't dated in, well, I guess it's about twelve years, so I forget. Bit more complicated now, isn't it?

He's doing RN BSN program at the local state university, and his class schedule is crazy. One thing I don't know is often he's be out of class early, which I hadn't thought about until now. Also, if he would be able to come home, have a good meal, and just be in the house, it probably won't be as bad as I'm worrried about. We've just always gone to college and worked together, so this seems like a huge deal - when it really isn't that long, is it?

No wish for conflict, I'm legit, though I appreciate your careful regard. I'm here for people's wisdom, and if I hear a lot of people say, "Bad idea and here's why" I am definitely going to consider that. I would never have thought of such a thing until I met these people myself. Thanks for your response, I appreciate it. I welcome "red flags" - I am here because I might be blind to the ones in front of me.

congrats on your baby, BTW!

No, blunt is great! I'm here for wisdom and experience, not my ego. :) Your suggestions are great for having more work hours - I could find a volunteer gig, too, huh? That would proabably give me the sense of inclusion I would be missing most. Hadn't thought of that...

I agree that it would add...something to the situation, I just don't know what. The greatest strain on most nursing relationships seems to be that grueling lack of affection and closeness - nobody seems to mind the shortage of money, or the validity of the goal, or even the time spent apart - if they can feel connected somehow. It's that lack of connection, of feeling alone while being together, that seems to creep up on people and tear them apart. But does that connection need to be to the partner - who isn't available and feels pressured from both sides - or can it be from a girlfriend or boyfriend that everyone knows and likes? If the answer is to tough it out and stay monogamous, I am totally willing to do that. I adore my husband and want him to succeed, and after all it's only for a few years if we choose not to. I know three other married students for whom this or a similar arrangement is working so incredibly well, it's amazing- so I am curious. Everyone has support, and affection, and time - nobody is guilty, or lonely, or feels neglected. The men/wives feel like they're off the hook and be free to study or work without neglecting their spouse, and the spouse has an intimate partner and so is not feeling neglected or alone, and everyone shares expenses and tasks. The atmosphere of calm and practicality is so different from the tension and exhaustion that most students seem to be fighting with. It's almost the opposite of everything you hear about nursing school in terms of relationship dynamics- but it's not for everyone, and it might not be for us. Great response - I hear you and will think about your reply.

Regarding the specific case...maybey she was thinking she is or could flash pulmonary edema? Those lungs can fill up fast. Cardiac backup? If the pt doesn't say they feel SOB and you see obvious damage, they're probably chronic cardio, holding co2, acidotic, and could get funky cardiac. Lungs dry or wet? Who knows where that train might crash. That doesn't sound like someone you want sitting in obs or waiting for hours to see a doc. But hey, you know your stuff and I wasn't there, and it depends on the hospital. What did the medics think? That's pretty important, since who does more triage than field medics? They can usually sniff out fake drama from real drama. It's that irritating gradient of pt who's sick enough to be in real trouble but isn't there quite yet...do you shuffle the line to get them in, or save a bed for someone else who might not be as acute, or could be fast track, or or or? That's the kind of pt that might get you growled at by a doc either way - because the weren't quite dead and you bothered the doc, or because they almost are and you waited too long.

Why speechless? That was an elegantly neutral response, BTW. I appreciate it.

Any book in particular?

SO my husband just started nursing school today - his first day of class! I am more proud of him than I can say. Of course, we are talking about how to stay strong in our marriage, when he will be away from home at least six days a week and probably working the other one. One of the challenges is to be apart from each other, and for me especially, to have no-one to snuggle, go on dates with, or just spend time with. I work in a hospital as a CNA, and am very happy with my job. I only work three days a week and since we live simply that pays the bills - leaving me with a lot of free time and now no-one to share it with. I have friends and family, of course, but the thought of not having a lover or, more accurately, romantic partner -for all that time - and it will get only more intense as the program continues - is depressing and frightening. It's not sex per se, it's just that particular romance you can only have with a intimate partner that I would miss. My husband and I have discussed finding a friend/lover for me during that time, since he is worried he will neglect me - not by intention but by virtue of the circumstances and feel guilty - and I am worried about being abandoned, with nobody to touch or simply be romantic with. We are both very OK with the general concept, but I am looking for people's wisdom. Neither of us want to make a hasty decision with destructive consequences. I know three other married students for whom this or a similar arrangement is working so incredibly well, it's amazing- so I am curious. Everyone has support, and affection, and time - nobody is guilty, or lonely, or feels neglected. The men/wives feel like they're off the hook and be free to study or work without neglecting their spouse, and the spouse has an intimate partner and so is not feeling neglected or alone, and everyone shares expenses and tasks. The atmosphere of calm and practicality is so different from the tension and exhaustion that most students seem to be fighting with. Has anyone tried this? If there were affairs or other partners, was it an efficient way to blow off steam? Did buckling down help keep you together or just crush you under the weight of those million little neglects? EDIT: My husband and I have been married for seven years now, and dated for five years before that. We are great friends and he is a wonderful husband, better every year as we go through more and more years together.